My White Trash Son.

Logan made this birthday cake for his friend Meg the other night.

This is Meg.

Meg loves dessert. A lot.

She also does a wicked imitation of Logan running. It involves running in place and waving at various neighbors, neighbors who don't exist. "Hey Marge! Nope, no meatloaf for me I've got a 50 miler tonight!", "Hello Jim! I'm on mile 32 and I haven't crapped my pants yet!" It's awesome.

All these pictures are from the Thursday before Christmas when we met some of Logan's co-workers at Buca Di Beppo. We've always had exceptional service at Buca but this night was different. We lost our reservation for the Pope room and had to practically beg for our waitress to speak to us. Even getting a drink involved a four step application process. Not good.

That night out was really nice of course but one of the people at the table announced she's pregnant. This isn't a problem but what is a problem is how I started to spew advice at her like some sort of Internet Troll. Except live and in person.

I'd say something, like, "I really hate all the advice you get when you're pregnant but ENJOY YOUR SLEEP!" Then I'd clasp my hands over my mouth, shocked at me.

It got so bad I left to go to the bathroom and I gave myself a talking to. "Shut up! People don't need unasked for advice!" So I went back to the table all set to keep my trap shut and after 2.3 seconds I couldn't take it anymore and I yelled like a tourette's sufferer, "I JUST HAVE TO SAY THIS! NEVER SAY NEVER BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW!"

Then I punched myself in the face. What happened to me?

****

Tonight my pretty husband and my questionably straight son went to the Monster Truck Jam with our friend Joe Vaughn and Joe's future stepsons. At first you'd think this was a little incongruous. Logan's a metrosexual ad agency art director. Joe's a professional photographer.

But I think when you see this, you'll realize it all makes sense.

Hold. Me.

Comments

[Anne B.]

We just got back from Buca di Beppo and had an awful time, too. It literally (this is not an exaggeration) took us an hour to get our food. The manager comped the whole meal, though. Buca must be having PMS or something.

[Jamie]

Your boy looks perfectly acceptable to me...but I am used to seeing white trash youngin's around these parts. Also, I wish you had video of the running imitation. The pic is hilarious. I can relate to the uncontrollable urge to spew pregnancy advice to pregos. I'm just glad I didn't have a blog when I was pregnant! So many topics in one post! Whew.

[karyn]

Yee-Haw! You go, Max.

It is so hard for me not to spew pregnancy advice, too! Although my newly-pregnant-for-the-first-time friend is rapidly curing me of my advice spewing tendencies. Because she is the first. person. ever. to be pregnant in the history of the world, and every time I come up with some little gem of advice, she explains to me why this cannot be so because she has read things and she KNOWS. Mwahhahahahaha. (That is my evil, sinister, she'll get what's coming at her laugh. Maybe it doesn't transcribe so well....)

[Michelke K.]

Max is a cute little lad, even if he is looking a little raffish and rough-and-tumble in that photo. And to salve your worries, perhaps, when I was a kid, I would have sold my left buttock to go to a Monster Truck Rally. The closest I ever came was the demolition derby, a tractor pull, and frequent visits to the local stock-car track. And lo, I turned out to be a reasonably presentable and respectable ex-English major with a proper job and all of her teeth.

There is hope. Now if the little guy starts expressing an unnatural interest in early 19th Century British novelists, that's when you need to worry. I'm just sayin'

[MFA Mama]

Why is the icing on the cake khaki-colored underneath the sprinkles? Is that a Martha Stewart color, too?

[Rachel]

White trash or not, your son looks adorable! What a smile!

[MissWeeze]

Hillbilly hair!

[Cherie]

My sister-in-law is in the process of adopting a newborn. It has taken everything I have not to give any advice. I'm determined not to give advice. I've even practiced not giving advice if asked directly. I also have a friend who is about to have her third child (I have three), so I'm also refraining from giving any advice about handling 3 kids or how life changes from having 2 kids to having 3. Now, I just have to make sure I never drink around these women or I'm sure my resolution will go down the toilet.

