If only I'd known this was our leather anniversary.

[Holy Crap Typepad. I've never been this annoyed with you.]

I'm going to suggest you don't schedule a therapy appointment just before an anniversary date with your husband. Especially don't do this if you're seeing a therapist who has already walked through your brain so there won't be any benign chit-chat preceding anything of substance.

You know, the usual, "I was born a poor black child...." things you do before getting to the real issues you're paying a billion dollars to work through. Instead you'll dive right into some hairy stuff which takes your breath away.

You'll rush out of the office and drive 90 miles an hour home but you won't really remember the drive because you're distracted by all that hairiness you didn't leave at the office.

But maybe that's just me.

We raced down to Detroit to eat at Small Plates before they closed. Logan gave me a card of his own design, because he's a robot, and I gave him a store bought card because I am not. When we arrived I gave him my card.

I bought a blank card hoping at some point something profound and sentimental to say about our marriage and our relationship would come to me. But it never did, so I wrote:

Happy Anniversary To My Best Thing.
Nine Years and Still Kickin' It.
(Oh God, I'm so sorry I just wrote that.)
I love you.

Logan continues to love me even though I write ridiculous things in store bought cards.

We've been married for 9 years now (together for 13) and it's hard to think of something new to say about our marriage and our relationship which will not make you gag and flail about with convulsions.

("I married my best friend!" [gag] "He's the wind beneath my wings!" [I just consumed my tongue.])

I've written everything I wanted to say already. Last year I felt like we were plugging away at life and there just wasn't the time to spend together. The year before I felt hopeful, but also weary because we'd fought hard that year to keep our marriage together.

This year I realized things have been good. There have been no new babies and the hormonal plummet which follows. Those Who Must Never Be Named have been contained behind a wall which protects my marriage from people who would dismantle it. We aren't on a financially sinking ship anymore. The kids are older and less physically demanding.

Things are good and maybe that makes our marriage easier. Functioning under immense stress takes it's toll on those you love the most.

Last night my therapist asked why I thought these things were coming up now, now that things are good. I feel safe and loved. I'm not exhausted from dealing with a crumbling relationship with my in-laws. I'm not battling postpartum hormones. I'm not looking at an empty checkbook and hyperventilating. I'm not trying to learn how to grow and change with my husband.

I just am and what I am is mostly good. And now it's okay to look at the things which aren't okay and maybe I can heal them. Maybe that's what I want to say about my marriage this year.

I would not be able to go to my therapist's office and look at the bad things if I didn't have Logan to love me anyway when I get home. But 'Nine Years and Still Kickin' It' is way catchier.

Comments

[AmyinMotown]

Awww, happy anniversary. I too am married to someone who gives me the strength to deal with my shit and the incentive to do so. You and Logan seem so vital together, and I wish you the best for your marriage to keep growing and changing.

[Mrs X]

Happy Anniversary!
I know it's a back shot and all but I LOVE that picture. It's lovely, elegant, and so sweet.
To many more years of 'still kickin' it'!

[Melissa Glozman]

Happy anninversary! Glad to read you guys are still kickin' it after 9 years!!!!

[drowninginkids]

Happy anniversary. You could have gotten leather husband saving panties for Logan.

I love that picture too.

[ChristyD]

I just love this (and I can relate to the need for therapy when everything else seems fine). Thanks for such a sweet post.

[Sarcomical]

awww...so sweet and yet, so real. that's what you are, melissa. ;)

happy anniversary.

[Sarah]

Congratulations on your anniversary - I think you're both great.

[Melissa B.]

Congratulations on making it to this truly happy anniversary!

It's wonderful to come to a place where you can finally deal with the underlying (okay, maybe not underlying all the time) demons and ghosts. I wish you all the best.

We recently had the linen anniversary and my mother-in-law bought us a lovely set of sheets. Sheets we DO IT on. ha!

Oh, as for Typepad and the insanity? Might I heartily suggest the free Wordpress? It is most fabulous and it has NEVER wigged out on me. Oh, I've had some issues but they are always my problems and someone is quick to help me. Plus, they already have it all set up to move everything over. Lovely.

