Suburban Bliss:: Birth Control Via The Written Word

More Pressing Matters

Blah blah blah.

Today Show.

Sexist.

Liars.

Misogyny.

Janet Taylor.

Healthy Ways!

Most Importantly:

Logan and I went shopping immediately after I heard about the Today Show. And, ironically, I sweat like a woman being called a babysitter on national television. I have a very hard time buying new things for myself, remember 2004 when my theme was Debt No More?  Those lessons have stuck with me and it's very difficult for me to buy things for myself.

Logan and I stood in the middle of Norstrom and I tried to will myself to touch the clothes. 'Just touch them. Touching them won't make you poor again.'

Finally I told Logan we had to get out of the mall. Now. I can't take it.

Maggie emailed me a lovely v neck cashmere sweater from Ann Taylor. So, I went and bought it (half off!).

I thought I'd wear a pair of black pants I already owned, but Maggie complimented my legs so I decided to go for a skirt. We decided a chocolate brown would be lovely. Seems easy enough, but the world is not ready for a chocolate brown skirt. Actually the world isn't ready but very classic ladies who shop at Talbot's are. The only chocolate brown skirt I could find was there and it was $130.

I prepared myself to go buy it because I was running out of time and even though spending $130 on a skirt felt like dying and even though buying a skirt at Talbot's made me feel as though I'd finally become Laura Bush, I was going to do it.

But then I had a dream (more exciting dreams!) and remembered a skirt I'd bought years ago at Nordstrom Rack for $3.97. I hadn't worn it because I never wear skirts. I tried it on and it looked pretty good with the sweater and would save me $130 if I wore it. The only problem was it was too big (I lost weight!) and I had a day to get it altered. If I'd worn a skirt around my ankles on The Today Show, it may have actually worked out better.

"Melissa, what does that skirt around your ankles represent to you?"

We'll never know though, since the piece was moved and so I had the skirt altered.

Maggie and I then concentrated on shoes. Her opinion was this, "Pumps say, 'I'm just like you. I'm sensible and we can have a drink and be coherent.' Boots say, 'I'm your fun friend! This is all a little silly. Let's go have a cosmo.'"

So I went with the boots and my goodness you guys were happy with that choice. I have rarely been called sexy, I just don't exude sexuality. I exude awkwardness.

But immediately after the segment my brother called to congratulate me, but also to tell me that the guys at the firehouse thought I looked 'hot'. (?) Another friend emailed and said her husband was mesmerized by the boots (her husband happens to be this guy of the Not-So-Secret-Crush) during the interview. Then another email from a friend came in saying he mostly heard what I was saying but was sort of distracted by the boots.

Jesus Christ, who knew boots were so powerful. If only I'd worn boots during high school, maybe I would have had my first kiss before I was 18. These are the boots. (Although I didn't pay that much. Are you crazy?)

Finally a lot of you have asked about the necklace. When discussing with Maggie what I would wear I said, "I definitely want to be wearing the necklace." The necklace has become a talisman of sorts for me. It constantly reminds me that I am worthy. This sounds trite and a little melodramatic, but if you lived in my head you would understand how important that message is to me. Also if you lived in my head it would be really creepy. I wrote about deciding to buy my necklace here.

The necklace is from Andrea at Superherodesigns, I have earth but they're all lovely. Andrea just had a (a very cute) SuperBaby and is on maternity leave, but before posting this I emailed her and she said she's taking special orders at this time. You can order here.

Given the feedback from my outfit on the show, I've decided to wear nothing but my Superhero necklace and my boots for the rest of 2007. I'll wear a coat too, but only when I'm outside.

My final post about this stupid thing.

When Alicia Ybarbo from The Today Show contacted me about the Cosmopolitan Mommies piece in the New York Times she told me the show was interested in doing a piece about this supposed 'trend'. We talked at length about my own playgroup, about the response to the piece and about how it isn't a 'new trend' it's something women have been doing since the 60's.

In the beginning they wanted to come and film my playgroup for the piece. Since our kids are now all in school full time, we don't have a weekly playgroup anymore so this was problematic. I suggested a more 'happy hour' gathering where we'd meet after school and our husband's would swing by after work for our usual family pizza night. Alicia said the mixing of dads would 'taint' the story (Read: "Make the subject more palatable because men keep their women in line and they have an auxilary liver in their penises.") So I told Alicia it just wasn't going to work out. My friends are busy with young kids and active schedules, so sorry.

After seeing how they twisted 3 hours of filming into a wine bottle orgy when those women (one who's commented here) had a glass each, except for her because she'd found out she was pregnant. How they chose quotes which made it sound as if the author believes sober mothers are not very good mothers. With the way my mouth goes and goes and goes, they could easily have pulled a very unpleasant quote from 3 hours of my yapping. Not only that, if my friends were embarassed by their portrayal I would be about 1000 times more angry at this point.

A month or two later Alicia contacted me again. She said she had loved what I had to say on the topic and they'd like me to come to New York City to be on the show. At that point I wet my pants. I wet my pants not because I was so excited to go on television but because I knew this was an opportunity I could not refuse. Even though I hate talking on the phone and am far better in writing than I am in person. Even though I would like to weight 20 pounds less to appear on television. I knew that, for me personally this would be a huge step toward being the person I want to be.

Alicia said it would be a live segment in the studio and there would be a psychologist, Dr Janet Taylor, there with me. Here is where the lies begin and this is a huge part of why I am so angry about the experience and am using this platform I have to explain it.

The psychologist is 'on board' with the whole thing. She's a mother herself and understands. She's just there to set limits and to explain what may be 'a problem'. Which makes a lot of sense to me. Once we define problem drinking and how to know when you might be crossing over into that realm, we can have a light hearted conversation about moms getting together to be social while their children play. Just like Regular Grown Ups.

As time went on ramping up to my appearance. The psychologist bit seemed to be changing a little. Alicia informed me the psychologist was now feeling like she had to say mother's of very young babies shouldn't be drinking (something I still disagreed with, but okay....), "...you know things like that."

Right before Alicia left town (she was not on set for my appearance....hmm....surprising) she said, (something like, I'm starting to realize why she always wanted to talk on the phone, not via email) "Now, Dr Janet Taylor's position has changed a bit. She's feeling like as a professional she has a responsibility to make sure women understand the risks."

Which still, I was okay with because in my world there is a difference between drinking and drinking to get drunk.

In the end I showed up on a show with Dr Janet Taylor, well trained media machine who was not discussing drinking in moderation but was instead talking about women as children who have no clue how to drink in moderation and can not be trusted.