[Jamie]

Did you know your comments do a weird shuffle thing? My original comment is now attributed to Anne B. You may be aware of this, but thought I'd point it out. It happened on the D Cup post, too. Not that I'm saying anything very profound...

[MelissaS]

So what so is Anne B's comment actually the second one?

I'll let Typepad know.

[JustLinda]

I can't see the back of his head -- does he have a TAIL? If he has, then I might agree with you. LOL

Pregnancy advice? The best I have to offer is "insist on having your epidural around month 4... the rest of the pregnancy should then go smoothly." :P

[Bronwen]

That there young'un of yourn is jes' as cute as a bug's ear. Kin he come up to our double-wide 'n' play with my rugrats?

Seriously, though, that boy is one cute little booger.

[Anne B.]

Don't try to co-opt my comments. Mine was the first, the original, the one about BdB PMS-ing. Maybe you're thinking the name comes above the comment, but it comes below?

[Y]

The "Never say never" comment HAD TO BE SAID.

Because I used to say "I'll NEVER have a child that acts that way."

And then I had my second son.

So, if you had to get one last bit of unasked for advice in, that was the one!

[tanyetta]

Max is ADORABLE. I LOVE the outfit and most of all he CHOSe his outfit. I LOVE IT.......LOVE it I say!!!!!!!!!!

[Anne B.]

Realizing my second post sounded harsh. So I'll just say I did write the first comment and that signatures here are below the comment, not above :)

[Kristen]

LOL. I love the picture of Max. I have some like that of my kids, and when I see the pictures, it makes me say, "geez, did they look like this in person? What was I thinking leaving the house?!" He looks so happy and cute, though.

[Barbara]

No mullet, no problem! And yeah, it's hard not to pass on wisdom from the trenches. But consider that no matter how much advice she gets before hand, she isn't listening. Not really.

But what I really want to say is...if my hubby made a birthday cake for a female friend I would be jealous out of my mind. Probably because he has never made a cake for me. Maybe I haven't been reading long enough, but is Logan the cake baking type? Has he made you the "M" on birthdays past?

[Lisa]

There's nothing more opposite of Monster Truck Extravaganza attending than making and icing a "M" cake for your female, completely not sexual relationship, friend. lol

It's entirely likely that the pregnant girl wasn't listening. She now has pregnant brain and all she'll hear coming from anyone's mouth is, "blah, blah, congratulations, blah..children are great..blah, blah." If anyone really listened no one would ever have children in the first place.

And, your son is just adorable! He's totally going to bring the mohawk back in!

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Ryan's pregnant?

[ozma]

My husband is the advice spewer and I cringe sometimes when he spews his advice. It's like our baby is a hobby or a vacation he took that he likes to talk about. Everyone forgives him, though.

I think.

Interesting how the 'never say never' is SO true and yet no one is capable of hearing or understanding it because when you are in 'I will never..." mode you are also in hubristic idiocy mode and incapable of comprehending how far you will fall. Everyone becoming a parent needs to hear 'never say never' but no one truly can.

Lisa: When I was pregnant all I could hear was '...babies are horrible...blah, blah...you just ruined your entire life...colic...post partum depression...blah, blah...' But that was just me.

[Candi]

You forgot to photoshop in a tattoo. :-)

[Erin O'Brien]

It is so funny you posted this. I just put up a picture of a cake over at my place. Yours is undeniably cuter and more edible than mine. But my cake does have its own special attributes.

[Jamie]

Well everything looks fine today on the comments thing. Maybe I was drunk yesterday? Maybe it was my browser? Oh, and the Monster Truck Jam sounds more entertaining than The Wiggles. Monster Trucks rule!

[julia]

Oh Melissa, my sides hurt! I saw that photo of Max and *immediately* I was like, "Sleeveless shirt? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Because, well, it's hard for a guy not to look like WT in a sleeveless shirt and jeans ... I know because when my Max wears one (not too often) he loooks like an appalachian orphan. And that is so funny ... Monster trucks. Oh my God. Your Max is so cute, mussy hair and all.

