Now serving Awkward Cocktails™

Still, no bathroom sink.

You might look at this picture, of my toiletries in my kitchen and inside a ceramic naked lady cup and you might think, "Wow, Logan is a pig."

Logan is not the type of guy who looks at porn late at night on the computer. He doesn't go to strip clubs. I mean, he has, but he doesn't choose that as his main form of entertainment. However, Logan is the type of guy who walks through the Royal Oak Farmer's Market and sees a pair (yes, there are two of these) of naked lady glasses and says, "I need one of these!"

He's the type of guy who sees these mugs marked 2/$8 and asks the vendor if he can have one for $4. When the vendor says, "I'll give you both for $4," Logan's the type of guy who just can't refuse. So, if you're married to Logan, you get to watch many awkward drinks consumed in these naked lady glasses.

The awkward drinks make it all worthwhile.

Saturday we went to Detroit to see my sister's band and 2 minutes before we made it to the alley stage the skies opened and unleashed the kind of rain you remember being caught in and vowing to never be caught in again. Add to that, the fact that I was hoping to spend time with my favorite new Detroiters and show them how great the city is.

Luckily they're from San Francisco where it rains all the time and you end up drenched whenever you walk out of your house. Or maybe they were just saying that to make us feel better.

Here is a very washed out photograph of Miss Juniper, but the only one I managed to take because I always think there will be time for pictures later. And then the day is over and I have one poorly executed photograph.

I told the kids we were going to a street fair in Detroit on Saturday. I warned them we were meeting new people, because, like their lunatic mother, they can be odd about meeting new people. As we walked up to Dutch and Wood's new house I realized how few times my family has collided with my internet life.

I know a lot of people think Logan is really handsome, but I have a confession to make. I photoshop the hell out of Logan to make him presentable to all of you. In real life he looks a little like, Ernest Borgnine.

You can imagine how I felt facing the crumbling of my lie, the lie that I have a husband who is way hotter than me.

It was weird though to introduce my family to people from the internet, because I've mainly met people from the internet all by myself. Thankfully Logan didn't embarass me and my kids were well behaved at the table. I held myself back from telling Dutch and Wood the reason they're well behaved is because of all the Walmart shopping we do and all the tv they watch.

The Juniper family is great and little Juniper really liked Max once she was told he was that Max, from the books. This might have been stretching the truth a little but it made her want his attention so badly. At one point, Juniper ran up to Max and Max touched her stomach in an attempt to tickle her. This is huge because in the past Max has been known to stick his tongue out at babies who smile at him in restaurants. I think Juniper's Hummer from McDonald's sold Max on her, 'She must be cool if she likes the Hummer!'

Neither of my kids are particularly interested in babies but Juniper has piqued their interest. Max wanted to "squinch" her and Maddie started weeding through her toys for some things she could give to her. I told her Juniper's dad is wild about mass produced plastic toys, especially Disney Princesses.

I'm so pleased to have new blood around here and can't wait until our bathroom is fully functional, or at least has a door, so we can have them over to our house so that Juniper can see more plastic toys than she's ever seen in her life. I also can't wait to serve Dutch an Awkward Cocktail™ in the naked lady glass.

Tomorrow is my birthday (the day after the darkest day in America!). It is also the night of my therapy appointment. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson after the last special occasion I scheduled a therapy session for. Special occasions and therapy don't mix all that well really.

I didn't really want Logan to spend any money on my birthday this year because although we're not in financial trouble from the bathroom, we've spent a lot and I'd like some time to catch up. Since I didn't want him to buy anything I didn't tell him what I wanted for my birthday and I didn't ask him to make any birthday plans with friends so we wouldn't have to pay for another night out.

Of course now, about two hours before my birthday starts, I'm wishing I'd dropped a lot more hints about what I wanted for my birthday.

This weekend though, I did mention how I might like an ice sculpture shaped into a giant '33' with roses around it.

