Wow. Whoa.

Thank you to whomever shared that link to the video. Whoa. That was so effing surreal.

Natalie liked my hair color and said if she's ever in Detroit she'd love for Logan to do her hair.

Also Janet was a very nice woman but perhaps a robot. She had no answers to any of my points and it felt as though I was talking to a brick wall.

I have so much more to say. But! I've gotten some email, not really angry, but since I had about 3 minutes to tell the world what a raging alcoholic I am, I wanted to leave you with this link to the discussion we had after the New York Times piece aired.

It will likely clear up some of the hurt feelings some viewers may have had. (I did not mean you were uncool if you don't drink. Alice is cool and can drink just 4 ounces of beer!)(Last night she had 16 ounces.)(And I had to carry her home.)(Not really.)

Anyway, here you go. I have a city to view.

As always, more later!

Here's the video.

Comments

[Nicole]

I've never commented before, but I just saw the clip and have to say I am shocked at how unfair it was to you. Why did they even have you on? Just to try to make you look like a bad mother? I thought you were very composed and well spoken, but I'm really disappointed they went that route. Oh, and your hair looks awesome.

[Janine]

cheers Melissa :-)

[jgsearls]

Wait? I'm confused? Was Dr. Janet saying that women should find another way to socialize without alcohol? I didn't quite get that. Sheesh...if she said it one time she said it 3000 times.

BTW, your hair - fabulous! Your outfit - killer! Your boots - wonderful. All in all - you came across like a normal woman. Dr. Janet - a bit robot-like (and not in that adorable Logan way).

[amy]

Love the outfit, love the hair, loooove the boots!

Dr. Janet -- ugh. "I'm not judging you" indeed! Except for the part where I tell you how bad you are.

Meredith was not really helping you out either. The appropriate analogy is not to ask you whether it's ok if the babysitter drinks, but to ask Dr. Janet whether there is any situation where it is ok for you to have a drink. Can you have a glass of wine at dinner with your husband and kids? If you go out with your friends and have a glass of wine a Dr. Janet-approved distance from your kids, how long do you have to wait to be in their presence again? An hour or two, a day, what? Is there a certain magical age that your kids will reach where it's ok to have a drink in their presence?

[ashley]

Hi Melissa - I just watched the segment and I just wanted to come out to say that I read you all the time and I thought you were great on the segment. Really stayed composed and had great answers for the bias. You're right - Janet wasn't responding to anything you had to say!

I just moved to a new town and feel like it will be hard to find friends like the ones I had back home, because of exactly what you said. Sometimes I do roll my eyes at my daughter. It doesn't mean I love her any less. But, there are other moms out there that will say/think that you are less of a mom because of it. I hope to find some moms out there that are like-minded because we are grownups and don't deserve not to be just because we have children.

Thanks for being such a great person, mom, wife, writer, role-model.

[K]

I think you were awesome. You didn't look nervous, your outfit was fab and that necklace rocked. You spoke to bazillions of moms out there who think EXACTLY the same way you do. (I'm one of them). Thanks for that!

[Mrs Ca]

I watched, and thought you looked fabulous and that you did a great job during the interview. I would have completely frozen up!

Janet did seem like she had a couple of points that she wanted to stick to and she got those across. A couple of times. You were definitely much more likable and I'm sure that pretty much every mom out there can relate to the points you made. Good job!

[I Think You Should]

Delurking--

I couldn't really hear what you were saying because I was so excited to be watching you live. Kidding--I thought you did an excellent job. I was just so relieved that you weren't having to deal with Ann Curry. You probably missed her in the next segment on how to find the right jeans, but she is just so awkward. Although Meredith did disappoint a little.

Anyway--great job! And thanks for letting us live vicariously.

[Arianne]

That was like an ambush orchestrated to fill some mommy-hating mom's judgmental fantasy. I agree with Nicole above. Was having you on the segment Today's attempt at "balanced" reporting? Seriously?? They had no intention of really showing your side of the issue. It was more like "here's what she thinks, but then here's how she's totally wrong and a drunk and has no coping skills".

I never watch Today, and only watched it to see you. When I was watching it I felt proud of you that you were brave enough to go on the Today show to talk about (defend) something that its so "cool" to be judgmental about. However, as soon as I saw the clips of the mom's with the wine on the playground (showing the one who put down the glass to help her kid up the steps), I knew it was going to be really biased.

Are these people really telling me that they NEVER have a drink when their kids are around? Not at dinner, not at BBQ's, not during football games? Yeah right.

Also, you could almost hear the deafening judgment when you said that you roll your eyes sometimes when your kids cry. Why are mothers so proud, that they can't admit they get frustrated with their kids, and then on top of that have to judge others who do (to prove that they're "better")? Of course they've felt that way, everyone has. Ugh. This reinforces why I hate "Today".

[Katespot]

Hi Melissa -

I read your blog quite a bit but never comment (bad me). I just caught the video with you and I think you did a great job in the interview. It was an obviously slanted piece and you didn't get much time to bring your point home. I am also a mom who has "Mom Friendly" playdates and sometimes, we even hang out by the pool (GASP! HOW SHOCKING!). I have even blogged about it too. Frankly, I think there are quite a few people who just need to get their panties out of their butt and mind their own business!
By the way, I loved the expression on your face at the very end - very funny. You looked awesome!

[juliloquy]

Great job! You are brave.

I wish the interviewer had brought up the importance of modeling responsible drinking for our kids. If we try to hide it/make it out to be an "evil" thing, that will be the first thing our kids turn to when they start to rebel.

Enjoy the rest of your visit.

[pkryan]

You did awesome!! Im so glad I was able to catch it, scurrying my daughter on to the bus this morning(her bus comes at 8:10!), I made it just in time to see you be introduced.

You could tell that you wanted to get your point across & well, Dr. Janet just didnt want any part of it. How does she socialize? I wonder.. not really...

I couldnt take my eyes off the necklace! Awesome Melissa, you should be so proud!

p.s. I hope you brought your thermals with you, because Today of all days was THE COLDEST here in NY!!

[Ladytheaj]

By the age of 3, both of my boys (ages 10 and almost 16 now) knew how to open the fridge, get beers and open them with their shirt tails. Now that I'm older and more mature, the older one is an expert at opening wine bottles with those hard to use corkscrews and the younger one just learned how to do it, with my help. They are great hosts who know how to pour wine without spilling a drop just like the high class waiters and bartenders. I'm so proud. They have a skill that they can fall back upon should they fail at college or whatever profession they choose when they grow up. (sniff)

[hello insomnia]

I'm glad you made the Ebay point. It was funny and true! On the rare bad days/nights, I wonder what he'd be worth.

Great job, Melissa. I would have littered my speech with umm's and like you know's!