Weird: Buca seems to have been the office xmas party place of the year. Big time. Our service sucked, too.

[Jerri Ann]

I don't post here often b/c you do have so many comments I figure I'll get lost in the muddle. However, I'm taking part of the de-lurk week from Miss Zoot and figured you were the perfect person to compliment.....you writing is great, your style is awesome, and I love it...I gotta get the girls a new bra myself and you practically scared the bejesus out of me.

[Ceece]

oh Melissa, how i luurve these kinds of posts.

oh so humerous and good natured, and making me laugh until my reamed out mom-muscles couldn't hold the pee anymore.
errr..to much info, but thanks for info and making me laugh.

[Adam]

He's not white trash yet---no mullet and SHOES... The sleeveless shirt isn't white...BUT you can see he's THINKING about it. Cute.

[Jenna]

Great Hair!

[Xangelle]

Okay, you're son is absolutly adorable! That cute little face more than makes up for the outfit.

I have a 5 year old boy, and I know how difficult it is to get them out of their "favorite" clothes, and why is it that their favorite clothes are always the ones that embarrass the crap out of us?

[Greg]

Did you tell your son that he's too young to drive monster trucks?

[Tree]

Aw, he's a cutie!
And I'm with you on the uncontrollable spewing of advice! It's awful! My friend declared her desire to go through labour sans medication, and I proceeded to horrify her with a blow-by-blow account of my experience and a list of DOs and DON'Ts. I am still ashamed!

[dutch]

white trash? please. drive the kid to hamtramck, put a lawn chair out on the sidewalk and the hipsters will be lining up ten deep just to talk to him about whether his carefully-crafted style was northeast Oklahoma redneck circa 1982 or Newaygo County demolition derby 1994, but either way he'll make them cry with envy; even the 16-year old post-electroclash ironic-goth chicks will be weeping, "the cool kids just keep getting younger and younger. . ."

[Janet]

Your book is reviewed it People! This is the first time I've commented but this seems so comment-worthy (3 1/2 out of 4 stars)... congratulations!

[Milly]

Aww...how cute.

[Laura]

You know, I think we all had a mullet period in time. Or big hair. Everyone seems to have one or the other. I think there are 12-step recovery groups for that sort of thing. Also, my favorite mullet saying: "Business in the front, party in the back!" And your son is adorable.

[sarah]

I, too have been hurling unasked-for advice at pregnant friends. I think it's a sickness. I can only hope they will understand and forgive me once they become mothers.
Happy De-Lurking Week.

[andrea from the fishbowl]

Advice spewing is my specialty. I enjoy telling newly pregnant moms that labour pain is a lot like someone taking a wood saw to your abdomen.

Saw saw saw, wait a couple minutes. Saw saw saw, wait a couple minutes. For, like, 24 hours.

[Xdm]

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

[Mary]

Just wait until he starts dressing HIMSELF! Don't worry until he comes into your office while you are blogging and he's wearing your high heels.

[Mary]

ooh! It just did it to me, too! Mine says "XDM". How weird!

[Diane]

Love the picture (and confess that my 7 year old son LOVES sleeveless t-shirts, much to my shame).

[MelissaS]

But it's not saying that now right? The person who wrote it is under the comment.

[Northern_Girl]

Cool. Very cool cake.

[Captain Awesome]

I love sleeveless shirts. When coupled with a trucker hat I find them to be very chic.

but whenever I wear a sleeveless shirt i look like the gay guy from "Boogie Nights".

Stupid sleeveless shirts......think they're better than me.

[Lil' Sis]

Oh, Captain. please PLEASE PLEASE! leave the sleeveless shirts to me.

-Miao.

[Magnolia Mom]

Happy De-Lurking Week!

[f-i-n]

I like the sprinkles on the white trash log.