I was told this was going to be a 'lighthearted' discussion. I pictured talking about how no one is talking about 'Kids And Keggers!', I pictured discussing drinking as a social activity many adults do, I pictured discussing how my husband and I often drink as a social activity at kid centered activities and not a single reporter or television has ever called to ask my husband "what that glass of beer means to him".  I wanted to emphasize how silly it is to call this a trend. I wanted to emphasize how mothers are raising children, they are not children themselves.

I was not at all prepared for a debate between "Melissa Summers, blogger!" and "Dr Janet Taylor, psychologist with impressive resume and four kids." I was especially not prepared for a debate which involved Dr Janet Taylor repeating the same thing over and over like a very tall robot.

"Mothers must find healthy ways to relieve stress." Really Dr Janet Taylor? Like doing Yoga, meeting friends for dinner, going out with my husband, spending a few alone hours at the coffee shop or the bookstore browsing? Like that? Oh, good because those are things I do as well and I just pointed them out and I may as well have been talking to my hand because you heard none of it.

Dear Alicia Ybarbo, If I had known this would be some sort of faux debate I would not have agreed to appear with a fucking psychologist with plenty of television experience as my opponent. This was unfair and you know it and that is why I was never informed this was a debate.

Would I have had the same discussion with another blogger who thinks it's not a good idea to drink at playgroups? Yes absolutely. We may have been on equal footing in that way. A blogger may have been able to actually say something of value or entertainment because we are not trained in the ways of traditional media. Which for Dr Janet Taylor means saying the same thing over and over without ever really saying anything of value.

Things like, "We underestimate...." the effects of even one drink on our ability to parent. Dr Taylor? Did you know our bodies have something called a liver and our liver can process alcohol? It's funny how people all over America routinely operate a car going 30-80 miles per hour and are considered legally able after one drink. But you're right Dr Janet Taylor, after one drink I can't change a diaper or push a kid on a swing or wipe somebody's butt.

Jennifer Ramsey from Stay At Home Motherdom was quoted in the New York Times piece and has a personal story of alcoholism which sprouted out of the loneliness of early motherhood.

Any social drinking can develop into alcoholism. Your husband's beers over football could as easily become alcoholism as a drink over the swingset could. But it's true, it's always a risk and it's something worth discussing especially as a network which doesn't want to be blamed when a mother says, "Well Meredith Viera says I can drink whatever I want whenever I want!" and then drives drunk killing herself and her children. Yes, I can see that.

I'm trying to keep this organized but as I explained at someone's birthday party yesterday (with Siobahn!) the longer I let this simmer the less able to sum it up I feel. I'm used to writing in 10 minutes off the top of my head with barely an edit. I've written this post 12 times, starting on the plane on my way home from the debacle.

After Alice headed back to New Jersey to get Henry from school I went back to the hotel to watch the video of the appearance and the more angry I felt. A combination of exhaustion and intense anger left me crying in the lobby of my hotel trying to get NBC to get me a flight home ASAP. When Isabel, from Alpha Mom, arrived to take me out for a drink she was greeted with my sobbing face.

I don't like being lied to. I don't like being called a babysitter. And I don't like being pitted against a psychologist unexpectedly on national television.

NBC called me at 3 o'clock (the process had started at 1pm) to tell me they'd gotten me a flight at 3:50. Wow, thank you NBC. You've given me 30 minutes to make it through Manhattan to Laguardia...to check my bag and get through security. You rule!

That's actually when the crying started and Isabel arrived. I ended up calling back my contact, telling her to forget it I clearly don't have enough time to make it. In 5 minutes I'd booked my own flight and paid for it myself.  All I wanted was to be home where I could tell Logan how intensely pissed I was.

In the meantime I told Isabel, who, as we all know, is very familiar with the dark side of media, all about it until I inhaled all the air out of the lounge we sat in. It was exactly what I needed and Isabel had great input I definitely wouldn't have gotten from Logan. God love him, but remember he's got a second liver in his penis and so a free pass to do as he pleases.

Let's talk about what happened behind the scenes. Alice chatted with Dr. Janet Taylor in the green room while I had my makeup finished. Alice asked, "Well what's the difference between a family at a backyard bar-b-que drinking a few beers while the kids play?"

Dr. Janet Taylor replied, "I think there's a difference between a bar-b-que and a playdate."

Alice asked, "What?"

And they were interrupted and Dr Janet Taylor had no answer except, I assume, "Mothers must find healthy ways to relieve stress. Mothers must find healthy ways to relieve stress. Mothers must find healthy ways to relieve stress."

Do fathers need to find healthy ways to relieve stress? And healthy ways to support one another? These are questions we'd all like to know but Meredith Viera is more concerned about the difference between a mother and a hired caregiver. Way to go Club Mom co-founder! Name change: "Club Glorified Babysitters!"

Is the difference between a backyard bar-b-que with families the fact that there are penises around to keep the mommies from over doing it? We underestimate the effects of even one drink after all. Is the difference the fact that there's alcohol combined with an open flame and children? I'm dying to know Dr. Janet Taylor.

Right before we went on air, Dr Janet Taylor and I were standing waiting to be mic'd. At this point I was thinking we were still on reasonably the same team. I was excited. I asked her if she'd done television before and she said yes, several times. Oh? Awesome for me! I'll follow your lead (except that her lead was robotic and said nothing of value to anyone). She also brought up two stories of mothers who had been drinking during the day, one had killed people at the elementary school during after school pick up and another had killed her children driving drunk.

I said, "Well, obviously these are people who were not aware of their limits and over did it. There have to be limits."

Dr Janet Taylor said something like, "Well maybe there are no limits." (I don't remember what she said exactly but her answer gave me an unsettled feeling about what was about to happen.)

And then we got onto our stools and Meredith Viera called me Marissa when she met me and that really boded well.

Things I wish you could have seen: Meredith Viera choking on a monster sized turd when I suggested sometimes my children make me think about ridiculous things, like selling him on ebay. (Thank God I didn't mention that summer where I wanted to eat the children dipped in chocolate. Lighten up Meredith!)

I wish you could have seen me roll my eyes in frustration when Dr Janet Taylor was given the last chance to speak and said absolutely nothing but a bunch of 'healthy ways! Not judging your alcoholism and inept parenting!' Oh wait, you did see that...and I thought I'd hidden it so well.

Logan said, "When you looked down and sighed at the end? Anyone who knows you knows that's your 'I'm trying not to punch you' look."

Things I wish had gone differently:

When Meredith asked me what the difference between me and a babysitter is."[Hearty Laugh With Incredulous Head Shake] Meredith? Did you seriously just ask me what makes me as a mother different than someone I pay to give care to my children? The co-founder of Club Mom just asked me that?" I also wished I'd said, "Well since my role as mother is 24/7, I often have anal sex with my husband while 'on duty'.  I don't really want my babysitter having anal sex with my husband."

