"My flow, my show brought me the dough"

50 Cent reads my blog.*

If we were to buy the house one of my best friends would live just a few houses away. Also living a few houses away would be other nice families, as I've mentioned before. A lot of times. One of these houses is the home of a sound/production/studio (???) person for Eminem.

This person, who could be my neighbor if the Gods align themselves behind my massive vision (I have furniture laid out in each of the rooms and am choosing paint colors), was called to the studio to work late the other night with 50 Cent. 50 Cent, which I say, "Fifty Cent" or "Mr. Cent" and Logan says, "Please, it's Fitty." and I say, "I'm white, I can't do that." I think Mr Cent would understand and appreciate my thoughtfulness. We can't all be Gucci wearing muthafukahs. (I just gave myself a hernia.)

So, during some downtime at the studio my neighbor (positive thinking!) pulled up my website (perhaps checking to see if my family would be bringing down property values in his neighborhood).

Mr. Cent came up, looked over his shoulder and asked what he was reading.

Then he said, "You know, I can't really read this. This woman curses a lot and everyone knows only the uncreative swear so much. Small minds, man. Small minds. I mean right here where she writes, 'fucking', why not 'flipping' or 'freaking'? See? Way more creative. Plus it's totally uncool to be talking trash about the Presbyterians. Hoes and Niggas, fine but leave the Presbyterians out of it."**

To sum up, Alice might have Arianna Huffington in love with her clever use of puncuation. But I have 50 Cent offended by my use of foul language.(See: ** )

*By 'reads' I mean he looked over the shoulder of someone who was reading my website and said, "What are you reading, brutha'?" (Damn writing that makes me feel extraordinarily white.)

**He didn't say any of this, but I wish he did.

P.S. The kids went to a playdate off 8 Mile yesterday. We're gritty people.

Comments

[Chookooloonks]

Melissa, I've met you in person. You're not EXTRAORDINARILY white.

But then, I'm a black woman who can't say "fitty," so, you know, take what I say with a grain of salt.

[Lena]

Get moved or die tryin' Melissa. You know what I'm sayin'.

[dutch]

last wednesday, dave chappelle called my kid "cutie."

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Karen may not be able to say "fitty" but her voice is all warm and deep like clover honey so who cares.

[DanaU]

It's a really good thing that you didn't list the actual address of the house because, um, I'm not even remotely a backstabbing kind o' girl but I'd climb over you and your entire family to get my butt in there first.

And I wouldn't even apologize for sticking my finger in your eyes in the process. Nope.

(But, after all my stuff was unpacked, I'd come by with some cookies and some whiskey and beg for forgiveness. I can only do "hard ass" for about an hour at a time and then I get all guilty-ridden and anxious that I've hurt someone's feelings..)

Y'know, I think this is my official delurking comment. You may feel free to ban the crazy-lady's IP now. :)

[Christine]

Man, you've got Fitty reading your blog? All I've got is my mom. ;)

[Stefania Butler]

I can say "Fitty."

[AmyinMotown]

Hey, were you in my hood?We live just south of Eight Mile (how's THAT for gritty? which would be really funny if you could see my neighborhood). Next time stop by and I'll make you a mojito with mint from my garden. See? Grit-TEE.

I think I know the neighborhood that house is in, because my friend Karyn lives in a similar-looking house in a neighborhood that also does progressive dinners, etc. If you have a second and would be willing to share, email me--Karyn would be yet another nice neighbor!

[charlene prince birkeland]

put on the gucci shades. guarantee you'll be able to say "fitty" with 'em on. it's like magic.

[rebecca]

Funny you mention this today.

The Husband is in Royal Oak for business this week. All week I've been hearing 8 Mile references from his team. He's even taken to calling me Cheddar Bob.

[DivineDiva]

great googly moogly girl you had me spittin out my coffee ..your posts had me laughin so hard. Damn I wish fitty, would read my blog. or at least someone besides my crazy cross-eyed cousin.

[PK]

Heheh. This post makes me happy on the outside. Inside. Whichever.