Tour My Refrigerator.

Maggie Mason is, as you may know, an authoress. When her book came out she asked me if I'd like to choose one of the ideas from her book, No One Cares What You Had For Lunch: 100 Ideas For Your Blog, and do a post based on that idea.

So I looked through the book, making a few notes as I went and was promptly overwhelmed by all the possibilities as illustrated here by my abuse of flags.

There were a lot of options as you can see, but I didn't want to turn Maggie's book tour into 'Debbie Downers Book Tour!" so I had to steer clear of anything regarding feelings or memories. Because these are things which are in general, downers in relation to me.

So I moved onto #7 | Examine your paperwork. This idea is centered around Sarah Brown's Cringe readings (soon to be a book! Another authoress!). Maggie writes: "In celebration of adolescence, type in some of your old journal entries - or better yet, post a photo. Did you keep any notes your best friend passed you in fourth period? Those are equally golden."

I considered this exercise long and hard and had a bunch of ideas and then I realized I'd sort of done that before and oops! There's the depressing again.

The part of this entry which piqued my interest was this: "If you're timid about baring your downy, flightless thirteen-year-old soul, Sarah offers this guideline: "When you read it to yourself, do you physically cringe? Then it's funny."

This made me think of an old 'story' I wrote. A story....where I.....rewrote the entire book of The Outsiders making myself the fraternal twin of Ponyboy Curtis. So far so good, I'm cringing.

Then I pulled out (one) of the books where I wrote all this down and I tried to read an entry to Logan and I couldn't even cringe, I just plain old died.

The book itself is enough to send me into shame-based cardiac arrest:

And before I could even get to the actual writing in the book I was bombarded by pictures of several of the stars of The Outsiders movie. Like, a lot of pictures, so many pictures I started to feel really sad for my 14-year-old obsessive self. For example, this one of Tom Cruise immediately after he devoured an actual baby:

He's really hot after eating an infant.

And this one which caused me to ponder Rob Lowe's sexuality, though back then I just thought, "I like horses too! Maybe we could get married!"

You're thinking I just did #7 but I didn't. (You can find the rest of the pictures here. Did you know there was an Outsiders television series? Help me.) I was just explaining why I wouldn't do #7. So don't even ask.

The next idea in Maggie's book which caught my eye was:

23 | Define Your Inscrutables

Is nothing sacred? Well, not really. You're the type who puts it all out there- relationship details, depression-med doses, dark family secrets. With all that online information waiting to be discovered by your stunned parents, you might be surprised at how much readers still don't know about you.

They wouldn't recognize your handwriting on a note, be able to discern your laughter in a group, or even knowhow tall you are. Take a photo of your handwriting, show readers your wardrobe, or record a short clip of yourself humming a tune. You've covered the big topics, now get to the details.

One could say I'm a pretty open book on this website so I thought, why don't I show the Internet my refrigerator.

No one's ever seen my bill box! Or my high tech "Bill Is Paid Tracker"! (Make sure you look at it and tell me how much easier my life would be if I'd just use Quicken. I love it when people do that.) Or my sinister checkbook cover. You can even see proof of how the bathroom remodel is taking over our lives.

And I'm not sure you've lived until you've inspected the contents of my junk pocket. That sounds dirty but it's not, it's a junk drawer for people who live with 6 drawers total.

You can view the whole set here (and you can even see my actual handwriting on a long list titled: "Let's Get The Fuck Out Of This Neighborhood ASAP!")

Talking about my feelings is all well and good but I know you've all just been sitting around thinking: "I wonder what Madison would look like as a chicken." My junk pocket can totally tell you!

Comments

[Mrs X]

I have this box under my bed behind some dust bunnies with my childhood pictures and several volumes of my angsty poems that make me cringe just thinking about it. Especially since I know that at least two of those books are entirely dedicated to Doogie Howser.
Shoot. Me.

[Birchsprite]

Ah Teenage angst and dustbunnies.....they go together so well......

This almost makes me want to hunt out my own notebooks of doom....almost but not quite....I'm not ready for the shame yet!

I think I'd go for the fridge option too.

[Amy]

Ahhhh!!! Maddie the chicken!! I remember that costume well :)
Beyond that...you may have Rob Lowe to marry, but if you were Ponyboy's twin that would make us sister-in-laws because I was going to marry him. Are you still cringing?? I am.

