Something different.

Why is it every time I go shopping I tell myself, 'This time you're not going to buy the same old boring things."

Then I walk out of the store with a zip up cardigan and a long sleeve t-shirt.

These are not the same old boring things though. These are new boring things.

I wanted to go shopping because tonight we're going out to celebrate our friend Joe's birthday. I've mentioned Joe and Cari before and you may remember they're stylish. Very, very stylish. In fact Cari is so stylish, she writes about it for Lucky Magazine and has a syndicated column too. She also works as a stylist which means she makes sure people look nice when they have their picture taken.

Of course, Cari is dealing with models who are already beautiful, they don't need her help. I do.

I've been trying to figure out what it is I want to wear, which I can also afford and looks good on my expanded figure. One of the problems is I have zero imagination when it comes to dressing myself. I tried looking at some of the pictures Cari's styled, but I don't know, this seems like a bit much for dinner out with friends.

So I head into Nordstrom with enthusiasm and hope and I walk out with a cardigan sweater and a long sleeve t shirt and a sense of impending doom as I face my sparse and boring closet to get ready to go out tonight.

I don't want to be a frumpy stay at home mother, but it seems I'm doomed.

Comments

[Eulallia]

Oh, come on! Your boobs are hot enough to pull off that pink fuzzy thing!

[Sugarmama]

I have this same problem, too, but my problem is black v-neck anything--sweaters, t-shirts, dresses, anything. I'm trying to branch out into colors or maybe even...patterns? But it's hard once you've been wearing the same thing for awhile, huh? I've tossed around the idea of hosting a clothing exchange with some similarly-sized friends just to mix it up a little without spending money on clothes I won't wear. Haven't done this yet, though.

[elisabeth]

for me it is the black turtleneck sweater and jeans. or charcoal gray if i'm being crazy. If you find a solution please let me know.

[stephanie]

melissa, have you tried the Nine West section at Nordstroms? They always have cute clothes -- you should try jackets over a white button-down. You can wear those with dark jeans and boots, and it's a really simple, classic outfit.

[Krista]

It's all about accessories. Risky belts. Funky shoes. noticable earings. Necklaces. Lots of bracelets. Painted fingernails. Scarves. Broaches. Etc. Of course not all at once, but you get the idea.

That's my humble opinion.

[Staci]

I have the same problem and I'm 25 and have no kids. Just imagine what will happen when I do. I like Old Navy's short and long-sleeve perfect fit tees, Express or Limited jeans, Eddie Bauer's fitted turtlenecks and dress shirts, and Ann Taylor (Loft)'s cashmere sweaters, dress shirts and dress pants. That's about it. Anyway, I think there's a fine line between classy and frumpy. Some people just look better in solid colors and not a lot of BAM, but one only looks frumpy with clothes that don't fit correctly, nomatter how boring. I saw you took the first step with the bra... now you need some jeans that you feel great in, and when you find them buy them in every shade that they have, right then. Add some leather shoes with a bit of a heel and almost any shirt (button-up collared, for instance) and you're good to go for a casual dinner, for example. It's how I remain boring and don't get points and laughs when in public.

[Staci]

Oh yeah, and buy a necklace or two. I wear just fake diamond studs, but a necklace changes the whole ensemble. I can't handle much else.

[Victoria]

Would Cari go shopping with you? I'm sure she could help find things that would be great on you.

[sharon]

This is my first comment at your blog so I want to tell you how much I enjoy reading your writing.

My advice is to splurge on a great pair of jeans. Now that I'm 43 and a size 10 any old pair doesn't do "it" for my any more. But I found a fantastic pair of Kenneth Cole jeans that look great and I feel great in them. Believe me, a good pair of jeans is well worth the price. Try Kenneth Cole or J Crew.

[Jamie]

I branched out after baby #2 last year and bought some fun and trendy but not "I just had another baby and I'm desperate to look young despite being on the downward slope toward 40" tops at TJ Maxx. You've got Sunny Ds so show 'em off! Just don't do the "mom" jeans...mom jeans bad.

[sharon]

that should have read "do doesn't "it" for my ass any more." My size 6 days are long gone.

