Cheating Hearts

Guess what I did last night. I'll give you a hint! It's the same fucking thing I did last Friday!

Guess what I'm doing today? Going back to the Fucking Apple Store to do the same thing I did for 3 hours just over a week ago!

I am so mad right now I can barely breathe. So while I'm mad let's cover some of the comments and emails I've been getting over the last 3 months.

Before we begin, let me first say, 'I know nearly all of you are being facetious when you say these things.'

However, it's also been increasingly grating on my nerves and it brings up my feelings about cheating and faithful marriage.

First a sampling of some of the comments and/or emails:

[Logan's working late, long hours. Calling and emailing me from the office while he's there and excceedingly crabby about working until midnight or 1am.]

Comment: "I hope you have your man saving underwear."

[It's December 2004, we have no money about 2 days after payday every single week. I am applying for every job I can and failing miserably at getting a job. I complain about my husband's lack of advancement in his career because we're all totally freaking out about money.]

Email: "I hope you know you're just tempting every woman out there to steal your husband and show him what it's like to be appreciated."

[Logan makes a birthday cake for his friend Meg.]

Comment: I don't think I'd be comfortable with my husband making a cake for another woman.

[About my trip to Amsterdam]

Comment: I hope you have fun I'd be a little scared leaving Pants at home though, hopefully no one will get in his!

Big Sigh....

I love Logan. I think he's incredibly handsome and also made up of all the qualities I could ever want in a husband and father for my kids. I wrote a lot about that here and also here, and really there are a million other examples of his awesomeness on this website.

But I will never, never worry about my husband being faithful to me. Not because I don't realize people cheat all the time. Not because I don't understand the allure of 'new sex'.

I will never buy 'man-saving' underwear because if I have to buy underwear to save my man, he's not worth saving.

If he's going to have friendships with women which suddenly become torrid affairs? Frankly I don't want him anymore, because what kind of an asshole would do that to me?

If I can't go out of town for six days without worrying about someone getting in my husband's pants, then I'm married to an idiot who doesn't know how to use the word 'no' and I just don't want to be married to a man like that.

I am insecure in a lot of areas of my life, but my marriage is the one place where I'm secure. Secure enough to know that my husband loves me and our family. Also secure enough in myself to know I don't have to 'keep' him, he's here and we're together because we love each other.

Comments

[sweetney]

GO MELISSA GO!

seriously, these commenters sound as thought they've been watching a little too much The View or something.

i mean, "man saving underwear"?!? what kind of relationships do you people have, anyway?

and dude is just as lucky to have you, and you can bet he knows it.

[Velma]

You! Completely right! 100% on the money! Homerun! Exactly correct! You may not think anybody notices, given your open dialogue about your "failings", but you are scarily (in a good way) well balanced at times.

[kelly]

So well said. More proof that people can suck.

[Di]

The Apple Store has always been good to me. I hope they can fix your baby.

As for the asinine comments - ignore. I know they would probably get to me after a certain point though. Sounds like they've been reading Cosmo a little too much.

[Lin]

Some people feel comfortable saying mean-spirited things to others (weirdos). I don't get it. And I agree with you 100%. If someone doesn't want me, I don't want them. Full stop. Weirdly, I told my husband when we first married (1968) that marriage could last forever but if we decided it wasn't a good idea, then to let the other know, because I would never try to hang on to him or beg him to stay if he was ready to move on. While it hasn't always been sweetness and light, we've worked at this thing and it's awfully nice to be entering into this, ahem, later stage of one's life with a partner with so many shared memories and with whom you still want to share the future.

Have fun in Amsterdam and maybe you could buy some interesting knickers while you're there!

[jen]

Good for you, Melissa! I am leaving tomorrow for six days, and I have to say, the thought of my husband cheating on me never crossed my mind. People are stoooopid.

[gigi]

I'm so happy that you said this. Just because you have a blog doesn't mean that people can say what ever they want and you just have to sit there and take it! I'm guessing that people who would make such comments have issues of their own! Just keep doing what you're doing and ignore the naysayers. I love your site and I love checking in on my internet pal. We don't know each other, but I feel like I'm getting to know you and I like you very much! So, bah!