[Meghan]

"As I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house I had two things on my mind... How many children would I have with C. Thomas Howell, and where to find the next teen beat magazine."

I was just as obsessed with the book and the movie. I had the pictures too. A grown up with that kind of intense obsession would be scary. Its a good thing I grew out of it!

[Susan]

So Tom Cruise was a Presbyterian. Who knew.

[Lori]

I had The Outsiders on VHS and played that movie until it fell apart and took the VCR with it.

The chicken and the egg costumes are about the best things I've ever seen.

[Lena]

Again! With the 'reading goodness'! Does it never end with you?

And I am disturbed by Rob Lowe's reacharound on that horse.

I just got Maggie's book and am devouring it tonight. Like Tom with a baby.

[abby]

Melissa, I love you. I have loved you (well, your blog) for a long time now, and the last thing I want is to hurt your feelings, but I have to say something, and keep in mind, I'm only trying to help, so here goes...

Expanding files. File folders. A filing system of some kind...not on the doors of your refrigerator. It will make your kitchen look cleaner. It will make you feel better. It will be more efficient. And you won't open the fridge door worrying that your bills and coupons and craft ideas will fall and spill all over the kitchen floor. Because I've kind of been worrying about that since you posted those pictures, and that reminds me of my mom, how clutter drives her crazy, and how I'm slowly turning into her, so let me just post this comment, and try to stop thinking about it. I'm sorry. It's all my mom's fault. Remember, I love you. And it will make you feel better. I promise.

[ozma]

You made those costumes from handy household items? They are amazing--wholly indicative of out of control mothering skills.

You forgot to tell us how tall you are! But you can save that for another post.

[Melissa Summers]

Oh Abby, if you've been reading my site you know how much I loathe unsolicited advice. I hate it almost as much as I hate being told how fat I am.

I have never ever in my life worried about my bills and other things falling off my fridge because most of the 'stuff' is on the side in strongly magnetized holders.

Old bills are filed as paid and last statement is left in the back part of my bill paying holder. Currently due bills are kept in the front left side.

The bottom one is a junk drawer of sorts, except that I have no drawers which can hold junk. (Everyone has a junk drawer.) The rest of the clutter on the side of the fridge is a direct result of living in a small house. I hang things I need to remember (or am currently tracking, like the reciepts from the remodel) and once those things are done I pull them down.

Seriously I can't believe you just left me that advice and then, I love how people give me totally unasked for advice (which is really just how they would like to do things, not how would work 'best' for me) and then say things like, 'I can't help it!' and imply that if I do things the way you're advising, then I would 'feel better'.

Tsk tsk tsk Abby. I promise when I want help organizing my bills or refrigerator I promise I will CLEARLY label it as such. I always clearly state when I want advice, if you've loved my site for a long time you know that though, right?

[Kerri Anne]

So, THAT'S why my desk is a mess, and my bills are disorganized, at best. I need a BILL BOX! Genuis!

[abby]

I'm sorry, Melissa. You're right. I should not have written that. I don't know what came over me yesterday. It was out of line, and I apologize.

Sincerely,
Abby

[schmutzie]

I cringe just thinking about opening the drawer that contains my old journals. I'm sure it would be a laugh riot for anyone but me. Maybe I can post that stuff with my eyes closed.

[Judypooh]

hehehe love the photos of horse lovin' Rob Lowe and baby munching Tom Cruse! Though I was disapointed with the fridge photos - I thought you were going to show what's IN your fridge! COWARD! But then again I think the only reason I'd show the CONTENTS of my fridge would be to prove that intellegent life exists beyond humans.

[junegloom]

Every Saturday for the entire theatrical release of "The Outsiders" me and my best friend were there, bawling our eyes out and later drowning our sorrows in rootbeer and a greasy, square slice of Perry's Pizza.

The viewings were always hardest on me. At eleven, I was already displaying a troubling penchant for the "bad boy," and, as we all know, Matt Dillon got shanked in the end.

After a few weeks, we could contain our Outsiders Mania no longer and actually had two identical sweatshirts made with "The Outsiders" spelled in fuzzy, bubble letters across our shoulders.
(Remember when there was at least one custom decal T-Shirt store in every mall?)

Now, THAT was lame and cringeworthy....even THEN.