I can't help it. I have to start even though my head is throbbing from no sleep.

Meredith Viera called me a babysitter.

She compared me to a babysitter.

She actually said, "What the difference?"

When I said I wouldn't want my paid caretaker drinking with my kids because I do not know what their tolerance or ability to modulate their consumption is. When I said this Meredith Viera said, "What's the difference?"

Meredith? I have had this type of argument with my husband often enough. Usually these types of arguments end with me asking, "Are you stupid? Seriously, tell me? Are you stupid?"

"Meredith, you just called me a babysitter? Meredith is it possible that you've never had a drink in front of your kids because your kids are with an actual babysitter? Who you pay? To watch your children for a set amount of time? Meredith is it possible that mothering is not a job for me. That it's a role I have and one I take seriously. I also play the role of a wife and an actual person who enjoys socializing with her friends like anyone else who enjoys drinking as a social activity. Sometimes I play these roles AT THE SAME TIME."

Janet, I haven't even started with you.....

"Next week on The Today Show....Matt Lauer asks, "Gee Whiz, Why Do Mothers Feel Like They Have To Be Perfect All The Time!?"

Comments

[Meganann]

Meredith has NEVER had a drink in front of her kids. She would NEVER drink with other people in front of her kids. In fact, she would NEVER be with her kids. Her problem is that she thinks that you are like her nanny--the woman who actually nurtures her children, but whom Meredith would fire if she ever drank "on the job". She doesn't understand that something you do all the time might not be considered a job.

Anyway, it was a stupid comment on her part, as anybody with a pulse will attest.

[mommyd]

The whole interview irritated me. Janet, Meredith...how Janet was the only one to answer at the end. I just was cringing for you. I wanted to jump and shake the two of them. You looked fab and kept your cool. Great job.

[JP]

Okay, I feel a little bit like a stalker since I JUST commented on the last post...but then you posted again and I can't help but comment!

Maybe you should've asked the two of them to take a shift of the kid watching so that you could have a glass of wine all on your own and not while you are "on the clock" babysitting your own kids.

[Dani]

You should just be so proud of yourself. There's a lot of love in your comments... I made my whole book club watch your segment this evening. Which I Tivod. We watched with wine in our hands. While our kids played at our feet. And toasted to you.

[Prissy]

Oh God, I was cringing too. I knew they were going to do that though. People in this country are idiots. They look down on SAHMS because it is their "job". And if you work outside the home, you are selfish and neglecting your child.But God forbid you actually speak and do things like have a drink of wine. It was probably something to make themselves feel better about being working moms. I work outside the home. I drink wine and cocktails.I would like to add I probably drink at least a glass of wine everyday. I love my son and he doesn't have a raging stressed out mom. Some women take antidepressants or Xanax because of he stress. Does that make them bad because they are under the effects of medication? Hell, no. My wine consumption probably keeps me out of the Dr's office with complaints of stress and depression.

[CityMama™]

57% of iVillage members agreed that that was the DUMBEST QUESTION EVER.

[Colleen]

I was initially happy to hear that it would be Viera interviewing you. I thought she'd be on board with the glass of wine at playgroup. On the View she always seemed pretty liberal, I was surprised she asked such slanted questions.

As for Janet, nice of her to say "I'm not judging you" and judging people at the EXACT SAME TIME.

Since I haven't commented here yet today, I wanted to tell you that you did a really great job this morning. You really kept your cool, though you did look just a tiny bit frustrated as Viera threw it to commercial. Who can blame you? I know it's been said before, but it's true so I'll say it again. You looked fantastic. Your hair, skirt, shirt, & boots all looked so great. You looked really beautiful. Hope that you had a great time while in NY.

[Meghan]

Did either of them consider how having one social drink in your child's presence IS being a good role model? The big question is, if you're not the one modeling the appropriate way to consume alcohol, then who is?

[Isabel Kallman]

I am bursting at the seams with pride that we work together and that you are my friend. You were fabulous.

They threw you some curve balls and you KNOCKED THEM OUT OF THE PARK.

I believe the show wanted to set up the segment such that its angle was best represented. The silver lining is that they chose you, a very strong candidate to communicate this viewpoint and motherhood today. Had it been someone less well-spoken, poised and smart I think it would have been a shame for all mothers.

The Today Show wanted to stimulate buzz on the topic. So, readers and supporters of Melissa and her opinion, I call out to you. You are powerful and have very strong voices. Make it known how you feel about the subject, Melissa and the segment. Write about it on your own blogs, so they hear you loud and clear. Give them the buzz that they wanted, but perhaps in the manner they did not expect.

And, give Melissa the opportunity to communicate what the Today Show did not. Allow her to share her closing thoughts-- something that from your posts you feel she did not fairly have the opportunity to do.

Brava Melissa!

- Isabel

[Suebob Davis]

If you're just like a babysitter, when is your day off?

Just wondering.

[Isabel Kallman]

P.S. Writing well is the best revenge. -- by Eden Kennedy at www.fussy.org

[libby]

Frankly, I don't think you were invited on as a unique perspective on the issue, I think you were the Sacrificial Lamb, thrown to the lions. You were barely allowed to to even say anything, and were usually interupted before you could even complete your statement. Watching the segment this afternoon, I was filled with disgust at that monkey trial posing as "objective journalism". Meredith could barely conceal her smug self-righteousness- you would think you were advocating shooting up at playgroup.

However, when you were allowed to speak you were very articulate! And, for the record, my husband who does not read blogs and therefore had no idea who you were was completely irritated with the segment as well and thought that you were totally ganged up on. Luckily, you have your own space to say what you want and plenty of people who want to hear it so preach on! I raise my delicious adult beverage to you!

[molly_g]

Why is this even an issue? I think you are right that this has more to do with mothers' insecurities and need to feel superior than about drinking. I think its fueled by shows like Today, which just happen to be on during prime SAHM tv time, if you get any during the day.

And it's peculiar that it's only a concern about women. I guess it's perfectly okay that a week from Sunday families across the country are going to be getting together to watch football, adults of both sexes will have beers in hand, and the kids will be off playing. Is it okay because the husbands are around? Why would that make any more sense?

I hope that you get some sleep and enjoy your time in NYC, however long that is before you go home.

