The Suburban Hootenanny.

I hate living here.

Have I made that clear? I have a very long post in progress about different neighborhoods I've lived in and what I hated about them. (Here's a preview: "The Heavy Walkers in 13D".)

What I hate the most about spring is the music my neighbors seem to think I've been missing all winter. They think it's appropriate, since it's spring and the windows are open, to play their music for me. I've talked about them before here.

You might think I'm a huge fan of throbbing bass.
Or flute concertos.
Or rag time piano.

But I'm not. And even if I was, I'm never a fan of being forced to listen to anyone else's musical stylings.

Today, my neighbors started with their strolling guitar garbage and then the other neighbor came home and began playing the piano.

And so I put our iPod into the window facing their homes and began blaring my favorite music. I wish I'd had this cd. Oh God I need it.

All of that I know was amusing enough for you, but it gets better.

The music I chose to play was very loud. I thought it was loud when I went outside with the kids, but once I got out there I could barely hear it. Which should give you an indication of how loud my neighbors insist on 'Rocking Out' with their clarinets/throbbing basses/flutes/drums/acoustic guitars.

I had my music so loud the flute neighbor came over, utterly shocked at how loud the music was. He could barely hear his flute.

I almost started to cry with laughter, maniacal laughter.

I replied, "Oh, I'm sorry is it bothering you? I find it so soothing." (which is what he said to me when I asked him to turn down his flute music or shut his house up at 11pm last summer. I then explained, I thought it was 'Music Sharing Time'.

I mean since I was being forced to "enjoy" his music, I thought maybe he wanted to be forced to enjoy mine? Makes sense, no?

In other news: Tonight I'm going to celebrate a friend's birthday and the timing could not be better. I need this night out. Badly. Tomorrow I have other plans in the afternoon, which one of you are responsible for and I'll talk more about that tomorrow.

Instead of being happy I feel like crying because I continue to fall behind my monthly quota at the Flog.

Anxiety is not our friend.

Comments

[momdotcom]

And...? What did Flute Boy say once you had explained the Music Sharing Theory?? I'm dying to know. Did he stand before you, speechless, blinking? Did he get all, like, how rude? Do tell!

[Meg]

Oooh, I always had those neighbours. Thank heavens I don't anymore. They always listening to death metal. There were no flutes in the death metal, though, so I could not approach them and beat them with said flute, which is an idea, no?

[MelanieinOrygun]

Arg! I hate that crap. I am currently living over He Who Loves The Rap Music; I have hatched many a diabolical plan that never came to fruition because I don't want to get into a tenant dispute.
Feel yer pain!

[Deb]

Ahh Melissa....we are living in an apt right now with 4 kids in less than 1000sq ft. Two of them are teens, oversized even.(my daughter is six ft and my son 6'4") Our upstairs neighbors must have 12 kids up there and they all have friends. I am going to slit my wrists if we have to stay her much longer.
I am with ya sista....it has to get better, right?????
Have FUN, you deserve it.
Please please share how the confrontation went in its entirety!!

[christy]

I feel for you, but I would love to see someone even attempt to rock out with a clarinet. I played one in band and it is easily the least rockin' instrument ever. Except maybe for the oboe.

[Meganann]

Sorry about the floot. always did hate the floot. As for the rest, one flog at a time, one flog at a time.

[Poppy]

"Music Sharing Time". I'm going to whip that one out next time the idiot up the block from me insists on blasting "Benny & the Jets" when he's building dune buggys while drunk.

You know where a flute would fit nicely?

[terrapin24h]

I say we all pitch in 20 bucks for a bose sound dock to help Melissa "music share" and an invisible fence to keep the puppy safe. ;) Another thing you could do is get a dog whistle, and occaisionally blow it in the middle of the night, waking your neighbor's dog and therefore them right along with it. I'm full of ideas :)

You said they are renters? What about going to thier land lord, and if that doesn't work, the town? Round here, property owners in subdiv's generally can exert decent force against tenants of renter houses. hope it improves

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Oh god, I had Gloria Estefan Boy living downstairs from me for a while. I'm sorry, Gloria Estefan At Two And Three And Four AM Boy. Ocasionally it was early-era Madonna, sometimes Elton John, often rap, and once even bhangra.