Just imagine the turd which would fill Meredith Viera's mouth with that comment. It makes me giddy. Absolutely giddy. Dr Janet Taylor's head would have popped off and rolled away calling, "Mothers need to find healthy ways! HEALTHY WAYS!!!! HEALTHY!!!!!"

I wish Meredith would have been prepared to ask some more pointed questions of Dr. Janet Taylor. Things like, "Why is it not okay for mother's to be social as adults, while their children are social as children?"

Or

"Is it okay for fathers and mothers to have a few drinks at a bar-b-que?"

"Is it fine for families to socialize together with adult beverages? What makes that different?"

But no, let's just let Dr Janet Taylor spout her same ridiculous message over and over without ever asking her for clarification of her position.

I wish that the author in the green shirt had not said her ridiculous comment about sober mothers not being good mothers. I hope this was a misrepresentation of what she meant. Because I hardly think a sober mother is not a good one. Also, I think it's probably wise to generally keep your drinking within the legal limits of sobriety when drinking with or without children (or you could ask your husband to help keep you sober...God knows women don't know how to control themselves). I wish though, she'd said something more like:

"Show me a mother who never drinks and you'll be showing me a mother just like myself who is still a woman, is a human being who makes the choices she thinks are best and who is making dozens of mistakes every single day with her kids and almost none of those mistakes will ever matter in the big picture. So everyone chill the fuck out."

I wish I'd brought up the socializing with alcohol my husband and I do together and questioned why my husband has never been brought to New York to be shamed for having a drink in front of his children. No one has ever asked him "What that drink represents to him...." No one has questioned his ability to be a parent after having a glass of wine.

I like to picture Dr Janet Taylor replying, "Well, men have a penis." and Meredith Viera shaking her head in agreement, "Yes, yes....a penis!"

Most amusingly, at the end of the segment when the cameras went off Meredith Viera said, "In Europe this wouldn't even be an issue." Right Meredith and NBC. Thanks for helping out the cause you moron.

Let's see if I can put into list form the things which have upset me. I am not at all upset with how I was portrayed. I think NBC came across pretty clear. They invited a media savvy psychologist to go up against a mother with a blog. They asked no real questions and the psychologist said nothing but a premade sound bite, "Women must find healthy ways.....to be martyrs!"

I came across as I'd wanted to. As a normal woman who likes to combine her roles as a mother and an adult. I came across nervous, but reasonably well spoken (especially for someone who is afraid of the phone) and I interrupted where I needed to and challenged Dr Janet Taylor in a way someone, like a journalist (Hey Meredith!), should have.

What made me unhappy were these three things:

I do not like being lied to and set up for something I was not expecting and was not prepared for at all.

I did not like the overall stench of misogyny. I don't like crying SEXISM, I find it annoying as all hell. Both sexes have to deal with stereotypes and negative attitudes, but something about this idea that drinking is okay if husbands are around infuriates a very deep rooted anger in me.

I also do not like the lack of questioning of what fathers drinking around children implies. It feeds into the mothers as martyrs thing I mentioned falling into last year and which I've been trying my damndest not to fall into again. That somehow mothers have more of an obligation to be 'appropriate' or 'not concerned' with their own needs than fathers do. It's bull shit and the media messages only perpetuate it, so much so that I found myself mired in it without really realizing it or intending to do it.

Finally it bothers me, The Today Show had yet another chance to bridge the Mommy Wars and instead they laid out a stupid black and white message with the power of a psychologist suggesting mothers who have even one glass of wine are being irresponsible parents. NBC and The Today Show have sent out another wave to fan the flame of the Mommy Wars and I'm fed up with it.

And before I get another round of 'But you're judging mothers who don't drink!' let me reiterate: I am judging mothers who judge *me* for having a glass of wine in front of my kids without my husband's penis in attendance. I don't care if you drink or not and if you don't care if I drink or not, then we'll get a long just great. Unless you're a baby eating presbyterian or if you are incredibly negative and every other word that comes out of your mouth is a complaint or if you're my in laws (who do drink!).

This is terribly long and I'm not even sure if I'm getting across everything I wanted to.

But let's link to other people who are talking about this in a more detached way because I am about to tell you that someone who was on that stage with me had pants which were cut so low her thong rose above the waistband by about 4 inches. Professional! Talking about setting examples for our kids. Tsk tsk. But see that's a really bitchy personal attack so I'm not really going to do it. Except that I did. I'm a blogger, we're like live wires.

The Zero Boss talks about it here.
Karen at Home on the Fringe here.
Stefania at CityMama here.
Eden at Fussy here.
Izzy at Izzy Mom here.
SupaMB here.
CalistaWolf at LilacPixels here.
Chris at Notes from the trenches here.
Mysternyc here.
The Bean Blog here.
A Mommy Story here.
Get Sheila here.
Laid off dad here.
Kristin at Imperfect Mommy here.
(The newly pregnant!) Mihow here.
At MayasMom here.
VenturaMom here.
Jessica at Kerflop here.
Alice at Finslippy, who spooned me the night before, here.
Karli at Mom on a Wire here.
Kris at Wonder Mom here.
Mamaloo, the doula at momcast, here.
Amy at BlissfullyBitchy here.
Danielle at Foodmomiac here.
Grace at State of Grace here.
Nancy at Mom, Ma'am, Me here.
Susan at Friday Playdate here.
Jen at Jen Dude-ist here.
B.V. at I Had A Thought here.
The Silicon Valley Moms here.
Karen at Troll Baby makes it short and sweet here.
SoloMom at Sanity and the Solo Mom (at NBC owned iVillage! Hee!) here.
Suburban Turmoil here.
Erika at The Daily Camera here.

There are of course lots of places discussing how very wrong I am and how right Dr Janet Taylor is. But I don't feel a responsiblity as a blogger to search out those links for you. You may call it what you will. But a lot of the personal attacks out there are being written simply (including a 7 paragraph long comment/discussion of my personality disorder, my need for dental work, my horrid haircut and payless shoes!)(WOW!) to attract links, hits and readers. You can find those on your own.

My purpose is to share my thoughts and show the producer at NBC what other people are saying about how they handled this topic.

I have not deleted a single comment on this thread and I've left several thoughtful opposing viewpoints remain in my comments, including one which calls me an alcoholic. I've responded to some negative comments because I found them so irritating. So please give me a break here. If you want to make personal attacks or have your opinion mostly left unchallenged then you'll have to do it at someone else's site or your own.

My final thought is this: I don't need Meredith Viera to tell me to have a drink. I don't need Janet Taylor to tell me I'm a good mother. I do want the way we look at motherhood to change. The drink is symbolic of a bunch of other issues related to being a mother.