[jess howard]

Melissa,

You were amazing. I think, judging by your comments, everybody thinks so. I can't believe you had such grace. Personally, i would have walked out. The whole thing was such bullshit it angered me like 100,000 horseflies.

I think, without any judgement, we would all be best served by forgetting the whole thing, saying lot's of things like "fucking bitch" while going over the whole thing with our significant others, enjoying a nice beer with or without friends, and acknowledging the higher intellect of those who actually say what's on their mind as opposed to those who manipulate to back-up their fucked-up opinions.

Not that i feel strongly about this.

Don't let the haters get you down.

[hello insomnia]

There is a difference between babysitter who's paid to do a job and a mother who can socialize and parent responsibly yet does not work for pay.

I was baffled at Meredith's stupidity. She probably can't think through all that cake makeup. Is she born with it or is it two tons of Maybelline?

[Christine]

What I want to know is, where is the controversy about dads drinking beer while watching a football game while the kids are home? God forbid a mom go to the grocery store on Sunday and leave the kids home with their babysitter dad.

[mom on a wire]

YES! You GO girl! Can't wait to hear your take on Dr. Janet.

[cauliflowercara]

You and your boots were fabulous. Screw the rest of them - I'm sure they don't have any fun anyway! Robots never make good friends in my experience.

[nicole_gt]

I think that Meredith came across as a bit of an ass. Love how she is always presenting herself as an average mom and then shows her home in interior design mags (cause regular moms all have multimillion dollar homes designed by decorators...) and compares you to the help. "I don't let my nanny drink on the job, why would I think it OK for you to do that?" Would Katie Couric have called you a babysitter? I don't think so.

Agree 100% with everyone who has mentioned that beer with football is an unquestioned institution in American life but mothers getting together to hang out and have a glass of wine? Clearly they are putting their children in mortal danger. I don't understand this attitude that unless we are focusing all our attention at all times on our children we are doing things wrong. If I like the taste of wine better than a glass of apple juice, it doesn't make me an alcoholic, it means that I am an adult. With adult tastes. Geez. You did a super job. Hope that they have you back many many times to explain to them how real moms are.

[novimom]

Melissa, in solidarity with you and all other REALISTIC, DOWN-TO-EARTH MOMS, I had a beer while I was making quesidillas for dinner last night. And my husband wasn't home yet. And my children were. And I silently saluted you for bravely saying what many of us moms do and think...

[Sarah]

First--is there anywhere we can see this if we were too busy babysitting our children while it was aired?

Second--I had a baby three months ago and have basically not left the house because I feel like if I can't deal with the smug jackasses on message boards, I sooooo can't do it in real life. I babysit her every day for now and I have a drink every, every, every single day somewhere between 4:59.59-5:00 p.m.

Third, there's always an armchair anthropologist in every group of condescending moms, but my in-laws are Portuguese (and so is Meredith Vieira!) and they are so all about the wine--a glass with lunch and at least a bottle with dinner--that I can't even imagine trying to explain to them why this would be an issue here. In fact, I wouldn't try, because they already think most stuff in this land is ridiculous enough and I don't need any more fodder for them to try to convince us to move. I imagine it is the same in a whole lot of other countries.

Everything has to be so sensationalized and dumbed down that of course wine can't be wine (or a martini a martini), it has to be a drug, which is bad, and an easy segment to produce...Those nutty Mediterraneans live forever, thanks in part to that wine, seriously, you walk down the streets of Lisbon and think you are in an assisted living city. Everyone is old, and drinking wine.

[chris]

YOU know what really annoyed me about it. No one ever questions men who do have a beer or two in front of their children. EVER.

Maybe Meredith should try taking care of her own children and see if she wants a drink once in awhile.

[Bonzai]

I have never watched The Today Show - now I know why. Thank you for providing an articulate, concise point of view for those of us out here who are PEOPLE besides having the title of Mom.

Did I catch a little smirk as they were closing the segment? It seemed the PERFECT closing response to the idiocy presented by the robots.

As others have said, but it bears repeating, YOU LOOKED FABULOUS. I covet your necklace, as I am an accessorizing amateur.

[Katie]

Here via Y at Joy Unexpected.

I can not believe she compared you to a babysitter. What, now that we are moms, we are never allowed another alcoholic drink in our lives?

And it's wine! People of all ages have been drinking wine daily for thousands of years.

You look smashing and I'm very proud of how you handled yourself. I felt myself heating up at the way they were speaking about "moms who drink" and you kept your cool. We know you are a good mom, you know you are a good mom and that's all that matters.

[Wine Drinking Mama]

If I am the babysitter, I need a salary, days off, vacations, etc. I read Meredith's bio and she has more than 20 years in broadcasting/news and teenage kids. If my calculations are correct, she was working when her kids were young. Love how she can judge us and have NO experience in SAHMothering!!!

I'm hoping that there is enough backlash that they invite you back along with some other SAHMs that are good moms and drink at playgroups. It was such a one sided story and our lifestyle was attacked. . . oh, wait we're babysitters, so low on the food chain it didn't matter!

I'm so proud of you!

[Melissa Summers]

Yes. I thought I was hiding what I was feeling. But I wanted to throttle both Meredith, Janet and the producer for telling me (and the other mothers who appeared on this piece) it was going to be a "lighthearted romp".

Thank God it was too difficult to coordinate my girlfriends into that segment as originally proposed. I would be mortified.

[vickynh]

Delurking to comment . . .

Scenario #1: Four Mom's enjoy a Tuesday afternoon play date together. While their children play, they chat, munch on cheese and crackers and drink a glass of wine or two.

Scenario #2: Four couples enjoy a Saturday afternoon cookout together. While their children play, they chat, munch on chips and dips and drink a beer or two.

Scenario #1, seems to upset people. No one bats an eye at scenario #2. Would someone please tell me, how are these different? Because, I'm having a hard time seeing it.

BTW, Melissa - you did look fab on the show, sounded intelligent and show amazing constraint!

[C. Flicken]

I just signed up for a Typepad account specifically to tell you what an awesome job I think you did. (And that you did, indeed, look beautiful and poised and patient with the morons.) I think you represented very well those of us who aren't afraid to admit that mothering is hard. A drink helps.

It really pissed me off on the website, though, the blurb beside the video says "Dr. Janet Blardy Blar of So And So Hospital and Melissa Summers, a blogger, say things to each other..." Because yeah, being a mom and a blogger means you're not as important as Dr. Janet with the fancy hospital job. And may I say that Meredith can go piss up a rope?