[christy]

Get someone to nominate you for "What Not to Wear". Then at least you can get professional help and spend someone else's money. Start wearing muppet slippers and pigtails with your pajama bottoms to the store or something so they can have good "secret taping" footage.

[margalit]

Nordstrom offers personal shoppers for a reason. Make an appointment, have her do an interview, and then tell her when you're coming in to shop and she will have chosed outfits ahead of time for you. It's easy, and your look changes substantially.

[Steven]

I just want to applaud and thank you for not calling it "Nordstrom's" which annoys me out of all proportion.

[Imperfect Mommy]

Oh, how I identify. My basics are gap jeans and ribbed knit turtlenecks from gap or old navy. Or long sleeve perfect tees. With my clogs. Always. I put on a funky jacket and t-shirt with my jeans and some equally funky shoes for New Years Eve and I thought my feet were going to explode. Clogs have made my feet frumpy forever b/c I love comfort more than style. Even though I so wish I looked like the cool kids. When I drop my daughter off at preschool there are a ton of beautiful mommies with cool clothes and perfect figures. But I am sure I am much happier than they are -- you know with my anxiety attacks and tendency toward drinking too much.

How did I get the cess portion of the gene pool?

You know Melissa, the more I read your blog, the more I think we might be the same person.

[maia]

LOL! I do the same thing. Go shopping determined to get something other than the boring jeans and sweatshirt and invariably come out with some NEW jeans and sweatshirt. (Actually lately I did a huge fashion forward and since Sept. have been wearing corduroy pants and hoodies with a t-underneath, BIG move forward, yeah me ;)

My gawd, that woman would completely intimidate me! But if you are friends with her why not get her to go shopping with you next time?

[erin]

I feel your pain. I never used to care before but now I am paranoid about looking like a stay at home mom from the suburbs. Next time you go to Nordstrom try the FREE personal shoppers there. They are awesome. You don't have to spend a ton to use them either. If you change your mind on the sweater you bought Nordstrom will take back anything. GO back to the store and have the shopper get you something sassy for the same price. I dare ya. :)

[Stefanie]

i don't understand why your "Lucky" friend doesn't help you shop. Is she a friend or what? Get that bitch out to the mall and make her show you some cool shit.

[Michelle K.]

I was wondering the same thing as Stefanie. Maybe you could talk Cari into going window-shopping with you sometime and ask her for her opinions of things you think are cute. Sometimes it is helpful to have somebody else cast an eye over something you're considering anyway.

I'm just the opposite of you--a very adventurous dresser, possibly too adventurous. However, I've gladly helped friends out on "funkifying" missions before. It's kind of fun. Do you have any other girlfriends whom you might consult for clothes ideas?

[Mary]

This might be totally last year, but I like ponchos over my long sleeve shirts. They hide the evidence of motherhood (flabby belly, saggy boobs, thunder thighs) rather nicely. Wear with jeans and boots.

I'm going to say that you can't go wrong with this outfit because it's what I wear all of the time and if it's wrong, I'd rather not know.

[AndreainJapan]

It took my step sister to make me stop wearing black, and it took seeing my mom when she visited to make me swear I would not be a frumpy mom.
I buy far too many fashion magazines, see things I like and buy the closest I can with my little funds.
I love it.
I would not say that I am stylish, but I know I am not being frumpy.
You can do it but I highly recomend you take a friend who has the ability to tell you "you look like shit" to your face.
I bring my husband who can unfortunatly say this no problem.
I will admit that it does help that he went to fashion and designer school and has a bit of an idea as to what clothes are supposed to look like.
Me -uhhh duh?

[AndreainJapan]

ohh and it also took knowing that Liv Tyler was just as curvy and busty as me but still sexy to throw out all my baggy sweaters and too big shirts. Now I wear form fitting and show off my tits and ass. Most have no idea you have a spare tire when you accent the TanA.

[Tammy]

I refuse to be friends with people who can dress themselves. If a woman shows up wearing anything remotely stylish, I know I just can't be her friend. That way, I always am in good (comfy, relaxed-fit) company.

[Ann D]

It's hard to find places to wear a pink whatchamacallit like that. It reminds me of a toilet cover my Grandma had in her bathroom in the 1970s.