[chris]

Happy Anniversary!

[wordnerd]

Happy Anniversary chicklette!
Glad that things are still "kickin".

I'm closing in on one FULL year of marital bliss (8 together)...our marriage isn't perfect (last night I wanted to strangle him) but I still love the spit right out of him...and know that I'm better because I'm married to him.

[Kelly Ferry]

I don't know, I think that might qualify as best anniversary card message ever.

glad things are moving forward and you're feeling the love.

[Amy]

Happy Anniversary!

And what a sweet post -- should be required reading for all those brides and grooms out there who need to understand that marriage is hard, and it won't always be like the day you met, but making it through those rough patches and coming out on the other side with the person you love is one of life's greatest experiences.

[Katherine]

OK, i have been a long time lurker and have always felt that we have alot in common but this is just crazy. I too just had my wedding anniversary (Happy Anniversary by the way), and on the same day just resumed counselling with my old counsellor that knows me very well. It was really hard, and you can feel good about your store bought card cause my husband didnt even get that. I was so consumed by my day that i forgot to get him one. Just felt the need to share that with you. I really hope that everything goes well for you with your counselling and everything else too.

[pdchearn]

Happy anniversary. It seems obvious that Logan loves you, all of you, just the way you are. It doesn't really matter what you write (or don't) in store bought cards. Hopefully, this doesn't seem to come from too far out in left field. However, I'm reminded of something I'm currently reading (Abba's Child by Brendan Manning). He says "If we conceal our wounds out of fear or shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others." I think that for many of us who read regularly, you are just that, a light for us. You are honest and we can relate. That's what makes your blog such a good read. There are far too few honest people in this world. Keep kickin' it.

[GetSheila]

Everyone else is commenting on your actual post. I, however, would like to address the first line:

OH MY GOD. What were they DOING? I couldn't post to my own blog for HOURS. Don't they know people have to send their thoughts out into the world to prevent spontaneous human combustion?

Anyway, happy anniversary and thank you for sharing all your weirdness. I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course. You slay me, oh Princess of Angst.

[Vicky (Desperate to be a Housewife)]

Happy Anniversary to you both...from someone who just found your blog yesterday (and I'm so glad I did).

It's a funny place to be in as things get "easier" in the marriage. The same kind of things happened to us around year 8 or 9 and I wasn't really sure what to think of it all. Should I be grateful? Should I reflect on the past? It was a weird kind of "easy" and you just put it into words much better than I ever could have.

Thanks :)

[Katie]

Happy Anniversary.

What a sweet, honest, funny post, as yours always are.

Hubby & I just celebrated our 1 year, and it is fascinating to me, even in that short time, how the relationship changes and grows.

Thank you.

[Crouching Hamster]

Happy Anniversary!

On a COMPLETELY unrelated note, Google is opening an office in Ann Arbor. That can't be too bad for the Michigan economy.

[nancy]

Sometimes I think I can only be self-reflective when day to day things are really going okay. The rest of the time it is just crisis mode where all of the physical and mental energy must go into surviving each day.
On a lighter note, Happy Anniversary!

[Susie]

Happy anniversary! :-)

[MelanieinOrygun]

Happy happy! Congratulations. And I would write more, but other commenters beat me to it. So just Happy Anniversary!

[Lena Lotsey]

Happy Anniversary Logan & Melissa! May the years continue to get easier and may you FINALLY relax into them. Hell, may we ALL finally relax into them.

[letajoy]

Love the photo. Beautimus. Congratulations!

[Jennifer]

keep on kicking it! congrats!

[Jenn W.]

I lovelovelove this pic - AND it reminds me of the amazing food you had at your wedding. I think about those saytay kabobs all the time....9 years later....is that normal??? Happy Assivernary!

[Izzy]

Happy Anniversary! We're celebrating our 12th on the 23rd of this month.

[schmutzie]

Happy Anniversary! You guys have been through such a great lot of intense crap together, and so I think that "still kickin' it" is a lovely sentiment.