The twelfth session.

Me: "I just feel sad and I can't even tell you why. I just always feel this sadness inside of me. I want to cry all the time, even when I'm happy...if it was quiet the tears would start. This feeling like I never fit wherever I am, even when I clearly fit. Even when I'm surrounded by people who love me."

"Even when I'm celebrating a birthday with my husband and all our friends and there's a God Damn Flamenco dancer prancing about in front of my face rubbing her silk shawl over the back of my head, I want to cry. And I don't know how to make that not be the way I'm feeling. I don't want to feel this way and still I keep feeling this way. I keep waking up and looking around wondering why it never gets better, even though everything is better."

Therapist: "Well, you just need to change how you think about it. You are fine. You are good. You're okay. Even if you never get better from here, you're still perfect and are one of the most brave people I've ever known. Nothing is wrong with you." (I've paraphrased.)

Me: "...."

(Still Me): "Uhm, Logan says this kind of thing all the time for free. It's not helping."

If nothing is wrong with me, then why do I feel wrong with me?