I need titanium tonsils...that sounds like a bad porn name.

Yesterday when I woke up with a face morphed into a pelican*, I began to cry. I cried because I have a hard time managing my life when I feel about 95% well. When I feel unwell? My management skills drop to about a 10 percent.

The thought of getting up to get the kids to school made my tonsils sucker punch me. The thought of trying to get all the girls invited out to dinner on Thursday for Madison's birthday made me whimper. Oh and there was that concert Maddie needed 'something patriotic' to wear, and before you get smart I think the music teacher was thinking red, white and blue wear. Oh and it's Max's week to be superstar student which means I needed to help him make a poster about himself.

I often forget how much I do, because I make deliberate choices on a daily basis to be not busy. I don't like how busy people are always grinding their gears and feeling overwhelmed and like they never get anything done and sometimes it just seems like all the things we need to do and all the things we like to do are just controlling us and making us unhappy. I'm unhappy all on my own! Well, that wasn't my original point but, okay.

I'm not even a busy person and still, when my tonsils* grow 20 sizes overnight, the house sort of falls apart. Logan took Maddie to school and helped Max with his Superstar Student poster and then came home so I could go to the doctor and went to the store on the way home and found something patriotic for Maddie to wear. And made all the birthday invitation calls. You know, you can't even win with robots because you start to complain and then you realize they do a bunch of stuff and you're not really being very grateful.

But yesterday morning while I cried, my robotic husband could not compute the data coming at him. Because robots do not get sick. They do not have tonsils which continually betray them. Not only do robots never get sick, they also have no application available to them allowing them to be empathetic in the face of another's pelican-faced suffering*.

For example, as I sat on the bed yesterday morning crying and holding my pelican face*, he said, "So you're okay right?"

And then he tapped my back.

Through the searing pain of my raging tonsils* I wanted to infect him in that moment. But you can't infect a robot with strep* you can only give him a virus which makes him send out thousands of emails titled, "Check out this funny attachment" and my mother is the only one who opens them because she really wants to know what's so funny in this email from the robot.

I haven't eaten in 72 hours now (except one desperate peanut butter and jelly sandwich I choked down Monday, it was a bad idea) and I thought to myself, "Gee, since food is just now starting to sound delicious and your tonsils* are still beating the crap out of your ability to swallow, let's read a bunch of food blogs so we're all clear on what food you are not going to be eating for the next 2 days."

*Strep! That's what I have! I've never gotten strep in my entire life! I am incredulous! And tired and still swollen. Strep!!!!

Comments

[Suebob Davis]

Oh, crap, Melissa, I am so sorry. Can you get hold of some Healthful and LifeGiving (Tm) Instant Miso Soup? I like the Maruchan White Miso. It soothes sore throats and provides 118 vitamins and minerals. Not really, but it is tolerable.

You may actually get lucky and give Logan the strep, since it is highly contagious, Pelican Girl.

Major props for just managing to stay alive with 2 kids and a perfect husband and strep. There is no way I could do it. You are a stronger, better woman than I will ever be.

[twodogsnokids]

This may sound gross, but it works. Mix carrot juice and pineapple juice together, about half and half. It will soothe your throat. I used to be a singer, and when my throat would feel like someone scrubbed it with a brillo pad, this worked, and I could sing all night.

[Hetty]

I am so sorry about your throat. I used to get tonsillitis every time I turned around when I was a kid, and it was just hell. I hope your doc gave you lots and lots of useful drugs! In the meantime ... I've never tried the carrot/pineapple juice trick, but I do know that gargling with ordinary hot salt water actually does give quite a bit of relief, at least for a while. I always thought that was an old wives' tale until a friend made me try it, and she was right -- the hot salt water really takes the edge off. Hope you get to eat something soon!

(Oh, and my husband also has no clue what sympathy is. His whole family is like that. I think their parents warped them. 'Tain't natural, I say!)

[mamaloo]

ooooooooooohhhhh, I am so sorry. my worst times being sick have been strep, not being able to swallow one's own saliva without wincing in pain is cruel and unusual. there are throat numbing sprays at the drugstore, haven't tried them, wonder if they work? you know, if you can't find any cocaine.

[Sarah]

Hope you're soon feeling much better. You may feel that you look like a pelican, but at least you're a pelican with a fabulous haircut!

[chris]

Being sick really sucks. Strep is highly cotagious so maybe the robot will get it. Actually you should probably make him go get a strep test anyway since whenever we have had it in our family no one is symptomatic but me. The way I know the kids have it is that they complain of bad stomach aches, not sore throats.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

[Susan]

The last time I had strep (or was it the time before that? because THREE TIMES LAST WINTER, yes really) the doctor gave me Maalox laced with lidocane. The Maalox was to counter the horrible things the antibiotic did to my stomach, and the lidocane just numbed my entire throat.

It was like a gift from God. If I still had some, I would totally FedEx it to you.

[Jessi Louise]

Although I am frightened that germs might be somehow hiding in your blog, I am venturing to briefly leave a comment before I flee. I had strep numerous times as a kid and it never failed to remind me exactly why one shouldn't swallow shards of glass. My grandma always gave me hot salt water to gargle, but it never really did anything...so...hope you feel better soon!