[pnuts mama]

first, before my rage gets the better of me, may i say that you, melissa, were gorgeous on tv!! wow!! and i lived the superhero necklace- stunning all around. enjoy nyc today- you deserve it!!

second, that meredith vieira- oh if that had been me on tv i know i could never have handled myself with such grace, i think i would have slapped her! wtf with the holier-than-thou attitude? meredith, please, honey, if you think anyone is buying that your parents and grandparents never drank in front of you and that you have never had a drink or 3 in front of your kids, you are delusional. you and i come from the same european-catholic based background so don't even try to tell me that all of your family gatherings growing up (and even now) don't have alcohol as an option for a beverage and you've been declining these past 18 years. you tool. you totally sold out to that *very scientific* ivillage poll that clearly shows that the majority of americans think women shouldn't drink around their kids. oh, i am so disgusted with you, meredith vieira! any respect i had for you as a mother and a journalist is gone.

third, i understood what the psychologist was saying, obviously if anyone is drinking to mask their loneliness/depression etc it indicates a deeper problem. thanks, we all took psych 101 to fulfill our elective requirement in college. was it difficult to put one and one together and come up with the two that equals parents need an excuse to gather? we're not drinking because we're lonely, if that were the case we'd be drinking ALONE. we're gathering because we're lonely and need to socialize, and happen to drink when we gather- human beings are social creatures that crave contact from one another. chances are if you grew up in an environment where drinking was acceptable then you share that view. if you didn't then you don't, and neither is the 'right' or 'wrong' way to socialize. and what was the whole "you can't parent responsibly if you've had anything to drink" thing? wha? really? can i do anything responsibly? no? well, we'd better ban alcohol in this country again. it annoyed me that the psych couldn't decide if drinking while you were watching the kids was bad, or drinking in general was bad. she kept avoiding the issue and what you were trying to say.

finally, the implication that when women gather and have a drink we are acting like we're on spring break was repulsive. how dare they imply that i am unable to know my limit and moderate my consumption accordingly? and no mention of fathers/grandparents/other family members and friends drinking in front of the children when they gather at social functions? is it only mothers that aren't allowed to drink in front of the kids? what on earth is wrong with modeling appropriate drinking behaviors in front of my kid/other children? i am so tired of this puritanical "let's shield the children from every adult situation possible" attitude. i suppose my children will never be allowed to attend another function where alcohol is served: weddings, bar mitzvahs, birthday parties, dinners, brunches, etc etc. until they are 21. and then i will be surprised when they have no examples or resources to help them decide how they should consume alcohol. my job as a parent is to show them how to be considerate and responsible people, and part of that will be showing them that they can drink alcohol responsibly and not abuse it when they are old enough to do it.

ugh! i'm sorry this is such a long comment, but i was so excited to watch you on tv this morning, and the way you and the entire topic were treated just pissed me off. liberal media my ass, more like pandering to the moral majority. it's back to sesame street in the mornings for us!

[The Cotb]

I was just sitting there eating breakfast at my favorite greasy spoon while over my shoulder I heard Dr. Janet give some fun mom an inordinate amount of grief over such a silly thing. I look up and it's you! All I can say is that I admire your poise.

Hide your liquor! The children area awake!
WON'T YOU PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!!

[momdotcom]

Hi Melissa, I just watched the link to the Today show, and was so excited to see you live! I have been reading your blog for over two years now, so it was great to see you 'in person'---pictures just don't do you justice. (LOVE your hair, and the boots) I had to laugh at Dr. Janet when she said that one drink can impair our cognitive functioning. The real question is this: can it impair you beyond being able to take care of your kids over the course of an hour to two hour long playdate? If you can answer 'yes' to this question then, as you said, Melissa, know your limititaions and don't imbibe. I, however, can have a glass of wine or beer and can still yell at my children across the yard to stop strangling each other. I have also been known to have a beer while cooking dinner then *gasp* a glass of wine with my husband during the meal. Dr. Janet gave away her extreme bias when she said the 'right' thing to do is to figure out *other* ways to relax while socializing. Who is she to say what's right? Melissa, you were calm, relaxed and extremely well spoken------with the amount of time they actually gave you to speak. I can't believe anyone really thinks you and your friends are out to get drunk while at a playdate. People must get over themselves and stop being so judgemental. Kudos to you for voicing the opinion of many who are like-minded.

[Abbey]

I just woke up here on the west coast and watched my Tivo'd Today. That was FAB-U-LOS!! You did great and you looked fantastic doing it!!!

You are totally right about the other woman not really responding to any of your points. And my husband and I both agree with you on all points.

It made me mad, though, the way the show treated it. I'm with pnuts mama (see above). They seemed to be on the other woman's side...whatever. Your points are completely correct and valid.

I almost laughed when the dr. said something about women sticking together there at the end... She clearly has never hung out with most women/moms out there today...OR she is ONE of them. Yep...that's it. I was thinking, "Oh Melissa has an arsenal of stories about woman not only NOT sticking together, but just being plain MEAN and judgemental.

You did GREAT!!!!!

PS I LOVED your boots!! Where'd you get them?? : )

[Kelly70]

Wow, Melissa - YOU ROCK!

I read your blog everyday and just wanted to delurk and tell you that you did a great job. To me, it seemed like an "ambush". But you were clear and concise, just the way you come across on your blog...I was impressed. I really wish they'd let you explain your take on things a bit more, though! I was equally impressed that you did not roll your eyes...I so would have, and did, during that whole interview. Are these people for real?!? "Would you let your babysitter drink?" Come on....they surely can do better than that! But, I'll stop...I won't get into my opinions on this subject cause I'd be here all day.

At any rate, you did a great job!

Oh, and those boots? Those boots are KICK ASS!

...Going back into lurkdom now....

Kelly

[thegirls'moma]

Melissa, I haven't commented before either, or at least not since I had to sign up for a Typekey account to do it. But I agree with Nicole who left the very first comment and had to say something about it!

The piece they showed before your interview was wildly biased against Cocktail Playdates, from the comments made to the framing of the shots. Yes! We always leave wine glasses right up on the playstructure where our crawling babies can tip them over, or possibly even drink them! (Why waste good wine like that?)

You looked fabulous, sounded very well-rehearsed, and resisted the Lohan joke. You did very well and I think had the piece been angled differently, you could have been heard in a much different light. Why not have a glass of wine to feel like an adult sometime? Especially with little ones who do nothing but interrupt everything else we do all day? Don't moms deserve to be people too? And who says being responsible with alcohol ISN'T teaching the kids something?

Question: Was Janet The Robot Lady ever a stay-at-home-mom?

[lim]

Melissa - you were fabulous! and looked great! Totally agree with you. I was also going to say something like amy above - wonder if Janet thinks we can ever drink around our kids, maybe when they are 18? Ridiculous!

Have a great trip!

[kaleigh]

Great job! I watched online but also have the show on my TIVO to watch when I get home (I already bought a box of wine so I can toast you later).

