Non-Sensical Things My Father Would Say When Losing An Argument

Some nonsensical, others just plain irritating as all hell.

"Play the game [fill in name], just play the game."

"Garbage in, garbage out." (ad nauseum)

"Just keep talking. Keep right on talking...."

"Nope. You're right. You're right. You are absolutely right. You just keep talking and then maybe you'll believe it."

"Keep it up. Keep it up. Keep it up. Keep it up."

"What? I can't hear you? I'm blaring this Jimi Hendrix from my oversized stereo which rattles every window in the house." (He said that, but not in so many words.)

Comments

[OMSH]

"Garbage in, garbage out."

I totally say this - to myself and my kids. Hook me up with your dad, no?

[TSM-terrificallysuperiorilymediocre]

Nonsensical is my specialty-most probably because I grew up hearing the same things.

By the way, I paid homage to you today. Not to send you hunting, but visit my blog for a link. You'll understand why when you see it.

Pleasure reading you!

Tracy
www.tsm.serveblog.net

[slouching mom]

Poor you. We expect more from our parents, and rightly so, I think, than to have them resort to nonsense when they are angry or frustrated. This does not apply to the previous commenters, mind you, because they are all great parents, I know it. What I mean is in the context of what you've already told us about your dad.

[Shan]

First, big most awkward hug in the world to Melissa during dark times.

Both my parents are gone. I consider myself a ‘midlife orphan.’ Mom and I had a terrible time getting along although I can find some good times/things between us. Before she died I was able to come to grips with her never having the ability to be the Mom I wished for—I grieved over that many many years. When she passed, I grieved the chance to make our relationship better for both of us. Strangely, I think I have the best relationship with Mom now, after her death. There are no new injuries or hurts, and there is a perspective that has come to me since her passing. She often ‘teased’ me about being a surprise child, which I heard as ‘unwanted’. She got pregnant at 41—SURPRISE!!. I’m not even 40 yet and can not imagine having a surprise pregnancy. The sting of her unwanted baby barbs have lessened with my experiences, but my dream Mom would have never said it in my presence, repeatedly.

I hate that your Dad wasn’t your dream Dad. I hate that he checked out early and left more crap than sunshine.

(looking around for something to boost/prop up Melissa)

Shannon (aka ssw2003 in the flickr kingdom…)

[hello insomnia]

I broke an expensive glass salt shaker and I told my father, thinking that he would reward me for my honesty. Instead, he said sarcastically, "Good for you!" How could that be good for me? I would think it would suck for him because I was eight and there was no way I could pay to replace it.

He would also cut me off by saying, "Semper fi, Mona!" For a long time, I thought it was "shut up" in Latin, not the motto of the Marine Corps.

[Josephine]

This is how my father comforted us when we cried: "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about."

He meant it, too.

[BOSSY]

Sounds like child abuse. Except for the Jimi Hendrix part - that's cool.

[BigBro]

He wasn't frustrated or angry, he was most likely lit when the words of wisdom came out! And it wasn't ever Jimi Hendrix, because that would have been cool. It was often Ferante and Teicher, which I would worry about misspelling but who the hell else knows who they were, or some other minuscule no hit wonder. The best I could hope for was Blood, Sweat and Tears or something without a huge bass line so my teeth wouldn't rattle while I laid in bed trying to sleep. One good thing to come of it is that I have never had a problem sleeping since, even at the firehouse with 4 snoring SOB's and the lights and bells going off all night never a bit of trouble!

[MelissaS]

I forgot about the 'Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." bit. Oh, that's a goodie.

I LOVE "Semper Fi!" I can't believe my father never thought of that. I guess because he was an army brat.

And yeah, the music was decidedly uncool. I think it's why my loud neighbors enrage me so quickly. It's so rude.

[Xdm]

In an effort to keep us safe and ensure sound judgment when we were teen idiots...

"If you kill yourself, I'll kill you."

I guess it worked. I'm still here.

[Heather Barmore]

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about", one of my personal favorites.

Right up there with "I'll show you pain"

Ah good times with my parents.

[Lisa]

"Stop crying or I'll give yousomething to cry about" and "I'll show you pain"

Wow, those both just brought back some childhood memories.

[Jenn W.]

Favorite Marvism's....
"Eat it or wear it!"
And..."Why don't you go play in traffic?"
And the ever popular...
"I'm gonna tap dance on your butt if you don't stop crying."
I swear.
And from my Mother.... "It's good enough for who it's for." (Something I swore I'd never say.)
And...."I don't care if you kill each other - just do it outside."
Clearly, kids were tougher back then.

