Pre Trip thoughts.

Has anyone else pondered how ridiculous it is to send me to a foreign country considering I can't even make a phone call without intensive psychotherapy afterwards?

Have I mentioned how I've had two business calls and one conference call in the last two weeks? Of course I didn't, I've been in recovery since then.

I have so much advice from lovely Internet people about what to do while I'm there. I have the advice in an email folder.

Everytime I'm about to visit a city I'm unfamiliar with my head explodes because I can't even wrap my brain around a city where things are happening all over the place. I just can't even behold it. A place? Where things are happening? And the zoo isn't under threat of being closed because of some stupid city council people?

I just can't imagine it. Is this Disney World?

The advice I've gotten is so good. Not just the places to see but also the foods to eat. I loved the advice to look into the canal houses without shame. Also someone (thanks Amy!) suggested looking at the Hema store which is like Target because she likes to check out everyday life in the places she visits. She said this like it was a 'weird' thing.

(How awesome would it be if I could bring home a cake from Hema for Max. The robot one, no wait, the elephant! perfect.)(I just realized this is like Ikea....only target-ish. I died. I'm dead.) (Don't let me go to this place.)(Then again maybe I have to go to report for the Flog.)(I don't even know what this is but I need it.)(Never mind, don't let me in this place. Seriously.)

I do the same thing except that I end up missing a lot of cool thing while I try to 'fit in' in a city I can never quite get a grasp of. I won't make that mistake in Amsterdam but I have in other cities I've visited.

Sometimes the only way to 'see' a city you're not going to get back to for a very long time is to do the tourist thing. Which is why I am so pleased Alice is bringing her dad on this trip. He's got itineraries and a grasp on what order to do things, whereas I've looked at all the books from the library right before I fall asleep each night for the last two weeks. Then I dream I forgot my camera, which is remarkably upsetting.

There is something very stressful about this trip for me. When I get to do something Logan doesn't, like go to Vegas with friends, and I spend family money to do it I feel such intense pressure to have as much fun as possible. To make this trip worth every single penny: both the pennies from the Holland Board of Tourism and the pennies from our always shrinking savings account.

So here's to me not squandering our family's money and seeing and doing as much as I can in Amsterdam. Also here's to me not smoking pot while I'm with Alice because Alice is very, very funny.

I have smoked pot, maybe two handfuls of times. The one time it really hit me I could not stop laughing until I thought I'd lost my mind and had to go to bed to stop the laughing.

I fear the combination of pot and Alice would actually send me into a manic psychosis and I don't think I want to visit an Amsterdam mental hospital. I mean, ideally, I don't. Soaking in the locals way of life is one thing. Hanging out with the mentally ill: not all that appealing.

Comments

[LisaV]

Have a wonderful time Melissa. You deserve it. Remember your camera so you can shower us with pictures.

[Alice Bradley]

Yes, but if you ended up in the hospital, what a great blog entry that would be! For me, I mean. You won't be able to blog. With the shackles on, and stuff.

[PhotographerLori]

Now you'll know what those things are....

http://babelfish.altavista.com/babelfish/tr

I tried it and here's what it says about the cute hanging animal thingy...

Dromenvanger
Decorative Article, which is no toy. Keep these outside the range your child.

Cool!

LORI

[Emily]

I also want the hanging whatever-y thing. If you select 63 blooshkiss of it costs 226 currencies for it. Nice.

[witchesforest]

can i suggest you try the interestingly horrible (i became addicted) salty licorice??? when we lived in the netherlands, i started to constantly eat a type of licorice my boyfriend called 'fishbum flavour'. everyone in holland loves it.

also, when you are hanging out in a trendy browncafe, order a mint tea. it is what sophisticated dutch/flemish types order when they aren't drinking beer or coffee. it comes with mint leaves in it! it looks funky!

if you see a car accidentally drive into a canal (which happens approximately once per week in amsterdam) hang around and watch the free show of the special car-dredging-machine and all the dutch people standing around thinking "thank god that wasn't me!"

drink delicious belgian cherry flavoured beer called kriek - it is yummy and not sweet, just interesting.

DON'T be selfconscious at any time because in amsterdam, no one is looking at you and no one really cares what you look like or do. this is from tolerance/just not caring. but it also means you can't look interested or complain if someone at the next table starts smoking or their dog starts eating your leg while you're drinking your kriek.

[Sarcomical]

oh my. i can understand what you're saying about being excited yet being nervous that you just aren't going to get everything you can out of it. ;) but you will probably get SO much more than you're bargaining for. it'll be fun, and i think you are lucky to get to go spend time with alice because she sounds like the kind of girl you could really get stupid with. ;)

the two of you together? and her dad as guide? you cannot go wrong. have fun!!!

[Jenorama]

Have a great trip!

[ozma]

I've tried to hold my tongue while reading these posts about Amsterdam but it's hard and I can't refrain anymore. It's 2 a.m. and while I'm not drunk I did do yoga today.