Give me a break! The argument that ONE drink can impair your ability to parent does not hold water. Has she not seen the studies that show that sleep deprivation impairs drivers more than even several drinks? So I guess we should make sure to get more sleep so we can be better parents to newborns who don't let us get sleep, too.

The babysitter drinking question was just silly. Drinking AT WORK? Not at all the same thing as drinking with friends while kids are safely also in the house. Puh-leeze.

My parents modeled responsible drinking my whole life. I am trying to do the same (although New Year's Eve? Not so much....but we were home and everyone was safe...and the kids thought I was pretty funny so there's that).

And to the commenter whose kids could open beer and de-cork wine? That's great. My parents taught me similar skills (and how to mix a fabulous gin & tonic) when I was a kid. Just like you teach them how to set the table and do laundry. We need to equip these little people to be effective and gracious adults. Because it's coming!

Loved the boots, outfit, necklace, and haircut. Do you still go to Emilio's? I think I got my hair done there before my brother's first wedding.

[Beacon Hillbillies]

Bravo! You were fabulous! And you looked awesome, too. Love those boots. Can't wait to hear the whole story!

[LilyJo]

Hi Melissa,

I've been reading your blog for a few years but have never commented before.

I ditto what others said about the unbalanced interview, your great responses (including the other "healthy" ways that you relax--like yoga and going to a coffee shop, etc.), and your hot boots.

But I also wanted to add that you have great posture!

Thank you being a genuine mom.

Lily

(A hopefully soon-to-be mom who looks forward to having a nice glass of Cabernet at a play group one day)

[Mahony]

Melissa,

You were poised and articulate throughout the interview, and I think that the contrast between you (down-to-earth, reasonable person) and the hand-wringing sanctimony of Meredith and Janet was in your favor. (It seems like the emails responding to the video on the Today Show agree.) I was actually shocked at how slanted the interview was, particularly the lack of objectivity on Meredith's part. They both came off as unreasonable, unappealing, and patronizing school marms. I felt pretty angry as a mother who partakes, and on your behalf, after watching that segment.

Anyway, enjoy NYC!!

[The Real Kato]

Way to go, Melissa. I thought the piece was totally slanted against you, and you held up to it just fine. I think "sanctimonious" is the perfect word for the way Meredith and Dr. Janet sounded.

Oh, and you looked great too.

[Wendy Mac]

I'll never forget the time I let my daughter try a sip of a really expensive bottle of Pinot Noir. She asked what I was drinking and I asked her if she wanted to try it. She spit it out back into the glass (yum) and now whenever you mention wine or beer, all she can say is, "Eww."

I know, I'm such a bad mother, right? For trying to teach my daughter how to handle alcohol appropriately, to role model for her that I can have my half glass of wine and be done. For teaching her to appreciate the expensive stuff (my bad) so she knows in college there is more to life than the box of wine or 2 buck chuck (which I actually kind of like).

You were fabulous, Melissa. Many congrats!

Now, my husband and I are off to make another baby so I can drink a glass of wine in front of the baby.

[kristin madpony]

you looked fabulous, your outfit was beautiful, and meredith should not be allowed to interview (hello, objectivity? this isn't the view.) i thought you did a wondeful job. we don't have kids yet, but when we do, i will toast you at my backyard bar.

[Dani]

Melissa - Went to work late just to watch you and I think you were really honest sounding. You came across real and I thought it was wonderful. Congratulations! Enjoy New York now, you've earned it.

[daisies]

delurking to say ... good for you, you were beautiful, composed and graceful in your interview and thank you for giving voice to, well you know, human parents everywhere ...

: )

[TracyJ]

Melissa - I happened to be home today with sick kids and thought HOW LUCKY that I could catch you on the today show. What a tough thing to do. I can only imagine how nervous you must have been. You looked GREAT! Yes, it was all very slanted. Keep up the great work. I love it that you are not afraid to speak/write about what's on your mind! I'm proud to say that we are both from Metro Detroit! Have fun in NYC.

[Kim E]

Melissa, I too thought your appearance on Today was fabulous. The Dr was very judgemental and I thought you handled yourself with grace and poise. I was also disappointed that Viera didn't mention the benefits of modelling responsible drinking.

I grew up with a mother who was the child of alcoholics. As such, due to her own issues, alcohol was never allowed in our home and was definitely demonized. As children are likely to do, I rebelled against this and have had my own issues with alcohol in the past. I honestly believe that if responsible, social drinking had been modelled in my home I would have had a much healthier view of alcohol. I think you're doing a fabulous job.

Btw - the 'ebay auction' comment was awesome! I often fantasize about putting my children out in front of the house with a big hand-painted sign reading 'FREE', like and old piece of furniture or a broken lawnmower.

[saplej]

Melissa. You looked awesome. You were ambushed though but you held your own. These women are unrealistic. They expect women to find other ways to socialize, other than one glass of wine. I myself do not drink and would actually think twice about someone that had a problem with a mother having a glass of wine or alcohol at night or with her friends. I would also have a problem with someone that did not speak up when they saw their friends drink too much wine or alcohol repeatedly in front of her children

Their point was you are not able to take care of your child once you have had one glass of wine. Well then you better hire a babysitter for your child when you take Tylenol PM or Nyquil or anything else that says do not operate heavy machinery with taking. Since when were children heavy machinery.

My parents had many social groups that they belonged to when my sisters and I were young. We saw the mothers and the fathers socialize and yes (gasp) drink. I think it familarized us with all types of social behaviors and situations.

Stepping off Soap Box - Melissa, you looked great, got your points across, and rocked the Today Show.

[Judypooh]

You did a great job, but damn they sure were judgemental! What bothered me most about their interview is that they seemed to be presenting it that moms (parents) having a drink together while the kids are around is something NEW that has never been done before. AS IF! My ex used to tell me how his parents had bridge night once a week and they would drink. I'd go to friends houses when I was little and the grown ups would have a beer while we played. Family gatherings, the grown ups had wine or beer - and no one was DRUNK.

I think Janet missed an important point when she mentioned how we as mothers are always modeling for our children. Your modeling responsible drinking to your children not teaching your children to be drunks or putting your children in danger.

I bet that Janet is a LOT of fun to be around... for a robot.

[micheled]

I think having an occasional drink in front of your children kind of demystifies the whole thing. If it's some forbidden thing that mom (and dad) only do when the kids aren't around, aren't kids more likely to want to check it out? I think the analogy of the backyard BBQ is perfect - on a hot summer day, who hasn't had a beer, wine or wine cooler, while the kids played? Maybe the problem is that this is something women are doing for (and by) themselves.

I think some of these moms who disapprove are wound too tight. They put forward this Stepford-wife/mom ideal that we are all supposed to aspire to. Right!