That's my bigger picture.

No, it's not world peace, but the mommy wars certainly aren't creating world peace are they?

[Edit: Please see my update about the follow up piece at The Today Show here.]

I can't post my thoughts until I drop the "What the fuck's?" from the dialogue.

It's difficult to write about this topic and how I think NBC is a bunch of moronic clods while still expressing how thankful I am to have had the opportunity to appear on the show.

The politically correct thing would be to dismiss my own feelings on the topic and simply smile and say the piece was fair and balanced to make sure my book sells well. A-hem. But we all know that smiling and keeping my gigantic gob shut is not my forte.

I'm going to sleep on the irritation for one more night and then, I'm letting loose.

Here's a fun conversation from last night.

Logan: "Hey it's 6! Do you want me to mix you a cocktail?"

Me: "Oh, no....the kids are here! We can't. Oh wait, you can because you have a penis. A penis which must have an extra liver in it which makes you capable of metabolizing alcohol. I, on the other hand, can't be trusted."

Logan: "No baby, it's okay! I'm here, I'll make sure you're under control. I know women can't be trusted. Me and my auxillary liver will keep you in control."

I can't help it. I have to start even though my head is throbbing from no sleep.

Meredith Viera called me a babysitter.

She compared me to a babysitter.

She actually said, "What the difference?"

When I said I wouldn't want my paid caretaker drinking with my kids because I do not know what their tolerance or ability to modulate their consumption is. When I said this Meredith Viera said, "What's the difference?"

Meredith? I have had this type of argument with my husband often enough. Usually these types of arguments end with me asking, "Are you stupid? Seriously, tell me? Are you stupid?"

"Meredith, you just called me a babysitter? Meredith is it possible that you've never had a drink in front of your kids because your kids are with an actual babysitter? Who you pay? To watch your children for a set amount of time? Meredith is it possible that mothering is not a job for me. That it's a role I have and one I take seriously. I also play the role of a wife and an actual person who enjoys socializing with her friends like anyone else who enjoys drinking as a social activity. Sometimes I play these roles AT THE SAME TIME."

Janet, I haven't even started with you.....

"Next week on The Today Show....Matt Lauer asks, "Gee Whiz, Why Do Mothers Feel Like They Have To Be Perfect All The Time!?"

Wow. Whoa.

Thank you to whomever shared that link to the video. Whoa. That was so effing surreal.

Natalie liked my hair color and said if she's ever in Detroit she'd love for Logan to do her hair.

Also Janet was a very nice woman but perhaps a robot. She had no answers to any of my points and it felt as though I was talking to a brick wall.

I have so much more to say. But! I've gotten some email, not really angry, but since I had about 3 minutes to tell the world what a raging alcoholic I am, I wanted to leave you with this link to the discussion we had after the New York Times piece aired.

It will likely clear up some of the hurt feelings some viewers may have had. (I did not mean you were uncool if you don't drink. Alice is cool and can drink just 4 ounces of beer!)(Last night she had 16 ounces.)(And I had to carry her home.)(Not really.)

Anyway, here you go. I have a city to view.

As always, more later!

Here's the video.

Update: 8:08 am

It's 6:35. I slept a total of 2 hours last night, in 15 minutes increments. I think it was the decongestant rather than nerves. When I'm nervous all I want to do is sleep.

The producer is coming to get us at 7am, and the segment is supposed to air at 8:08.

I'm a little puffy and red eyed. I hope makeup helps.

 

I also hope Alice wasn't just trying to get into my pants when she said this coughy/congested throat makes me sound sexy.

EEEEE!

Guest Post: Logan

The State of the Proud-As-Can-Be-Suburban Bliss-Family Whilst it's Famous Author is in Galvanizing in NYC

Max
Was fine until bedtime. Answered his sad-missing-Mommy-crying 10 minutes after tuck-in by talking about how soon Mommy will be back home. Answered his sad-missing-Mommy-crying 10 minutes later by suggesting we put a photo of Mommy on his nightstand by his nightlight. Answered his sad-missing-Mommy-crying 10 minutes later by agreeing with his suggestion that the photo of Mommy on his nightstand was making him more sad. Took photo back out of room. Answered his sad-missing-Mommy-crying 10 minutes later by talking about taking a ride on the People Mover in Detroit while Madison is at her yoga class at the YMCA. Haven't yet answered the current 10-minutes-later-sad-missing-Mommy-crying...

Madison
Is missing Mommy because Daddy is clueless about the Mommy-makes-lunch routine. Also missing Mommy because Daddy keeps forgetting to send her off to school with milk money -- although the lunch I fixed today, by all accounts, passed muster. Missing milk money notwithstanding. She's probably having a difficult time falling asleep right now without the nightly "be quiet and go to sleep" message Liss normally gives her after the 2,357th very important question she has to have answered before she shuts her eyes.

Max Update
Answered the latest sad-missing-Mommy-crying by asking what he thought would help make him feel better. His response was, "What the fuck do you think would help? Haven't you heard a word I've said? I. MISS. MOMMY. What would help me feel better right now is IF. SHE. WERE. HERE.

Max Update Number Two
Sleeping...

Pants
I just wish I could find 10 minutes to post some new musings at my own blog. Oh well -- it'd never be as well-written and insightful as Suburban Bliss anyway.

This is not a bad omen. This is not a bad omen. This is not a bad omen.

I have never missed a flight in my entire life. Though, I was tempting fate asking for "the earliest flight" into the city. One man's early is another man's bedtime I suppose.

I am stuck at the airport from now 6:30 until my flight leaves at 11am. The last time I was awake at this hour I was offering my raw nipple to a screaming newborn. Somehow that makes being stuck at the airport a little more palatable. Motherhood really is a gift.

I wanted to let you know that the producer said the segment will 'likely, but not definitely' air in the 8 o'clock hour.

I also wanted to let you know that I've set up my cameraphone for flickr and I will be sending along things I see....like Charlize Theron....to Flickr. I will also be loading pictures of my plane ticket and my watch because I am already bored and I've been sitting here for 10 minutes.

This morning Logan shoveled the driveway and sidewalk and warmed up the car while I tried to leave on time at 4:30 (in the morning!!!!) and when I left he gave me a hug and said, "I so wish I was coming with you. I would love to be in that city with you."

And I said, "You just want to make sure I don't use that Lohan joke."

PS: I wish he was with me.

Practice Makes Perfect!

Logan's been pretending to be Meredith Viera for the last few nights. He's quite good at it, it's uncanny.

He asked, in character, "But you're mothers and after you've been drinking you have to drive home. With your children in the car. Where trees will jump out in front of your car and you will all perish!"