[wendy]

Amen, Sister.

[deb]

Oh, amen. I find the cliche-ridden retorts such as watch your man and never feel too safe, look what happened to me! tiresome. They make the presumption that 1. most men will cheat, given the opportunity, and 2. most women wouldn't leave their man if they did. As if. Great response.

[cristin]

You well.... as old as this saying is, you rock! You seem so fierce, and in love, and secure, and I just loved this whole post.

[tracy]

What kind of woman feels uncomfortable about her husband making a cake for a female friend? I mean, really?

[amanda]

Come on, people. Seriously, if you are that worried about your husband cheating on you then there are some REAL issues in your marraige. Craziness. I have never worried about my husband in that way. NEVER. I would not have married him in the first place if that was going to be a concern.

[lauren]

people are weird.. i've never read your site and thought anything other than you've got a great husband who loves you and his family TONS.

[Stephanie]

Awesome, Melissa. Just awesome.

[Lucinda]

I think this just reveals how insecure many women are about their own marriages. It's so common, it's become a joke, albeit a negative one. I have to admit, although I feel really good about my marriage, I can't believe the number of married friends I have who've recently been cheated on. And I definitely have that little shiver of "what if that were me?" from time to time...

But seriously, wouldn't your blog time be better spent enrolled in a strip tease course or something? Heh heh.

[Becky]

Give em hell, Melissa!

[Jennifer]

Do you really get those kind of emails? Holy mother of all that is unbearably ingnorant.

[Jennifer]

Do you really get those kind of emails? Holy mother of all that is unbearably ignorant.

[Jennifer]

Gah. *snort*

[Sheree]

I've been lurking for a while, and this post made me leave a comment. First, what the HELL are people thinking, emailing such meanspirted crap??? Is it supposed to be helpful? I doubt it. I think it's more likely that these "ladies" are really insecure and have their own issues- isn't the problem for most meanies?

Second, ITA with your attitude toward your marriage!

Oh, good luck with your 'puter probs. :(

[Stacey]

You rock. I feel exactly the same way and I have a hard time putting it in to words. Thanks Melissa :o)

[langus]

Right on.

I was sitting here reading this and my husband was reading over my shoulder and he said "what are MAN SAVING underwear?" and I said "oh you know, like high brow underpants that are all lacey and Fredrick's of Hollywood-ish" and he said "oh, I thought it was a male chastity belt or something."

hahahahhahahahaha. Maybe you just had to be here.

[Sarcomical]

wow, GOOD FOR YOU! seriously. don't take that shit. even if it IS meant in an innocently teasing way. a girl's got to stick by what she knows.

i've never used a mac. does that make me uncool?

[Christine]

What the....?!? People really send you emails like that? I think some people have forgotten that they don't know you [or Logan] in real life. All we know is what you allow us to learn by reading your blog.

And since when has baking become a sign of passionate, adulterous sex? How dare you marry a man who is a nice guy and who is good to his friends. What were you thinking? [I am, of course, being sarcastic here.]

Geez. Some people need to get a life.

[karyn]

I truly feel bad for those women who are so insecure in their own relationships that they worry about Pants cheating on you if you're away for less than a week. Won't he be too busy parenting to have a torrid affair?

Oy. I was with my friend when she decided to buy a pair of "conceivin' panties", though, and decided, what the hell and bought myself some "maintenance panties". It didn't occur to me that my panties would somehow help to save my marriage, I just thought it was funny.

I'm sorry that others had to foist their insecurities on you.

[Crystal]

What the hell are these women thinking? For those who sent these emails:

Okay, first off: Man-saving underwear do not exist. If a woman wears next to nothing on her behind it is because it makes her feel good to do so. If she can't trust him then why get all gussied up for him? Huh? Throw that fish back honey. You aren't ready for a relationship, a real relationship if you gotta resort to tricks to keep an asshole who isn't worth it.

