Understanding is nice, but boobs are better.

Last night as we watched the Oscars, I showed Logan a post I'd written last week about his awesome handling of the flu while I was in Amsterdam. He handled it with so much more grace under pressure than I ever would have, but then he's a robot.

Some of the comments on that post seemed to dismiss the great job he did because he's the dad. Of course he could handle it, he doesn't have to do it all the time. Never mind that he did all this cleaning of vomit and renting of steam cleaners in addition to working from 6:30am until 5:30pm each night.

He found some of the sentiments insulting and began a bit of a tirade about how father's aren't just walking paychecks and for a dad to be involved in their child's life is not just a plus anymore it's a given and he wants to be there. At the same time, he has all the same pressures of being a provider (and in large part the sole provider).

Then he said, in that cute "I know every single keyboard short cut in the entire Adobe Creative Suite but what is this Interweb?" way he does sometimes, "Why aren't there Dad blogs?"

Ha ha! I said!

I quickly listed off a bunch, many which have talked recently about the issues he brought up (like Dutch did at BloggingBaby). Like Jon, who's changed his entire life around to be more involved at home. And people like Metrodad and Daddytypes and Laid-Off Dad (who, by the way, can also make cool birthday cakes. Logan's going to have a fit when he sees the birthday cake he concocted...Max's birthday is coming you know). Men who write about the experience of being a father, not just a big dope who comes home each night and sits on the sofa until he gets up to do the whole thing over the next day.

We went to bed and he settled in to do some reading of the sites I'd listed, I thought to myself, "How nice, perhaps he'll get a greater understanding of what I've gained by reading and writing on the internet."

His first stop was The Blogfathers, where his eye was, not surprisingly, immediately drawn to this post about the Boob Bounce-O-Meter (depending on where you work, this is NSFW). Guess where he ended up? Mesmerized.

Kinship and understanding are no match for boobs.

Comments

[Sarcomical]

interesting. i just got on my husband's case last night because he won't read anything online except stupid microsoft whitepage crap, etc. BOR-ING.

i said "well, it'd just be nice if you showed an interest in something that i spend so much time doing."

pffft. maybe i should have directed him to the boobie site.

[rsm]

Dads either don't get enough credit or they get too much credit (Wow! Your husband made BREAKFAST and FED your kids? He wins Man Of The Year!). My husband gets really pissed off by both sides, as all dads should.

And the flu. My God, it just swept through our house this past week. It seems like everyone I've talked to lately has been vomitting. Taking care of two kids while you're sick is no joke - Mom or Dad or Aunt or Brother - anyone who can juggle being sick with kids deserves major props.

And boobs always win.

[Kim]

I was going to take this approach if my husband balked at going to a pre-natal breastfeeding class. Honey, you'll get to look at boobs on a big screen AND earn major points with your wife. How often does THAT happen?

But he went willingly, without my needing to make a case for it.

[MetroDad]

Thanks for the shout out, Melissa.

As you probably know (and as was mentioned briefly last year at BlogHer), "daddy blogs" are like the red-headed stepchildren of the internet. Think "mommy bloggers" get a bad rap? Nobody even knows "daddy bloggers" exists! But the nice thing is that there is a small and cool community of dads who can rap about what it means to be a father these days. Needless to say, we face different issues than our female counterparts so it's nice having places on this internet thing to go to for advice, solace and reassurance.

Because as my wife always reminds me...Men who change diapers change the world.

[quinn]

That bounce-o-meter is mesmerizing, and kind of disturbing at the same time. And let's not get into the different type of sympathy pain I've just discovered...

[Papa Urchin]

It's funny I was just thinking about this the other day -- the blogging dads, not the breasts. I think about breasts daily. -- and wondering why there are so few dads who write fun honest blogs about family life. Most men tend to blog about serious issues or general geekdom. Don't get me wrong, I love a good geek blog, but I have been looking for some other dads who put life out there for the world to read. Looks like I haven't been looking hard enough. Thanks for the links.

Now, my next question is: Where are the couples blogging together about their journey through parenthood? Are we the only ones?

[Pants]

Liss and I have different but equal strengths to deal with different and equal daily pressures -- as most couples do. I have no expectation of praise for keeping things running smoothly while Liss is away. It's part of my job as father and husband and I do that job fairly well most of the time. Just like Liss succeeds at her job as mother and wife.

[zeldafitz]

Men speak the Lost Language of Boobs, it's universal, tactile, and provides immediate gratification. The perfect man-opiate.

[Melissa Summers]

Nope Urchin, you're not the only one. Dutch and Wood do it at Sweet Juniper.

[jenB]

can't type. mezmerized. bounce-o-meter.

[MelanieinOrygun]

Sarcomical! Oh, man, do I hear you. I write an entry I think will make him laugh, and it's like pulling... teeth... to get him anywhere near the screen to read it. And then I feel all invalidated and stuff. Argh.

[Lumpyheadsmom]

In addition to Sweet Juniper, Miles, etc. (http://milesetc.blogspot.com) and Mother-Woman (http://motherwoman.blogspot.com) do the joint blog thang.

[Mocha]

I'm with Jen. I was mesmerized. But I'm not so embarrassed that I won't tell you exactly what I did. First, I put in my own cup size and then laughed at the screen. Almost instantly, I went back in and put in the F or G cup or whatever it was but it was F-ing huge (and right now it's funny because that starts with F and ends with G - omg- I'm rambling on about huge breasts) and then I couldn't stop watching the screen.