[serafina pekkala]

Yeesh, reading these lines is like a time warp...I can actually hear that cutting, sarcastic inflection, the desperation overlaid with derision. We had our own versions in my family, and the weirdest thing is that sometimes I catch myself falling into that nasty pattern with my husband (though trying hard to curtail it before we have kids) and yet I can't imagine my parents sounding like that today! They have completely mellowed, and look back on it all as a blurry, chaotic, youthful adventure, or something. Sigh. Personal favorite: "You think you're *so smart*!" Um, yeah.

Thanks for writing this, Melissa.

[sheameister]

Eee gads. But I think I can top that. ;) (Upon finding me *gasp* up late at night watching 120 Minutes on MTV) "When I look at you, all I see is the devil."

Religious fanaticism can throw a whole new *FUN* wrinkle into all of these choice parental quips.

[whoorl]

"I buy ya books and buy ya books and you never learn".

What in the hell?

[Shan]

so, my dad's famous lines:

"Girl, I'm gonna cloud up and rain all over you!!!" precedes the ass chewing and/or whoopin

and

following a some type of threat from him "...in a New York minute!"

most favorite line used by both:

after a whooping they said without fail, "That hurt me more than it hurt you."

WTF?

[anne nahm]

Thanks for sharing. My favorite was, "This is my fault. I must have been a terrible parent for you to turn out like this."

And the sometimes threatened but never carried out, "you go cut me a switch and don't you bring me no twig!"

[lynxgirl]

Oh I am sorry. I know those must be cringe-inducing memories. Those comments really stifle father-daughter intimacy and create a pretty uncomfortable, awkward, environment - I know, I had very similar comments directed at me. I'm glad you've found a good husband - I'm not sure why that seems to help, but it does. I think if you aren't close to your dad, and I get the feeling you weren't, in some ways - and I hope this doesn't sound too freudian - having a strong husband in your life to partner with (since you didn't get to partner with, or be healthily intimate emotionally with your dad) makes all the difference . . .

[Head Squawker Michele]

Argument between my mother-in-law and me about why I don't want tile on my stairs:

Me: "I might slip down the stairs when I'm in my sock feet and hurt myself."

Her: "don't wear socks."

Perfect.

[Lisa]

"Go play in traffic" that's one of my favorites and I actually find myself saying it to my kids. Fortunately they know not to take it literally. Though someone got all up in my face about it once when they heard me say it. Sheesh, my dad said it to me almost daily and I turned out alright, I think.

[MelissaS]

They were actually rarely directed at me. Mostly at my brother or mother and mostly at this point they just make me laugh at him.

I also think it's a peek into my Last Word Disorder.

[Meghan]

My husband used the "play the game" one on me once, and I wanted to tear his eyes out with my bare hands.

It's the incessant repitition of such phrases that pushes a person over the edge to crazy-town. Not that I would know anything about that......

[TeriLynn]

I remember mostly CCR. And I remember bass. Lots of bass. I think it's a little frightening that I turned out to be a bass player.
Also, you forgot the violin pantomime, along with the "waaaaah waaaaaaahhhh WAAAAHHH!" shit he would pull.

What a fuckhole.

-miao.

[MelissaS]

HOW COULD I FORGET THE VIOLIN!!!!!! Damn it! I knew I should have emailed before I posted my list.

[novimom]

Wow. Am I naive. I never heard anything like any of these comments growing up. And I am horrified thinking that so many of you did. I am calling my parents right now to say "thank you."

[Michelle]

I always loved the ones like:

Yeah yeah, you're just neurotic.
OR
Are you on your period?
OR
I'm entitled to my opinion, it's your problem if you don't like it.

Those were always appreciated.

[Carson]

"Don't start with me." It was always "Don't start with me." In this cold "I'm about to go postal" tone. He still does it mostly with my mother now. And if something bad happened to us it was "That's God paying you back." Both parents said that - clearly my parent's god isn't very nice.

[Hetty]

Your dad sounds very East Coast. I never heard any of those from my Midwestern parents (though I have heard many of them, second-hand, as used by my husband's dad -- a native Noo Yawker).

My parents always said, "We'll see," in response to some perfectly reasonable request from me. I soon learned that it meant, "Yeah, right, when Hell freezes over." Why couldn't they just suck it up and say NO, for God's sake, if that's what they meant? Drove me nuts. My husband used it once and couldn't understand why I went totally ballistic on him!

[Kristen B]

Ok, Melissa. I've been reading your site for a few years and always enjoy it. But have you ever heard of beating a dead horse? Well, your mommy drinking scandal has been dead for a few weeks and you just keep beating it. We get it. You were invited into a beehive and got stung. I agree that mom's can have a drink or two or 10 if that's their thing. You don't have to keep mentioning it. No one else cares anymore. No, really. It was interesting the first few days, but now you just come off as bitter. You have to let things go.

[tracey]

Seriously, I love you, but Hetty is so right. Please, let it go. It's over. It sucked. We understand. Move on, life is good Melissa. Cheer up!

