Fecal Friday

You know nothing says Friday like a Rectal Smear and an Anal Gland expression.

I called Logan after leaving the vet to say those exact words and as they came out of my mouth I thought, "I should really wait until we're at dinner to spring this on him." Only because that would make it funnier.

He asked the price and I said, "One billion dollars."

He replied, "That seems exactly right and absolutely worth it. You tipped didn't you?"

I didn't even know cats had anal glands and I am now horrified to know this.

I would pay two billion dollars to not have this information rattling around in my brain.

And now, you have this information rattling around in your brain and I'm sorry. Sort of sorry, sort of happy to share it because then it's not so scary.

I already asked JenB what to do about this (wipe Gary down with a washcloth to rid him of the vet smells) but I thought I'd mention it here too. When we walked in the door the skinny one (Socks) started sniffing Gary and hissing. Then she sniffs a little more and hisses again.

This is much the reaction I have to Old Spice.

I would give Gary the wipe down but he's currently shuddering in the basement from the humiliation of the, you know, other stuff I mentioned earlier.

Update: I gave Gary the wipe down, three times, and Socks is having none of it. She hates this foul beast we brought into her home. And that's really fine but if the little cat starts urinating around here I am going to lose my ability to find humor in any of this.

As an added note: Remember the Plumber. Between 1 and 3 people. Remember the Plumber.

Comments

[Andie D.]

Have to say that I love the name Gary for your cat. Reminds me of Spongebob.

Wait, it should remind me of my father. His name is Gary, and I've known him for 30+ years.

Nope. Gary the snail from Spongebob.

[Judypooh]

Cats have anal glands? Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh! Get it out of my HEAD! Now I have the urge to dip both of my cats in bleach and never EVER let them sit on the bed... or the couch... or the chair... or the rug... or ME! Maybe I'll just wrap them from the neck down in plastic wrap - sealed for my protection.

Thank you for that lovely tidbit and the horrible mental images to acompany.

Love Gary for a cat though.

[exasperatrix]

Ohh, man. I just went through this, except I missed the opportunity to have my cat's anal glands expressed, so they got impacted and then one of them burst.

My cat had an extra hole in his butt, had to stay overnight at the vet's to get the pus flushed out, and I had to give him antibiotics and a warm compress on his ass twice a day.

So yeah, "anal gland expression" is a far, far better fate than "butt explosion".

(And in a spooky coincidence, my friend just called to complain that his tub and shower were backed up with sewage, and I said "roots in the pipes!" like an expert and not someone who'd just read about it here a matter of hours ago. So this day is a Melissa coincidence day...except the coincidences are both kind of poop-systems related, so maybe I shouldn't have brought it up.)

[jenB]

i am not a vet, but i do play one on the internet. sorry my advice was no help. i suspect it will be fine in a day or two. the hissing anyhow. the cat hissing, i mean. :-)

[mamaloo]

why does this post make me thankful that I don't own pets...?

[foodmomiac]

You know, dogs have anal glands too. We've been in anal gland hell in this house. My dog has suddenly developed ALLERGIES, and instead of sneezing or some other normal allergic reaction, her ass has swelled. Sealing off the glands. Creating impaction. It's lovely.
I'm just thankful that MY allergies don't yield ass swelling.

[marian]

Good lord. Fecal Friday is right. You know, this whole poop thing is one aspect of life that I could really do without. I'd eliminate the whole eating/excreting thing if I could, because really, it's nothing but trouble. It's always too much or too little or not the right time. Just a bad idea all around.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

EXPRESSED! That's the part that's most disturing. Anal glands are gross in their own right, but the fact that they have to be EXPRESSED -- like the anal glands are trying to express THEMSELVES, through poetry or tap dancing or brightly colored scarves! -- that makes it so shudder-worthy.

[Midlife Mommy]

That wipe down thing has never worked for me or my four cats. I knew they had anal glands, but I still can't figure out what for. Glad my daughter doesn't have them -- then I might have to do something about it.

[Melissa Summers]

What did you end up doing about it? did they just work it out between the two of them? Or will my cats never be friends again?

[StirTheStars]

Oh, anal gland expression. Good times. My family had a dog who needed that rather frequently. We had much fun grossing each other out with the details. That and my dog pretty much seemed to enjoy the ... expression.