I answered calmly, "Again, I think we're talking about the difference between having a drink and 'being drunk'. If you're unable to limit yourself a drink or two in a 2-3 hour period at playgroup and remain within the legal limits of sobriety, then you're Lindsay Lohan and you don't even have a kid so I don't know what you're doing at my playgroup."

Logan said, out of character, "No."

I said, "What!? That's funny! I'm still laughing!"

He said, "This isn't your blog, you aren't Rosie O'Donnell [it's true, I'm not], you can't fire your mouth off and potentially offend a star who might be slated to be on the show next week."

I said, "Okay but who else is notoriously drunk?"

He said, "Don't mention anyone who's currently famous."

I said, "How about Tara Reid?"

He said, "No."

"Wha? She's not even famous. Can I just say Tom Cruise, they probably don't like him either....does he drink a lot?"

PS: Logan only nixed my joke because he's had a crush on Ms Lohan since The Parent Trap remake.

My dreams continue to put me to sleep.

Last night I dreamt I was, get this, on the Today Show! I wasn't even naked or fumbling. I showed up on set and had some coffee with Alice and then went on air. Which is pretty much exactly what's going to happen, for God's sake Subconcious.

Then, I was at Ann Taylor where they were selling lycra bike shorts to wear with cashmere and even the size two had huge hips and tiny barrels for leg openings. That's right Subconcious, I don't like bike shorts. Or skinny jeans. Can we dream about that tonight! Put me in a pair and watch the rage unfold! How creative!

Then, I was at the doctor with Max to have his ear infection rechecked. And it was all cleared up! Guess what I'm doing today at 3pm? Taking Max to the doctor to have his ear infection rechecked. My Subconcious is really pushing my boundaries!

I've developed a slight cough with chest congestion. So, I bet you can't guess what the last dream I had was about? No, not that I'd inhaled a snake and was trying to cough it up. I called the doctor to ask what I could do about this cough because I'm supposed to be on TV on Friday. WOW! I really out did myself.

Since I just wrote about jeans at The Buzz Off I'm surprised I didn't dream about showing up in New York wearing Mom Jeans. But no, that's too creative for my Subconcious. If I dreamed about jeans and the Today Show I would have dreamt about finding out what Ann Curry's favorite denim is. I'm guessing she likes a dark wash, low rise.

"I have a 'Prominent' butt according to JCPenny. This makes my butt sound like it's talking to stockholders and having long lunches with investors. My butt is currently forming a Presidential Exploratory Committee, it's that prominent a public figure."

....and then I went through a dark tunnel.....

Things have been a little awkward for the last few days and it's been a little difficult to write because of it. Last week my sister and I had some words, ironically started with a flippant Flickr comment, which exploded into a full blown deep family secret revealing, soul sucking conversation.

Flickr: Sharing pictures, sharing skeletons.

Today I decided to get out of the house (and my head) and work at the coffee shop where I'd feel a little more self concious about numbing my brain with hours and hours of Solitaire. When I walked in I ran into a friend who I decided to create new boundaries with earlier this winter. Though I hold no ill will toward her, she seems to be very angry about the new boundaries making our inevitable bumps into one another exceedingly awkward.

But it gets better. Remember my old banner referring to the Baby Eating Presbyterians?

The friend with new boundaries is friends with a woman who is a Presbyterian and apparently has a rabid hunger for the hearts of babies because when she came across my post referring to the Presbyterians and their baby eating ways, she pretty much freaked out to the point of mildly shaking when she tried to talk to me. Of course I had no idea how angry she was, I just thought she liked shaking when she talked, until our mutual friend (who now has new boundaries with me) explained it all to me. I don't typically talk to other people about their friends in unflattering terms because in general that makes a friend unhappy and/or defensive of their friendship....but then I'm not a presbyterian. They do things differently.

The Blood Thirsty Presbyterian told the Friend With New Boundaries, how evil I was and how it's a good thing we're done sending our kids to that preschool because she would make sure we weren't welcome anymore. (uh....how christian of you?) 

When it was suggested I was using sarcasm she replied that this was not sarcasm. She's right, no, it wasn't. I really do believe she eats babies. Absolutely.

So today in an effort to get away from the awkward discussion with my sister late last week, I came to the coffee shop to get some work done. I walked into Angry With The New Boundaries Friend and at her table was.....you'll never guess!?

Blood Thirsty Presbyterian!

You know what would make this story so much better? How about if my mother-in-law was at the table, with my sister-in-law and maybe Joleen and Karen were all sharing a latte at that same table. Let's see who else would make me feel awkward? How about my gynecologist?

When I wrote to a friend to incredulously tell her what was happening, she replied. "Take your shirt off if you haven't already."

Yes. That would make it more awkward. Not awkward enough? How about if I take my shirt off and walk over to hug everyone!? Awkward!

I didn't come to the coffee shop to talk about all of this. I was going to tell you all about how  I can't write anything because I'm not feeling all that creative after the awkward Skeletons In The Closet conversation with my sister.

I was also going to tell you that even my dreams are boring and uncreative lately. For the last three nights I've had the most transparent dreams, even my subconcious is feeling a little shell shocked it seems.

The first dream involved our house and neighbors who were keeping ferocious wild animals in their screened in porch. Animals like a rhinocerous and a huge lion. I was afraid to leave the house or let the kids out to play because of these wild animals threatening to eat them like the presbyterians.

In the next dream there was a mammoth snake in a tree in front of the house. It was wound all through the tree and was at least 20 feet long. Since it was 20 feet long it threatened to enter our house through any opening. I spent the dream running to the car every time we had to go anywhere, dodging the man-eating snake (it must have been presbyterian as well) and filling every opening in our house with foam and nailing windows shut.

Last night I don't remember the dream but I do remember this part very clearly. I was walking along and someone with me found a small green snake, picked it up and handed it to me. At that point the snake stuck to my hand and no amount of shaking to get it off would dislodge it. It wasn't wrapped around me or biting me, it was just plain sticky.

Holy shit Subconcious, could you be just a little more creative? Is my brain really so vacant you have to be so ridiculously obvious with the dream symbols?

These dreams seem to refer to my fear of living here, being stuck in this neighborhood, hating where we live. The snakes and man eating animals may also refer to my desire to protect my children from harm. They also may be representing the Skeleton Revealing conversation with my sister and my inability to see the conclusion of that situation at this time.

Or they could just be my mind's way of telling me to stay away from baby eating presbyterians. Which will be easy since we're not welcome.

The last part of my dream involved a pretty funny scenario where I watched the show Cops and saw my neighbor, the loud guy with the boat bigger than his house and the wife who's voice could cut tile, being arrested. He was thrown on the ground and beaten by the police while Tile Cutter tried to hold onto his leg.