In my neck of the woods, I think moms who talk on their cell phones in their cars (which is illegal here in CT), are much more dangerous. I can't tell you the number of times I've had to dodge these maniacs, whipping around in their SUVs, with a cell phone glued to their ear.

In the end, Melissa, you rocked. You looked great (loved the necklace) and kept your composure. You are an inspiration to us all!

[amy]

I'm a newbie to your blog (found you through finslippy, which I just started browsing) & I went and found the video, since I can't get myself alert by 8 am in January. I, too, thought it was biased, and I hope you don't get too much flak for the eBay comment. I'm considering having a glass of wine right now, except I'm alone, and that would just be sad. I need a playgroup to show up at my house, with wine, that would be great. Anyway, I also agree with the commenter who said Meredith Viera most assuredly grew up around alcohol. Viera and I have the same background and grew up in the same state. What a bunch of hogwash. You should have offered that uptight psychologist person a drink...

[Connie]

Speaking of Nyquil, bad parenting and being able to adjust to life w/ little ones ~... I know someone that does and has for years, line their children up at night to spoon feed them a liquid cough medicine so the children will immediately go to sleep! Geezzzz... (at least while my children were young, we --the mothers, were the ones having a relaxing beverage to help us unwind! We weren't giving it to the kids!)
I have three teenagers and spent years at home alone with the children. My friends would meet and have champagne and "big girl" snacks by the pool! (Pizza and juice boxes for the kids AND three lifeguards!) And guess what? I have fabulous kids. They're healthy, active and socially amazing! I'm not saying that with public consumption of champagne I've enhanced their social skills, but I think so many parents are afraid to even take their children out in public!! The result seems to be grown kids who will come to my home, eat my food, lay on my sofa and never look me in the eye! As for the parents of those children, I wonder how many of them have ended up on medication to get through puberty?

Relax... have fun with your kids ~ and Melissa, keep doing what you're doing!! Great job!

[Thel]

I may be out of line chiming in without having actually seen the show, but I think I get the gist of the conversation.

My dad was an alcoholic--but he did all his drinking in bars and didn't come home until *after* he was drunk. So I guess since he didn't drink in front of us he was a fabulous example!

More seriously, just as others above have noted, having only had such an awful model of alcohol consumption did give me a bit of a complex about it when I finally, inevitably, did start consuming alcohol after I turned 21. I went through a phase where every single time I drank I end up going overboard and getting drunk, just because it seemed like the thing to do--and what other example had I had??

I wish I'd had a reasonable example of moderate consumption set for me when I was younger--it would have made a lot of things easier. I'm a little jealous of Max and Maddie in that respect. Good job, Melissa. Don't let the bastards grind you down.

[kb]

When I saw that it was Meredith who would be interviewing you, I though "oh good, at least she's reasonable." And then, I saw the clip of the moms in CA, and how she asked her first question. That's when I knew it was going to be bad.

You were wonderful. Poised, articulate, and sensible. Meredith and Janet were unreasonable and frankly, not listening to you at all.

Thank you for voicing your thoughts and not hauling off and hitting them when Meredith asked about the babysitter drinking. That was so out of line that I couldn't believe that she made that link in her mind.

Did they talk to you after the segment? Were they really that close minded about it all?

And you looked stunning!

[sunnyface]

Fabulous job, Melissa! So, does Dr. Stick-Up-Her-Ass even have children? I'm sure if she does, they're like Meridith's kids, at home with their nannies. I think that's why the "babysitter" question came from Meridith, maybe in her world kids=caretaker. Enjoy the city!

[Maggie]

Did anyone else notice that they seem to have cut Melissa's portion of the segment before it aired on the West Coast? I'm hoping there was backlash about the idea that this is even a controversy. Perhaps some women were unconvinced by the doctor saying that a single glass of wine seriously impairs your judgment. As if, after one glass of wine she finds herself running naked for the hills howling at the moon. In which case, remind me not to hire her to babysit.

Seriously, all of Europe is having a good belly laugh at the idea that this is even a point of discussion.

[GeeseOPlenty]

I love how you said "other women are looking at you" and they show your adversary burning holes into your neck.

And remember: if you're going to sell your kids on eBay, set a healthy reserve.

[m.]

Look! On the TV! And the internets! It's a person! It's a mom! It's Melissa!!! (Going with the Superhero theme, natch.) You were so poised and natural, and that great outfit looked like one of the girls from 'The Devil Wears Prada.' You owned that stupid barstool they made you sit on. :P

Let me chime in with everyone else that the piece was painfully biased, shallow and shrill, even for the Today show. I think the producers think it's "provocative" and "edgy" to breeze through a topic like this with lots of quick cuts, but it's just shabby. I could not help but laugh at those goofy graphics, with the wine and martini glasses and the little babies shaking their rumps...WTF? Against that level of "dialogue," you came off like Madeleine Albright (not that you aren't as brilliant as her, you know what I mean).

It hit me as I watched that women in Europe or Australia would laugh their asses off at this kind of "scandalous phenomenon" report on social drinking...and AFAIK those civilizations are not crumbling because the adults imbibe daily. You did great, Melissa, keep on mixing up the delicious cocktail of freedom! :P emily

[Carolyn]

Ditto the positive comments above about how poised you were, your posture great, super cute hair cut!

Personally I would have been shaking as soon as I knew the opposing view point would be expressed a (beautiful) doctor and mother of four.

When they asked if you to verify that you might "weed out" potential (non)friends by inviting them to playdates with wine I could almost hear the unspoken words "baby-eating Presbyterian" in your response.

e.g. "Sure, yes, if they mind me having wine in front of the kids then I know they might not like if I roll my eyes.. or they might just be a baby eating Presbyterian!"

[Leah]

You looked foxy. Well done.

[Lisa V]

Melissa, you looked great, you were well spoken and intelligent. Bravo. We all toast to you!

[twinsplus1]

Hi Melissa. I have been reading your blog for months and for some reason I never posted a comment. I just wanted to tell you that I think you say the things that most moms are afraid to say outloud and in my book that is real. I hate those fake mothers. I hate fake people in general. I wish they would have portrayed your segment in a more mom- positive way. I think that everyone may not agree with you but can see the need for some much needed adult chardonation (chardonay + conversation).

Alos, before my husband and I moved with our kids we lived just around the block from where you are now. Unfortunately our house is still on the market so I can totally sympathize with your situation. I look forward to chatting with you soon...

[Jenn]

I love your blog and have found great comfort in reading it. I'm going to be a mom soon (17 weeks pregnant) and I can only hope to meet other mothers like you. I am disgusted by how uptight everyone seems to be on this issue. The whole interview seemed to be in favour of the anti-drinking side right from the beginning. It just goes to show how judgemental women can be to one another. I made the mistake the other day of "admitting" that I took an aspirin for a headache to another pregnant woman and she looked at me like I was satan. And that was just for consuming a freaking aspirin. I would never feel comforatble to admitting to having sips of my husbands beer from time to time.

