Hackle Raiser

I wasn't a rebellious teenager. I was actually pretty tired by the time I'd reached 16 years old.

My "rebellion" involved bitching about how my brother just couldn't understand the value of washing a pot after using it. Or how no one in my family seemed to care about not sharing each other's towels, something I found so incredibly distasteful that even today when I think about it my lips curl up in disgust.

I'm trying to tell you I went through a housekeeping rebellion as a teenager.

On Saturday morning Esther emailed to let me know she'd seen something I'd want to take a look at.

The Global Language Monitor released it's list of the Top 10 Politically Incorrect terms of 2006. I browsed the list, 'Okay, no Orientals, it's Asian. Flip Chart is insulting to Fillipinos? Wait, I can't order my coffee black anymore?"

And then the list got really silly.

9. Momtini -- A Michigan mother invented the term ‘momtini’ as an act of rebellion against ‘parental correctness’. This has raised the hackles of child protection and ‘anti-alcohol’ groups.

Oh my.

After reading this I sat and stared at the computer for a few minutes, blinking wildly. I then sent an email to friends with the subject line: "I...uh....created the 9th most politically incorrect term for 2006."

One friend's response: "Anyone who can piss of child protection AND anti-alcohol groups is someone I am proud to call my friend. Awesome, Melissa!"

And, you know, I just really want to make my friends proud.

I wonder what the Politically Correct Police would think of the other drinks we've named? Like the 'Four O'Clock', if you're a mom of young children you know what a shitty time of day that is, or 'The Time Out', because sometimes even Mommies need a time out.

It's a rebellion served one cocktail at a time.

Comments

[Susan]

I'm with your friend--that is AWESOME.

(And if I were being serious, I would say this: You are, quite literally, changing the way we talk about parenting, and that is a valuable thing to do with your life. I have an incredible respect for your writing--for your honesty and wit and just for the sheer beauty of your written words.

Also, for the political incorrectness of it all.)

[capello]

hey, i'm drinking a time out right now. and? it. is. awesome.

[madge]

Ditto your friend. You are my hero!

I'll take a Time Out on the rocks. No salt.

[Karianna]

Wow. The complete ignorance of some people!

But... congratulations! :)

[Lily]

It's 4 o'clock on the west coast, and I'm tipping my glass of "Four O'Clock - Take a Damn Time-Out Already - Momtini" in your honor.

I'm going to enjoy every politically incorrect sip, too.

[Lena]

Uh. I think you have your new tagline. Awesomeness.

[Jo]

Gee, what do you think they would have thought of my father teaching me to make him his Manhattans at age 10?
I do say, I can still make a mean one.
Personally I think you should add it to your byline immediately!

[Xdm]

I am reading this while drinking a huge bourban ginger and letting my kid watch MI-3. OOPS!! Someone just got shot in the head. I'm guessing that's probably not good for him. *sip*

[Jenny]

That is AWESOME!

[anne nahm]

Altering Mom's Chemistry Today for Better Parenting this Afternoon!

[drowninginkids]

You should be very proud. That is, hands down, the most aweswome thing to come out of my blogroll all year.

Congratulations and happy holidays.

[Jonniker]

That whole list is hilarious, and dear God, I think it's tongue in cheek, or so I hope (see the closing: the term politically correct is now politically incorrect). A flip chart, as in, a chart that flips, is offensive to Filpinos?

Macaca, thankfully, is out of vogue, but uh, was it ever in vogue? Was it EVER appropriate to say macaca? I mean, honestly.

I love the whole list, sans macaca. Hilarity.

[Susanm]

Melissa, this is great. You have changed the world or at least a part of it! I raise my momtini glass to you...congratulations!

[Meganann]

Wow, so you are about as important as senators, a former vice-president, and Hederodotus. That is kind of amazing. If you can't be popular, you can at least be notorious!

Perhaps the momtini merch will sell better now that you are politically incorrect-er than ever. You deserve a little financial renumeration for putting up with this crap.

[Allyson]

That's utterly fantastic M. Utterly fantastic.

[Allyson]

Oh, and I hate to double post, but when the page reloaded after my comment was submitted, the banner add on the left was for Kahlua, and that was just too appropriate not to mention.

[Annie B.]

I was going to email you to let you know you might enjoy www.wordie.org ("like Flickr, but without the photos"). Now you have your very own word to add to your 'favorites' list!

[maiareads]

Whoa! You rock! Soon it will be in the dictionary. A word YOU created.

Loving your frequent posts.

[NoPasaNada]

Wait, people aren't allowed to order coffee black anymore?

And Melissa, how could you be so thoughtless as to advocate drinking on such a family site? Next up, you'll be discussing that line of coke you did while your children watched the Little Mermaid. Shame.

[MelanieinOrygun]

The noise I made when I got to the "momtini is not PC" part: "Fwuh-HUH?"
That's hilarious; I hope they meant their list as humor. Of course, if they didn't, it's kind of even funnier.

[Suebob Davis]

You are famous! Or infamous. Whatever.

As long as it is the "Four O'Clock" and not the "Four A.M. Eye-Opener," I figure I am doing okay.

[FlippyO]

Mostly, I can't believe that they didn't even tell you. That's just rude.

[Womanwithkids]

Bartender! Get this woman a drink! You're right up there with Stephen Corbert... perhaps he should cover the truthiness of Momtini's, and how we're all lushes?

