If only beer had no calories.

A few weeks ago at my therapist's office I cried and worked through all this anxiety I have about our housing situation. After I was all done he asked, "How are things on the weight and body image front?"

I replied, "How badly do I wish my stupid body was the biggest thing for me to worry about right now?"

He said, "So, we should note: if you're worried about your body, then life is going pretty well."

I've had a change in my attitude and I think it's worth telling you about. We all know I whine and bitch and moan about so many things, when I find myself on the other side of an issue, I think it's good to tell you that too. It may take me longer to get to a better place than it would take you, but I think we all get where we need to be in our own time.

Weight has been a common theme in my writing. I've been unhappy with my weight and body for almost all my life. The one and only time I wore a two piece bathing suit was in the brief window of 23 and 25 (stupid me), even though I'd been thin all my life.

You can find all my ravings about weight and body image here, here and here.

In the last month I realized, I feel most at peace with my body as long as I'm working out at the level I'm willing to (for me that's three times a week for 30 minutes) and if I'm not indulging myself all the time (for me that means cutting my indulgences in half).

This was eye opening for me a week ago when I hadn't gone to the gym for a week and a half. I felt bloated and ashamed of myself. I hadn't gained a pound, I'd actually lost 4 pounds, but I've never been one for the scale. I like to feel good in my clothes and in my own skin.

I feel okay in my skin if I do what I'm willing to do physically and I make reasonable choices with my diet. I still have the things I love, but I realized if you have the things you love every day you love them less.

Remembering the comments on my posts before, I hope we can all get to a place where we feel okay with what our bodies look like as they are. It's true no one should physically neglect their bodies and eat and drink whatever they want whenever they want.

But what I've realized in the last 6 months is it's okay to reach a place where you know what you are willing to 'give' to your body. And if what you're willing to give is not enough to make you a 110 (or 140)(or 180) pound woman, that's really not the point. Knowing you're doing what you're willing and able to do at any given point can only make you a happier person.

I know from experience that berating myself for my shortcomings has never given me the results I want.

Ironically, the Buzz Off this week is about diets!

"I'm not a fan of dieting in general but my ears perked up when I saw the Martini Diet, I like martinis and losing weight. Of course the nutritionist sort of set me straight on that. "This plan aims to create dieters who are completely self-absorbed and spend their time shopping instead of eating..."

Comments

[bgirl]

My goal is to get to the place where exercise is my "seatbelt." You know how if you're riding in a car and you forget to put your seatbelt on, you kind of feel like you might fly through the windshield any moment? (Or is that just me?) I want exercise and healthy eating to be like that. Scared straight, or something.

[Stefania Butler]

Powerful breakthrough, friend. This post really gave me something to chew on (har har).

[kerflop]

Hooray! I think you've summed it up perfectly. I could maybe weigh 120 pounds again if I cared enough, but I don't. I'm happy and comfortable and healthy at 150 and that is okay with me. I have no desire to live at the gym.

[merseydotes]

There is a great column in the January Real Simple (I think it's by author Alice Hoffman) about learning to love the skin you're in. The author stopped making New Year's resolutions each year because she got tired of finding and pointing out all the things that were wrong with herself/she was doing wrong. I thought that was a great concept.

[Buttercup]

I think that's a wonderful realization. I feel best when I'm treating my body well and doing things for it that I know are good for it. But, when I'm not able to treat it as well as I want (whether that's going to the gym or eating healthy) I also cut myself slack and look at the other areas in my life that I've been making positive progress on like the relationship and job front. We can only do so much at any given time!

[ozma]

"I know from experience that berating myself for my shortcomings has never given me the results I want."

Woman, truer words were never said. But why can't I stop? I really cannot stop.

[carrie]

I've definitely struggled to feel comfortable in my current body. I look at pictures of me in high school, weighing almost 20 lbs. less than I do now, and wonder why I ever thought I was the least bit fat. It's been a long hard battle but I've recently reached the point where you are. I exercise, I watch what I eat, I don't obsess over every calorie. And if I want two cookies, I eat them, knowing that just those two cookies on one random afternoon won't be my eternal weight downfall.

And that was a long, unnecessary rambling to say way to go, Melissa. You look great and you should definitely be happy with what you got. :)

[sneakyg]

My weight has fluctuated by 15 pounds twice since my husband died in July, and I was starting to beat myself up about it. Then I looked at my situation and realized that if there was ever a time to eat some frickin' chocolate without feeling guilty, this was it. I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances, and maybe in six months my definition of "best" will change again, but for right now it's enough.

[sneakyg]

Oh, crud .. I left out the part where I was going to say "I totally agree with this post." Maybe I only dreamed I typed it. Anyway, I do agree, if that wasn't obvious from the bits I did manage to type. :)

[Kelly]

Good for you. We're low-carbing right now, and I too am feeling comfortable in my skin again (now that about 10 lbs are off). ANYhow, what you said to your therapist reminded me of this quote I just read, which has been bouncing around in my brain...(and I hope I don't sound new-agey and/or preachy, or trite)...I just thought it was so good...

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth or bury my face in the pillow or stretch myself taut or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return. ( Mary Jean Iron )

[casey]

Alright, seriously, what games do you play? I got a DS and I can't stand any of the games I got. I would love to hear about a compelling one.

[Amy D.]

I lost ten pounds on accident and it does NOT feel good. Right now I wish I ate more when I was stressed. Who doesn't want cookies this time of year? That's just wrong. Anyhoo....GO MELISSA!!!!! yay for feeling good in one's skin. I know it's not an easy thing to do!