The whole thing is ridiculous. I would rather kick back with a beer or glass of wine with other moms in a relaxed environment rather than sitting around drinking decaf with a bunch of uptight, right wing Stepford wives.

Can't women just lay off of eachother? Motherhood is not a competition to see who comes out with the smallest ass, the least stretch marks and the most perfect children. It's about being a relaxed and happy mom for your kids. When momma's happy, everyone is happy.

Cheers!

[Maddy]

Melissa, you looked and sounded wonderful.

Dr. Janet and Meredith V. sure were grumpy, sticks-in-the-mud authority figures.

Women who are mothers are apparently supposed to be childlike, no-fun autobots for the rest of our natural lives. Blech.

You did a great job holding up the reasonable end of things, but the stuffy ones didn't give you much of a chance to talk! Enjoy your visit to NYC!

[Lisa]

First, let me say, you looked gorgeous. Loved the hair, the outfit, and especially the man saving boots. I am sorry they were so unfair to you. Unfortunately, you walked into an ambush. WTF with that analogy about the babysitter? You know your own limitations, and your own children. You know what Bill Cosby says...
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out, and make another one that looks just like you".
You were great today! I worked from home this morning, just to see the show.
Yes, I am sad, and have no life and live vicariously through others. Ahem.
I would be proud to have a drink with your playgroup. Except, I live in Wisconsin, and the lake is frozen, and I would have to take the carferry over, and I would be worried that the captain had been drinking too much at the carferry captains' playgroup.

[merseydotes]

Echoing everyone else, you did a great job, nice boots, good hair, the necklace looked good on TV, you got shafted, BUT...

I am so disappointed that no one used the word 'momtini' or 'hackles.' Obviously Meredith Viera doesn't have very good staff doing her background papers for these interviews.

[kelly]

You were great, looked great....
Funny how the interview was so biased, yet I do believe you represent the average mom in America. Cheers to you!!!

[HeatherK]

Loved your poise. Was Dr. Graysuit that uptight off camera? Enjoy NYC!

[patti]

For being totally plastered, you did an amazing job staying on that barstool. Also, was it hard to concentrate with all those freaks plastering their faces up against the glass, doing that frenzied "I'm in New York. AND I'm on TV!!!" wave.

Maybe I'm an oblivious simpleton, but I didn't see the "ambush" everybody is talking about. I think you were totally articulate, graceful and powerful in your point of view and opinion. The way you stood your ground so eloquently no matter what was thrown at you simply gave more power to the validity of what you had to say.

[Shannon K.]

All I can say is Icck! I can't believe they took such a slanted view. As one of the CA mommy's in the clip (that was my backyard they exploited for their judgemental BS) I have to say I am bit peeved. They completely LIED to us about their intentions. I knew when they started with the *poll* showing that most moms think we shoud be turned into social services for having a drink, it was gonna be bad. I also felt like they didn't give you much opportunity to make so many of the excellent points you had prepared. I am really dissapointed in Meredith, too. It reminded me of why I don't watch much network *news* type stuff anyways. It is all not what it seems.

Oh and I wanted to scream at her when she said we underestimate the impairment 1 glass of wine can have. I feel more impaired by a head cold and decongestant than a glass of wine.

[Watson]

Hi Melissa,

I'm another one of your long time readers delurking to say 'Brava' -- you were amazing.

You were smart, but not smug; funny but not a smartass; you made your point without sounding judgmental.

Congrats!

[charise]

longtime reader, first time commenter.

i'm not even a mom yet, but i get really irritated about this. basically, my response is along the lines of pnuts mama - uptight americans, the europeans are all rolling their eyes at us, and especially the sexist/old-fashioned reasoning behind this. can daddy have a drink in front of the kids after work? do we suddenly become only our kids' mom the moment we birth them and not adults who want to live well-rounded lives?

as far as the setting an example for your kids, look at all the people who grow up in these alcohol-free/alcohol-is-bad houses and get to college and go NUTS and end up being the ones blacking out and making more than their fair share of drunken mistakes (see: one of my favorite roommates). should i mention that when i was a kid, i entertained my parents friends by slurping up spilled beer at parties?

i'm finally at a place in my life (post-college) where i thought i was done with all the judging. gee, can't wait to become a mom and start with it all over again.

[Millie]

First off, Melissa, you did an awesome job. You looked great, you stuck to your guns, and you weren't a withering pile of nerves like I would have been. Bravo.

Secondly, why do we think we're reinventing the wheel here? Parents have been drinking cocktails on the job for generations. My own parents did -- though they called them what they were -- parties.

I think that this is being sensationalized just to again categorize mothers by "those who do" and "those who don't." It's another way for us to put each other into little boxes. It's silly. (And for the record, it's not only the non-drinking moms who are judging. The mom from California in the green shirt who said something like 'I'd like to see those non-drinking moms go 15-17 hours without a drink and see how good of mothers they really are," was doing plenty of judging of her own.)

We're talking one, maybe two drinks, right? Then why are we talking about it at all?

Again, bravo Melissa, but shame on the media for feeding the mom vs. mom frenzy.

[Megan]

This is my first comment too -- I wasn't a huge fan of the segment, but I thought you were fabulous! It would have been so easy to get defensive or tone down your humor to satisfy the 57% who feel like its their prerogative to tell others how to live, but you stayed totally true to yourself. Bravo!

And what was with Dr. Janet - we should stick together, we shouldn't judge each other, blah blah blah, but there's something wrong with this woman sitting next to me because she sometimes uses alcohol to socialize? Talk about not being true to herself!

Anyway, this comes from a mom who has attended wine-and-play-dates but never imbibed. To each her own, but the boozy playdates are much more fun, even for us teetotalers.

[AmandaT]

Hi Melissa! I thought you did great today. Thank you for representing normal (fun) moms with normal (nutso) lives and normal (batty) kids, with a lot of grace and style. I'm proud of you!

Oh, and the hair? LOVE.

[Velma]

That was great! I don't know how in the hell you didn't get distracted by all the yahoos outside the window, much less remain so poised and focused. Great job speaking on behalf of those of us who know we aren't perfect and don't pretend to be. I love some of the points the commenters have left - especially the beer/football analogy. No one says "Boo!" about that, and I'd love to hear Dr. Taylor's view on that cultural phenomenon.

[nicolelise]

Been reading for a year, but this is my first-ever comment--It was so much fun watching you today! After I got over the excitement of seeing you live, talking (is that creepy?) I had to tell you how poised and witty you were next to Dr. Chilly McRobot over there--and how GREAT those boots looked! Yay Melissa!

[Amy]

I thought you were terrific, even in the face of fairly negative and judgmental commentary being directed your way. I think anyone with half a brain knows that moms having a drink at a playdate aren't going to get raging drunk (and frankly, even if they did, I would assume the other moms would step up and help her and her children out in that situation), but instead are trying to find a way to reclaim their individuality and adultness while still wearing their mom "hat."