[Mrs Ca]

I'm so proud that a fellow Michigander is on that list. Good job! We really needed some excitement in this state. But, seriously, that's hilarious. What did Logan say? I think that you deserve at least a dinner out, and at most a huge party, to celebrate your accomplishment.

[hello insomnia]

Your new banner should also be a t-shirt. I'd buy.

[micheled]

You should check out a nice little bottle of Pinot Grigio that I like to drink - it's actually called "Mommy's Time Out." It has a cute picture on the lable of a chair facing the corner, with a bottle & glass on a little side table. It's reasonably priced and very yummy!

[jkopftwins]

Cheers!
Make mine a nice mellow red, or perhaps a little something over the rocks with extra salt.

[TeriLynn]

I'm laughing my ass off over here in the Substance Abuse office I work in.

I seriously think that is the single greatest achievement that anyone in our family has ever attained.

-miao.

[Nicole]

Oh congrats!

And what is this business with believing moms don't drink? You should see my mother. They got here at 4pm on Dec 22.

Happy hour started at 4:15 (not 4:05 as planned because they had to unload their car)

[Shawnee]

A hearty & booze-soaked CONGRATULATIONS to you!

[mox]

Is there room at the bar for me?

[mihiker]

I raise my momtini glass to you in congratulations!

[Tor]

For an organization claiming to be a 'Language Monitor' - they don't seem all that good at using it...

Not only these:

"...there are now proposal that ‘global warming deniers’ be treated..."

"...and, even, jail..."

"Though the split was purely alphabetical, parents objects because..."

"...44-page training manual book called has been used..."

But also rank ignorance about the etymology of words. Beyond the fact that 'Flip Chart' isn't derogatory EVEN IF 'flip' was being used to refer to Filipinos, since you FLIP the pages over the top (would caucasians be offended at 'white chart' (assuming the chart is in fact white) or african americans at 'blackboard' (from the fact that they were made from slate, which is in fact black)), but 'Flip' itself, when used to refer to people of Filipino decent isn't even a derogatory term. See:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flip_%28slang%29

If someone is offended by a word who's offensiveness is an urban legend, do they get eaten by a giant alligator from the sewers?

Although I sincerely hope the anti-alcohol people are offended by 'Momtini' - I plan to use the term more often now. Are there recipes for the Momtini, 4 o'clock and Time Out? I'm feeling thirsty.

[PK]

At this moment, I have sent one of my children off into the 56' of snow to play at someone else's house; the girl-child is currently completely nekkid, standing on the arm of the couch, and throwing snap bracelets at my head.

There is NOTHING incorrect about the Momtini, my friend. God bless you, Melissa Summers, God bless you and all your vodka-ey goodness.

[amalah]

I am in such awe of you right now.

[The Metamorph]

Holy crap, that is too damn funny and all kinds of awesome, even more awesome than chocolate.

And THAT is really saying something.

[Velma]

When are you publishing the recipe book for all these delectable drinks? Just think what a fabulous gift this would make for all my playing-it-safe-with-the-chardonnay friends!

[edithmae]

At my house, it's called "Whine-O-Clock." It starts right before dinner and continues through the night. If can't drink through that, then when can you?

Nice work, Melissa.

[KYouell]

Just found you through, um, Kerflop? Mom on a Wire? Can't remember now, but I'm pregnant and have a 19-month-old so I no longer have many brain cells. I feel like I must have missed a great year. I'm looking forward to reading what happens in 2007.

Oh, and I would like to have the drink recipes too, but no hurry. Who knows when the next kid will wean and I'll be able to drink again?

[IrishGoddess]

This, this is why I read you and admire you. I like a woman who knows that alcohol makes you a better parent. Cheers!

[Melissa]

God bless you and the "Four o' Clock." I for one couldn't parent effectively without my momtinis.

[superblondgirl]

That is just so freaking cool! I love it!! I'm jealous that I'm not politically incorrect enough. Yeah, can you share drink recipes? I need some new ones here....

[Sarcomical]

um, yeah, i also don't get the premise that the mere act of having a drink is one of 'parental rebellion'. that is a frillion kinds of ridiculous.

you just never know what will end up on a national list, huh? ;)

[Michelle]

Cheers! You are indeed my hero! But as my husband and faithful reader of yours pointed out, the momtini was invented WAY before 2006! ;) They are SO behind!

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

And once again I love you madly :)

[Deb]

OH my god, I think I just peed myself a little reading the comments!
You are too awesome, I adore you and yea, maybe its the wine but what the hell....
I cannot imagine how cool it is to be you right now.
Enjoy my dear Melissa you SO deserve it.

[seekoh]

That's a crack squad, that GLM. Oh wait, I may have offended crack users. Apologies.

Seriously though, outside of the first guy who lists his C.V., who are these people?

http://www.languagemonitor.com/About_GLM.html

[Prissy]

That is the coolest thing ever! I am reading this under the influence of the Grey Goose. I would not have not known of this delicacy if not for you, Melissa. I will say congratulations and mention that the Momtini is a cocktail best served "cold"

[Jenn]

That is awesome. Momtini's politically incorrect?! Try Moms who freak the hell out without them as what is truly un-PC. (And since I am a bit late to the comment party, I must tell you, I LOVE the new banner! AWESOME!)

I expect to see your raise your ranking from #9 to at least #7 in 2007.

[Phil Marsosudiro]

I *so* wish I could shake your hand. Or salute you. Or *something*!

Phil (who happens to be an full-Oriental half-Flip. Hey, that sounds like something you could do off the high dive. (If you had the courage of two Momtinis.)