We got him evicted. Too bad you can't do that with the Clarinet Man. (Or can you? Isn't he renting?)

[Mrs X]

I find offering to shove said instrument directly through their eyeball to be effective.

[lastewie]

Yikes o Rama!
I have two things to say.

First, when I was growing up in Grand Rapids there was a brass band that would practice on late summer nights. It was a whole half-block down from me, but sheesh it was loud. I kinda liked it, but in retrospect, the poor next-door neighbors.

Second, I am a clomper. My friends call me Clompy. I can't seem to step lightly. But I am pretty sure I've never lived in 13D.

Wait. Third thing. You'll get through the monthly quota.

[CursingMama]

I love that you used his words against him - soothing my ass! What you left out however, leaves me wondering what the hell he said in response.

[Mrs Ca]

We've always had neighbor problems too. Right now our downstairs neighbor (I can't wait to be finished with apartment living!) feels the need to share whatever she is watching on tv with us. It's horrible. Way to go with the revenge - I hope they get the message.

[Kelly]

Anxiety is the worst, and it seems to feed itself and breed itself. Hope things calm down for you soon.

In my last home (an apartment) my new upstairs neighbor, a priest, played marching band music until midnight every night. Ooompah.

I was very pregnant at the time, and one night I couldn't sit in silent acceptance any more, so pushed myself out of the bathtub I was trying desperately to relax in, threw on a giant terrycloth bathrobe, and marched upstairs dripping wet with bubbles in my hair and knocked on his door. I never heard his music again. Poor guy, I'm sure I made him even more certain that he'd made the right choice to become a man of the cloth instead of a family man.

Good luck reaching that quota!

[AmyinMotown]

Can I help with the Flog? Seriously, I'm fast.

Our neighbors. Two of them (houses). One I am about 90 percent convinced is running a chop shop out of his garage because there's a constant parade of cars in and out. The other has his bangin' car stereo so loud you can hear it inside the house. Ours. When Maggie was about a week old I scared Paul by barrelling out of the house and screamng at him because I'd finally gotten her to sleep in her crib and he left the stereo going for like 20 minutes while he loaded in laundry. It was pclealry audible on the baby monitor and everything. They also had a dog that barked and whined ALL. DAY. LONG. I was going to sneak over there and untie its chain some night and take it to the Humane Society, except their 4-year-old son loved it and I couldn;t bring myself to.

[Tara]

that is amazing. i am so glad you had the balls to do that. still laughing.

[Flydaddy]

The very night we brought our first baby home from the hospital, our neighbor began band rehearsals at his house. The neighbors on the other side had already been practicing for months.

One neighbor worked with us, and we worked it out. The other one got to develop a personal relationship with the neighborhood police officer.

[ChristyD]

I'm inspired by your ability to confront the neighbor. And you handled it with such class, as always. I hope the anxiety goes away soon.

[Jen14221]

"I replied, "Oh, I'm sorry is it bothering you? I find it so soothing." (which is what he said to me when I asked him to turn down his flute music or shut his house up at 11pm last summer. I then explained, I thought it was 'Music Sharing Time'."

You did not really say that...did you? What was his response? I need help asking my neighbor to move his giant motherfucking red truck out of the way, can you offer advice on how to do it?

[Missy]

Hey, if you've got a homeowner's association, they can really be awesome in cases like this. You can have them charged with fines and if they don't pay them, the HOA can place liens on their mortgages. When they go to sell their homes (if ever, I know), they can't without paying the liens (or something along those lines).

We're in the same boat right now. Except for us, it's a very boisterous Mexican family who likes to play mariachi music. They always play the crap when it's our kid's naptime. I always walk over there unshowered and pajamaed...I thought I would've scared the bejeezus out of the guy by now but no.

Thanks for the link to that CD, though. That might do the trick...