And still, I keep talking about myself.

I keep thinking, "I hate talking about myself all the time and I also hate talking about my kids all the time and this leaves me with talking about Logan or the cats all the time."

To talk about Logan would involve lots of, "Hey! If you're one of Logan's new coworkers, you know what would be nice? If you ASKED HIM TO JOIN YOU WHEN YOU ALL GO OUT TO LUNCH. Do you all have the social capabilities of, say, me?"

Thinking of Logan eating lunch alone in his cubicle makes me both ridiculously angry and heartbreakingly sad.

Then I'd talk about the cats and well, no offense to the cat lovers of the world, but they don't do a whole lot.

And then I remembered the book!

A book which includes one of my favorite moments in the history of being Melissa. My bra fitting. I know you've already read that story but look at all the people also included in this collection. Funny people, with funny stories of their own. For example: this person and this one and also this one.

The book will be available on June 30th on Amazon, however, if you pre-order you get to laugh a lot and save money. Saving money is very important to me. As is a well fitting bra.

•••••

Tomorrow I'm meeting with my old high school counselor, the one I talked about before.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm hoping to get out of this meeting, but I am feeling anxious about it all. Will I sit on my hands, staring at the ground afraid to speak? Will I sob in that ugly way I can do?

Will I depress him with my inability to be whole? Will he wonder if all that time and love he gave me was wasted? Will he remember how I threatened to never speak to him again when he suggested I could be even happier if I weighed 140 pounds?

Will he understand why I'm still flailing even after all the very good things I've gotten? If he understands, will he have a magic wand to make it stop happening?

Comments

[schmutzie]

VERY cool about the book. Congrats.

Also, meeting your old high school counsellor? That's brave. I used to just stare at mine while she talked to me about awkward things like the naturalness of sexual experimentation. I fear I would melt into a gooey puddle.

[sarah]

Awesome about the book. That's happy news.

Doesn't it feel a bit strange to worry about your husband and fitting in? I worried about that so much when my husband started a new job. I'm glad I'm not alone.

And your link to littleyellowdiffferent is broken...

Any HS-based meetup is stomach fluttering. Good luck.

[Tabatha]

I am sorry I have lurked so long. I want to give you an uncomfortable, awkward hug. Good luck tomorrow and congo rats about the book.

p.s. - I Robot is on in the background and it made me think of Logan. :D

[FlippyO]

"Will he wonder if all that time and love he gave me was wasted?" - No.

Maybe at Logan's new job they're afraid the hot new guy is too cool for them. Maybe he should wear the girlie sunglasses to work tomorrow to break the ice.

[MamaPajama]

Another lurker weighs in...

For whatever it's worth - I'm really excited for you to meet up with your high school counselor. I think it's quite brave and I hope it is comforting. He obviously thinks a lot of you and I hope he tells you so.

[Lissy]

I hate new co-workers who are so inconsiderate that they don't invite the newbie out to lunch! I've lived that at the last two jobs and it sucks! I always ask the new kids out to play, just so I'm not like the people I hate!

Congrats on the book!

And for your counselor, I'm just glad you wrote him that email! I just hope you can be open to whatever he has to say, unless it's that you would be happier weighing 180 lbs, then smack him! :)

[marian]

I think he'll feel thrilled that you still want to turn to him. He'll be worried about whether or not he can help you. He'll be worried about how he looks, how he's aged. He'll want to come up with some kind of magic to make you happy, and he'll know that he can't do that. Mostly he'll just be so grateful that you still think he's worth turning to.

[Floyd]

Congrats on the book!

I think you're counselor will be downright giddy to see you again. I guarantee you he will see nothing but the awesome things you've accomplished.

[Floyd]

Ummm....and I usually don't misspell like I did in the previous posting.

Sheesh...and on my first time commenting too. Oops.

[UndoneLady]

Congrats on the book!
I always hated that part of a new job. Logan seems so friendly and outgoing from your blog that I'm sure they will be asking him soon enough.
I do hope the meeting with your HS councelor goes well.

[Fireflower]

Great Job with the Book!
Also with the bra fitting... that's one of my new favorite stories. Deep breath, and just know that you're thought well of over here.

[Kelly]

Melissa -- let me join the soon-to-be hundreds of others of your regular readers in saying congratulations on the book! That's so incredible (and deserved) to be included in a book of the best of blog writing. I feel like I often sound like a sycophant when I'm commenting on your blog, but, in fear of sounding that way again, let me say...

I'm sure your high school counselor will be thrilled to see you again; to hear how you're doing, how you've tackled some of those (mighty) demons from your high school years. And while I'm sure in some ways you feel (as you mentioned with re-reading your journals), that things haven't changed all that much, from what I've read of you (or what you're willing to put online for the entire world to see), you seem like you've made some incredibly huge strides in your life. I am sure he'll be proud of who you've become.

And about the lunch thing...it's so funny, because nothing boils my blood more than hearing about my kids or my husband be rejected. I'm sure it's because rejection/abandonment are something I've dealt with my entire life, but really, it hurts me much more when it happens to my girls or my husband. I understand the desire to punch them in the face. The good news is, that Logan seems like he's remarkably adept at making friends and fitting in wherever (I'm thinking of your flickr pics of him smoking it up, in particular).

And I loved the bra story...

Wow...I sound like a stalker.