[Vicki Pettersson]

I absolutely loathe, loate, loathe the way many women in this country strike out at other women. Talk about being our own worst enemies. I didn't get to see the interview, but my blood boiled as I read this (except for the boots part. I love a good pair of boots). I work from home but as any mother knows work is shoehorned in between my child's needs. If I stop and think about this too much I get a little bitter. But that's no way to live one's life - bitter about the beautiful choice you've made to actually stay at home and mother your own child. So instead I get busy delegating, focusing on the time I have, changing my attitude about child-rearing (this kidlet actually makes me more efficent!) and having a nice (I changed that adjective, btw) bellini when I need to loosen my hold on the reins. But loosening my hold doesn't mean I'm abdicating control. It only means that 'Martyrs R _Not_ Us.'

I look forward to reading your posts. Sanity is always welcome.
Vicki

[AnnieEmm]

My conflict is with the whole daytime vs/ evening or couples vs/ just mommy thing. I really do wonder why it is so acceptable for couples to have wine with dinner or beer in the afternoon and yet mommy having wine with her goat cheese salad is so very condemning? And I support also, the viewpoint that if we are not teaching our children to consume alcohol responsibly, then we are doing them a disservice. My nine year old questioned me the other day as to whether or not I had ever finished a whole beer. (guffaw, choke, gasp) I very honestly told him yes, and that he had seen me do it several times. He maintained that he had not. Kids don't register whether mom and dad are drinking beer or diet coke. If mom and dad are still in the role of mom and dad, then the world is okay with them. And by that I mean, in charge, caring for the safety and well being of their children and generally responsibly parenting. Kids rely on parents to be present and aware, and one or even two drinks over a several-hour afternoon will not impair that in most adults. I also agree with Melissa that we are not in the place in our lives anymore where we are drinking to get drunk. On those rare occasions that we afford ourselves that luxury, we call nana and poppa and get a hotel room out of town. Moms don't get office hours, paid leave, or any break. So grant us one now when we have a beer with our calamari.

[Lisa V]

I thought your response equating the babysitter's job with Logan's paid employment was right on the mark. Most of us are not allowed to drink on the job, why should the babysitter be any different than a banker, a teacher or anyone else?

[Antonia]

Melissa, you were bloody brilliant. I longed to know what internal dialogue was running through your head at the time. In your position, I would not have had the patience to stay on that stool.

What are the US laws on drinking on the home? In the UK, kids are allowed to drink in their own homes from the age of 5. When I was 5, my mother gave me watered-down wine sometimes with dinner. She did so responsibly, telling me that it had to be watered down and how shit I'd feel if I drank it neat. It made me feel trusted and grown-up.

As an adult, I hardly ever drink. I'm really boring like that. I like Guinness and red wine but I never drink to get shitfaced. I'm just not bothered.

By contrast? An ex of mine and his two brothers had a staunchly religious father who forbade booze. Booze was bad! No booze! God will kill you if you drink booze! All his sons grew up to be serious alcoholics, like "stop drinking or you'll be dead in a year" alcoholics.

Cheers!

[jorgee]

I signed up for an account just to tell you how horrible you sounded on the show yesterday.

Unlike these other posters who seem to be kissing ur fanny, I completely have to disagree with everything you said. And I also must say that it seemed as though you didnt think before you spoke... YOU WANT TO SELL UR BABY ON EBAY B/C UR FED UP????? Are you crazy? You must be to say something like that... and if that was an attempt at humor, it was in bad taste...

I dont agree with the drinking at play dates for one simple reason...

How many mothers would actually say "No, I wont be having another glass of wine, I already had one?" You claim you know your tolerance, however, this is the same logic of an alcoholic...

When you mention tolerance, you are speaking about much more than ONE glass of wine... tolerance means "X glasses of wine I can drink before my behavior is affected". And this is why you wouldnt want a babysitter drinking while watching your kids... One drink would be ok most of the time but because you dont know their tolerance for several drinks, you find it unacceptable...

You, Ms. Melissa Summers, and all the sheep who agree with your negative attitude and behavior towards your children need to look in the mirror and realize that you do not need alcohol to deal with motherhood.

[Melissa Note: It was not an attempt at humor. Max is on Ebay right now. He's very sweet please bid high and often. Your comment about tolerance and the ability to metabolize alcohol is amusing, this is called physiology. Here is a great link about how your body processes alcohol, drink too much and you are 'drunk'. Maybe if your parents drank responsibly around you you would be aware of this. Also, I just looked in the mirror and realized you need a drink. Right now. Please. Go. Pour it. Now.]

[Millie]

I've been mulling over the babysitter thing and trying to figure out why it was such a bad comparison.

What I've come up with is that there are a LOT of things I wouldn't let my babysitter do while she was with my children. I wouldn't let her have her boyfriend over, though I enjoy my husband's company while with my kids. I wouldn't let her work a second job while she on the job for me, though I often perform work-from-home tasks while in the company of my children. I wouldn't let her bring her dog over, though we have a dog and more cats than we need. I wouldn't let her take them out of state, though I enjoy vacations with my children.

You made the perfect point - babysitters are performing a service, mothers just are. We are mothers, wives, friends, daughters, we are not "on the job," we are living our lives.

The Today show is selling their soul for higher ratings. I don't believe Meredith has never had a drink in front of her children. I personally don't know ANYONE who hasn't had a drink in front of their children. I go back to my comment on the last post...I don't even know why we're talking about this.

[Sarah]

Sorry, I'm commenting twice, I just saw the piece...They set you up with showing the Mendocino stuff making it look like Trainspotting with more babies and no Scottish accents. Moms going up the slide backwards with a drink in hand! Babies crawling toward glasses of half drunk alcohol! Juice boxes mixed in with the wine! Wild times! What a load of crap. Good lord.

[Sarah]

Last time. I swear. Jorgee? Seriously, dude. Are you a man? Straight off the movie Footloose?