Secondly: Who surfs a blog for another woman's man? It's her blog, if she wants to rant about money then go stick your nose elsewhere.

Thirdly: A cake. For a friend. Get over it. It's a freaking cake. It doesn't mean he's sleeping over!

At lastly: Do you honestly think, since she is going to be gone he will change his whole routine to get some other woman in bed. Isn't it more likely he will still work late and call and email from the office, try to get in some sleep and miss her like crazy because she's not in bed beside him?

In closing, this is someone's realtionship. Their life. She chooses to share it with you e*friends out there. She did not ask for your negativity and doesn't deserve I don't think. This is not for your entertainment. It's not a story that you can help choose the ending to. Have some concern for someone's feelings and grow up a little.

[Nicole]

Bravo!! I think you already know nobody can mess with your marriage. Good for you two! On a side note, my husband calls me "britches," as in Pants from the South. Is that weird? Do you really call Logan "Pants"?

[VenturaMom]

Right on sister! Fidelity is something that you just don't joke about. Being married to a great guy rocks. What's wrong with those dorks?
PS - He IS hot. Lucky you. But more to the point, he is married to YOU. Lucky HIM.

[mrtl]

You're describing a marriage that everyone deserves to have, Melissa, and your attitude/confidence/self-respect in regards to yours is beyond healthy. It's unfortunate that many don't.

Man-saving underwear? I'm visualizing superwoman underroos with a special pocket on the side holding an extra set of nuts (http://www.bumpernuts.com/).

[Susan]

Yeah, yeah, people are idiots, but let's get to what really matters: what the hell is going on with your computer? I'm on the verge of buying an iBook (like today! in a few hours! as soon as I can dump my kids and get to the Apple store!) and I want to hear only good things about it.

I have no concerns about your marriage, but your laptop is causing me some anxiety.

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

I'm proud of you, and I think it's great that you stood up for yourself and your husband. People say thoughtless things all the time, and it may not occur to them how utterly offensive they are being. I know I've had my share of blunders, but sometimes it's good to remind the trolls to shut the hell up.

[Lisa V]

Do people really have that boring of lives they have to make stupid comments about yours?

Sorry about the Mac. We have had a problem or six with the iBook as of late.

[bridget]

Gosh I needed to read this today! this very minute, God totally worked through you. I am forwarding your post to a friend that would have sent each and everyone of those emails.

[Sarah]

All those negative comments, only reflect the insecurities of the people writing them.

I can relate to the bithday cake, story, as I dated a man who did stuff like that for his friends' wives. A man who is close to his mother or sisters, or has healthy FRIENDships with other women, seems to know best how to treat the lady he loves. It's those guys who have NO female friends, that we should be worried about.

Seriously, some of you negative commenters need to identify your own insecurities before trying to force them on Melissa. Sheesh!

[zero-tolerance]

Like Omigod...it's so like, ya know...and he said that she said... Grow up, people. Good for you, Melissa.

[NattyChick]

Although it seems that having a public blog means that people are allowed to comment on anything and in any way they see fit at the time, it also gives you the opportunity to post/use/abuse those comments and give a little bit of 'cyber-slap' when necessary. Love the blog.

[kalisah]

well said, my friend.

[chris]

Hmmmm, I want to know what man saving underwear is and how does it differ from regular underwear? Do you put it on your head?

Well said, Melissa, as always

[NattyChick]

You know what? I would have thought man saving underwear would be undies with a built in parachute or AK47.

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Ha! NattyChick.

[Li]

Rock on sister! So right on both fronts. Fucking Apple and fuck the man saving underwear! Is that what it's called at store?

[nessa]

Right on, Melissa! Well said, as always.

[nessa]

er... i didn't mean to copy chris. sorry! i just didn't read all the comments prior to posting. great minds, etc. (d'oh)

[Imperfect Mommy]

Unbelievable... people are wacky.

I once made funfetti cupcakes for one of our mutual male friends on his birthday. Does that make me a whore or a lazy and tacky pastry chef?

