Happy April Fools

I would never say drinking and parenting don't mix. I can't think of anything that mixes better, other than pineapple juice.

I was trying to come up with something just ludicrous enough for people who read this site to know it was a joke but not so ludicrous everyone would know right away I couldn't possibly be serious. "....but really it's a great big glass of irresponsible parenting." (Paging The Colbert Report!)

I could have really gotten everyone going by changing my logo to a big glass of (sugar free) lemonade with a binky in it. (Caffeine free soda? No alcohol? God help us all.)

I considered writing about how I'd changed my mind and was going to homeschool from now on. But I realized pretty quickly I'd insult homeschooling parents because I don't have a problem with homeschooling. However, there's a whole bunch of problems with me personally homeschooling.

A few people certainly got indignant over at the Flog, my favorite comments were the ones on Stefania's 'healthy snacks' post. Especially Amy's. "I guess most people see those things and see convenience and some nutrition, while I see over-processing, over-packaging, and a lack of natural ingredients." Amy, come now, do you really think most of America thinks Pork Rinds are a healthy snack for kids? Really? Come now. Hilarious.

Logan did the "Oh hey, did I tell you Liss is pregnant?" one on the phone a couple of times. And I realized, our friends must hate me because they all said, "Oh wow! Congrats!"

Not, "Oh my God! What the hell are you doing to your wife! Leave the woman alone!!!!"

As for not being hearty enough for the internet: True. What does that mean? Nothing really. I just need to accept it. Just like I need to accept that my fatness makes me less attractive. Oops, there I go again.

Monday I'm going to take a deep breath and dive back in again and I'm going to dump the shitty attitude. I promise.

Comments

[Ms Sisyphus]

I loved what you guys did over at the Flog. My favourite part ws seeing who took the comments seriously and who could take a joke. As you said, hilarious. And as far as commentors go, I'd have to say Mir was particularly inspired.

Did I ever tell you that I found out I was pregnant with Diva Girl on April Fool's? And that she was, shall we say, a wee bit unanticipated? Irony defines my life.

And the internet needs heart like yours.

[Mocha]

Melissa,

You are so hilarious to me. Your writing is just ... funny. Most of the time I'm kind of kicking myself that it's not as original as yours and you are quite ummmm AWESOME.

Hope that real, sincere compliment just there helps you kick that shitty attitude. But we certainly don't mind listening. I come back because I want to. You're COOL.

[Kelly]

Melissa, I wish I could take you out for martinis and then hang out with our kids together. Get our parenting buzz on...

[IrishGoddess]

Welcome back. I realize it's only been a few days since you've posted, but I was sad and worried for you. You ARE awesome, and I love reading what you have to say, shitty attitude or not. In fact, often the shitty attitude makes you more real...but mostly, I just hope you are finding a way to enjoy and laugh at life.

[Sarah]

So, I've been pregnant for about four weeks now and have been scouring the internet for message boards and forums where I can talk to other pregnant people.

The comment regarding pork rhines you quoted is so spot on representative of what I'm finding to be the prevailing mindset of most expecting moms...and I can only assume that it gets worse once the kids actually arrive.

I'm terrified. I live four hours from my pregnant college roommates, and I do not want to be friends with any of these lame, stick-up-their-ass, can't chill the F out for one second people.

I too am not a fan of homeschooling my own children, though okay with anyone else homeschooling their own children, but if homeschooling my kids means that I will never have to come into contact with my childrens' friends' parents, well, then, I'll happily start brushing up on my algebra right now.

[Missy]

Man, that April Fool's stuff cracked me up. My favorite was that "hat" thingy that was supposed to muffle your children's cries on an airplane. Then again, I'm probably not the best role model for most mothers out there.

Oh, and honey, I don't know what you looked like before (except for those wedding photos you posted) but come on now. You look great. Fatness and attractiveness are not mutually exclusive. You can be fat AND attractive, though I'm not saying you're fat, either. Oh, I'll stop digging the hole already...

[marian]

Fat, schmat. It's your interesting fluctuations of attitude that make you so attractive, darling.

Those snacks comments frightened me.

[thejustmom]

I don't think I'm quite ready to let go of my shitty attitude yet - I have a couple cases of Slimfast in the car and a trip to the Bahamas in 4 weeks...and I think I just might kill the next person that asks "How did you land such a handsome man?".

[Velma]

Please don't lose your shitty attitude. If you do, my shitty attitude will have no one to hang with.

[Mimimom]

Rock on Melissa . . .drink on Melissa. Enjoy your fabulous self and keep posting so we can keep laughing!
But seriously, people take all this information way to seriously . . .parenting and otherwise. Never ceases to amaze me and the comments - is it April Fool's Day everyday???

[susan @ yow]

You don't need to put so much pressure on yourself. We in the blogosphere are happy with whatever you decide to write about.

[katie]

From previous posts it seems you are almost exactly my weight and height. I am happy with my size, but I may be getting a complex by reading this blog! (Just kidding, I actually think that I am really average and I have been this weight since highschool, so I am used to it I guess!) I love your writing and I hope you can find some peace about the weight issue.

[katie]

I have no idea why my profile thingy up above doesn't work, but my bolg is at littlepotatoes.typepad.com

[AskMoxie]

Sarah, I think you mean you've been "pregnate" for four weeks. Glad your baby dust worked. Now be sure not to eat any cream cheese for the next 8 months or the baby will die!!

Melissa, I think you're just right. No eating disorder = beautiful.

[Sarah]

lol Moxie! Please, you're so a day late and a dollar short. I learned that thing about the cream cheese when I was 2 weeks pregnate. Right after I learned about how you don't love your baby if your smoking addiction doesn't magically disappear completely and forever at the exact moment the plus sign shows up on the pee stick.

[Amy]

OK, it was early. I wasn't thinking or reading clearly. I didn't even KNOW it was April 1 until AFTER opening my big stupid mouth. Of COURSE I know no one thinks pork rinds are healthy!

And Sarah, are you saying I don't know what I'm in for (6 weeks to go!)? Because you are so right. Scary indeed.

How embarassing...

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