My trip to San Francisco or How I cried in front of Andrew Shue

So I'm back from my whirlwind trip to California. I went to the Club Mom meeting, I met with Stefania, JD Griffoen, and Charlene Prince-Birkeland. I saw the lovely Mrs Kennedy. The very tall Heather Armstrong. Also Margaret and Bryan Mason.

Also various Bloggers like Grace and Lisa Stone and Amanda, I'd forgotten how much I liked Amanda. There were many others I'm forgetting off the top of my head.

The meeting went quite well. It made me even more excited for Blogher. I love hearing about why people blog, what their blogs give to them and, because I am an emotional freak of nature, it makes me cry. I just can't say enough nice things about my website lately. What it's given me and my family. I'm crying again.

Anyway, at this meeting we needed to introduce ourselves and we went around the room. When I list the things which make me want to vomit or faint, the list looks like this:

Talking on the phone.
Speaking in front of groups of people I do not know.

So it was finally my turn to tell about myself and why I started my website. I explained how it happened and went on to say that....<lip begins to quiver>....my website has changed my life in such amazing ways and.....I had to stop then because real tears were forming in my eyeballs.

What the ever loving hell?

So yes, I started to cry in front of Andrew Shue.

(Many people had their pictures taken with Mr Shue but the thought of my ginourmous teeth next to his delicate features made me break into hives. So, no pictures.)

Other people sounded smart and intelligent and even witty. I sounded pre-menstrual. Awesome.

The meeting went fine once I stopped crying and when it was over we went into the city to have a quick drink and get Mrs Kennedy and Heather something to eat. I would like it noted at this time I parallel parked my car in only two moves (usually it's like 4-7 moves).

We went to a bar called Blondies where they sell something which will kick your ass called a SIXTEEN ounce cocktail. Whoa. We chatted for a little while and then Mrs Kennedy left to get to the airport. Shockingly I didn't cry. I held tight to the fact that I'll see her in July with Alice.

Heather left and then it was Maggie and I and soon her husband, Bryan. I'm glad the internet is full of nice people, who don't mind spending an hour chatting with a midwestern virtual stranger. I even rode in Maggie's beautiful Karmann Ghia to the restaurant where I was meeting the Floggers.

You'd have thought Jim had two heads for the way I reacted to meeting him. I hadn't seen a picture of him and was surprised he's so young. He looks like someone who would hang out with my little sister...if my sister had a baby. Which she doesn't.

I'd seen pictures of Stefania of course so I wasn't so much surprised but it's always a little jolting to realize the internet is made up of actual people. Charlene I'd never seen a picture of either so although I didn't really know what I expected, maybe someone more typically California? Blonde hair? A tan? Which now that I think about it makes absolutely no sense since the two people I know from California, red haired Maggie and dark haired Mrs. Kennedy, look nothing like that.

Anyway our dinner was very fun, delicious and my sides ached from laughing all evening. Both Stefania and Charlene needed to get home because of sitters and feeding of babies but they held out until 12am, which is 3am my time because I am a rock star. If a rock star starts singing about going to bed on their way back to their hotel. Because I did. I love bed.

Charlene drove me back to the rental car and though I knew the general area where I'd left it, I could not remember where my car was. Thank God I knew the general area and we found it in decent time. But the entire time I had a ball of anxiety in my stomach, would I be wandering San Francisco all night clicking the panic button on my key fob until I heard honking?

I walked away from my trip wishing that how I saw myself matched how other people saw me. This massive insecurity and self loathing is really limiting me. But I don't know what to do about it. Last night Logan said, in response to this latest emotional come-apart: "<big sigh> Okay, well I see what the problem is. You just have to stop thinking about yourself like that." Hey! Great!

Also my period is about to start so that's probably all it is. PMS.

(There are pictures at almost all those links. I didn't take pictures until I'd consumed 1.5 sixteen ounce cocktails...so they're all of my drinks. Nice.)

Comments

[Erin O'Brien]

For what it's worth (and not as though this will make anyone anywhere feel better about themselves), I once met Andrew's sister Elizabeth Shue.

For those that delude themselves into believing that movie stars are just like us, let me set the record straight: Elizabeth Shue is more beautiful in person than she is on the screen. She is way more beautiful than the Regular People, including me and everyone I know.

Movie stars are movie stars because they are, in fact, superhuman.

[cursingmama]

Sounds like a lot of fun!

[Lisa]

That sounds like so much fun! I would love to meet any of those women, especially Grace. Perhaps I'm retarded, but what's the link between blogging and Andrew Shue?

[Mary]

He *does* have "delicate features." Good way to describe them.

[Texas T-bone]

I've always loved the graceful chainsaw-like quality of Kharmann Ghias.

I'm still waiting for a blogging meetup just for men (that's not about porn or shooting birds).

[MelissaS]

He's co-owner of Club Mom which would like to integrate blogs into it's new website.

[Jessie]

Um, yeah. I cry like that too. Actually, reading about you crying almost made me cry. My mom and sister and some of my aunts are the same way. We cry for no reason whatsoever, and especially when it is socially unacceptable and therefore completely and horrifyingly embarrassing.

So what I'm saying is, I can relate, and you're far from the only one who crys like that.

[stephanie]

did you know that salon linked to one of your flogging baby posts? http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/02/02/baby_luxury_backlash/

[slev]

Next time you're in The City, don't go to Blondies. Go to the hole-in-the-wall Mexican place next door, Puerto Alegre. Best margaritas on the planet. And the enchiladas aren't half bad either. I think...hard to tell after the margaritas...

Seriously. Take a BlogHer break and head up to 16th & Valencia & bond over some on-the-rocks-wth-salt.