[Donovan Phillips]

Who knows how you or your readers will react to this one, but there is also another way to look at the whole "cheating" issue. In my relationship, we allow ourselves the freedom to do whatever we please. The only rule is that we communicate. I know what she does. She knows what I do.

This doesn't mean we take advantage of that freedom all the time, or even very often. But in the 5 years we've been together we've both allowed ourselves to enjoy "something new", starting with her, on a few occassions. And we have always checked with the other first.

"Babe, here's the situation. And here's what I'd like to do. Are you okay with that?"

"Sure. Thanks for asking. Have fun. Tell me all about it later."

Of course, that's not for everyone. That's not for most people. But for us it works and actually makes us closer. Yes, that statement sounds weird, but it's true. Remember the communication rule I mentioned? Imagine describing to the love of your life exactly how you felt and why you chose to do it. Imagine allowing someone that deep inside your psyche. Most couples, even loving couples, don't communicate to that level.

Why be jealous? We all know the appeal of "new sex". Most of us just push thougts of it aside, or cheat and hide. But when a couple can allow each other to both be 100% human and just love each other for who they truly are? That's amazing.

[Nichole]

For a minute there, I was wondering why you needed to make sure Logan was saving underwear.

[Jbeeky]

Hey, heres an idea, why not turn into a possesive sniveling jackass who refuses to live her life unless it is in the glorious shadow of her husband? Change your blog to LOGAN 24/7 and keep obsessive tabs on him and then.....OMG, I just threw up a bit in my mouth. You are glorious and have so much going on in your life that is your own and that is what makes you you and Logan the luckiest fellow alive. I mean JEEZUZ!

[MelissaS]

Frankly my biggest problem is a simple matter of the time to have several partners. We can barely carve out time for the two of us, time for each of our kids and time as a family. Oh plus work, friends...etc.

[Loose String]

Who the hell thinks that way? WTF? You were much nicer than necessary. Good for you.

[Rhonda P.]

People who write mean things like that are just jealous fucking bitches who obviously got screwed over by some asshole in the past and are just hoping it will happen to someone else because they're bitter....fuck them!

[Stefanie]

I was really scared my husband was going to bail immediately after we had our baby. This was actually a red flag to my husband that something was wrong with me. He realized that I was out of reality and needed help. Which I got. Postpartum can really screw with your mind. Looking back I realize how screwy that kind of thinking was.

[MsShad]

Hey, you yourself said something to the effect of... any woman who had to put up with his marathon induces fecal problems rather than you was a huge plus for you!

Really, even tho some of the comments may be facetious, they're still hurtful, and unnecessary.

And I agree with whoever said you're eerily balanced. Rock on!

[Jamie]

Good for you. Some people, especially women I hate to say, revel in tearing people down to find the "worse" in situations. Not every married man is out on a booty call every weekend. The people that made such comments may be really unhappy in their relationships or even harbor some jealousy.

[Silvia]

These women are despicable and evil. Ignore them. They are obviously insecure and jealous.

[crazedparent]

while i'm proud of you for telling the internet to f*#k off, i'm also pissed that you even HAD to write it! people can be so stupid - what nerve to give you *advice* about your marriage when 1) your not asking for it and 2) have no need to ask for it. everyone says logan is a hottie but you know what? you're gorgeous too. are they telling you HE should be wearing his lady boxers or whatever the hell they are talking about? GAH!

[Amy]

This is the first time I have ever read your blog. This comes up with my relationship with my husband ALL THE TIME. I don't get why so many women are so freaked about their husbands cheating on them. If you think he's going to cheat on you why are you married to him? No one is THAT good a catch, in my opinion. Also, while I love and appreciate my husband dearly my blog is a nice happy place to vent about those annoying normal everyday husband type things that annoy me and every other wife in the world. If anyone thinks because I get annoyed I don't appreciate and love him they are idiots or possibly 15 years old. UGH! the DRAMA! no thanks I'll pass... you just keep on keepin on and I'll keep appreciating your good writing skills and honesty about your life. Thanks for putting it out there.