Still a kind of boring dream but it was nice watching him getting beaten because I sort of want to do that myself as I listen to him revving the engine on his truck for 3 hours straight all afternoon. (Does he work? Ever?)

So there you have it, family secrets, gossip and simplistic dreams. Big fun over here.

7 products I'll love in 2007

At The Buzz Off, I'm sharing all the things I bought last year and will be loving this year or, things which I plan to buy and love this year.

"I never did anything to you The Gap! I don't know what your problem is. I only wanted to love you and you repay me with skinny jeans? You know what? You are a jerk."

(PS. The whole iPhone thing? Yes, seriously wishful thinking. Maybe in 2008......)

Caught.

This morning someone from the dream neighborhood (sniff-sniff) emailed to let me know Logan was in the paper.

With ANOTHER WOMAN!

(photo by Daniel Mears)

I forgot my Man-Saving Panties and look what happened?

Damn, I really wanted to play the whole thing up but enh, it's just not working for me.

Logan and his friend Kim, you might remember Kim from this post, went to have a drink last Friday and got their picture taken. Kim made this delicious dip at that tailgate and I unhinged my jaw to eat it.

Logan is very excited about having his picture in the paper, he feels a little famous. He's hoping Matt Lauer calls to ask him about all of this.

"So Logan, do you really like the Black Lotus Brewery?"

"How were you feeling when this picture was taken? What were you thinking about at that moment?"

"You're an amazing man Mr. Summers, the way you hold that glass of stout, I think I'm speaking for America when I tell you.....we're proud you're one of us."

"In life's wilderness, choked by the weeds of error - bloom of beauty: truth." seemed to confuse him.

Max: "Mom, what is 'Truth'?"

Me: "Well......Max.......how long do you have?"

****

I waited to post about the Today Show thing because I knew once I did it I'd be just jabbering and jabbering about it. I thought if I left it until the Friday before I left then I wouldn't talk about it and I could be almost as cool as Heather who doesn't mention her appearances until they air or end up in print. God love her.

The Today Show doesn't care about my loose lipped tendencies though, so they cancelled my Tuesday appearance and have moved me to 1/26.....9 days later than I'd planned. Also, because I want Matt and I to be close when we meet, it's day 32 of my "cycle" which means I'll be requiring "supplies" in New York and The Today show doesn't care but I didn't want to have my period while I was in the city.

If I took this issue directly to Ann Curry she would make sure I arrived on day 20 of my cycle. Because I can feel it, she cares about my cycle and my enjoyment of this experience. Natalie Morales would also care.

***

Our yearly main drain clear out is rapidly approaching, the laundry tub was full tonight after a load and that's the first sign of impending doom. This is about a month earlier than usual. I love medication because it still sucks to spend that money, especially after we lost a week of pay with the rather abrupt way Logan's old place of employment wanted him to depart. (48 hours after he gave notice.)

Spending the money still isn't ideal (I'd rather be throwing money into the final house sale prep) but I just don't feel that impending doom I've felt when things went wrong in the past.

Someone emailed me after my last post about medication and climbing out of maintenance mode, suggesting I was sounding like a "Stepford Wife".

And you know, I guess it sounds that way and maybe it is. If it means I don't have to spend 3 days sobbing about my plumbing when things go wrong? Well then, color me 'Robotic'.

Or maybe I'll take the Tom Cruise approach to memorable interviews.

On Monday morning at a horrifying hour I'm getting on a plane and going to New York City. On Tuesday I'm going to be on The Today Show (live!) talking about that whole cocktail playgroup thing from a couple of months ago.

It will hopefully not look like this.

"Look Matt! I like a cocktail while my kids are around. I'm country!"

This photograph has played a large role in the nightmares of my week. Dutch made it for me as a warning about finding an outfit this week to wear on the show. Because if I didn't have luck finding something flattering I might end up wearing this nice ensemble with the top of my bra showing, a wad of gum in my mouth while crying on national television until my faux lashes come loose.

I've found something reasonably flattering so I am beyond this particular risk. Of course, after my encounter with Andrew Shue there is still the risk I will begin sobbing uncontrollably. Which will definitely help champion my cause. "[Sob sob sob] Look all I'm saying america is [sob sob sob] I'm just a normal girl and I like to have a cocktail when my kids are around....."

I am surprisingly not nervous. My fears involve speaking in front of groups of people I don't know and talking on the phone. This interview will be with just one person and we will not be talking on the phone so I'm fine.

Well I will be fine as long as no one tries to hug me.

I thought about having a shot of something strong before going on the air because then I thought I could tell Matt that, "Look having a drink at playgroup doesn't make me an alcoholic. Having a drink before going on live national television does. Duh!"

Enh....

PS: I'm getting a tattoo which reads '2007 Rules!'

[EDIT: I sat on this news for a month and the minute I spill it I've jinxed myself. The segment has been bumped to Friday 1/26. If I make it to New York with my anally retentive self intact, it will be a miracle.]

Kids like jokes.

"I learned this kid's joke from Pulp Fiction, wasn't that just a mad cap hilarious romp perfect for kids? Haaaa! It's a little more involved and doesn't work as well for my five year old who butchers the whole thing rendering it nothing but a bunch of nonsense strung together with hysterical laughter at the end. Which sort of sounds like how I'd describe every conversation I ever had with my Krazy Aunt Kay. I'm not talking 'Wacky!' I'm talking 'I saw you in the womb before you were born! HA HA HA HA HA!" Wacky!"

High school is never all that far away.

If you were reading my journal from the summer of 1993 you would have read quite a few pages involving my angst over Sara* and her sister Mary*.

In the summer of 1993 I was working at a very fancy summer day camp at Cranbrook. This was a job I held for 4 summers total and I loved the 'work'. Back then I liked children, because at that point I didn't know that kids often need you to wipe their butts for them.

I also liked being outside all day and going canoeing with my friend Julie on our breaks and laying by the side of the pool for an hour while our campers got swim lessons. Also there were 'Talent Shows' where I watched Julie show all the campers how she could pick her nose with her tongue. Also about thirty 6-year-old very well-to-do white girls each week dancing to 'I Like Big Butts'. They would shake their actually quite small butts all the while looking off stage left at themselves in the mirrors lining the walls.

They really liked big butts then but I have a feeling when they were teenagers about half those girls developed eating disorders because big butts were no longer all that appealing.

But where was I. Oh yes, Sara and Mary. In the summer of 1993 I was anxious to leave the hell of high school behind but I thought when I agreed to work at the camp I could do that, even though 80% of all the other counselors at the camp were from my high school.