[MelissaS]

What the hell? I'm talking about my father and, as luck would have it I'm currently obsessing about my life growing up as I open up to my own family and try to understand things even more.

Let's try talking about things we know about Kristen and Tracey (Hetty said nothing about the stupid today show...Tracey).

Or, say, reading things we enjoy and leaving the rest behind? How novel.

A whole lot of my life is happening off the internet where I'm not writing about it. But, uh...thanks for your advice? I guess I'll try to only think about things which please the internet.

[Alice Bradley]

Seriously. Why don't you read the post before commenting?

[serafina pekkala]

Melissa, I suggest you start a chapter of SunshineBlowers Anonymous in your comments which these dimwitted Pollyannas can join. They obviously need help battling their Assvice Compulsion Disorders -- quick, somebody call Dr. Janet Taylor! :P Here's a tip, ladies: telling a blogger to "get a life" is sort of like writing a letter to "Grey's Anatomy" asking the writers to please wrap up all the drama and whining, you're tired of hearing it. Um, just change the channel, genius. Stay strong, Melissa! :) emily

[MelissaS]

Why I love my husband #219043

His reply when I emailed him the upper two comments:

“If you don’t like the topic, go somewhere else. If you’re commenting on a subject I’m not even addressing AND telling me to stop writing about it, FUCK OFF! Thanks for reading!”

I especially love the 'Thank for reading!'at the end. He's learning from me!

[kyra]

left more crap than sunshine. the person who said that summed it up perfectly, no?
hugs to you, melissa. my dad took the same route as yours - and left me standing here. so, these folks who are all "now you just come off as bitter", they can bite me.
that's all. hope you have a great week. :)

[ScholarLi]

#219043 is also why we love your husband, Melissa. Not in the same way, of course.

Growing up, my sister and I swore that we would never say "Well" in response to a counter-argument from another person. Mama did this All. The. Time.

15-year-old girl-child: Just because I kissed a boy doesn't mean that I'm doing 'you-know-what' with him!

Mama : Well.

12-year-old sister : I am never going to kiss a boy.

Sidenote: I then married the first SOB I kissed, at 19 years of age. Egads! That conversation went like this:

Mama: Just because you're sleeping with him doesn't mean that you have to marry him!

19-year-old 'woman': I'm saving myself for my wedding night, Mama!

Mama : Well.

[ozma]

I remember 'Well, the door's open.' But my dad was more creative and varied his attacks--usually, never got the same one twice. You are making me glad about that.

Ay, can we just make a rule that people are allowed to remember and understand and think about their own lives? And have emotions directed toward past events that happened to them? It seems quite reasonable to interpret and discuss your own life--why do people always give shit about it. What are we supposed to talk about? American Idol?

[b]

My favorites are "Agree to Disagree" and "I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish."

[Kristen B]

Melissa,
I sent you an email, but wanted to publicly apologize. I'm sorry for being an asshole and leaving one of those asshole comments. I mean, really, whenever I read a comment like that, I think to myself "Just stop reading, you asshole." I won't stop reading, but I will stop being all judgey. You write, I'll read and keep my damn mouth shut.
Again, sorry.

[KnockKnox]

Whenever my mother would start to lose an argument, she would pretend like she couldn't hear me, and when I would keep trying to make my point, she would put her index finger up and make her psychotic daughter murdering face until I stopped.

[Missy]

Ugh, I hate reliving this kind of crap. I hate it when I think about all of my negative coping mechanisms and how they all bite me in the ass all of the time, and how I can trace them EXACTLY to how my dad would belittle me and my sisters and mom.

My personal fave: "What are you crying about?!" (yelled, of course)

I wish you great peace in getting through whatever dark crap you're trying to get through.

[Missy]

Ugh, I hate reliving this kind of crap. I hate it when I think about all of my negative coping mechanisms and how they all bite me in the ass all of the time, and how I can trace them EXACTLY to how my dad would belittle me and my sisters and mom.

My personal fave: "What are you crying about?!" (yelled, of course)

I wish you great peace in getting through whatever dark crap you're trying to get through.

[Missy]

(sorry for the double post...damn internet is messing up around here...)

[atomictonic]

Alright. This is completely unrelated to your Dad, but the last few days, when I go to cool running to log my runs, I swear I'm faced with a photo of Logan. It is freaking my shit out. (I even went so far as to rip the photo off and post it to my flickr stream in case coolrunning removes it because I need the mystery cleared up.)

[Tina K.]

I love you, Melissa! (not in an icky stalker kind of way, I promise!)

The "It's good enough for who it's for" comment inspired me to make my first comment ever...

Whenever I wanted something my mom said, "It's not what you want that makes you fat, it's what you get." I NEVER understood what the heck she meant by that. Now that I'm grown I think I get it, but still.