Love and Laughter,
Amy

[Lisa]

What sort of fucktard even uses terminology like, "man saving underwear"? I had to read that sentence 4 times before I could wrap my mind around it. Is it some form of underwear/flotation device just in case your plane goes down on the way to Amsterdam? We'll see you on the news floating in the Atlantic wearing your "Man Saving Underwear".

Your blog is funny and well written and what keeps me coming back is the honesty behind every post. You are just so real. Thanks for continuing to share your life with us.

[mamaloo]

when I read this I thought "man saving underwear" was a super-hero kind of thing. ?

one time I had a party and a bunch of people came. and drank. and had fun. and two people left together, one of whom already had a partner.

the next day I get a phone call from a "well meaning friend" to "watch my man" and "keep the ball and chain tight". I was all, W T F??

from what I could surmise this person took the fact that my friend left with someone else to mean that she'd GO AFTER ANY MAN WATCH OUT!!

weirdness. needless to say this "helpful" friend isn't my friend anymore. good thing because them man-saving underwear were getting tiresome.

[boomama]

Rock on, sister stranger friend.

That was awesome.

[Ms Sisyphus]

The Hell??? People actually say this shit? Wow. Just....Wow. Clearly, some people are idiots.

[Cathy]

I am sure man saving underwear would come with a cape on the back.

[PhC]

It just shows other people's insecurities when they say things like that...
but you probably already know that.

[AmyinMotown]

Can I buy you, and all of your commenters, a beer or something? Just awesome. And hilarious. I have always found that whole "You have to watch your mayun" attitude so ridiculous and very based in the notion that choosing a partner is based on economic security, not actually, you know, loving and wanting to be with them.

And I agree with the poster upthread who said it's the guys with no female friends you have to watch out for. I was talking to a coworker friend of mine about setting her up with a good friend of mine and mentioned he had a ton of friends and lots of girl friends, and she said "Oh no, that couldn't happen."
YEE-IKES. I actually liked my husband partially because he had female friends. And then promptly scooped them up for myself.

Also, your IBook problem scares me. As I am typing on mine right now.

[tanyetta]

I am SHOCKED (i know i shouldn't be, but, i am) that anyone would write those mean spirited things to you!

well....onto happy thoughts, I still LOVe Max in his 'trailer' outfit. that was a riot! Hope you're smiling again....
p.s. I have an IBook too, should I be afraid?????

[Lisa Canter]

You are 100% right. You either love each other and make it work or you don't and nothing is going to make it right. The rest is just garbage. What is really annoying is the subtext that says - YOU SHALL NOT LEAVE THE KITCHEN UNTETHERED WOMAN - being said by other women. OMG - WTF? If your man is worth anything - he will be thrilled to see you happy and successful and having doors open - if not - don't walk RUN away!

[portion]

A great big secular AMEN to this.

[Emily]

I can't believe someone read something negative into the fact that Logan baked a cake for one of his friends. I just thought, "Wow, what a guy! Melissa is lucky! Yum, cake!"

[Sarah]

Awesome post. Well-said.

[Izzy]

Really, in all the time I've read SB, I've never once gotten the vibe that you needed "man saving" underwear or any other nonsense like that. I don't think people mean to be insensitive but are perhaps trying to be funny, and not realizing the gravity of their words. If they were meant to be hurtful, I have to say I don't see how anyone could want to write you a letter with malicious intent. You don't seem like the kind of person that elicits that from others. But whatever...you know your marriage is solid and that's what counts.

Plus...you have a man that bakes! How does one get so lucky?

[girl next door]

De-lurking now.
Have been suffering from depression since about 3 years into a 13 year marriage (which ended almost 2 years ago) kudo's on your response "I will never buy 'man-saving' underwear because if I have to buy underwear to save my man, he's not worth saving.

If he's going to have friendships with women which suddenly become torrid affairs? Frankly I don't want him anymore, because what kind of an asshole would do that to me?