Thank God the teenage boy came in the room or I'd have done that all day. Like I need to explain cartoon bouncing boobs to my son. Geez.

[brianwho?]

Thanks for throwing us into the mix, Lumpyheadsmom.

When I wrote the post that Dutch eventually blogged about at bloggingbaby (and that mo-wo references in her post on the modern family at motherwoman; and that seems to have inspired Wood to post about her appreciation for Dutch at Sweetjuniper), I had no idea it would become part of such a big, ongoing conversation about saving a place at the parenting roundtable for working stiffs like me who love their kids. I'm so glad it did.

[SpartanFan]

My husband has a blog (http://spaces.msn.com/brittons/). He writes mostly about our family (more about the kids than me, thankfully) and occasionally about politics (we're bleeding heart liberals). It's not a fancy blog. We don't get much traffic, but he thinks of it as a way to document all the things that the kids are doing and having something to look back on later. Personally, in my unbiased opinion, I think he's pretty funny. But you have to "get" his sense of humor which, thankfully, I do.

Melissa, I really enjoy your blog. I've only commented once or twice, but am a regular reader. I grew up in the Sterling Heights area and currently live in Livingston County.

Keep up the good work.

[ozma]

Oh God, I want that bra sooo bad. I WANT THAT BRA. But you can only get it to England. I'm going to England now. To get a bra. Thanks you *&^%$ linkers. This is not the first time you've confused me deeply with your links.

As for a dad taking care of the kids, etc. My husband totally does more than I do all the time and he's massively awesome at all of it. He is slightly (OK, maybe more than slight) better at the childcare things than I am. At least 4 of our friends are ultra involved dads who do at least as much or more of the kid things than the moms. They are absurdly good at it. Do I need to make a documentary about this or something so people can freaking get a clue?

[Belinda]

No one has mentioned "Because I'm Your Father," yet, which is one of my big favorites in Daddy-land. And Matthew Baldwin, I think should definitely count, because you can't read Defective Yeti without being deeply touched by his relationship with The Squirrely.

Alex (my husband) has *just* started blogging, I mean he has like 3 or 4 posts and is showing a tendency to want to update about monthly, but he is coming to BlogHer with me, and I'm kind of hoping he'll get the "bug."

Unfortunately, we are still in that old-fashioned and all-too-common model of parenting in which I do 90% of everything child-related, and when he does something, he expects a ticker-tape parade. We're working on it.

[EyeDigress]

That is a lot of work to push a few bras...both side and front views.

Minerva X, I think that you can order the bra from Victoria's Secret website. Not sure if they carry them in their B&M stores.

[LB]

My hubby is great with the kids and he's really happy to see things gradually improving for dads. Over 10 years ago when our 1st was born, he took heat for wearing the baby in a sling, he was thrilled to see David Arquette carring Coco in a Maya wrap last year. But over all it's not going fast enough is it? Sometimes when DH talks to his father on the phone and the kids need/want him for a sec, the old fart will growl, "Where's LB, let her take care of it."

Logan is really reliable & great. I'm certain it was due to his many merits that he was able to juggle the flu episode, but I do think there is an element of truth to the idea that dads are better able to compartmentilize household crisis.

The same week you were gone I had to go out- of-town for a dear realtive's sudden death (only 57!) I wanted to go see my family but MY kids had LICE! MY wonderful DH said he could handle 3days of combing and laundry and vacuuming. He thought it was insane to think about missing the funeral because of lice. He did great. But I know if he had left me home for days alone with lice I would be totally overwhelmed. I'd do it, but I'd be stressed to the max. It would seem like so much extra work. But for a dad I think these kinds of things are seen more like a crisis that can and WILL be tackled.

[Mimimom]

O.M.G. that site is HILARIOUS! And you know the guys don't stick with a small cup size, no they want to see what the bounce-o-meter can do! This is not the site this post-breast-feeding-saggy-boobed-mommy needs her hubby checking out - just not good for business. Actually, maybe it could solidify funding for that lift I've been pondering . ..

[ozma]

EyeDigress: Really? Victoria's Secret? What am I going to do with those plane tickets now?

No, really. Thanks! I was awed and transfixed by the bouncing. I really liked watching the bouncing. (I'm pretty sure I'm heterosexual. *Pretty* sure.) Yet, now when I run I fixate obsessively on the bouncing and the warnings of PERMANENT DAMAGE. So you have really helped me.

LB: My dad always combed the lice out of our hair. He would freak out bad because he thought only poor people got lice but our mom was terrifying with a comb. Yay for your husband!

[Missy]

BOOBIES!!!

Holy cow, that site is mesmerizing...

Oh yeah, Dads are cool.

[Jim Turner]

I'm not sure I should be apologizing for the post or if perhaps I shouldn't be asking for a commission on sales.

Great post Melissa. I have been Daddy Blogging for 2 years now, and your post is great recognition of some great bloggers. Tell Logan he can come hang out with us Daddies anytime.

Genuine

[Sandra]

Not sure if you've seen his blog before or not, but Magazine Man (blog is "Somewhere on the Masthead" writes some fantastic daddy blogs. Actually, his son has an art blog, too. Might be worth checking out!

[Texas T-bone]

Being a daddy is my absolute favorite job in the world. Props go out to all those fathers who strive to go beyond the call to find there is no "beyond the call," just infinite rewards for trying.

Also being a guy, I put the boob-o-meter simulator on the largest breast size and most extreme activity. I got dizzy.