Projection

Father's Day is always a little hard for me and this year, with the Quivering Lip Syndrome, it's even harder. But a margarita, a really inappropriate t-shirt and a family outing fixed that up pretty well.

Until we heard some very loud shouting.

At first I thought it must be a vagrant screaming, because this often happens in Royal Oak, so I ignored it. But then he started screaming again and I looked across the street and saw a man yelling at a girl who looked about 12 or 13.

She'd just come out of the Pita Stop or whatever it's called and this man was berating her. At first it looked as if she wasn't listening to him, or was trying to avoid eye contact. I started to worry it wasn't her father or anyone she knew.

Soon everyone on the street and in our little street side eating area was watching this man screaming at the top of his lungs at the girl and I could now see her face was wet and red and she was sobbing.

I couldn't help it, I started to cry and to shake and I said a little too loudly, "That fucking asshole."

Then he was done screaming and stormed off and the girl chased behind him, trying to keep up.

We talked about what happened at the table because I was visibly upset by the whole thing. I told Maddie I was angry, that no one, even a grown up, has a right to treat another person like that.

She said, "We should tell the mayor."

I wish that would help.

All afternoon I kept thinking of all the great fathers I know. I can think of 32 people off the top of my head who I'd be thrilled to call 'dad' and how unfair it is so many of us get the shittiest fathers one could imagine. I kept thinking about that girl being humiliated on the sidewalk with her asshole of a father screaming at her for some offense which could not possibly have been worth shaming her so cruelly.

I kept thinking how if he's willing to treat her like that in public, can you imagine what it's like at home? I can't because I've already spent the last 8 hours feeling nauseated about it.

I wish I'd said something. I wish there was something to say.

I wish everyone could have a happy father's day.

Comments

[Missy]

I saw something really similar to that a few years ago. It was exactly what I had experienced time and time again in my own childhood and I really, really wanted to do something about it, to tell the man off...just to say something like, "I don't know what the hell your problem is but it can't be as bad as you're treating these kids. Lay off." Of course, I just sat there and had pretty much the same reaction that you did.

Silly me...this year, I watched the movie "Shine" (about the child prodigy pianist who overcomes terrible abuse and schizophrenia) for Father's Day. Oops.

I do love Logan's incredibly inappropriate t-shirt!

[Julie]

Although I'd really be against this if it ever became serious, sometimes I really do think there should be licensing for parents...a license that could be revoked after a couple of incidents like that. Now, all that would happen if you did say something is the kid would probably get it worse when she got home.

Sometimes it feels like there's no justice any more.

[RzDrms]

blove you.

[alice,uptown]

Melissa,
my sympathies are with you. I know the echoes of fathers spun so far out of control that it's hard to imagine an actual dad who could possibly pull off some semblance of normal.

Celebrate with Logan -- you found a great dad for your kids.

[msadventures]

Unfortunately, I think lots of people have seen something like this. Just before Christmas one year, I stood in line at checkout behind a woman who was there with her two young kids. The little girl was looking at things on the table near the checkout and apparently stepped a half inch too far away, because Mommie Dearest grabbed her by the hair and yanked her back, spewing some nonsense in a vicous tone. If I'd had my wits about me, I might have yanked on the woman's hair to see how much she enjoyed it, but all I could manage to do was glare daggers through the back of her skull.

It's not just kids, either, although kids are definitely the helpless ones. While waiting to board a plane a few months ago, I observed a husband and wife, and I really just wanted to tell the woman to shut UP. Her husband was speaking to her in a very quiet and kind tone, and everything damn thing that came out of the woman's mouth carried a tone of "GOD, YOU'RE SO ANNOYING!" And she wasn't quiet about it either. I glared aggers at her as well, seems to be what I'm good at. :(

[Justbeachy]

It is so sad that this happens all the time and we are helpless to do anything about it. On a positive note, Maddie witnessed you empathy for the girl and her situation and that is a positive life lesson she will remember. She may one day, very well tell the mayor!