If I can't go out of town for six days without worrying about someone getting in my husband's pants, then I'm married to an idiot who doesn't know how to use the word 'no' and I just don't want to be married to a man like that."
This is exactly why I am no longer married, and am now the mother of two teen boys and a tween girl (oh the horrors). I love your blog, and hopefully will get up the nerve to post a version of my own "diary" soon. So glad there are people out there in cyberspace willing to share. I feel much less alone.

[Karen Rani]

Totally freaking ridiculous! Someone else was having trouble with stupid people emailing and commenting. What the hell is wrong with people?
When someone is rude to me, I simply say, "Wow. That was rude."
Stops them in their tracks. Unfortunately, some internet ignorance have really big faux balls. Those people need to back away from the keyboard.
Anyhoo....let it roll baby, you rock.

[het]

RIGHT ON! I had a good friend that spewed forth that kind of crap on a regular basis. Then after a lot of margaritas one night - I found out she was just really, really jealous that I WASN'T in a relationship where I had to worry about that stuff.

When she continued with that nastiness - I had to give her the boot.

Good for you for sticking up for your marriage and for being a strong woman!

[Bridgermama]

I can't believe that people actually make those comments. It is so crazy that some people actually have thoughts like those going throught their tiny brains and then having the nerve to share them with you. My other half goes out of town often and I never worry about that stuff, and to be honest with you we shouldn't be married if I did.

[Shandra]

Amen, sister :)

[cara]

Commenting on the other half of your post: I hate Apple with a burning passion. I have had two iPods and the customer service at Apple is abysmal. I had a mac in high school and loved it, and all my cool friends are Mac users, but I just can't get past the fact that they stick you on the price initially and then, should something go wrong with it, act like you're some kind of gorilla in the Samsonite commercial. (Oh, it's not responding to the click wheel? Did you throw the iPod in the street and hop on it? Because sometimes that can cause malfunctions, but otherwise our software is inerrant, immaculate and perfect). Anyway, i love apple when everything is going well, but as soon as there is a problem, I find myself wishing for the day when another platform offers the content that iTunes and the iPod stuff does. Also, sorry about all the posts re: Logan's fidelity. The internet allows strangers to say stupid things, and you're very brave to put yourself out there. Love your blog. Sorry to rant about Apple.

[Abby]

I too wondered, "Man saving underwear? What kind of underwear saves lives?" I pictured some kind of lifeboat wherein people were scooping up drowning men with underwear. And they were big, stretched out tighty-whities, just so you know.

Total nonsense. Total fucking nonsense.

[Emily G.]

Heh. You are awesome. I love reading your blog, and I completely get that at the same time you are confident in your marriage, you have to complain sometimes about things that are tangential to it. I think if I stopped complaining about that kind of thing the Earth would stop spinning and it would fall out of the Milky Way and get sucked into a black hole.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

I was also trying to picture this ridiculous man-saving underwear! I imagined it to come equipped with, you know, defibrillators and heart-rate monitors and many contraptions for performing the Heimlich manoeuver.

[rachel]

Oh, God, I just told fussy that her new ads inspired me to do google ads, then I see the bitter irony this can lead to. "Cheating Partners"? Is there a way you can protest the ads they pick for you? Or maybe it just adds to the humor of the whole thing.

This makes me think of a dissagreement my husband and I had as to whether creating a fake blog for my guy friend to make fun of him was "flirting." I arbitrarily decided that if it took fifteen minutes or less, it wasn't.

I do feel like there's something about carving time away from the marriage for other relationships that can be bad, but everyone has to have a different standard for what that means.

And, BTW, I did make the blog, and it probably was flirting, but he was sooo burned. tee hee

[roo]

I feel sorry for those commenters-- clearly they'll never know that love and trust go together.

What catty bitches, though! I'm glad you showed them how wrong they are.

[JennG]

Hell goddamn yeah!