I could only think of two things while I watched that segment. First, why aren't we discussing this issue when talking about dads? How many kids spend their Sundays watching sports at home with dad while he has a few beers? But we hear nothing about that!

And second, this is such a prime example of how uptight and judgmental our society has gotten. We could certainly take a lesson from Europeans, who have a much more relaxed attitude about alcohol, or even our parents and grandparents generations. I think we do our children a disservice by making alcohol such a taboo.

Bravo to you for speaking publicly about this!

[Sarah]

Well done - you conducted yourself really well.
Now have a Momtini to celebrate :-)

[kerflop]

I just watched it on my tivo, thank goodness I could fast forward through all the blah blah blah real news they had before the piece. Your hair, your outfit, your necklace, all gorgeous! I would have crapped an entire house in my pants. I can't even speak normally in front of my mailman. Fantastic job.

I don't drink and I didn't have my feelings hurt. I got what you were saying.

xoxo

[Suburban Kamikaze]

A toast to whoever coined the word "santimommy"...

Use this link if you wish to read "A Toast to Our Children." It was written last summer when this issue was raised in an advice column in the Chicago Tribune.

Here is the link:

http://suburbankamikaze.typepad.com

Cheers! - The Suburban Kamikaze

[mrtl]

Oh, rock on!! Excellent piece on Today! I've been looking for a way to bring up the prospect of a margarita playdate with my mom group, and this is perfect.

My issue with having one is not from the possible judgment of others who are against it, but from those who are heavier drinkers and want more (before driving with the kids). How to set those boundaries so that I'm not stuck in an uncomfortable situation?

Thank you for doing this! It was great to see you!

[dr. fluffy jones]

oh my god. Americans are SO uptight!!! I grew up in a mormon family, and don't have children of my own, but puh-lease! My point would be - Janet said 'we need to find 'healthy' outlets for mothers' loneliness and need for communication' - doesn't she know that wine IS healthy? Ever heard of antioxidants? Ever heard of stress relief and lowering blood pressure? And what better place to get your daily glass than with your loved ones and friends around - now THAT is a healthy outlet! Not to mention, that perhaps if we had 'healthy' examples of mothers and fathers who drink responsibly around their families (and kids that can wield a corkscrew with panache like that one woman suggested) that we wouldn't have so much alcoholism, teen drinking and drunk driving in this country. As Napoleon Dynamite would say - GOSH!

You were FABulous - I didn't know about your blog before today, but thank god for a sane voice!!! you go girl!

[dutch]

serafina pekkala: that was not a "stupid" barstool--- that was a beautiful bertoia wire bar stool, and I am going to start scouring ebay for one so that once logan and I start decorating the tiki bar in the basement, melissa can totally wear those boots and sit in it while logan sips an umbrella drink across the room totally tantalized by his wife who was on national television.

what the fuck is wrong with people? it's not like she's asking Max to hold a lighter under a goddamn spoon for her.

[Jenn]

Hi Melissa. I'm also de-lurking to say that I thought you were great. Those boots are truly fabulous. The interview did seem a little slanted and I was confused by the babysitter analogy. To me, your typical babysitter is the teenager from down the street, so, uh, yeah definately inappropriate. Nor would I expect my babysitter to attend my playdates, or organize her/his own with their friends. Really, it's a silly question because a babysitter is a person hired to do a job. What mothers do is so far beyond what a babysitter does. The analogy just didn't make sense.

I just don't understand what the big deal is. Is alcohol of any sort taboo if your a parent, or just taboo if you are a mother? Is all that wonderful wine out there only for college-age binge drinkers? It seems rather silly to think that a parent could not enjoy a glass of wine or a beer with friends and still have the mental capacity to ensure the kids don't strangle each other.

I also totally get what you said about this being one of the ways you would weed out your friends. If your going to judge me on this, then you are going to judge me on everything. For me, personally, I put so much pressure on myself to be a good mother, I do not need my friends tsk tsking at everything I do too.

I also don't understand what is so "deconstructive" about a glass of wine, since Janet feels that mothers should find more "constructive" things to do. Should we drink wheat germ and lemon grass smoothies instead? No thanks, I'll take a glass of pinot noir.

[clearlydistracted]

I hope you're riding a high right now - you were awesome.

[PK]

I haven't read the other comments because I will become distracted and confused. So forgive me if I'm repeating...
First, I was so friggin' excited that despite being in a hotel in a bizarro time zone and having only 10 minutes between the time I managed to shower and the time I had to leave for a meeting--voila! There you were!
Second...what a frame up!

Here's what I noticed between well placed air kicks at the TV: The voice over of the beginning segment made sure to point out that "we're talking about a glass of wine"--while the camera captured many, MANY glasses of wine being poured over and over as children sat beside the glasses all by themselves! Poor, poor children! WTF. Do they think I didn't study subliminal messaging in college?

Second, part 2: You were lovely.

Second, part 3: I *loved* the point you made about being an adult. When you said that, it made me realize a couple things. First, that whole BS about "would you drink on the job, would you let your babysitter drink, etc"... I think this is a key to the whole competition/judgement thing! Because yes, motherhood is work. And it feels like a job. And it can be a full-time occupation. But it *isn't* a job: It's life. You know what I mean? We *aren't* getting paid. We *don't* have hard and fast metrics for "performance". It's our friggin' *lives*, and dammit, we can choose to drink a glass of wine at 2 or 4 or 6 or 10 or never and it doesn't make us better or worse parents. It doesn't mean we aren't loving or paying attention to our kids.

Also--I wonder what those Brick Wall women would have to say about a larger gathering involving fathers--like, say, a football game or barbeque--if the fathers were sitting around having a beer while the kids were there? There's no difference. Would that be ok?

[superblondgirl]

First, you looked great and you did an awesome job presenting your point (hey, and I recognized that necklace!!). Second, I can't believe how utterly skewed the piece was - that's not balanced journalism! What with the wine song and the close-ups of kids and the wine bottle and the leading questions, they were obviously not on your side. That said, though, I think you totally got your point across and they looked like jerks - especially about the babysitters, how ridiculous was that whole thing?? Anyway, you were great, cheers, girl, go drink a glass of wine for me!

[m.]

Tiki bar in the basement?! Dang, you Detroiters have all the fun! Sorry to slag the barstool, Dutch -- maybe you should write it up on DaddyTypes? :P I personally try to avoid sitting on a high seat like that in a skirt, as I am not a leg-crosser. But as in all things Today, Melissa rocked it. Woo!

[Andrea]

Wow. You are very brave. And looked great.

What a slanted judgmental little "interview" that was. I am still amazed it's even an issue.

Drinks are on me if you're ever in Houston.

[Melissa]

I *heart* your boots. Covet them. I must own them.