We also came back from vacation one time to pick the dog up at the vet, and they told us he had "blow out diarrhea" which cost extra in the kennel fees. They also wrote "Blow out diarrhea" on the little sheet of expenses they gave us.

As my Dad and boyfriend try to explain to me, Poop is always funny. I assume that adage also goes for butts--human or animal.

[Melissa Summers]

God that's making me laugh.

"I'm sorry but you gotta pay extra for the 'Blow-Out Diarrhea'"

I should have kept track of all those charges back in the diaper changing days. Because really everyone should be paid extra for dealing with Blow-Out Diarrhea.

[Jenn]

We take our large and very hairy dog to be groomed every 6 weeks and one of the things that they take care of is anal glands. It's worth every penny that we pay for me to not have to think about anal glands. *shudder*

Maybe Socks didn't realize that cats have anal glands either, and now she's horrified! "Oh my God! I could end up smelling like that!"

[Alice Bradley]

This is more disgusting than the anal gland expression. Are you ready? You're not. I'm telling you anyway.

Yesterday our dog Charlie had a diarrheal explosion on the sidewalk. And all I had with me was the tiny baggie his poops generally require. As if this were not disgusting enough, Henry danced around us, shouting, "It looks like applesauce! It looks like applesauce with a point on it!"

[Melissa Summers]

Wow, it really was Fecal Friday.

[Molly]

We have two cats and also have the smelling/hissing thing when only one of them goes to the vet. It will stop in a day or two (when the smell goes away) and they will be friends again. (I just have to say that I love your blog - although this is my first post.)

[Andi]

The hostility of the cat who didn't go to the vet toward the one who did is a self-preservation thing. I often learn that one of my cats is ill by observing the behavior of the others toward him/her rather than through overt symptoms. It's like they're saying "You're not healthy and I'm not letting you hold me back... Don't think that I'm gonna save your ass if a bigger predator shows up. It's not like you could do anything to help me. Oh, and btw, unhealthy animals can't be pack leaders. You're *MY* bitch now." Ususally it only takes a couple of days.

I learned about anal glands because a friend of mine has a cat with perpetual anal gland problems. So, yeah... Ass Zits... so much fun.

[Kelly]

My cat Puck had issues with his anal glands, and I think it's because he secretly wanted to be an alley cat and ride with the feral felines. I will never forget the indignant look on his face when the vet expressed his glands. I don't think I will ever be able to scrape the memory of that smell from my nostrils either. Horrific. He got scared all the time, and would leak little drips of this liquid nitrous poop juice everywhere in my house.

When we moved here, he decided to live in the barn, and I think we're all better for it. Poor smelly bastard.

I hope your guy's issue is solved...

[LaurenS]

Ah, yes. Our vet once offered to show me how to express my dog's anal glands myself so that I wouldn't have to pay him a whole SIX DOLLARS to do it. Do it myself...seriously?! That's the best six dollars I've ever spent. I would've happily paid at least $100. And I might've thrown in my firstborn child, too.

[DottyDi]

I used to have my cats anal glands emptied. Wonderful thing, really. The place that cut his hair (yes, we cut his hair -- like a little lion) provided the service.

[jenB]

Charlotte currently has blow-out diarrhea. huzzah! I am considering duct taping the back of her diaper.

and APPLESAUCE WITH A POINT! Alice!

i just wet myself. no charge though.

[Emma]

Oh God anal sacs. My dog has anal sac issues. The first time the vet told me about it - the first time I learned about such horror - I had just moved from New England to Texas and was only just getting used to the accent.

Vet: Your dog is having problems with the anal sacs.
Me: What?
Vet: Anal sacs.
Me: ANAL SEX?
Vet: Yes, anal sacs. She needs to be expressed.
Me: What are you talking about? Is someone harming my dog? Someone's abusing my dog! It's not an expression, it's ABUSE.
Vet: It doesn't hurt. It takes a minute to express.
Me: Are you kidding me? Who is having anal sex with my dog?

And it all just devolved from there. And when I realized my error, he wasn't amused.

[GrimWizard]

Some very humerouse post I must say, but sadly my cat needs to have his gland expressed and I am unable to find any sites that describle exactly how this is done so I can do it myself. It would be great if anyone that knows how to do this or knows a site that tells how to do it could provide me with some help...

Thanks
GrimWizard

[GrimWizard]

Forgot to mention my second cat Sox would appreciate it very much if someone would help Coso with his gland problems. :)