[pnuts mama]

melissa, i woke up at 3:30 in the morning thinking about this, my head was still spinning from the implications that piece put out into the world. i watched the segment again as my blood pressure was returning to an alarmingly normal rate this morning, no, i mean to remind myself of exactly what was said or if it was my imagination. unfortunately, not my imagination. i won't even go into how aggravating the whole produced piece made me- as if all women do is bring their kids to keg parties (pnut, can you go and find mommy's funnel, please?) and then fall down drunk all over the place while the children kill themselves in their dangerous, wine-glass-laden backyard. grr...

she sure did compare you (and me, and every other parent) to a babysitter- thanks meredith! i won't repeat my deep disgust for meredith here- i think what i said yesterday about that hypocrite was sufficient. but the whole babysitter comment- i was thinking, well, most of my sitters are underage, so that point is moot. but if i leave my kid with my adult family members and they have a drink with dinner or in the evening, no, i really don't care about that. but what pisses me off is the real issue here- that having a glass of wine is incompatible with being able to properly care for your children?

comparing you to the babysitter made it crystal clear that meredith has no effin clue what the point of the story is- that women gather and socialize with their children who also socialize and the women happen to enjoy an adult beverage while they do it. is the nuance between mothers who gather with friends and a person you pay to watch you kids for a few hours really that subtle? again, i ask, meredith, as a mother, have you not had anything to drink at all since that very first positive pregnancy test?

the point isn't that women drink when they socialize, it's that they are gathering as mothers to socialize! i am not paying my babysitter to gather with her friends and socialize, i'm paying her to play with my kid for a few hours while i get some work done. she can take the generous amount that i pay her to socialize with her friends later. but meredith implying that parents=babysitters? oh, no. no, no, no.

i have plenty to say about dr. colombia-university-psych-dept., too, but i have to go babysit my daughter now.

[Suebob Davis]

1. I believe that is Mrs. Melissa Summers
and
2. OMG I am so excited! I am off to bid on Max!! I LOVE buying babies on Ebay.

[StirTheStars]

I don't think anyone has pointed this out, but maybe they have, so sorry if I am repeating-- Miss Janet over there kept saying mothers need to find "healthy" ways to socialize... as if ONE alcoholic beverage on what's probably a weekly playdate type deal isn't healthy. I know they go back and forth on the issue... but isn't a glass of wine a day healthy or helps prevent something? I'm not even a mother and the whole segment bothered me. Great job, Melissa!

[whoorl]

I'm sure it's already been mentioned 100 times, but if Meredith Viera's "job" was to stay home with her children all day, she would be boozing it up like no tomorrow.

Her behavior and facial expressions during that segment really infuriated me. You, on the other hand, did us SAHMs proud.

[Wine Drinking Mama]

I actually sent an email to the Today Show venting my disgust about Meredith's behavior as well as the slant of the piece.

Hopefully, we'll all be heard!

[A Mommy Story]

When Meredith started into the bit about the babysitter, I just kept thinking, "Don't go there, please."

I remember the day I had my daughter pretty clearly, and I don't recall the hospital having me sign off on paperwork that told me that since I was now a mother, I was forbidden from being a human being any longer and must now refrain from drinking, eating fattening foods, having sex, and doing anything else that some might view as "bad".

A glass of wine is a great way to calm the nerves during a stressful day. And Jorgee (who seems to be the only one who can't write properly in these comments...seriously, "ur"?), raging alcoholics can't stop at one drink. People who have a healthy relationship with alcohol can easily stop at one drink.

I think I'm going to have to do my own post on this topic. Just think of the hate mail I'll get when I admit that I've had a glass of wine in the past month - while pregnant!

[pnuts mama]

hahaha, jorgee, that satire was priceless. especially seeing as how you are clearly drunk right now- excellent!!

but in all seriousness, you raise a very good point, jorgee: women *do* lose all ability to make coherant decisions about their own sobriety once they conceive a child. you can find the scientific study with supporting research at the following academic website: www.whataloadofbullshit.edu

[Shannon K.]

I have to comment on Sarahs comment about how they edited the footage to appear as if COPIOUS amounts of wine were consumed, because I really feel so exploited. The first bottle my friend opened, and the cork broke. . . so I took it inside and got a new bottle so they could get a clean shot of us opening the bottle. Of coure, they showed 2 different people opening a bottle. Then each of us was poured a SINGLE glass. They were here almost 3 hours shooting. I never drank mine because I had found out the day before that I was pregnant. I was asked to hold the glass and take small fake sips. I didn't drink anything. They just kept showing shot after shot of wine glasses everywhere. NIce editing Today show .I particularly loved the shot of my 2 year old son pearing from behind the wine glass. Nice.

And one more thing Meredith. . . the day I get paid a salary, can clock out at 5:30 PM every day, have weekends off, get 3 weeks vacation , that is when you can compare me to a "babysitter".

[Melissa Note: Shannon, will you email me. melissasummers@wowway.com]

[Hans Jørgen Lysglimt]

Melissa - we thought you did a great job on The Today Show. Stong opinions are most welcome.
You might want to check out the rather intense debate that has been going on at The Today Show Viewers form on the subject since you where on the air. Thank you!

http://todaytop.com/todayshow.com-insurance/viewforum.php?f=1
http://www-todayshow.com/

[Melissa Note: I don't read it. It's the Blogging Baby phenomenon of frothing at the mouth and saying nothing coherent when you disagree with the choices of other people. Also, it's almost entirely someone assuming mothers hate their children and are drunk off their asses. No matter what you say to the contrary, they are like Dr Janet. Unable to think like a person.]

[The Metamorph]

Anyone have the email address for The Today Show? I'd like to contact them as well. Again, I have nothing original to add when I say the piece was so plainly biased it wasn't even funnny, and for a mother of four to compare another mother to a babysitter shows me clearly that Meredith Viera has NO idea what it means to actually be a real mom.

[Wine Drinking Mama]

I sent an email to today@nbc.com. There is a very canned response and I'm not sure if our emails will ever get written.

I know a segment producer at the Philly NBC affiliate and I'm going to try to get another email from her. We'll see.

[Wine Drinking Mama]

I meant read . ..oops, too many glasses of wine already this morning!!! =)

[The Metamorph]

Thanks, Wine Drinking Mama. :)

[21stCenturyMom]

It's been a while since I read your blog and you seem to have gone from popular blogger to TV personality - huzzah!

You look great and you are a Goddess. Don't let Madeline Viera's confusion and inability to see what's what cloud the picture.

As for the robot sitting next to you I have 2 words "wet noodle".

