Still Bershon after all these years...

About a couple years ago Sarah Brown wrote about Bershon, which you've heard about at this point because Heather's hair demonstrated Bershon earlier this week. Sarah started a Bershon pool at Flickr and I resisted looking for pictures to contribute because it seems every time I venture into our attic I end up really sad.

This is because even though there are pictures from my childhood in the attic which would lead you to believe my life was pretty normal, I know better.

You think, look at that cute smiling baby! And I think, "She has no idea how totally screwed over by life she's going to be."

You think, 'Look at that little girl with her dad, how sweet.' And I think, "I think he's drunk here."

We both look at this picture and want to pinch my little cheeks. But then I want to grab this little girl and save her from what's coming.

Which is pretty much a totally depressing way to look at your history and not just because you become your very own Debbie Downer. It's also depressing because it would be nice to look back with a little more happiness in your heart.

I looked though because I remembered this one picture of my friend Molly and I, who is also pictured above, when we were 12 and 13-ish. Her parents invited me on a trip down the east coast and her father was really annoying. Not really but it seemed that way.

He seemed so annoying that I actually secretly flipped him off while he took my picture. And in my book, there's nothing more Bershon than that. Also, if you were wondering what Madison will look like when she's all Bershon at 13, here you go:

At the same time, some of the pictures in my attic make me really happy.

Comments

[Sarcomical]

oh my. madison looks so much like you.

and the secret flipoff? i'd say that definitely gets Bershon Champion Award.

[Sarcomical]

p.s. i'm sorry that little girl had to deal with so much. she looks like a sensitive sweet child.

who has become a talented, witty, funny woman with a very pretty family.

;)

[Christine]

I know they don't bring back the best of memories for you, but I think your old photos are so darn cute. I love that picture of you and your brother.

And I second Sarcomical, you are a "talented, witty, funny woman with a very pretty family." I love coming to your site to see what's new.

[Kelly Ferry]

I'll third Sarcomical. And that's a most excellent Bershon photo and story. Middle finger indeed.

[merseydotes]

I look at pictures of me with my mom when I was 2 or 3 years old and think, Did she know that Dad was banging his 18-year-old secretary at the time? Was she just trying to be happy for me? Or did I make her genuinely happy during a really sad time in her life?

And I, too, have the pictures of me as a child with my dad where I now wonder if he was drunk in the photo.

Hang in there, Melissa. Even those of us with Jerry-Springer-worthy, fucked-up childhoods can turn out okay in the end.

ps-You were definitely a cute baby/little girl.

[Papa Urchin]

Is it just me or does you dad look exactly like Kramer?

[Maiken]

You did save her! I agree with the person who said you are so full of life. Bursting into tears or laughter or panic- at least you choose to still feel. I have encountered several people who have decided to no longer feel and I think that is sad. Just remember- you are wonderful!

[Lily]

Melissa, the more serious and important issue reamins to be addressed here:

Is it pronounced 'BER-shon' or 'ber-SHON'??

I love that you are secretly flipping him off, and that you can kind of tell if you know to look for it. SO bershon!

[prettycrabby]

I can't believe how much you have made out of what that little girl got. I know it is hard to look at how much you've done (and you can't make yourself see it that way no matter how hard you try) but other people SEE YOU and see how incredible you are.

That's what I think, anyway.

[ali]

Your "secret flip-off" photo is priceless....
love a photo with a great story!

Even though your pictures may not always conjure up fond memories, the fact remains that you, my friend, came out on top.

[Lisa V]

Melissa, you were a beautiful little girl. Sorry, what you have been through and what you are going through. It makes my heart ache.

[Velma]

Look at how awesome that girl is, claiming a little bershon-power for herself! The secret flip-off! That picture should be on your desk, reminding you that at your core, whatever else you might think or feel you are, there is that little wise-ass tough chick in there.

[Andie D.]

I just realized that all of my completely bershon photos are lost somewhere in my adoptive mom's plethora of storage. I didn't really get there until late Jr. High. And all through High School. And my early 20's. And early 30's.

Shit, I'm STILL there. I just might dig around to see what I can add to the flickr pool afterall.

[Lucinda]

Ha ha! That last picture is classic. You made me think of all my bershon pictures-- basically every single picture my biological father ever took of me. Because it seemed unfair that he would have pictures to offer proof that we'd had special moments, when in reality, those special moments never existed. Does that make sense?

[CrankMama]

I know what you mean... I'm hopeful someday our kids can look at their childhood pics without a sad subtext of reality ruining their nostalgia... Here's to creating a better childhood for our kids than we had!

[Meghan]

This post made my heart ache.

I know what it's like to try to reconcile what happens in life with that sweet innocent little girl. I wish I could help them all.

I think it is wonderfully hopeful that you look at her with love, and want to protect her, because she is you.