I can give birth but I can't find my way to the bathroom.

I've never been very good at writing about my trips. It's very busy while you're there, trying to absorb as much as possible. Then so much happens, it's hard to remember it all once you're able to sit down.

Breakfast was in fact amazing and when Alice describes what she drank and how drunk she felt afterward I'm slapped in the face with my incredible tolerance. Alice describes herself as drunk and yet I felt quite lucid. In fact I drank more last night just having pizza with my friends. Eeks.

We saw all the sights and they were amazing. Thank you so much to everyone who sent tips. Alice's dad was great about keeping a running tally of the places people referred us to and checking them off the list as we saw them.

A friend had told me that the Van Gogh Museum would "change your life". I worried as we waited in line to enter. How would my life change? Would I return home to find my husband and children gone? Would I assume the identity of a meth addict in South Dakota? You just couldn't know.

But now that I'm home, life looks kind of the same. Except I miss Amsterdam.

We went to the Anne Frank house, Alice's dad opted out (he didn't want us to see him cry is my guess) and cry I did. Alice was afraid to cry in front of me and I really didn't want to be so typical so I tried to control the sobs. When we left in the morning the doorman (yes! we had a doorman!) asked jovially where we were going. When we told him the Anne Frank house he started to say, "Have a wonderful time," but quickly changed his tone to a more solemn one.

Which it's vacation so why put yourself through that? But I needed to see it.

I think the best times I had in Amsterdam were the times I walked around alone. When we're at a restaurant I make Logan find the bathrooms for me and then, before I'll go, I want a detailed map to help me find the precise location of the women's room.

I also live in a small-ish town and I don't use public transportation and my city center is about 10 blocks total. I'm 32 but I often feel like a child. Five years ago I would never have believed I'd fly across the country by myself, rent a car and find my way around San Francisco and it's suburbs all on my own. I don't even like to find the bathroom at a restaurant by myself.

Five years ago I could never have believed I would fly across the Atlantic by myself and then navigate my way around a foreign city all by myself. Hopping on and off trams and walking along city blocks with names I couldn't pronounce. This may not seem like a big deal to a whole lot of people, my husband included. But I have to admit the confidence I've gained from exploring and traveling independently has changed who I am I think.

One afternoon I decided to find a shop I'd read about, but I misread my map (which is typical) and ended up on the longest walk of my life. I kept myself calm mainly thinking eventually I'd have to run into something I recognized, it's not that big a city. If I came across maidens in wooden shoes, I'd realize I'd gone too far.

The only problem is, if you're going the wrong direction it's not as if the city just drops off. If you walk long enough you end up in the suburbs or Belgium. Or at the freeway, which somehow while nestled in the city center, I'd forgotten the are freeways in Europe. When I walked up to the freeway I began to panic. My map was small and didn't cover much outside the center of Amsterdam.

I walked for over an hour and saw so many small crooked streets and little bridges and since I was beginning to panic I didn't take enough pictures. I never cried or totally freaked out, I just kept walking and trying to take in as much of the city as I could. I think sometimes when you're lost you see the most stuff. People getting their cars repaired at the mechanic, contractors pulling plywood sheets up to the top floor of a canal house with pulleys, women pushing children on swings in the park, baby swans in a canal.

Finally, as 6 o'clock approached and Alice and her dad would begin to worry about where I was, I decided to ask someone how to get back to where I belonged. I stopped the first mother with children I came across, which is amusing because that's what I tell Maddie and Max to do if they get lost, find a mommy with her kids. I was only a block from the hotel at that point.

The next day I decided to find the Waterlooplein flea market and got there very easily on two trams. However on the way back I took the tram going in the wrong direction. At first this seemed like a bad thing but I decided to just stay on since the trams just circle around the city, eventually I'd see something I recognized. (Which seems to be my kiss of death as evidenced from my 50 mile walk just the day before.)

The trams do loop around but they go much further than you'd expect. We'd joked that if you saw cattle grazing you may have gone too far out of the city. When I saw a girl riding a horse, I decided I'd been on the tram going the wrong direction long enough and got off.

The nice thing was, it was our last night in the city and there was still so much we hadn't been able to pack in. So on my ride at least I got to see the amazing buildings of the Artis Zoo and some beautiful buildings around Oosterpark. And I still made it back to the hotel in time to meet up for dinner.

After all that getting lost, I feel like I could find my way around Amsterdam incredibly easy. It's like I needed three days to get my bearings, and now I wish I were still there.

I hope to go back with Logan sooner rather than later so he can show me where the bathrooms are.

Comments

[Cherie]

It takes a lot of courage and determination to find your way around in a foreign country, especially if that is not your strong suit.

I had a similar experience. I studied abroad in Spain when I was in college. I was really nervous about going but I realized that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Then when I was there, I really wanted to go to Italy but had no one to go with. I went by myself, which was (and still is) so very unlike me. I was terrified and wandered the streets of Florence with a map, getting lost and scaring myself, but ultimately being ok.

I hope you get to go back with Logan someday soon.

[Bass Princess]

I took it upon myself to advise Heather at the ClubMom meeting not to go to the Anne Frank House/Museum unless she wanted to cry until her heart splintered into a million pieces. I was babbling at poor Heather while violating her personal space, so she justifiably looked at me in horror and pity. I should have imposed my unsolicited recommendation to you, but I had already barged into your personal space more than enough that day.

When I went to Amsterdam in the mid 70s as a hippie backpacking chick, I couldn't even go in. I just sat on the sidewalk and wept. And I can't go into the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC. I only made it as far as the lobby, and that did me in.

Also? Never, ever, ever rent 'Sophie's Choice'.

Aside from all that terrible Nazi history, I'm glad you had a wonderful time. I am especially happy that you had a great wander around that glorious town all by yourself.