As for the drinking - I can't think of a better way to model social drinking than to have a glass of wine with your friends in front of your kids. I never drank in front of my kids because I was single and didn't drink alone and they are all hopeless party animals, surgically attached to their beer bongs. It's really sad.

[Stefanie]

One thing,

As you know, when a show like The Today Show does a piece like this, they HAVE to have an opposing viewpoint. Do they always believe it? No. But otherwise, it becomes a "who cares?" See how much debate has been stimulated? Please don't take any of it personally. I mean, obviously, you are an alcoholic and now we all know that but consider that a blessing. I'm kidding but, please, don't take any of it seriously. You always knew there'd be some stupid poll and some psychologist to warn of the "dangers." And to the poster from yesterday who was hating on my and my green shirt for saying "you try watching your child for 14 hours a day sober" I am throwing down the gauntlet. I'm work from home and take care of my toddler and I need a fucking drink at the end of the day. So judge away.

[Susan]

I would not want a babysitter drinking while she was watching my kids. I also would not want her to plunk them in front of a video while she took a shower, or tuck them in at bedtime and then have sex with her husband.

Apparently, I shouldn't do any of those things either. Because motherhood is all about being sober, smelly, and celibate.

[Melissa Summers]

No, I'm not taking it personally. I am taking the patriarchal model people often use when dealing with The Cute Wittle Mommies with great offense.

I think it was irresponsible of the Dr. to say such a ludicrous thing about the effects of 'one glass of wine'.

I am also taking the continuation of the Mommy Wars to heart. The Today Show saw another mothering issue middle america is divided on and then exploited it to create more rifts between mothers.

When Dr Janet said, "mothers need to support each other in healthy ways' I think she was missing the irony of what her black and white comments about drinking were doing.

(remember Dr Janet thinks it's fine to have a family bbq with alcohol, a playgroup is 'different')

[Lisa V]

I've been thinking about all the times that children are left under the supervision of adults who are having a drink, (and sometimes two) and I think we should stop those too. No more holiday dinners where mom, dad, AND grandparents and aunts and uncles are all having wine or a martini or whatever. No more family reunions, no more sporting events, no more parties with friends for birthdays, no more Sunday dinners or mimosas with brunch. None of it, because we all need to find other ways to celebrate, just as mothers need to find other ways to relax.
As a matter of fact, I think we should stop drinking entirely until our children are 18. Because god forbid you go out and leave your children with a non-drinking babysitter, and she calls you after you have had your glass of wine,and you have to make some sort of decision regarding your child. How are you going to handle that? Just better to quit drinking entirely. We never want to be compromised in any way. They need to stamp our ID's "PARENT" when we leave the hospital and it stays that way until the kid's 18th birthday. No one will be allowed to buy liquor.

I persoanlly would be standing outside liquor stores asking college girls to buy me a bottle.

[NoPasaNada]

As a babysitter, I can say that I'm more interested in drinking once I get home than drinking while babysitting.

And Melissa, since you're like a babysitter, I do hope that Logan is paying you well.

[3 to get ready]

Unfortunately I know this is falling right in line with what the Today show was trying to do, but dangit, I woke up this morning STILL mad! What the hell business is it of theirs what I decide to do legally in my own home and backyard?

And Meredith obviously doesn't have a clue about what real mothering entails because someone else must have been bringing up her kids all these years when she went to her "real job".

Again, you were great, Melissa! And Susan, you cracked me up with that comment about the babysitter having sex with my husband! Funny and true.

[Colelynnb]

Melissa, I started to watch the clip at work and could tell which road they were heading down so I stopped. I laugh hard when women get so twisted over stupid shit like this. I'm a second generation immigrant and drinking in front of your family is just not an issue in Europe.

[Krisco]

Melissa, You did great. I think they're trying to make an issue where there isn't one. No one's advocating falling-down drunk here, as you pointed out right away.

Also, I would have loved it if you could have asked how much time DURING THE DAY the other mom on the show spent with her kids. Because as Fussy pointed out, she has help.

Having just gone back to work, I have help now too. But I know those days. And I would have loved a weekly playgroup with a glass of wine.

[The Metamorph]

Just wanted to know that I've voiced my support over at my blog as well, not just here in the comments.

http://themetamorph.com/?p=201

Because I know you've been sitting on the edge of your seat just waiting for me to make such a post. *cough* ;)

[Andi]

As I said in the comments on CityMama, even though I don't drink, your play dates sound a lot more enjoyable than the alternatives. I was once told that any parent who hasn't occasionally fantasized about abandoning their child in a forest has never actually spent any time with them.

I wonder, are Merideth and Janet Presbyterian? It might explain some of their hostility.

[Jenny]

But what will you do if a baby eating Presbyterian wins the auction for Max on ebay?
Also, how is having a glass of wine with friends while our kids play all that different from having a coffee at Starbucks? Because I generally function with A LOT of caffeine in my system, and its quite the buzz.

[Mrs. Mogul]

I wrote about it on my blog, that I saw the segment. meredith sure can ask those sensational questions...she's not a good interviewer at times. Like the time she pissed off Russell Crowe...

[lilmama]

I was flipping out during that interview. AHHH! What's the difference between that and say going to lunch with some friends and having a drink and coming home to take care of your kids? When can we drink? In the closet at 3am?

[honestyrain]

i confess that i've had an occasional beverage while on a playdate but not often because i rarely let my children out of the dungeon we had built under the house shortly after they were born.

i wonder what meredith (i can't stand her) viera would think of our driveway parties in summer when the parents inhale bottle after bottle of red wine while children 5 and under run up and down the street playing as though not a grown up in the world knew they existed? i bet she's frown upon it. i have a feeling.

but we never let them run up and down the street with scissors so you see, we're good parents after all.

stupid today show anyway.

[Anne Glamore]

Well, hell, I'm a Presbyterian - the really conservative kind (or at least my church is-- I might be the only liberal member there) and I have friends and their kids over and say "Hey! Y'all bring your own juice boxes and whatever you want to drink." Then we hang out and watch the kids and some people DRINK wine or beer.
I don't feel bad or irresponsible.
And I was drinking hot tea when my son broke his arm Thursday. Let's ban Tazo Wild Sweet Orange immediately-- it diverted me from my true focus!!

[Lkea]

Dr. Janet owns a company called Mind Projects Inc. which "specializes in Corporate Stress Management and Performance and Health Enhancement".