[MG]

I buy a lot of vintage-y, fairly costumey 50s and early 60s stuff and I used to be afraid to wear many of them outside of my own home or at parties with good friends...then once at work I saw a woman walking down the street in a pink plastic dresss, mini-apron and backpack shaped like Elmo. And then I thought, F it, I'm wearing whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want. Cause I ain't going to get *nearly* the comments she must get.

[ChristyD]

I feel the same way about my clothes. I went shopping yesterday, and I came home with three long-sleeved t-shirts, a v-neck sweater, and a hoodie. I was really branching out with the hoodie!! I also decided to stop going to Old Navy and GAP because their stuff isn't designed to fit a post-baby body. I finally admitted that I have the body of a late-thirties mom and went to J. Jill. I was a size medium there!

[Nothing But Bonfires]

That pink chinchilla fur ensemble from the picture is probably more of a baby shower/church outfit than a birthday celebration one. You want to show A LITTLE more skin if you're going to a bar, no? I mean, loosen up!

But seriously, with nice shoes and a cute coat, you could wear your PAJAMAS and no-one would notice. I often do.

[MFA Mama]

I am worse than useless to you on this one, but I'm in the same boat with an upcoming event in NYC (oh, the hours in the minivan to get there!) and hating it. In my case I'm also due to get The Curse the day of the event, so I'm looking for some variation of my red sweater and black, shiny yoga-like pants that won't show a discernible bulge from a maxi pad that could double as a crib mattress. Life is cruel.

[Cherie]

I'm in the same boat. I know I walk around looking like a frumpy mom, looking like I really do belong in my mini-van. But when I go shopping I can't find anything that isn't for teenagers or women who work in banks. I don't have an eye for fashion. The best thing, I think, would be to bring a friend who does have the eye and can help you find things you'd never consider by yourself. Unfortunately, that friend for me now lives in London. My only shopping buddy that lives near me has a much different style.

I think someone could make a fortune with a store that targets women like us!

[stephanie]

How about something like these outfits?: http://www.bananarepublic.com/browse/outfit.do?cid=12025&oid=OUT01942

http://www.bananarepublic.com/browse/outfit.do?cid=12025&oid=OUT01906

http://www.bananarepublic.com/browse/outfit.do?cid=12025&oid=OUT01917

[mamaloo]

do you like jewelry? you can fab-up even the plainest t-shirt cardigan combo with a nice necklace and earrings. ??

[Amy]

The last time I decided I was tired of everything I owned (and, of course, couldn't afford to replace anything I owned) I went to the salon and got blue hi-lights in my hair. Electric Blue. Not many - didn't turn my whole head blue, but just enough blue to make me feel very hip and cool. It was the best fashion decision I've made in a very, very long time. Also, buy a pair of cowboy boots.

[Kelly]

Try Joe's Jeans, in the 'Muse' style. I have a miserable time finding jeans that I love, but these fit so well (after trying on about 40 pairs of jeans in one day), my five-year old daughter and I cheered when I pulled them on. I know that sounds lame, but finding jeans that look really cute is like finding the holy grail (for me). I bought two pairs, since I wear jeans almost daily. They're spendy, but you seem to have a similar body type as I do, and (this might sound odd, but) I think they'd look good on you as well. And they're jeans that you can dress up or down.

[clickmom]

I feel like the girl in the car when I am not dressed head to toe in black. Black does make me invisible right?

[Kelly]

Sorry for a double-post Melissa, but I also wanted to let you know that I've found that J.Crew seems to be a flattering fit, I'm a size 10-12 (depending), 5'7" and fairly curvy; and J. Crew pants, dresses, etc., all seem to fit me really well, whereas Banana Republic and others that I like style-wise seem to be sized smaller than a regular 10/12, which can be frustrating when you're trying stuff on. I try to avoid stores I know seem to run smaller, so I don't feel so frustrated and defeated when I go shopping, and steer toward J. Crew, Macy's etc., where things run closer to size, so I don't get depressed before I even get started.