Okay. That piece was totally skewed. My husband is in the military and deployed to the middle east right now. About a month ago a (childless) friend of his came over to borrow our truck and I answered the door holding *gasp!* a beer. It was after five on a Friday night, my kids were playing in the other room, no big deal. He looks at the beer, then back to me, and says, "Hey. Is everything okay? What's with the beer?" Hi, I'm involuntarily single parenting for four months and I have decided to drink a beer. Clearly I am unfit. Anyway, you did great. Congratulations!

[angiewis]

You looked amazing and did a great job! I was very disappointed at how short the segment was, though. I definitely didn't like how Dr. Whats-her-Name didn't really respond to any of your perfectly stated points.

Enjoy NYC - when do you return home?

[blogversary]

Janet's point was fine that yes there are other things a mom can do with other moms besides drink wine, but SHE NEVER SAID WHAT THOSE OTHER THINGS WERE!!

I will be raising a glass of Merlot to you tonight!!

[Sonya]

What bothered me was equating "happy hour" and "cocktail hour" with having a glass of wine and a freaking salad (as you so eloquently stated with better words).

Good job Melissa. Bad Job Meredith and the odd doctor person to your right.

[lightspring]

You did great. But you were so set up. How was this a balanced piece? They set up the whole thing disparaging moms-who-drink, and stuck you next to someone who was clearly used to the camera and wasn't being personally attacked.

You looked gorgeous, however. That necklace! The hair! Did they do your hair and makeup? (I have always secretly wanted that)

Enjoy NYC!

[Liz]

You looked great!

I have to wonder if we'd be having the same debate over dads drinking beer together in front of their kids, or each member of the parental unit enjoying a glass of wine at the family dinner table. What's the BFD?

[Paige]

Melissa!

Wonderful job. You looked amazing!

I have to agree with ALL of the previous posters: totally slanted. I hate the Today show anyway, but Meredith Viera? So annoying! Did either one of them hear a word you said?!

Am very proud of you!

[MoMMY]

As someone who has been reading you forever and not commented (I don't think), I had to today.

My first thought when the piece came on was Melissa is so brave. They are about to slam her. It was obvious right from the start.

My second thought was how fabulous you looked.

Third? How the hell is she so composed and together and sounds like she does this all the time?

I really just wanted to say, Great job!

[erinchosen]

First time reader and commenter here! this post and the today show video make me feel scared. I'll tell you why. As a future mother (my husband and I are trying now...well not NOW but, you know in the evening hours...) and it really hadn't occurred to me that it WASN'T okay to have a glass of wine in front of and around your child. My parents had wine and beer around me while I was growing up and I was never injured under their care and I didn't grow up to be a raging alcoholic due to the "bad" influence. To me, drinking wine while you're socializing is perfectly natural and, I think, healthy!
I also think that the today show segment was really biased and totally out of touch with the reality of motherhood in America. Many different cultures of Americans raise perfectly wonderful children *gasp* in the presence of alcohol. The show really only showed one side of parenting methodology and as usual, the bias was towards the upper-middle class family. Lets face it, that is totally unrealistic in this country! And I don't think there is one *right* way of parenting. But what do I know, I'm just starting down that road. Either way, you looked great and were very personable and smart!

[carefulmarge]

I'll echo everyone else in the mad boot lovin'.

I don't normally watch the Today show and can I just say that I kind of hate them all? That segment was wrong on many levels and clearly designed to make you look like drunk mommy. Modeling responsible drinking should be okay in our society. If that segment featured men-type parents, there would be no debate. The fact that they focused on moms was sexist and nasty.

[3 to get ready]

Okay. I had to cool down after I watched that crazy clip. Every question Meredith asked was incredibly slanted and Dr. Janet was as judgmental as I've ever seen anyone. I can't believe you were as collected as you were. I would have started to throw things.

Anyway, here are my points:

a. Melissa, you looked and sounded fantastic. Like an actual (very stylish!) human being who loves her children but realistically acknowledges that they can drive her crazy sometimes.

b. Don't those other women have any kids? If they do I bet they aren't their primary caretakers. Because anyone who thinks that they are a perfect mom 100% of the time is flat-out lying. And will be insane soon if they're not already. Haven't they ever been flat-on-their-back sick with the flu and no back-up? And had to watch Elmo for 6 hours so their kids wouldn't go through the knife drawer before Dad got home? Let's be real, people!

c. Mothering is not a job, it is a life. You cannot go home from it. You cannot take a sick day. You cannot resign. For 18 years or more you are on call every minute of every day and every night. That's not to say that it's not enjoyable, because lots of times it is. But for Meredith to compare it to babysitting is unbelievable.

d. Having a drink is LEGAL. And I would question just how impairing one drink is, especially with snacks.

e. The real art of parenting is finding a balance between being yourself as an individual and being a parent. Either extreme is bad, and hopefully there's some overlap. But if part of that overlap is that you enjoy an occasional drink with friends, isn't it much healthier for your kids to see how responsible drinking fits into a normal lifestyle?

f. When we lived in Italy in the '70's we used to watch Italians give their babies watered-down wine in their bottles. I'm not advocating that, but it might put things in perspective.

I need to stop. This is too long already. Obviously I'm fired up. I'm going to go comment on the Today show page!

Anyway, excellent job, Melissa!

[Cadbury]

I have a HUGE amount of respect for you sitting in that chair and staying true to yourself, and true to truth.

That was the most horrific thing I have ever seen and confirms why I would never actively choose to watch daytime television. They want to create content so badly that they will grab at anything, and with their lawyers, conservative producers, and fearful writers, take the "safest" point of view - regardless of reality. Shocking!

Like Meredith has never had a drink in the presence of her children!

The implication here isn't that its wrong to drink on a playdate, but that if you are a parent, its WRONG TO DRINK! what the ! and the babysitter comment...? was that for real...!? you've got to be kidding me! she thought that was good journalism? 'cause she asked you a stumper? the stump was SHOCK! she didn't even acknowledge work vs not work, the context was all judge-the-mom.

Please, next time, talk about how responsible parenting is about setting a good example. If your kids see you having ONE glass in a social context, and not getting to drunk, and still being in control, then they will know what "ok" is and not think that you never drink; or that the only drinking option is to down a bottle and be a drunk!

Kudos to you!!!!!!! I'm relieved that your voice is out there.

[susan]

I won't go into a whole analysis of the segment, as many commenters have covered that very well already. But I'm glad to see everyone is on your "side" so far.

I just want to say that after reading your blog for oh, about 3 years now, it was really great to see you on tv. You came across as intelligent and funny and rational. My only regret was they didn't give you more time to actually speak! Damn! I wanted more!

Plus there was no mention of the Momtini, which I have always felt is an amazingly clever creation of yours.