[sarahtk]

Ugh. I, too, experienced something awful this weekend. My little family and I were out for a Father's Day walk. Two women and a little boy (about 3 or 4) were walking behind us. One of the women was screaming incessantly, out of control hysterically, the worst obscenities I have ever heard in public. I assumed she was cursing out the other woman. It was so bad that I had to stop and turn around to look at her. It was then that I realized she was yelling at this little boy, whose arm she had tight hold of and was dragging behind her as he stumbled to catch up. I watched in horror as she then began to beat him across the head and face. He was crying and trying to protect himself.

I ran over to them (couldn't just stand there!), and I demanded that she let the child go before I called the cops. She was out of her mind high on something. I told her that she made me sick. I was shaking all over and wanted to throw up. It was obvious the woman was stoned out of her mind on whoknowswhat. But luckily, she let go of the boy and started screaming at me. We walked away, but I'm still kicking myself for NOT calling the police. I don't know what they could have done, but I was so infuriated and cried the rest of the way home for that little boy and the person he would become.

[Wallydraigle]

I've had a similar experience, but probably not quite so bad. I was waiting tables a couple weeks ago, and I had one table where the elven-something girl was pouting and miserable. At first I thought she was just being a normal eleven-year-old, but then I noticed every time I went to the table, her dad was berating her for something. Mom and grandma just sat there, like they were afraid he'd turn on them if they said anything. The last straw was when I went by and I heard him say to her, "You're the one that's causing your mother and I to divorce."

I almost threw up on him and then beat him over the head with a dirty dish. He didn't publicly shame her or beat her, but he did something that, if they do divorce, will haunt her for the rest of her life. I have a couple friends whose parents implied that they were the cause of divorce, and it's something you can't even let go when you're well into adulthood.

I tried desperately to think of something to do that would be within the realm of un-fireable behavior for me but let him know that I thought he was a horrible man.

The best I could come up with was to be as nice as possible to the little girl and to completely snub the father whenever I came by. I felt so helpless and disgusted with myself even though there was nothing I could do.

[alice]

I hate situations like that because there's no good way (that I've found) to intervene with a stranger and know that you're not just setting the kid up for a bigger fight that night.

You have said something. To Maddie, to Max, and to us. If we can't figure out a way to combat this kind of thing directly, at least you're helping to make sure that there are that many more loving, understanding and empathetic people out there in the world.

[MelanieinOrygun]

That's the stuff that makes me angry and sick as well, because any intervention usually means worse things later for the kid.
I wish I could just Taser those people... "Dance, bitch, dance for me!"
(But then again, I had that childhood with an alcoholic parent, so maybe I have some baggage.)

[Account Deleted]

I saw this same father and daughter last week in Mexico. He was walking along the beach screaming at her "You dont appreciate anything,do you realize how fxxing expensive things are? I am not taking you on the cruise." The girl had to be 10. She looked so embarressed and it totally dampened the mood for everyone within earshot.

[TeriLynn]

Oh wow. I totally forgot yesterday was Father's Day. It just happened to be the day a bunch of crap backed up in my brain and the new boy got an earful. Crazy...

-miao.

[SuburbanDaily]

Some people need to berate others as a way to feel good about themselves. No matter what the situation, I always seem to run into one of these jerks. On a recent trip to Disney World, I saw a woman screaming at her kids and repeatedly asking them "Do you know how much money this is costing me?", as if a 6 year old has any idea.

I fully understand the feeling of helplessness you speak about in just watching. Should I say something? Should I mind my own business?

A couple years back, I saw a guy screaming at his girlfriend in the parking lot of Dave and Buster's in Utica. When he grabbed her by the arm, I decided it was time to say something. As soon as I did, the girl greeted me with a tirade of profanity and told me to mind my own business.

I haven't interfered with anyone's argument since :-).

--Craig

[Xdm]

"...they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."
~ Keanu Reeves, so very wise, in "Parenthood"

[Molly]

These stories just break my heart. Once I was walking out of the grocery store and I saw (or rather, heard) a man screaming at someone at the top of his lungs. When I looked over at the car, I saw he was yelling at a girl who was no more than 12 or 13. It was just infuriating; more so because I was completely helpless to do anything. I don't ever think I will forget the look on that poor girl's face.

[lisa]

Dude, I'll have what he's drinking.