[3 to get ready]

Strep is the worst!! I'm so sorry. Have you tried Advil for the sore throat? Sometimes that works.

You might also want to threaten that if you don't have some quality downtime to recuperate in, that you'll be functioning at maybe 20-30% for a MUCH longer time. Which really is true, since moms don't get sick days. That part SUCKS. Good luck! I hope you feel better soon!

[Parallelfirst]

I get strep once every season, and I definitely feel your pain, Melissa. The only thing I've found that helps (other than tonsil removal, which isn't always the best idea for adults) is antibiotics, cups full of ice chips, chocolate milkshakes, and a hefty prescription for hydrocodone. Seriously.

Feel better soon!

[KarinGal]

Growing up, I always thought "I have strep throat" was just a flimsy, cop-out excuse for "I just really wanted to lay around all day on the couch and not take that math exam."

And then, finally, at age 36, I got my first case of strep throat.

OW! No, really, that shit hurts like I had no idea.

So I humbly take back every sideways glance I threw at those "fakers" back in the day. And I wish you a speedy recovery. Thank god for antibiotics.

[sozzled]

omg, strep sucks such incredible ass. I had it last year and it wiped me out completely. I couldn't even drink beer. it was THAT serious. wishing you lots of good drugs....

[Katie Lady]

Yuck. Before I got married 5 years ago, I got strep every 2 years like clockwork. Almost to the month! Now, for some reason, my own robot (who also is never sick and has no sympathy for when I am) seems to have strengthened my immune system, as I haven't had it since. The last time, I lost 10+ pounds because I couldn't eat, so I didn't mind so much!

I have no advice except to get a small notepad or chalk board and do your best NOT to talk out loud. Eat crackers and milk shakes and get the doc to give you something to sleep. Oh, and sleep on like 3 pillows so you don't end up choking on the spit you can't swallow because it will wake you up.

[Kelly]

Feel better soon. You're such a trooper for continuing to post -- THANK YOU for posting. I love when you talk about your Robot since I have one too.

[Dana]

Feel better. I get strep at least twice every spring. A teaspoonful of honey really, really helps to soothe the throat.

[Notredame9207]

Three words:

Throat Coat Tea

I know here in PA I can get it at the local grocery store...made by Traditional Medicinals. Also sold at G*N*C

Hope you feel better!!!

[Lori]

Ugh, strep is the absolute worst. I've had it a few times as an adult, and I can't even imagine taking care of anyone else besides myself. The good news is that once you have been diagnosed and given antibiotics, the pain goes away fairly quickly. Until then, try to sleep as much as you can- that's the only thing that doesn't hurt.

[Amy]

As everyone else here has said, strep sucks. I had it half a dozen times in high school. Once I could barely swallow my own spit my tonsils were so swollen. Hopefully, you aren't suffering from a bad fever with it.

Milkshakes are not a bad suggestion, and pudding. Anything that isn't acidic or abrasive and doesn't require much effort to swallow.

[superblondgirl]

Ugh, strep is the worst! It feels like your throat is full of razor blades. I remember liquid Tylenol through a straw and have blanked all else out, I think. Get well soon, and hopefully you haven't infected the family (since the only thing worse than your own sickness is being sick and having to care for sick kids, too).

[Misty]

I just wanted to commiserate because I just had strep. TWICE. IN THREE WEEKS. First time ever. I was a good girl and took all the dang antibiotics and still, it hit me again. Happened to a couple of other adults in the daycare my kids go to too. WEIRD. So hopefully, this will be your only bout. The antibiotics greatly helped reduce the pain. So does ibuprofen (anti-inflammatory - great for sore throats).

[susies]

I cannot believe the number of people who have had strep throat more than once!!!!! AND LIVED!! Dear God, I had it when I was 13 and I wanted to die. And I have a fairly decent tolerance for pain. I have lived in fear of it ever since and apparently deep abiding fear may be a decent preventative because (oh god please don't let me jinx myself) I've never had it since. It's HORRIBLE. I feel so bad for you. I got waited on and coddled and it still sucked worse than any other illness I've ever had. You have CHILDREN to care for. It's so wrong. Go with God. Get better. I'm so sorry for you.

[Nic]

The thing about being busy really struck me...when I was first in my master's degree, people around me were always moaning about how busy they were like it validated them in some way. I know there are people who don't feel worth anything unless they're too busy to think. Come to that, I'm probably a depressive because I'm almost never too busy to think, but I digress. I was too socially tone-deaf to keep it to myself that I was not in fact that busy (even full-time, a master's student in English without a teaching assistantship leaves a person with a lot of unstructured hours to fill) and that I didn't know why people felt they always had to be busy. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly a sought-after friend in that department.

The sore throat: I understand completely, and am a devotee of Advil as soon as soreness appears. It doesn't fix it, but it makes you feel like you're doing something, and doesn't taste as bad as saline gargle. Ugh.