[Warning: spoilers! If you live under a rock!]

Sunday night I did something crazy. I sat on the sofa and watched a movie and only watched a movie. I did just one thing, my laptop wasn't open. I wasn't searching for stories. I wasn't writing entries. I wasn't folding laundry or knitting or browsing a magazine.

I just watched a movie and Logan, even though he knew I was watching the movie, had to stop himself from telling me what just happened immediately after it happened. Because that's what he's used to doing while we <fingers>watch</fingers> a movie <fingers>together</fingers>.

Sunday night we happened to watch Brokeback Mountain, so Logan attempting to narrate the film to me was amusing.

Did you know? These two seemingly heterosexuals, loved each other and had sex and Heath Ledger had a clenched jaw because he was closed up emotionally. Logan made sure I knew it even though I was actually watching the movie this time. "See, they love each other....they're about to make love. Oh man....the rancher knows.....oh GOD! His wife saw them kissing."

You can't blame him, normally I'd catch the cowboys kissing out of the corner of my eye, "HEY HEY HEY! What the hell!? Wah?"

But now life is different. I can actually watch movies about men in love but still conflicted, like a normal person without thinking to myself: "Gee...I wonder if any celebrities have had babies in the last five minutes."

Instead I watch a movie alternately questioning my feelings about homosexuality and giggling like a school girl as naked men jump off cliffs together.

I don't know when I decided being gay was not a big deal. I grew up with incredibly homophobic parents and no one told me being gay was okay. But somehow by the time I'd reached 18 I didn't think that much about homosexuality. I think I watched that movie An Early Frost in the mid-80's with Aidan Quinn, who'd won me over in Desperately Seeking Susan. That was really my only experience with a gay man. Except for 'Miles' in middle and high school who was not gay in middle or high school but I would bet my house is actually gay today.

I didn't think being gay was all that different from being straight but I was still jarred when seeing men or women holding hands or kissing in public. I never thought, "That's a SIN." Thank you catholic schooling which left my father completely disillusioned with organized religion. I had a similar reaction when seeing a mother breastfeeding a child many years ago. I was more surprised to see these things, I never thought they were wrong. Much like I reacted to this hat. God, what a provincial asshole I can be.

However, I always knew it was my issue to deal with. I always knew I was shocked or uncomfortable with homosexual PDAs and that was just one step further than I was willing to go at the time. Brokeback Mountain pushed a few buttons of mine, but overall it told the story it set out to tell and it came at a time I was open to questioning my views on homosexuality a little deeper.

It's a love story. A story of people in love who choose to remain apart because of other obligations. Logan pointed out last night, "It's like The Bridges of Madison County...only with two guys."

Yes, yes we watched The Bridges of Madison County 10 years ago and I'd be lying if I didn't tell you we both cried like little babies afterwards. We felt depressed after watching it and not just because we'd watched the sappiest movie ever filmed. The kind of movie my mother would declare 'Phenomenal'. Hold on there Mr Eastwood, my mother saw John Tesh Live and declared it 'Phenomenal' so put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Though that's all depressing on it's own, no, we felt depressed because people who loved each other were not able to be together.

After watching Brokeback Mountain...we have two kids, careers and life to worry about so we aren't going to feel depressed for days like we did after watching Clint Eastwood look forlorn in his shabby but chic classic pickup truck. However, we did think about the movie all day.

I believe people love regardless of what makes other people comfortable. Other people's love is as worthwhile as mine. In fact, the love Logan and I share makes certain people uncomfortable and we very rarely engage in anal sex. So it just goes to show you: we're not all that different than homosexuals. Who we choose to love can make other people cringe and can make other people question God and All That Is Holy.

And still we love each other in spite of all that, no matter how uncomfortable it makes other people.

*Hey, can you remind me to bring limes to playgroup tomorrow? Thanks.

Comments

[FlippyO]

Aw, c'mon, even the owner of the hat agreed that it was an odd hat. Although, I lived in the Bay Area for five years, and that hat is nothing comparatively speaking.

Hey, I'm gay and it still took me a while to get used to two men or two women kissing. And even longer, to get used to seeing them slow dance together. After we moved away from San Francisco, there have been zero PDAs with us, not even hand holding - we fear death.

Oh, and I haven't seen the movie yet, but my parents (81 & 77) have. They're so much hipper than I am. Of course, the last movie I saw was The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill, but only because we're friends with Mark. Hermits. We're hermits.

[Mrs X]

I have never understood what the big deal is. You're going to love who you love no matter what your neighbors or 'certain' people think. No amount of protest will change that.

*psst... bring lemons to playgroup tomorrow. I hate limes.

[Lisa V]

I pretty much thought the same thing. It's a love story. It could be about any star crossed lovers kept apart. Romeo and Juliet, Sponge Bob and Patrick, Kate Winslet and the Leo Dude in Titantic. I thought it was a great film. We are from that part of the country, and I can tell you Keith Ledger had the modern "cowboy" accent and mannerisms down pat.

[jenB]

i am so glad you posted this. because i seriously and inappropriately love you. but without the anal sex.

[Wendy Mac]

I live under a rock, because I saw the same movie the same day you did!

Good post. I appreciate the timing :-)

But I do have to say, I *wanted* the movie to rip me apart emotionally and make me cry.