But I am an adult now, I thought. I don't need approval from these women anymore. Besides I'm dating the hottest guy in the world.  We drink Lambrusco on the weekends! Those girls are nothing to me anymore.

A bad high school experience leaves scars I think. I had remained quite invisible through school, carefully avoiding anyone's wrath so I wasn't scarred by bullies. I was scarred by the indifference, along with my father's suicide and you know going to a mental hospital. A-hem.

I think it wasn't high school that left me scarred, but that time in my life I was ready to leave behind and when surrounded by people who know you as "That Girl Who's Father Committed Suicide And Who Spent Time In A Mental Hospital", it's difficult to leave the scarred person behind to become who you want to be. Which is, actually, who I am now. Only thinner.

I was partnered with Mary a very thin and pretty blonde girl who came from a wealthy family. Mary was incredibly disappointed to be paired with Melissa Williams, you know, That Girl Who's Father Committed Suicide And Who Spent Time In A Mental Hospital and not with one of her many other pretty, thin and wealthy friends from our school.

So any chance Mary got, she would slip away from our group of campers leaving me to collect them from swimming or art or worse, to manage the wet pile of 6 year olds in the locker room after swimming. I put up with this clever laziness and mild disdain for me for the entire 6 week session.

Near the end of the session we had to come up with some sort of Tribe (Yes! We were tribes...I had the Tillamooks) act for the end of the year musical show. Mary was of absolutely no help and so one night while Logan and I drank Lambrusco (I was only 20! And Logan bought me Lambrusco! Which is wine for 20-somethings who should be drinking grape juice!) and I got drunk we thought how funny it would be to make the campers into little Sonny and Cher's and have them lip sync to "I got you babe."

We got brown paper bags from the market and cut them out to make little faux leather vests and we helped the kids make bands to go around their heads and I made construction paper flower for them to hold up. The kids decorated their vest and head bands and Mary laid by the pool with her friends who were not, you know, That Girl Who's Father Committed Suicide And Who Spent Time In A Mental Hospital.

Just before the show I was trying to help the kids learn our little act and the kids were crazy as 6 year olds tend to be. I could barely keep them under control and found myself yelling and shh shhing and getting crabby.

This is when Mary said, "It looks like you've got this under control. I'm going to head up to Lake Jonah [the pool] okay?"

And that is when, That Girl Who's Father Committed Suicide And Who Spent Time In A Mental Hospital pretty much lost it.

"What? Mary what the hell? Do you know I've put this entire show together. I came up with the idea, made all the costumes, brought the music, have taught the kids the whole routine and you've done NOTHING! Not a single thing except go to the pool with your friends through all of it. I could use some help!"

Mary was a very thin and pretty girl from a wealthy family and Mary didn't really like to be told what to do. So at the end of the day Mary told her older and bitchier sister Sara about our little interlude. And this is when Sara decided it was a good idea to tell all the other counselors in the camp what a bitch Melissa Williams is. It was also when Sara decided to write me a note telling me how full of shit I was and how dare I tell anyone what to do. This was when all the other counselors began ignoring me or, conversely, giving me the evil eye or, even more enjoyable, staring at me, whispering and then laughing at me.

Given my desire for the 4 years of high school to remain under the radar of scorn, this was a fresh hell I was not prepared for. Even as a 20 year old who was mature enough to drink Lambrusco on the weekends with her 25 year old boyfriend.

I didn't go back to work at Cranbrook after that summer obviously. It was clearly time for me to let go of anything related to high school and the time I was That Girl Who's Father Committed Suicide And Who Spent Time In A Mental Hospital. I haven't even given that time in my life all that much though until last year at Kindergarten Round Up night when I sat down and saw a familiar face.

And the face recognized me and it was Sara sitting right behind me. Oh! She looked so happy to see me! "Oh my Gosh! How are you!?" "Wow! Can you believe this!? Our kids are going to kindergarten!"

I told myself to take a deep breath and let go of high school. She probably doesn't even remember me as, you know, That Girl Who's Father Committed Suicide And Who Spent Time In A Mental Hospital. Probably she doesn't even remember how she made me feel like a stupid asshole at day camp that one summer 13 years ago. She had 30 friends (and I had zero) so those few weeks where I was stared at and laughed at were probably a tiny blip in her radar. Gone within weeks of the incident. And yet, for me, after remaining invisible for 4 long years, it hurt a lot.

Oh but I'm not done yet.

So we start the year and oh! There's Sara and her little boy in Max's class. I wave across the playground but have no desire to talk to her because she made me feel ostracized 13 years ago. Also, I don't want to be, you know, That Girl Who's Father Committed Suicide And Who Spent Time In A Mental Hospital anymore. And, though she probably has no idea, her presence is taking me right back to that place.

And then Max comes home one day and tells me John is his best friend. He LOVES him! He's SO FUNNY! John did this! And then John did that! We go to the halloween party at school and Max and John dance together and do the limbo and eat candy together and I see Sara and her husband watching with a smile and Logan and I are watching and Logan's happy Max has a good buddy and I kind of want to throw up.

Max keeps asking when John can come over. Logan asks, 'Why don't you ever invite John over?'

And I can't really answer because the answer is in my head and it's really pretty stupid. I don't want John to come over because his mother made me feel like a fool 13 years ago. I don't want to be That Girl Who's Father Committed Suicide And Who Spent Time In A Mental Hospital. I don't want her to come to my home and see that I'm still not wealthy.

I know I have to talk to her and have her kid over to play and I have to grow up already. But it's amazing how someone can take you right out of the present, which is everything you ever wanted, and toss you right back to the past when you had nothing you wanted and felt ashamed of it.

[Edited to add this comment I left below:]

Her little boy is very sweet and funny and kind. The perfect kind of crazy for Max.

And if I've changed as much as I have, I can only think she's changed as much.

I'll get over it and it seems to me if we've ended up living blocks from each other (after growing up in the poor part of town vs. the nice part of town) with our boys in class together and taking a shine to each other....probably this is something I'm supposed to work through.]

[Adding also: She's not evil or mean, as much as I wasn't a freak or crazy.]

[Edited: Removing names and most identifying details. I fucked up. Again. See more here.]

Seven sites to watch

New Buzz Off!

"Why, I mean, since I've been a mom for 8+ years now, I know all the tricks. Not really but it's a great place to go to feel like you've come out on top of the parenting thing for just a little bit."

Conversely, my house has an "Inherited Furniture Meets Low Budget" look.

I'm pretty sure this year can't keep going at this rate. I'm trying not to think that way (you know, like the way I always do), but it's January 7th and it's been seven full days of awesome.

If your year hasn't been as great as you'd hoped, I'm going to recommend you get some friends who own an awesome new restaurant.

This is Curt.