And I know it might be cheesy, but Old Navy has good throw-away, trendy-type stuff, so I supplement my regular, more basic clothes with their more up-to-the minute trendy accessories and clothes, that way I feel like I'm a little more current, without having to spend an arm and a leg to keep up. Plus, you can buy basics there (like tank tops, and tees) for super-cheap, and spend money on the longer lasting classics elsewhere (like J. Crew, Macy's, Nordstroms, etc.). That way I can wear my uniform of jeans and dress them up and make them fun with accessories, and fun shoes. Even a basic shirt and jeans can be made interesting and non-mommish with a fun belt, cute shoes and some funky jewelry.

My biggest fear when I got pregnant with my oldest was that I was going to slide into mom-jeans and frumpy without having a fighting chance. But I am a jeans-and-t-shirt girl, and have been forever, so accessories are where I can bring things up a notch, without having to buy entire new wardrobes every few seasons.

[Ariel]

I don't even have motherhood as an excuse... but I suffer from the exact same problem. t-shirts, cardigans, jeans. Solid colors. ALL the time. I hate shopping. Glad it's not just me.

BTW, I hate the phone, too.

[anotheranon]

Melissa-
I do feel your pain. I'm way older and fatter and broker than you, most of the stuff I pull on comes from the thrift store since after my hubby was unemployed,even OldNavy is like Saks5th Avenue. I have the worse tire-like middle. I am sure you can relate to the psychic pain of going to the Limited and having NOTHING fit, I mean nothing. the Limited! Shit! I'm too fat for a 14 but the 16s sag and look terrible yet I still can't button them up. My stupid c/s scar is like a fat damn, it all goes right on top of it. I don't have my head on straight myself, but after over 10 yrs of being a SAHM to 3 kids I had two ideas for you-

Start with a change in color. I was imprisioned in black but after about 33 it really just makes your look older for the most part(but you can wear it again in a couple decades) so just try a little change in the same styles you like but in a different color.I got a fushia zip-up cardiagn as a gift from a dear friend for my 34thd BDay, at first I was hurt & angry- didn't she know me at all? But damn if it didn't look so good on me and it became a fave over the years.

Read this book by Jane Illsey Clarke-
amazon via tiny url-
http://tinyurl.com/c8o6p

While I have only been reading your for about a month, I'd say you make self-doubt an art form. I'm not suggesting you change your personal style or wit but this is very affirming in a cozy family way.

Good Luck!

[amy]

If you have big boobs, go for a shirt that has a round neck and is somewhat tailored. (The Gap has cotton pullovers on sale right now.) Or, you can get a slight V-neck to accentuate your bust - just not a very low V-neck. Both styles will show off your upper curves while drawing away attention from your midsection. I've told my friends a hundred times that high waisted jeans don't cover up your midsection well; they just draw attention to it. Go with pants that aren't really tight, but still have a "shape" to them (perhaphs American Eagle jeans or khakis). They should sit a bet below the waist to elongate your waist. (I know this will feel like your midsection is naked, but I promise it looks better than high mom jeans. It also helps to reduce your butt size visually. By the way, NEVER wear jeans or pants without pockets on the butt. That makes everything look bigger.) Short jackets are not good for big boobs and a "thick" waistline - go with a longer (hip-length) jacket. I do a lot of shopping at the local thriftstore. You'll have to wade through some muck, but it's totally worth it when you find awesome Banana Republic, Gap, etc. clothes in your size. And, big surprise, most of the clothes are in realistic sizes! If there is a college town nearby, hit those thrift stores. College girls (and, no, they're not all tiny, petite things) get rid of practically brand new, very expensive clothing.

[andreainjapan]

go with everything Amy above said!!

And because of your bust size never wear shits with pockets on the front. They look terrible! Keep it clean. I am shaped like you and wear the low hip jeans with boots, a fitted shirt, boots and little to no jewlery and I feel great.

[Lil' Sis]

Eff that! Wear low-cut v-necks! If you're sure they're staring at your tits, they're not noticing anything else you may think of as a flaw. It totally works for me- mermaid skirts & my 2 pairs of asspants get me through my yucky self-image days. Except that I'm bad for conversation those days as I'm constantly turning around for everyone to offer up their rear-admiration.