[meghant]

Melissa,

You were poised and articulate and did a fantastic job all around. How did you refrain from rolling your eyes at the baby-sitter barrage? Freaking puritans. And that lady was quite robotic.

Motherjudging is totally out of control. Rather than consider that there is such a thing as responsible alcohol consumption, it's pretty easy to take the finger-shaker stance. I am disappointed by Meredith Viera's one-sided questions.
DOCTORS RECOMMEND that adults consume one glass of wine daily, and they make no footnote of "except if you are a woman, and have children, in which case you are a horrible parent unworthy of social acceptance."
Shame on both of them. No one thinks parenting while drunk is a good idea. Perhaps next they'll beat mothers up for consuming chocolate.
You maintained your composure in what could be defined as a hostile and public forum.
Great Job Melissa.

[Jentilla]

Obviously Meredith's interviewing didn't improve with the promotion. I went in with low expectations b/c I know what lame reporting most of our news media provides.

I have to second the poster who said being a mom is not a job, but your life, I regret ever bitching about only getting two weeks vacation. But speaking of jobs, I know a few lunches where I drank socially and OMG went back to work! Of course I must have fucked up a number of things and made a specatcle of myself.

This facist attitude about drinking is ridiculous. I mean if I can still dial 911 and feed my kids without burning down the house my husband is happy:)

LIST OF ANNOYANCES:
1. barstools
2. screaming fools who wave signs to try and get "on" TV
3. Women with FOUR kids who likely employ a nanny
4. shoddy journalism

P.S. My husband is drooling over your boots. I haven't worn mine in a few years with kids popping out of me right and left...oh and with ALL THE DRINKING, I'm afraid I'd fall.

[mojoerwin]

Melissa:

Delurking here. I loved you! You looked fab, loved the boots! I think you did really well. Dr. Janet was lame. I grew up w/a family that drank cocktails before dinner and wine w/dinner, and I think I had a really healthy approach to drinking as a teenager (and yes, like you, I drank to get drunk in college, but now drink to enjoy the taste and to relax). And I'll bet my mom drank around me while I was little and I'm just fine. I'm not even a stay-at-home mom, but the idea of having a glass of wine on one of my weekend playdates sounds great. Don't let those judgey people bother you, you can drink responsibly around your kids and not feel guilty that you're having an "adult beverage" while they have their juice boxes. Kudos to you for having the balls to go on TV and be yourself and not bow down to the nay-sayers. And I'm sorry, that iVillage poll? I'll bet a lot of those "disagrees" were only disagreeing because they thought they *should*, not because they really did.

[Rachel]

I wish someone somewhere had been able to say that they were teaching their children the value of moderation, but I bet that would have been edited out.

I can't believe how stiff Dr. Janet was.

I completely agree with the idea that it's just another way of judging mothers. Now to see if my friends want to glom on to the trend...

[Melissa Note: I was going to say that but it seemed to easy to undermine it. "You mean you're drinking to teach your kids?" or some other such nonsense. I wish I had said it...along with about 30 other things.]

[Sweetney]

melissa lady, you are awesome.

i have only one thing to say, and i feel compelled to say it here only because the more i think about all of it the more hot and bothered i get. i for one was really peeved at the part of the segment where they kind of railroaded you into saying that you wouldn't want a paid babysitter to drink, or think it was okay for your husband to drink on the job -- their comeback OF COURSE being, well, isn't this YOUR job, and so why is it okay for you? motherfuckers, when you start treating stay-at-home mothers with even an iota of the respect and dignity afforded any 'real profession', THEN you can ask that question. in the meantime, since we're all apparently just sitting around eating bon bons and watching our stories and no one takes us seriously, its fucking happy hour!

in essence, you can't play it both ways: expect "professionalism" yet treat stay-at-home mothers like less-than-real-people, and stay-at-home parenting as less than a real job.

and now that i've gotten that off my chest, its time for mojitos, people!

[Melissa Note: I think the term for this is 'Talking out of both sides of your mouth'.]

[jackie]

you did an awesome job. i want to echo what the other posters said so well. you were poised and confident. and i really don't know how you kept from smirking or rolling your eyes at the doctor or meredith. i mean seriously, they have to make everything so controversial don't they? i am four months pregnant and dear god, i can't wait to have my friends over with their kids so we can enjoy each other's company and relax with a good beer or glass of wine. again, great job. by the way, were those people outside waving distracting at all? or you couldn't see them?

[Ninotchka]

I think you did awesome. My very favorite part was the end when you just sort of looked down like "Dude, I'm over it." Awesome! They totally missed the point in the very typical way people often do when it comes to the *real* lives of women in today's society.

In addition to that, what Sweetney said. EXACTLY.

[Dana]

What does a glass of wine represent to me? Um, an EFFING GLASS OF WINE.

Sorry, but this teetotaler BS is some pretty judgmental crap. It's the same damn thing as having a glass of wine with Christmas dinner. In European culture, it's normal and perfectly acceptable to have a glass of wine with lunch or dinner.

Anyway. I think you did great. You didn't say "um," "uh" you were well-spoken and held your ground. But most of all? You were just being real.

[Trish]

Hey, I've been reading you for years, but never commented. Just wanted to come out of the shadows (which was no easy task, what with all that registering!) to tell you that I think you are all around awesome. Watched you this morning, even though you made me late for work. Thought you did superb. I just wanted to tell you that I love your writing, your honesty. You just really put yourself out there in a way I admire. I don't think most people have it them to be so transparent and real.

Just keep up all the bloggy goodness. I am a big fan. If I still lived in the Detroit burb's (grew up in Bloomfield Hills, went to Pine Lake Elementary - is it still there?)I would definitely want to know you personally.

Take care.

[Melissa note: Sorry about the registration. It's stopped a particularly nasty person from commenting here specifically to hurt me. Otherwise I'd have had to pull comments altogether.]

[grudge girl]

NICE LEGS!!!

I just know you totally wanted a giant group hug with Meredith and Janet. A Meredith-Melissa-Janet sandwich. Heh.

The thought of that made me chuckle, and helped keep me from getting irate for the same reasons so aptly and fully stated by all the delightful writers above.

[CatLady?]

It's too bad the piece was biased, but can you really expect objectivity if it's not really the news (or even if it is)? Good job holding your composure. Janet wasn't great - at one point, there was a strange look of incredulity on her face; I think it was after you said the eye-rolling bit.

Re: drinking babysitters - Aren't babysitters often younger than 21, or at least close to it?

[Melissa's Note: I SO WISH I HAD SAID THAT! "Well Meredith, my babysitter is 16, so no, I really don't want her to drink on the job or not. I am an adult you ignorant moron.]"

[ctleigh]

Stepping out of the shadows to say "Bravo!" Amazing to me that moms are bashed for having 1 drink with friends in the company of their children.

I was always more concerned about getting behind the wheel of my car to drive the kids around after a long, sleepless night caring for a newborn.