In October I wrote this about Curt.

"I want to hate Curt. I want to hate him so badly.

He has a really great successful restaurant [The Clarkston Union] (we adore), he just bought another restaurant [The Clarkston Cafe], his wife owns the cutest little shop [Clarkston General] next to the first successful restaurant, they live in the cutest place next to the restaurant and above the shop.

But wait, that's not enough success for one person: he is also creative vp at Logan's old ad agency. WOOOOO!

The worst part of this story? He's a really nice guy. He's impossible to hate as much as I try and try and try. Even in his Prada shirt, you can't hate him.

You want to, I know you do. I do too, but we're powerless. We can't do it.

Jerk.

PS: He gave us free T-Shirts! Asshole!"

Curt's wife happened on that Flickr photo in the fall and emailed me. Thank The Lord Above, she got my sense of humor and emailed me to say she too would like to hate Curt, but she can't. He's too nice, too down to earth, too seemingly unaware that everything he does is, well, successful. Jerk.

You will not even believe what Curt did next. He invited us to his newest restaurant's family and friends preview dinner. Can you believe this guy? First free t-shirts and now this.  He invites us to his newest restaurant (with an open bar) and feeds us pate and duck and filet mignon and a porterhouse steak which was roughly the same size as Max's head? And not just that, there were salads with beets and chevre and desserts which made me want to weep.

Jerk.

I felt like a dumb ass bringing my camera to this preview dinner but it would have been very wise to do this because when I tell you what the look Curt's lovely wife (who designed the space) was going for, you will be as confused as all the contractors hired to create the look were.

The look is "1930's French Via the 1970's".

Oh but if you saw it you'd immediately say, "Yes, this is exactly what 1930's French Via the 1970's would look like, in a supper club." A beautiful blue color on the walls, antique mirrored walls, zebra print chairs, blue upholstered banquettes.

Stunning. Each area had it's own look but the room we ate in was my favorite. The lighting, the color, the photography...I looked at our dinner companions and the room and thought, "This is what being a grown up is all about....except usually you'd be paying your own way if you were an adult....."

Since I didn't bring my camera, all you get to see are these two crappy photographs from my camera phone. Enjoy!

Not crappy enough? Check it out!

That's some pretty shitty photography.

It was a lovely night and thank you Curt and Ann. The Clarkston Cafe opens on Tuesday and is worth the drive north. We drive up there on date nights since the drive is just more time to talk without anyone interrupting to let us know, "She just looked at me!" The drive itself is like a vacation when you look at it that way.

Also, a special thanks to The Universe. Don't you stop being awesome okay?

PS: Last night at dinner the mother of the little boy in this photograph came over to our table and said, "Hi, I'm Spiderman's mom....from the picture at Oktoberfest!" And I said, "No way! Wow!" And I thought in my head, "You know, thank God that whole thing happened at preschool because if I'd used a picture with her kid's face in it, this would be a really awkward moment."

PSS: I'm also glad I didn't make her kid look like he was saying a four letter word.

PSSS: I'm also glad I didn't mention my personal opposition to Crocs. (Although I am mostly neutral about Crocs on kids, I have a strong 'No' position in regards to Crocs on grown people.)

He might have said, "Passable" which has dual meanings.

At the salon yesterday.

Stylist: "When did you get your color done?"

Me: "On New Year's Eve day. But don't worry I didn't cheat, my husband did it."

Stylist: "He did a decent job. What does he do for a living?"

Me: "He's works on the line at Ford."*

(*I only wish I'd said that. I said, "He clicks a mouse and creates advertising for bleach products.")

(Which was true at the time, but isn't true anymore.)

(Logan has a new job!)

(So far 2007 rules.)

I'm sharing this quote UNCENSORED.

At the Buzz Off, I'm talking about things I'm going to use a lot this year. Services are up firstl.

"The post office in my town is really busy and there's always a homeless guy outside screaming four letter insults at people as they enter the building. I don't mind it if I'm alone but I'm not really ready to explain to Max what a "Bitch Ass Ho Mother Fucker" is. I know, that's so suburban of me."

(It's like the Director's Cut!)

Resolutions: 2007

Last year I didn't even make any resolutions, but I feel like I accomplished so much I'm surprised.

I was still stuck on the phone (I still am) and I thought I'd gotten better about hugs but a few days after Christmas we went out with Dutch and Wood and at the end of the night I hugged Dutch so awkwardly (it was mutual), Wood said, "You two look like toddlers trying to hug." Nice.

So maybe the hug will stay with me this year too, though I've given up on the phone.

Sell house. Move to new one in better neighborhood.

More pictures of Choppable.

I am also going to run another 5K in September. Even though I loathe running.

Entertain more, no matter where we live. I love having people over, when Maddie was little we had people over for pizza once a week and usually another night during the week. I miss it.

Keep up with having my favorite pictures printed, put in my yearly album and displayed (current, not ones from 3-4 years ago) around my house (much like this). (I stopped in 2004 and I hate it) starting with this year and working back into the back log slowly but surely.

Always wire the tree.

Keep taking care of me.

I know you want to see my puppy pajamas.

You're looking at what happens when your mother takes your daughter shopping to get you a Christmas present. If your mother does this and does absolutely zero steering, your daughter will buy you pajamas with puppies all over them. Because your daughter wants a puppy more than anything and wants you to wear pajamas which infantilize you.

The Four O Clock.

Last night my friends and I decided New Year's Eve is going to be our thing. Our way of reconnecting as our lives branch out from one another. Each New Year's Eve we'll meet up and have big fun. Hopefully at my house....which is in a different and better neighborhood.

I've spent a ridiculous portion of the day trying to come up with a post for The Buzz Off, so Logan sent me a post for here. It involves a cocktail recipe. I'm happy he wrote this post for me but I wish he'd written something for the buzz off so tomorrow I could wake up secure in the knowledge that my commitments were taken care of.

Anyway....boo hoo.

The Four O'Clock, by Logan.

A variation on the classic cocktail, the Sidecar. Inspired by a drink I had at clarklewis in Portland, OR. This is a helluva good drink...

You'll need brandy, Cointreau, lemon juice and Pear nectar. Cointreau is similar to triple sec -- but in the same way that Budweiser is similar to Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, so splurge and get the good stuff. Use a cocktail shaker and mix 2 parts brandy, 1 part Cointreau, 3/4 part lemon juice and 1 1/2 parts pear nectar.

Shake vigorously and pour into a frosted double old fashioned glass. Liss likes a sugared rim on the glass for this drink and I agree that it's a good addition to the recipe (many bars will add a sugared rim on the glass if you order a Sidecar).

Don't even bother making anything less than a double. You'll just be making another in a short while anyway...