[RockStar Mommy]

A lot of people have been hurt by love and become bitter and jealous of those who have healthy, stable relationships and, I guess, feel the need to bring them down. Just like when you're pregnant for the first time and you run into women with multiple kids who are all, "SLEEP NOW, WHILE YOU CAN! YOUR LIFE IS OVER...Bla bla bla" ... Like you said, they probably don't mean to be so fucking annoying, but that doesn't make it any easier to swallow.

[Laura]

People who write comments like probably never had a lasting, meaningful relationship in the first place.

[julia]

Spot on. That last comment was obnoxious (someone getting into Pants' pants), and the one about you just tempting someone else to steal Logan? I might have had to hunt that chick down and strangle her.

[julia]

Okay, um, that came out sounding a touch more "serial killer" than I meant it to. Just meant to say that I would have been hurt and angry and feeling very confrontational. I'm sorry you got an email like that.

[andreainjapan]

WAHOOO!!! Loving you more.
People have said crap to me about my husband as well and I always look at them and go
-do you really think so low of me and that I am so stupid as to marry a man I dont trust?
morons.
One look at your family pics tells me you have an amazing hubby.

As for the computer. I feel ya gorl. Good luck with that one.

[mike]

Mostly because I can't resist being the 87th commenter...

I have to agree with those above me who've said, "you go girl" and "I support what you're saying",and also "you go AGAIN girl", and "you go to HOLLAND girl!". Etc, etc. Your (obvious) love and trust is inspiring. Thanks.

(Also, and maybe it's just cuz i'm a guy, but what are man-saving-underwear?)

[Alicia]

There are some women in this world, like yourself and all your positive commenters, who are nice, wonderful and ultimately awesome people. And then there are the rest of the women in society, who are insincere, ignorant, and most often suffering from diarrhia of the mouth.

I sometimes find it hard while I'm reading your post to remember that I've never met you. I could pass you along Main and never recognize you (unless I ever saw your adorable children!). I assume people who make comments such as these have lost that reality sensor that reminds them they are stangers to you. I can see how they may feel you're a friend, because of the awesome blog you have on your hands, but come on people! I find it horrible to realize people would make comments like that to someone they don't know, and then I think of what comments they might make to actual friends.....scary isn't it?!

I think your attitude about this situation is super, you know what your relationship is, and you understand there are dumbasses in society that need to be told to SHUT UP!!!

[De-Lurker]

OK, I am delurking to say two things: the first--I couldn't agree more with your sentiments. The second--I cheated on my husband because our marriage stunk, it was completely unfulfilling for both of us...we are now divorced. There is nothing that could have stopped me from cheating short of a cage...and now, I am so in love with my man, the thought of being with someone else makes me downright queasy. I cannot imagine wanting to risk what we have, or to be with anyone else but him...what it all boils down to, people, is if it's good, it's good, and nothing can tempt you away. And if it's not good, it's not good, and eventually it will crumble, cheating or no. Remember, Richard Gere cheated on Cindy Crawford. It doesn't matter how pretty you are, how charming you are, how sexy your panties are...

The world is filled with shades of gray. The reason that people cheat is VERY rarely sexual. It's a lack of connection with their significant other, a need to feel wanted, needed, understood that they are not getting at home. If you are there for each other, love each other, take good care of each other...that's all you need.

[cmhl]

I need me some man-saving undies, methinks..

[Mary]

Gah. People amaze me their thoughtless (and mean-spirited) comments and emails. I'm so sorry you had people saying these (completely ridiculous) things to you but I'm glad that you posted this and called them on it.

You're my hero, Melissa Summers!

[Kate]

When did the Jerry Springer mailing list find your blog?

[Torrey]

Those people are morons. Want me to give them a tiny punch?
I totally understand your frustrations. Some people can't understand a real partnership. It's too bad for them.
Have a blast in Amsterdam. Give yourself and Alice a smooch from us.

[Carol]

Delurking to say "WAY TO GO!!!" You're probably right...I'm sure they are being facetious...but, hell, people - a little compassion and understanding goes a lot further with your friends than "buying man-saving underwear" advice. Please. BTW - I have man-saving undies (if that's what you want to call them) and I'm DIVORCED as can be. Trust me when I say it's the people, not the undies, that are important.