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Your drinks pictures are gorgeous, I wish I'd had the nerve to order one, but drunk + public transportation + strange city = ANXIETY ATTACK.

I still want to nibble on you.

[dutch]

Don't let any of her patented self-deprication fool you people. When you have been sitting across the table from Melissa Summers for a couple of hours, you can't help but think to yourself, "goddamn that girl is drop-dead gorgeous." And I fucking mean that.

I hope you don't mind my saying so, Logan. I've heard you're pretty good looking too.

[Izzy]

I always read you. I never comment. Why? There are always so many. I hate to do what everyone else is doing, unless you count blogging, memes, flickr boxes, breathing etc etc etc.... Anyway, just want to share with you that that PMS nonsense is a real self-image ass-kicker (geez...hyphenate much?) sometimes and it's so hard to ignore it. Nonetheless, I'm gonna jump on the bandwagon here and tell you that while you may not see yourself as we do, you gotta have faith that we are right and you are not.

[jenB]

dutch speaks the truth.

[HumanityCritic]

Just passing through by the way, cool blog by the way..

[Erika]

Okay - for some reason I've been thinking this for a while, but it's sort of a stupid thing to just bring up. But since you went and were mean to yourself about your "ginourmous teeth," I figured it was time for me to take the plunge.

I think you look like a blond Gina Davis.

There, I finally got that off my chest. Now I can go back to trying to think of who Maggie's blog picture reminds me of.

[Erika]

Geena Davis.
IMDB first - post second.

[Grace Davis]

And, of course, not to be confused with me, Grace Davis.

Or the hapless ex governor of California, Gray Davis.

By the way, SubBliss readers, when Melissa links to one's humble blog, one's site meter blows up causing one's laptop to spew black smoke accompanied with an acrid burning smell. Behold the power that is Melissa's PMS.

And, for the record, Melissa does not have "ginormous teeth." A ginormous, sunshiny smile, yes, but not big old fangs.

[Lisa Stone]

I'm w/Grace. People pay good money for smiles like that. Great to meet you finally Melissa! Best~L

[Heather]

You have my sympathy for the crying while talking in front of strangers thing. I don't cry, but I do blush. I blush so hard that people stop and ask if I am okay. Then later I overhear them talking about "that girl whose face turned purple." Good times.

Is Dutch's real name really Jim?

[Y]

I would much rather cry than fart or laugh uncontrollably, which is what I do when I get nervous.

(I really do have to stop making everything about me. I'm sorry.)

I'm really happy for all of you women and the great opportunities (and friends) that this little thing called blogging has given you.

[Onbeelay]

You totally missed out not doing Chef Chu's.

[PhC]

Was Blondie herself working?
Because she is something special...

[Krisco]

It's so fun to follow all the different trails of adventure to that MomsClub thing and the Amsterdam thing. Dang, if it weren't for blogs we couldn't follow all that. And of course, there wouldn't be all that. Wow, a what a circular little world! : )

[Amanda]

You totally made me blush. And is it me or do you ALWAYS cry right after I'm done talking?

[blu]

i cried last night because i feel the same way you do...my low self esteem is hindering my life in big ways. but look at it this way..you go to these events even though you dont like speaking in front of strangers or a group of people..you hung out with some of the most witty people around and you are able to be a part of that.
cant say the same for me.
let me know when you figure out how to "not think that way" :)

[JustLinda]

What an adventure!! I fidget when I'm nervous.... it's so hard to have the knowledge that I'm doing it and no power to stop it. Fortunately, I don't get nervous too often.

BTW, um, just a head's up -- you were sort of mentioned on my blog post today. Not sure what the protocol is, if I should tell you I mentioned you in my post or not, so I'm just winging it here - I mentioned you in my post today. There, I've done it.

[Leilouta]

Have a drink or two before going to your next meeting:)and everything will be Ok.

[Karen Rani]

Sounds like a blast. Lisa Stone keeps saying I have to get my ass to BlogHer. I will try my damnest, but money is way tight. That's what happens when hubby starts an aprenticeship at 36. 2 years to go before we're rollin' in chedda again.
My ad is doing pretty well here though - glad you have ads! :)

[portion]

I wonder if the 'actual people' of the Internet have any vague commonalities, or if it's a bit random... who finds their way "here"?

I have the feeling that as soon as I know someone other than me has read my (barely there) blog, I will run and delete the whole thing, kind of like accidentally walking into a swingers party and then running out -- phew! what was I thinking!

[Barbara]

Oh, Melissa you kill me. I loved your last post, about the phone anxiety, and the public speaking anxiety. I can so relate.
But...you don't have to sound intelligent, because you write intelligently. If only you could IM back and forth at the conference, while sipping a martini. Now that would be perfect.

[Sue]

Re: insecurity - why is it always the fabulous people who are insecure and the Big Fat Jerkheads who think of themselves as awesome in every way? Just wondering.

[Lisa Canter]

I remember you clearly from blogher - I thought you were sweet and smart then and I thought the same after our meeting. I am especially touched by your story of personal struggles within this blogger space. Your writing carries the same charm and so you are deservedly popular. I hope to see and read more from you in the future. You say what many of us feel. You may not feel this - unfortunately - but it really is a GIFT you have.

[Angel]

Cranes make you cry.

[jnnu]

The meeting went fine once I stopped crying and when it was over we went into the city to have a quick drink and get Mrs Kennedy and Heather something to eat. I would like it noted .Mrs Kennedy left to get to the airport. Shockingly.Anyway our dinner was very fun, delicious and my sides ached from laughing all evening. Both Stefania and Charlene needed to get home because of sitters .
------------------

jnnu

california dui