The only reason she was on there was to push her services. She couldn't agree that a glass of wine is okay, because it costs a hell of a lot less than one of her seminars.

[Katie]

I really enjoy your writing although I rarely comment, but I wanted to echo what so many of your others readers have said about you doing an excellent job under ridiculously slanted circumstances. After watching the intro segment I was worried about what the interview would be like- the questions were nuts, but you were great! I admire your courage in acting as the voice of rationality in what seems to me to be a fairly bizarre and often hurtful debate.

[ozma]

Melissa--You were so fantastic when under the hot lights and the dumb questions--and articulate! How did you do that??? You looked amazing as well. I like that you said that it meant that you were an adult, not a child. Great point but far too subtle for them.

Is it just me or is the most absurd and stupid controversy in the history of media created controversies??? There is a debate about this? Parents having drinks in their homes? I.e., what pretty much everyone who is not a recovering alcoholic, a Mormon or a teetotler does. This is the most ridiculous thing--they are acting like this is some sort of aberrant behavior rather than something that all our parents did and the majority of parents do now with no ill effects. Framing in the media--it amazes me what they get away with in terms of cultural distortion.

And what is the bullshit about 'more mothers are doing it?' The puritanical obsession with alcohol (and smoking) is very recent. Read some John Cheever stories people or go to a block party in the seventies. (OK, maybe those aren't good examples for the puritanical sort.)

And parents (oops! I mean moms since dads apparently get a free pass!) are babysitters. I guess we should not have sex in the house when the KIDS ARE IN THE HOUSE ASLEEP IN THEIR ROOMS. After all, I'd never let the babysitter do THAT.

I'm also outraged that the mom cocktail hour people they featured only give those moms ONE DRINK. Cut off after one drink! Geez.

[Mark]

I think it's important as a parent to set a good example and calmly explain to our kids that A GLASS OF WINE = DRUNK so that when they're parents they won't hate their kids so much that they would dare to, you know, do grown-up things around them.

Have we just given up on the whole "moderate drinking" idea?

Lord help me if they ever apply the same standards on dads.

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

I think you handled yourself incredibly well, but that as you pointed out, people are missing the point of A drink. You aren't getting drunk, you can still drive, etc.
The implication that because we've had children means we can no longer act like mature adults infuriates me. Having had a child doesn't relegate be to behaving in the same manner as my child. I don't wear diapers, Jack doesn't drink. It's that simple

I'm incredibly proud of you. You stood up and with a loud voice said that you are human, you have your doubts and fears and stresses and that it doesn't make you a bad mother to admit it. It's one of the reasons I love blogging and the blogging community, becaue in a way it's a sisterhood (which sounds really cheesy) We find people we can relate to, that have been where we are, and who hear our deep dark secrets and embrace us and then tell us their own.

I'll stop rambling now, but I just wanted to let you know how amazing you were for what you said.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

I have to agree with Meredith on one point: the babysitter should absolutely not be allowed to have sex with your husband.

www.suburbankamikaze.typepad.com

[Jazz Brown]

Melissa,

I thought you looked superb. You looked very comfortable in that outfit. Aside from being well spoken, the points you were allowed to make were right on the mark.

I have to admit that when I saw the Times article, I was on the other side of the fence. Then as I thought more about it, I realized that I was thinking about it in terms of the "lightweight" that I've become since having and nursing two boys. I do feel impaired with just one glass of wine these days. Four years ago, that would not have been the case. A couple of months from now, that won't be the case.

Again, I agree with all that have stated that this is just another way to peg mothers against each other and it's not fair. Don't we have enough on our plates already?

P.S. I am fairly certain that while on The View, Meredith gave up wine for some reason (lent?) and was miserable and said so on TV. Can anyone collaborate this?

[Melissa Note: Yes! It's true your tolerance changes over time. If your tolerance is particularly low then of course, be responsible and know your limit. Women are adults and they know how to be in charge of themselves.]

[marymuses]

I thought the babysitter comment from Meredith was inappropriate, but to me it was a little odd, too, because I babysit as a way to make extra money on the side (I'm a full time nanny, so it works out well), and I have shown up countless times to the homes of families and I know well and been offered a glass of wine or a beer. If I say no (which is what I usually do, mostly because I'm so boring and I like plain water, no ice, thanks), they almost always ask, "Are you sure?" and then let me know that if I'd like something later, to please help myself. So for some parents, if they know their babysitter well and trust him or her, I know for a fact that the answer is, "Yes, I'd let my babysitter have a glass of wine on the job. In fact, I've been known to pour it for her."

I do want to add, after that, that she still should not have compared you to a babysitter. I get to go home at the end of the evening, generally after being there for just three to six hours. Even if I weren't offered a glass of wine on the job, I could have one later. But you are there all the time, every day. It's simply not a fair comparison, because being a babysitter is nothing like being a parent.

Unless, of course, you get paid to watch bad cable television and eat snacks you didn't purchase yourself.

Do you? Because if so, I'm so totally getting knocked up as soon as possible.

[Melissa Note: If I'd had my wits about me I would have also said, "If I know and trust the (of legal age) babysitter I wouldn't have a problem with it."]

[alice]

You did an AMAZING job with what you were given - keeping your cool and not getting defensive when confronted with questions which amounted to 'I think you're degenerate, what do you have to say about that?' Plus, the boots kicked ass.

I'm with those who are absolutely confounded by the fact that Meredith never asked Janet how she feels about drinking at dinner, or with a group of parents. If you're against alcohol at all times, then that should be identified as your position. And if you're not against alcohol at all times, what makes it bad at playgroup, but fine at dinner? Or at football?

I think the double standard of footbal & beer being fine, but goat cheese & wine being shifty is just another instance of mothers not being seen as full adult women unless they're in some legitimizing sphere (at work, with husband, etc.) Drinking when you're 'just' watching your kids is shirking, because you're identified by your role as mother rather than your identity as an individual, and you're held to an Ideal Mothering Standard (tm).

[Carrie Matsuo]

You were wonderful, smart, articulate, fabulous...

But I have to comment on your comment:

"No matter what you say to the contrary, they are like Dr Janet. UNABLE TO THINK LIKE A PERSON." (my caps)

That is f-ing brilliant. Really, sums it up perfectly. That, and "jackassery" are the most brilliant metaphors written. They say so much in just a few little pieces of alphabet.