You have to smoke pot in Amsterdam. It's like, a law. You cannot NOT smoke pot in Amsterdam. And then you have to do something that will horrify you later like go try and make friends with a woman in the red light district or go to a live sex show or try and smuggle a cake of a robot in your suitcase or try to pronounce some Dutch words. I don't know. Shoot up heroin? However, it's good because you will be so stoned out of your mind while it's happening you won't really remember it well. Maybe you people are not being forthcoming (I never would be) but people, it's AMSTERDAM. There is Van Gogh and there is marijuana and both must be included somehow in your experience of Amsterdam or you will violate the laws of nature and the universe will implode.

Or you could just be like David Sedaris and make fun of the Anne Frank house. Now that's really sick.

Have fun!

[Sarah]

A thumbs up to the itinerary. The best holiday I've had so far was four days in Salzburg, when I'd spent hours researching and planning exactly what my friend and I were going to do and see. www.virtualtourist.com is a good place to start for advice from fellow travellers.

[Andrea In Japan]

You are going to have soooooo much fun!!!!!!
I can not wait to read all about it after!!!!

Oh and I go to China in two months and my offer still stands for a great knockoff. ;-)

[CursingMama]

You do know that you can get stoned just walking through certain back alleys in Amsterdam, right? But don't avoid them because you haven't lived until you've been through some of those alleys (just don't stop and linger or you'll be rolling on the ground with the laughing).
And make sure you at least walk through the district where the light bulbs are not white - but don't take any pictures with your camera or you'll never see it again. Don't worry the images will be burned into your memory forever if you can get the courage up to look at something other than your shoes. I was wearing a nice pair of white tennis shoes and saw them 89% of the time.
Have Fun!

[doahleigh]

I've been reading about dooce's Amsterdam trip, and I'm looking forward to reading your take on the city. My ancestors are nothing but Dutch, yet I've never visited the ol' homeland. Take lots of pictures!

(I've been lurking for awhile, but I'm too jealous of your Amsterdam trip to not let you know. Have fun!)

[Renee]

I want to smoke pot with Alice! Can I come?

Seriously though, you won't be able to NOT have fun over there. It'll do you good, live it up!

[Missy]

Go to Holland and relax. Marvel at how many different people live there (it truly is an international place). Learn a few things. If you smoke some pot, make sure you write about it.

I love your site, by the way!

[lastewie]

Melissa,
One cool thing is that you live close to the Dutchest part of the US (ok, not like true, real live people from the Netherlands, but at least their conservative, uppity cousins who came over here to start Amway and the Christian Reformed Church).
So if you fall in love with Salty Licorice, or other foods you find over there, it's a short jaunt over to GR. Any grocery store has a dutch area of their international section. No pot though.

[Bonnie]

You can DO this. Just watch out for bikes--really, because they will run over you!Don't forget the Really Bad Movie.

[spondmom]

hi
usually i lurk, but my know-it-all nature has gotten the better of me. i think the
Speenketting, or the "thing of unknown purpose" is a pacifier holder. it looks very similar to the one my daughter uses. i got hers from haba for much more than 3.60 euro.
however,hers doesn't have a bell-but i wish it did.

[schmutzie]

Amsterdam + pot + Alice?!!! You should totally do that and then try that salty black licorice. And then take pictures of the horrific aftermath.

[Dorkette]

On the bright side, odds are that if you DO end up in a mental hospital in Amsterdam, they will supply you with more pot, thus making the mentally ill around you more tolerable. And let's face it: downright hilarious.

Seriously, though - have a great time, try to breathe easy.

[mika]

The last thing from the hema you linked to means "dreamcatcher". Have fun in Amsterdam. My extended family all still lives there (my parents moved to the US a few years before I was born). My mom grew up on the Niewendijk which is the pedestrian only road that goes from Central Station and heads south. It's super touristy these days but good for people watching.
Another fun thing to do to see "normal life" is go to a pharmacy with loose candy, or a candy store, and stock up with a "puntzakje" (pointy bag) full of bulk candy for your kids (or yourself!). You don't have to go for the scary dutch licorice, which most Americans think is disgusting (but man, I sure do miss it!), but there are many other kinds of awesome candy as well.
If you like somewhat exotic foods (like Thai -- nothing super scary!) be sure to go to a good Indonesian restaurant for rijsttafel which means rice table, and comes with like 15 different things plus rice and is usually shared between 2 people.
I hope you have a great time and that the weather cooperates.

[MJ]

Have fun on your trip. I can't wait to read your posts about it. Go ahead, smoke the pot. You only live once, and it's legal!

[Jess]

Hey Melissa,

Sounds like you're about all advice-d out, so I won't add to the fray, but just for kicks: the thing you can't identify is supposed to attach to a pacifier, and the second thing, the 'dromenvanger' (lit. 'dreamcatcher') is supposed to be hung up in the kid's room for decoration. And yes, you absolutely must go to HEMA and buy lots of things, just because they're the same as here, and yet a little bit different. To this day, I still use only HEMA notebooks for my college classes. (I lived in the Netherlands for 1.5 years and HEMA was my lifeline. Well, one of them. Along with Bakkerij Bart's pizza, french fries with mayonnaise, and everything from the Albert Heijn.)

*wistful sigh* Wow... I really miss it over there. You enjoy it enough for the both of us, okay?