I hope he comes through.

Comments

[Jenn]

Happy birthday! Nothing screams birthday like lots of Awkward Cocktails!

[Andie D.]

I'm thrilled for you that you get to hang out with the "Junipers" (and yes, I do call them that, even if it's only in my mind!).

Wow. The necklaces. I'd proudly display my Awkward Cocktail glasses for one of those. Wonder if I could make one.... Yeah, right!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

[Andie D.]

I'm thrilled for you that you get to hang out with the "Junipers" (and yes, I do call them that, even if it's only in my mind!).

Wow. The necklaces. I'd proudly display my Awkward Cocktail glasses for one of those. Wonder if I could make one.... Yeah, right!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

[midwestgrrl]

Happy birthday! Mine is Wednesday, two days after the darkest day in America. And I'll be 33 as well.

I asked for something called a Dongmaster. (I'm kidding, I asked for earrings. "Dongmaster" is an inside joke...I have very poor taste. Ignore me.)

Hope your husband comes through with the ice sculpture!

[Kim E]

Happy birthday tomorrow! I'll be 33 in December so let me know how it goes for you.

And dude, any cocktail is a-ok even if it's served in a titty cup.

[Sarah]

It's the 12th here in the UK now, so I can wish you a very happy birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day :-)

[Kelly Ferry]

Happy Birthday, lady!

those cups are right up my husband's alley...

but I think the neclace might work better on you. Hope it's a lovely day.

[Zoot]

Happy Birthday...here's to hoping this year progresses without you having to use the bathroom in your driveway.

[Velma]

Happy Birthday! May I offer you an all-expenses-paid tour of the golf courses of the world? No? Maybe instead, you would prefer a gift certificate to Home Depot? No? Well, I tried. I hope you do have a nice day, therapy and all!

[ozma]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Ooh, you don't even know how young 33 is yet. And what a great way to celebrate--peeing in your own toilet, pondering America's darkest day whilst preparing for your therapy appointment!

(Also, what are you talking about? Dude, Ernest Borgnine is totally hot.)

[TeriLynn]

I'm sorry I missed you at the Dally. I decided to get drunk after I was so pissed at the rain and the lack of usage of the RAIN DATE and the potential electrocution I faced... I hope you guys had some fun!

Happy Birthday, too!
-miao.

[Lady Bug]

You share a birthday with my daughter. She turned 8 today.

Happy Birthday!

[Kristen]

It's so cool to think of the Summers hanging out with the Junipers. If I were you, I would have been all worried about my worlds colliding, though (family and internet) - glad your kids' awesome TV habit manners came through. I know Dutch must have been mightily impressed.

[Kristen]

Oh yeah - Happy Birthday!!

[CrankMama]

I love those naked lady cups...

[dutch]

all I can say in logan's defense is that standing next to logan made me feel like Abe Vigoda on a 18-month cupcake-only diet after getting hit in the face with a shovel.

happy birthday pretty lady.

[bobthedog]

ooh! happy birthday! me too! only, im in new zealand and so my birthday actually is americas darkest day. and stuff. and it was yesterday. but still, birthdays are good! except for the getting older thing. stupid getting older-ness.

[Jen-M]

Happy Birthday Melissa. I'll be 35 on the 26th. Which necklace/bracelet/earrings would you get if you had your choice ??

[AmyinMotown]

Happy (belated) birthday! And did I mention I used to live in the building directly behind the Alley Stage? Like those stairs you see in the photo are the ones I walked up every night for more than a year?

We got to the Dally much later in the afternoon and had a blast, once the rain stopped.

(also, I have no idea how to change my typekey account but my email has changed thanks to the Grat Yahoo Hack).

[Wood]

preparation H next to concealer and mascara. I love it. truly captures the complete distruction of your bathroom.

[MelissaS]

I swear the preparation h is for my undereye swelling. I SWEAR THIS IS THE TRUTH.