Bravo, you are my idol...

[dollymama]

MSNBC clearly had its own agenda. Thanks for taking it in the groin for all of us - you did great!

[m.]

Apologies for the stalkerish multi-post, but the clip sparked a big discussion at a Bunco Brunch I hosted this afternoon (in attendance: 4 women, one toddler, one infant; mimosas consumed: babies 0, adults 6!). Outrage was running high after we gathered around the computer...kudos to you again, Melissa, for really holding your own under that tsunami of bullshit.

Your line that really leapt out at us was, I take care of children, BUT I AM NOT A CHILD. That is so powerful! This enshrinement of motherhood in our culture as the endgame of women's self-actualization, the expectation that motherhood is what every woman must want and that she must do it in one prescribed way, is just more sexist backlash. Our culture (starting with the media!) wants to silence, hypersexualize, and infantilize women BECAUSE we are so powerful -- so keep telling your true story, sister!

I think we found the motto for the next round of CafePress goodies, no? :) emily

[UndoneLady]

You were amazing. And so articulate in your responses to Merediths terrible comments and questions. Personally, I would have thrown a glass a wine at her.

So when will they air a segment bashing parents who enjoy a glass of wine with dinner with their kids at the table. Or going to a barbque at the neighbors and enjoying a drink, with kids present.

[karyn]

I decided to open a bottle of wine while I was cooking supper tonight, EVEN THOUGH my husband was not home yet, and even though my children were playing nearby, in order to silently salute you and all the other women out there who are not afraid to be real people (drinkers or not)as well as mothers.

I managed, in my noble effort, to cut my finger on the g-d bottle opener. Thank God my five year old daughter was still sober enough to fetch the bandaids for me.

I didn't get to see the clip, for some reason the website keeps telling me it's not available, but I have managed to get the gist (unless someone wants to put it to Youtube for me!)

Thanks for being confident and brave. I can't believe you didn't accuse the good Dr. of being glib.

[finnmichigan]

Love the glib comment!
I wore my Momtini shirt today and walked around with my fist raised in the air for solidarity (did you see me at Sophie Blue while I got my hair done? :)
Thanks for fighting the fight.
Finn

[Arianne]

I can't wait till you get started on Dr Janet.

I can't believe I forgot to comment about The Smirk! The look you had on your face when Meredith thanked you for being there...omg. It was like "shoot, I can't believe what you bitches just said!" If I'm remembering right, you actually looked away and made that face when she thanked you. It was awesome!

I saved the show to watch again, but I had to delete it. Every time I saw it on my list I got pissed all over again.

Can you tell us what kind of talk went on between the three of you after the cameras stopping rolling? I'm also curious as to what Logan said about the whole saga.

Also, I know I said this in my previous comment, but I still can't believe how catty it was to not laugh at your joke about putting Max on ebay. They are robots!!

P.S. Where did you get those boots??

[merseydotes]

I just showed the clip to my husband and he summed it up:

"Boy, that is FUCKED UP."

And now he has been ranting for five minutes.

"EXPLAIN FRANCE. Seriously, lady, EXPLAIN FRANCE where they have a bottle of wine at the table every night and the kids grow up drinking watered down glasses of wine. Are those people all bad parents?"

And still he continues:

"It's like these crazy assholes are comparing drinking a glass of wine to taking a hit off a bong or shooting crack in front of your kids. Is that what these people really think? That a glass of wine is like doing drugs in front of your kids?"

He sums it up again:

"Oh my god, I can't believe that whole segment. Boy, that is seriously FUCKED UP."

[Gingerdc9]

I signed up to TypeKey just to comment in your blog. I loved the piece on Today. When they aired the "teaser," as I call it, I literally clapped and said, "Yeah! I want a group like that!" Unfortunately, my excitement was a bit dampened by the slanted way they presented the cocktail playdate idea. I'm on quite a few Mommy boards and the "cocktail playdate" is becoming pretty popular and if I had any friends with kids, I'd be on it in a second! And I'll say it, even TWO glasses of wine would be fine by me! The whole Moms judging Moms is so true - on every board I participate on there are women judging women. I'm so sick of it! And the whole thing about men drinking in front of their kids not even being blinked at is so true!

Sorry, I'm kind of rambling, but I had to comment. And you did look amazing! I thought that as you were talking. I actually thought, "Damn, she's hot! When am I going to look that good?" LOL I'm having another little one in April and not feeling so "hot." ;-) You GO GIRL!

- Ginger (www.livejournal.com/users/gingerdc9 or www.gingerdc9.com)

[superblondgirl]

I commented yesterday but I just had to comment again today because I'm still so mad about this! I was sitting here tonight with my son and my husband, drinking a beer, thinking how disgusting it is that I'm being condemned for being an adult who cares for my child at the same time. As if that is mind-blowing. Isn't there some more pressing issue they could worry about on the Today show, rather than parents helping to model responsible drinking for their children? I'm going to end up repeating myself, but boy the skew was awful and you did so well making them look bad and petty, Melissa!!! I don't see how anyone with a brain could possibly not feel that a drink or two as a parent is a-okay once in a while.

[Danielle]

Again, you were fab. They were crazy.

You are so right. How is being a mother the same as being a babysitter? It's not.

I do work outside of the home right now but I would love to stay home with my kids. Not because I think that it would be easy, or relaxing but because I want to be with my children. I've babysat other children before. It's not the same as being a mother.

I said that I would calm down but I'm still pissed.

[The Princess]

I lurk here a lot, have been reading for the past 3 years but I must say how blown away I am that you were on TV!! Granted you have no clue who I am, but I feel like I know you as I've followed you through your journeys.

I definintely lost a ton of respect for Merideth, not like there was much there to begin with, but still, it's gone.

I have adopted your Cocktail hour here with my Mom friends. It makes us feel like adults again, that we aren't the mentality of our children as they sip on their sippy cups. Sitting with your girlfriends over a glass of chilled wine just makes us feel like ourselves again.

Bravo to you Melissa!!