Sorry about the 'puter issues. :( That sucks, too.

[Christy]

I thought man saving underwear was maybe panties that transform into a flotation device. You know, something that you may wear on a plane in order to "save man". I thought that was funny.

But then I realized that some poor man is actually married to a woman who has "man saving underwear" and that was sad. Poor guy. I better put on my man saving ascot and go rescue him.

[Leticia]

Delurking to say....YAY! YAY from all the women out there everywhere. So glad you wrote this and set the record straight.

[Shari]

Goodness. I think your nutty commenters are just projecting their own insecurities and BS. Misery loves company, right? It's too bad you won't be able to join them because you have a great marriage and a man that loves you!! Great entry.

[angela marie]

It's so nice to hear a woman say those things occassionally. With celebrities/movies/tv, we tend to get caught up in the fact that someone is always out to see a relationship fail. You are so right when you say that not only are there those of us who TRUST our husbands, but those of us who wouldn't waste a minute of time trying to get him to stay, if he did cheat. Way too much Dr. Phil, people.

[chris]

Melissa-- long time reader, 1st time poster. Here goes; AHEM...:
With regards to the posters--

FUCK'M

Sorry to here "the book" is in the shop again. Take heart though, Apple is a good company, but like all companies they do tend to make junk sometimes. Hopefully they'll make it right eventually.

You and your guy seem to have a solid, stable, rich(in what really counts) life together. These commenters and clearly future darwin award winners, and as such should not be given any more attention or thought- the universe will take care of them soon enough. "drive on" ;)

[Jennifer]

Some people think you and Logan are mismatched look wise, therefore they think you should be grateful to be with him as well as scared to lose him.

[Cat]

What is wrong with people?! Seriously.

[Sara]

Amen Sister!

[Caroline]

Jennifer, I don't know whether to ignore you or not. Typically my response to a statement that like that would be in three parts: ignore, ignore, and ignore.

However, I'm just awestruck and can't ignore you. How any woman (excuse me, human being) could make a statement like your comment....completely untrue, and meant simply to hurt, and wound...is beyond what I can even fathom. How in the hell do you sleep at night?

Flat out, take your hatred elsewhere, and don't come back here and post anything like that ever again. You disgust me.

[scigirl]

yeah, fuck you jennifer.

[Busted]

In response to Jennifer

When a friend's boyfriend said he thought I was too good looking for my boyfriend I suggested that my friend cut him out, or I'd cut them both out. I did. I cut them out, and you should cut the shit. Obviously you are yellow. People with big mouths and rotting hearts usually use "anon" email addresses and "some people" excuses. I think it would be best for you to heed Caroline's advice...you need not spread your nasty to nice women on the internet.

[Jbeeky]

Jennifer,
Have you seen a Doctor or Therapist for your Borderline Personality Disorder? Get help before you type again.
PS. look up borderline personality disorder if you have not already, it is you.

[Stephanie]

Jennifer, Melissa and Logan are very good friends of mine. You do not know them. You have no idea what their relationship is like. I think you're probably jealous, and I suggest that you shut the fuck up. And think about why you feel the need to anonymously attack people you don't even know.

[ella]

What a buncha dumb bitches.

They're jealous. Plain & simple. It's so obvious that they're the ones that have to worry about their husbands cheating.

[Dana]

Dude. I know you've already got seven kabillion REALLY GOOD comments here (and a few less than fab) but I just wanted to toss in my own high five to you. Thank you for speaking very clearly for those of us who are secure in our relationships, who don't consider all other women to be dangerous man-stealers, and who find the whole thing stupid.

You rock. Keep rockin'.

[Lil' Sis]

Dear Jennifer,
You are not wanted here. Stop reading this blog. Or at least stop leaving comments because your opinion will not be appreciated or wanted until you learn some manners and self-esteem. If you find Melissa as you state, you have no reason to continually read her blog.
Love,
TeriLynn

PS- If you post with a real email address next time, it might be okay for you to comment.