And, brilliant advice to your children to look for the nearest mommy/kid unit in case they get lost. Better than looking for a cop, as they're getting harder and harder to come by in our weakening American infrastructure.

[tex]

Wait...you got lost walking the dog around the block at my house and you're surprised that you got lost in Amsterdam???

Congratulations on the successful completion of your mission! I knew you could do it.

[far and away the farthest]

Wonderful advice about the Mommy and her kids.

In Greece I was stationed in a small town. I ended up in Athens for a meeting with no clue which bus would take me home. A kind man led me to another kind man who knew English. He did the thing you do with lost grownups. He handed me over to a Greek Yaya or grandmother. Don't know why it is but before I knew any Greek at all I understood Grandmothers.

"Sit down and eat something! Out walking in all this rain, you'll catch your death of dampness!"

See, we all understand Grandma.

[ozma]

I get lost EVERYWHERE. I know the weird wrong parts of any foreign city I've been I love the way you describe it. It's fun and an adventure and a little panic-inducing at the same time.

Although I did travel a lot, I have these other barriers to adulthood, the sort of "but I can't/I wouldn't know how..." When you overcome them, it's such an amazing feeling. It's so cool that you did all that. New adventures will be forthcoming.

[Kelly]

Welcome home, and yay for you busting it up in Amsterdam! You're making me want to travel, and that's something I haven't given much thought to because I get so nervous away from home.

[Lin]

Good for you, Melissa, for grabbing the opportunities in spite of your reservations. Soon, you'll find the bathroom by yourself and if the journey to it is a bit convoluted, it won't bother you in the least.

Travel is the best. Here are some fab quotes.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." -- Lao Tzu

"For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move." -- Robert Louis Stevenson

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain

"There is no moment of delight in any pilgrimage like the beginning of it." -- Charles Dudley Warner

Without travel "I would have wound up a little ignorant white Southern female, which was not my idea of a good life." -- Lauren Hutton

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." -- Helen Keller

"Traveling is almost like talking with men of other centuries." -- René Descartes

"Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living." –- Miriam Beard

"One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things." –- Henry Miller

"A journey is like marriage.

[Ms Sisyphus]

This made me so happy:

" But I have to admit the confidence I've gained from exploring and traveling independently has changed who I am I think.
"

I cannot think of a more wonderful thing to learn about your trip. I'm so glad that maybe it's helped you see yourself a little bit as we see you.

[maiareads]

My sister lives a few hours drive from Amsterdam. I am daring myself to get on that plane and GO (11 hours from here, non-stop). I will be 40 in two months and thinking I have to start challenging myself more. Thanks for showing it CAN be done!

[Judypooh]

Wow, you have no idea how much it warms my heart to know that there is someone in this world who is just as directionally challenged as I am. One time, not to long ago, I actually had to call a friend on my cell phone to give me directions to work because I had to get off of the tollway at an exit I wasn't accustomed to due to a wreck! I've lived in the Dallas area for 20 years!

In light of my shortcomings, I find your acomplishments in Amsterdam absolutly astounding and totally couragous. You Rock Melissa! If you ever come to Dallas, TX, let me know and we can get lost together.

[Sarcomical]

i am SO impressed with you! i too find it a HUGE accomplishment to get around anywhere new by myself. my sense of direction is, how shall i put it?...FLAWED. ;)

so glad this was a great experience for you!

[Nefariousnina]

Your experience in Amsterdam brings back my youth. I had fantasies of disappearing in a foreign country for as long as memory serves, and I finally got my chance when I was 18. Two weeks after graduation from high school, I flew to Sweden to meet up with my exchange-student friend and interrail through Europe. I spent eight weeks backpacking through every country, then returned to the US and was in Navy bootcamp three days later. It wasn't until five months later, when I debarked in Naples, Italy for my two-year assignment there, that I felt that rush of independence and freedom. I wasn't in Naples three hours before I hopped on a train with a tiny map and no knowledge of Italian and wandered all over the city for nearly 12 hours. It's an incredible feeling that I still seek to this day.

[Jaycee]

I am bursting with pride for you! So very cool!

[katze]

I totally agree with you about the best part of travel sometimes being the things you see when you get lost. I once got lost trying to find the city center in Reykjavík and ended up in a residential neighborhood where I got a glimpse of what everyday life would be like in Iceland. I pet the cats sitting in the sun on the stoops, said hello to the elderly man out for a walk, bought bread and sausage and cornflakes and milk at a grocery store where I stood in line with housewives and their children doing the family shopping-- it was one of my favorite parts of the trip.

Good for you for seizing your adventure when it came along!

[MissMarytheRugger]

Hello Miss (Mrs?) Melissa! I am delurking to heap praise upon you. Your blog is so enjoyable to read. You have such a unique perspective. And what else can I say without sound all corny and stuff? Anyway, I wanted to comment on this here post. I believe too that yes, vacations are supposed to be fun. However sometimes they are for learning. I visited Germany the summer after my senior year of high school with a bunch of my fellow German club nerds. One day was spent around the area of Munich. That morning we spent touring the concentration camp Dachau. It was an incredibly emotional expericence. But then the fun didn't stop. In the afternoon we went shopping in the Munich city center. Such contrasts in vaction adventure all in one day. I hope you get to go back to Amsterdam one day like you hope. Europe is an amazing place and so full of history my head almost exploded several times while I was there.

[maiareads]

My second comment to this post and one I am proud to make. A year after the first I DID challenge myself and get on the damned plane.

I spent a wonderful 13 days visiting my lil sis in southern NL and then a weekend in Amsterdam. I have never experienced such a rush (except maybe during the whole childbirth mom thing) or eye opening experience. Thanks for the encouragement. Like you, the trip was fabulous for me.