[gorillabuns]

my husband and i both watched the segment together via your blog.

he laughed at the stupid comments/questions from the corn cob stuck up her ass interviewer and sighed and rolled his eyes at the "supposed" expert who wouldn't know a good time if it bit her in the ass.

after a discussion amongst ourselves that this is really a valid war, he went to the kitchen and made me a redbull and vodka, gave me a kiss and responded that he was glad he wasn't a woman that had to deal with the complete bullshit from the others on the playground.

all i have to say is thanks for taking one for the team and standing up for the nameless women that want to live a real life. not one in a superficial bubble.

[mamaloo, the doula]

Banging head on table.

Good job, Melissa. Every time you spoke all I heard was Dr. Janet say, "a more healthy way of socializing" as if her programming was stuck. Nice one note song there, doc.

I'm just speechless about the debacle and the general stupidity of the remarks made by Viera and Doctor Feelbad.

[Schnozz]

I just want to say that I waited forever for that damn video to load. But it was all worth it when I saw for myself that you have the stones to say, on national television, that you occasionally consider selling your child on eBay. Then I spent a full ten minutes just trembling at your radness.

I admire the hell out of you. Keep fighting The Man. (Or Meredith Viera. Though really they're the same person.) Take heart in the fact that we support you. And that most of the people who disagree with you seem unaware of the existence of the apostrophe.

[staceys]

Melissa you did great, even though those two biotches were throwing you under the bus, you stood your own. I don't think Meredith or Janet ever stayed home with their kids all day long, I am sure that they both have/had nannies. Not that there is anything wrong with working Mom's, that is not my point. My point is, as a stay at home Mom of two, somedays I need a little something to calm my nerves! I think it is better than the alternative! Oh and I caught you rolling your eyes at Janet....BAHHAHAHAHA...Loved it! Loved your outfit too, the boots are great!

[susannah]

had to comment again.
whether or not we let our babysitters, is irrelevant. they are not being judged -we are.
if meredith viera weren't quite so daft, she might have realized what a stupid question it was and that it was entirely beside the point.

[sundayschoolrebelsam]

Just in case NBC has some intern looking at these comments, I just have to say I've been a LOYAL Today show viewer for years, ever since I moved out of my parents house and could decided what morning show to watch. And just so you know, I will now be choosing Good Morning America for my morning news fix. I feel sure that Diane Sawyer would have been way cooler and less judgemental about this issue. THE END. Unless, of course, the Today show decides to bring you back and have a second round of this debate.

Also, I agree - the "I take care of children, but I am not a child" should be on a t-shirt.

[karenw]

Melissa,

Thanks for being real. I mean, who among us has not envisioned that same Ebay auction?

[HG]

I just watched the segment and wanted to throw something at my monitor the ENTIRE time. Like others, I generally only lurk here but signed up for an account just to comment.

The point that particularly rankles me is the whole but-what-about-the-bayyyy-beeees!!! angle that is hidden within the comment "But what if something happened?" when you've had the audacity to have ONE FREAKING GLASS of wine.

I believe it is called 9-1-1, assholes. If for some freak reason that one drink impairs me, I'll call an ambulance.

Well done Melissa. Although I'm apparently more of a Luddite than I thought because I just threaten to sell my kids to the gypsies, Ebay never occurred to me. Genius.

And I agree with all the other boiling blood comments regarding Dr. Janet's "healthy way of socializing" claptrap. Personally, I can't think of a healthier way to to spend my time socializing than to gather with friends and their children sharing conversation, play, food, and drink.

[loribo]

I agree with all the previous comments, but I just want to add something else to the mix. I work PT and my kids are 10 & 13 – certainly old enough to be self sufficient. But when I’ve mentioned to people that on days off I practically crave a glass of wine from about 3:30 on (just one glass, feels like the end of the day as the kids are home), I can practically see “problem drinker” flashing in their eyes. Since my kids don’t require my hands on care, I think this is about people’s attitudes toward alcohol rather than their views on SAHMs. i.e. You shouldn’t drink M-F during the day (unless on vacation), as that’s ‘work time’; weekends are fair game, as they’re not work time. Meredith’s asshat comparison to babysitters notwithstanding, I believe this issue is more about puritanical attitudes towards alcohol than patriarchal attitudes towards SAHMs.

[tesalc]

Well I guess we now know who does the parenting in the Vieira household.

The babysitter!

[Anne]

As I told my my fellow SAHM and best friend, "Even nannies, babysitters and housekeepers get a day off. But us Mama's don't. So, god damn it, we get to have some alcohol!"
My hubby and I saw that segment on TV Friday and his first comment was, "Have these experts ever been SAHMs? I mean, I know what my wife goes through each day with the kids. I wouldn’t blame her if she cracked open a bottle each night." This from a man who just spent 5 days alone with our toddler...so he KNOWS what he's talking about. ;-)
You done good, kid. If I had been in your place, I think they'd still be trying to pry my fingers off of that woman's throat. ;-)

[birdgal]

I know I'm a couple days late, but I just wanted to say you did a great job with the 'Today Show Interrogation' they threw at you. You were very composed and well spoken, a good way to represent all those 'inebriated' moms out there (because, you know, there's no such thing as drinking responsibly). While I am a working mom, I bristled at the babysitter comparison also. There is no excuse for comparing a mom to a babysitter; unfortunately, the sort of conflict it stirs up makes for 'good TV' or some such. Anyway, congrats and have a glass of wine for me! :)

[Cocoabutter]

When Merideth asked what was the difference, she meant what difference does it make whether or not the caretaker is getting paid? Being a mother is a "job" as well, isn't it? It is a job, and it deserves to be done to the best of your ability for the sake of your children. Just as your husband wouldn't drink until he got home from the office, you shouldn't drink until the kids are in bed or away at grandma's or wherever. But while on the job, you should remain sober.You said that there are other ways that you relax, such as yoga, so I would double up on the yoga before I would get lit around my kids.

[Deb L]

I stumbled upon the interview and this blog entry via GetSheila's blog.

People sure are getting upset over the wine & playdate thing. I, as a SAHM to 3 boys, think a get-together with a few other moms and our kids, at someone's house, would be a very nice thing to do.

The attitudes towards alcohol are skewed bizarrely in our culture. (seriously, one glass of wine equates to "getting lit"? WTH?)

But what is more offensive are the mothers who are self-righteously telling the rest of us what the "right way" is to be a parent.

Pick any area of parenting, and it's a certainty that my way will clash with someone else's way. It's a lot more pleasant to just say "live & let live" than to drag each other down.