I guess I am as hard as the rock I live under, because I didn't get sad or cry one tear. Bummer.

(Lisa V- it's HEATH Ledger, not Keith, and I agree he was fantastic! I thought his performance did not get enough attention, he was the best part of the film).

[nancy]

LIMES!

[Jerri Ann]

I don't watch movies at all for the very reason you just talked about...I can't watch a movie and do nothing else. I have to be surfing, or something, then I end up missing parts that are important and I don't understand what is going on. It has been almost 4 years since I saw a movie in a theater and that or longer since I saw one at home. I personally like movies that are "real" like I saw "Ali" and loved it. I like my regular tv that way too, all reality tv..before there was such I watched endless amounts of sports....I'm a weird one, I know

[ChristyD]

Your writing is wonderful always, but it's even BETTER now that you've made recent career changes. I'm glad you're "back." (BRING LIMES TO PLAY GROUP)

[JaneMarie]

still laughing at "we very rarely engage in anal sex"

Also, I so fell in love with Aidan in DSS.
Benny and Joon - swoon!

[Theresa]

Great post, Melissa. I know a few "Christians" who should read it since apparently they have nothing better to worry about than who everyone else has sex with. Yeah, that's much more important than feeding the hungry or housing the homeless. I'm sure those are the exact same priorities Jesus would have. [EYEROLL]

PS Bring limes to playgroup.

[JaneMarie]

ok, took the dash out of my name. Did it work now?

[JaneMarie]

nope

[AuntyJaney]

How about now?

[Linz]

You made my day "rarely engage in anal sex" You are hilarious!

[TeriLynn]

I have no problem with anything in the realm of gay. I do, however, have an issue with even the thought or suggestion of my sister getting it in the butt.

Also, I still love that hat.

-miao.

[Judypooh]

Gawd, I hardly ever watch movies and do NOTHING else... but I did this past weekend! Except I watched Indiana Jones movies (Harrison Ford is so HOT).

I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain, not sure I want to since I had to deal with my own gay husband. Not that homosexuality bothers me, not even his, though when he and his boyfriend kiss that does ick me out - only because I think his man is gross though.

I'll be laughing about "and we very rarely engage in anal sex" for days.

[dutch]

no need for man-saving panties when you're a backdoor girl.

[Angela]

How weird is it that my husband and I watched Brokeback on Sunday as well. The four of us must have been the last people to see the movie...(well other than the crazies who 'boy cotted' it to show just how much they despise other human beings in true "Christian" form.) We too talked about how sad it was, and aside from my husband slightly cringing at the sight of one man mounting another and my wondering if I too have a gay husband because he occasioanally likes to mount me from behind, found it to be a very moving tale of love that just didn't get a fair shot.

[anastasia beaverhausen]

I'm the past person to see it...meaning I haven't seen it yet. I have gay friends and family, so it's not an issue. I just never get to the movies much and I'm saving my "date night" with Mr. Half to see "Friends with Money".

[CartwheelsAtMidnight]

"...engage in anal sex..." - My husband wants to know if you're free tonight. :)

[Motherhooduncensored]

Sorry, what was your post about again? All I saw was:

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala"very rarely engage in anal sex"lalalalalalaalalalalalalallalaalalalala

Meaning you have or will? You are a brave woman. Damn those (or maybe it should be THANK GOD) for those hemmarroids. :)

[HeidiKR]

Nothing like a butt sex reference to get everyone all worked up ... It's like a fart joke in third grade. And for the record, Brokeback was about as explicit as a high five compared to the average Sunday night when Six Feet Under was on.

[fifilaroach]

Honey,it just doesn't matter to me what color, gender or religion a couple shares or doesn't share. Who cares? The other day I saw 2 large gay women shopping together and they were so into each other, kept staring into each other's eyes, and cracking jokes, and let me tell you they had the best ice cream in their basket I've ever seen. Quite a selection! So who am I to declare their love unclean? They obviously know how to keep each other happy, and its none of my business. I wish they'd invite me over for dessert!

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

I actually do somewhat live under a rock, since Joe is willing to watch the movie but not to rent it while on his own. As he's made the last few movie runs I am Brokeback-less.
Sigh.

[honestyrain]

when i saw bridges of madison county i was thankfully alone because i cried so hard and was moritifed in my own living room in my jammies hugging my pillow. how could i be crying so very hard and with such deeo emotion over a movie. i was incredibly relieved when i found out everyone did. whew.

i too cannot seem to go five minutes without clickety clacketing on the laptop and have actually been thinking i need to do less of that so that i live a more well rounded life. like you know, i could watch the commercials instead of surfing blogs while they are on.

you're right, that's absurd.

[Earla Dodge]

You know, it's really OK you reacted that way to said hat. I did much the same thing to a nearly identical hat (except this one was multi-colored - we called it the Information Society Hat) in CHURCH. Like, I pointed and snickered and God was totally watching me. But a conference of female bloggers will of course be full of baby-hatin', witch-craft-practicin' lesbians, so that's completely different.

[meganlc]

Oh how I sympathise with the annoying-ness of movie narration. My mother has done the same thing my whole life. I think the only thing she doesn't give us a running commentary on is the news. If I were blind, my mum would be an awesome movie going companion.