Daddy Knows Best

Last week I clocked 17 hours stripping wall paper and I still have nearly half the room to go. I am using a steamer which is slowly searing my fingerprints off and a scraper which has changed the shape of my hand permanently as I slowly scrape, scrape, scrape the walls.

As expected, the wall paper was up for a reason. There are spots on the wall which are fresh plaster uncovered by paint, there are other parts where the trim was torn off leaving exposed door supports and still other places where the walls have cracked and been 'fixed' using something which resembles caulk. Also the steam is causing something, which seems like paint to bubble up and pull away from the paint underneath. I hope the new owners of this house like the 'charm' of slighly lumpy walls.

This weekend my friend's husband Mark gave us his Saturday to help us hang sheetrock on the very shimmed ceiling of our kitchen.

Dear Future Owners, I hope you like lumpy walls and never want to find a stud among all the firring strips and shims we've layered under your new drywall. We did the best we could.

PS: Don't try to install recessed lighting unless you hate life and want to torture yourself.

Because Mark is a process engineer, this job involved no swearing. This might very well be a first for our family.

Since Mark's wife Andrea was out of town for the weekend, we lured Mark into staying for a couple of beers and some pizza with their girls. I left to pick up the pizza and, you know, some other beers because we had run out and since I had two men in my presence (making this all perfectly safe) I had to take advantage.

Logan relayed this talk while I was gone and the guys cleaned up the house from the drywall mess.

Logan, inspecting the swiffer wet jet and attempting to put the liquid cleaner in it starting to unscrew the top of the cleaner. Mark steps in, "No no no. Don't take the top off, just stick the whole thing in there."

Logan grabs the swiffer pad and says to Mark, "This goes on here right?"

"Yes," taking the whole thing from him. "Put it on here."

I think Logan's a pretty hands on guy. He does laundry, washes dishes and what he does with a vaccum is so arousing, I make him wait until the kids are asleep. When Logan told me this story I stared at him and then asked, "So....why did you transform yourself into "Clichéd Bumbling Dad"?"

The drywall guy is coming this week and I got boxes off Craigslist this weekend. This means we're about .0001% closer to actually listing this house for sale. Of course I still have to get the rest of the wallpaper off the walls.

Which will likely happen once every one of my fingerprints is seared off my skin.

I'm really excited about this. Can you get a mortgage if you have no finger prints? Footprints work, right?

Comments

[Gullebarn]

Recessed lighting -- my husband is an electrician and I learned about 10 new swear words while he installed our recessed lights. Even an electrician has trouble with those!
Evie

[CatLady?]

Melissa - you've probably thought of this, but just in case, I thought I'd suggest the enzyme-based wallpaper remover. The enzymes eat the glue, and the wet paper peels off like nothing after 5 minutes or so. I know it doesn't work on everything, but if you haven't tried it, maybe it would save you some time (and save your fingers). Good luck!

[RzDrms]

liss, i wish i'd also clocked 17 hours stripping! (um, wallpaper, that is.) also, i hope when you drink around children that men are there AND you have your man-saving panties. that's important, you know. for the critics' sake. ;)

[MelissaS]

**I have scored the paper and used a glue remover. It worked...poorly. Now I have a steamer and vinegar.

It still sucks.

[HeatherZG]

Wallpaper sucks,there are no two ways about it. You have my deepest sympathy. Teeny, tiny bathroom, 4 weeks of my life, still recovering.

[BOSSY]

Bossy is an Interior Painter and she says: You could paint over the wallpaper with a clean conscience if you first apply an oil primer to the wallpaper and then spackle all the seams and then apply another primer - this time acrylic - over the spackle and then your preferred top coat color. Come to think about it, missing fingerprints has its advantages.

[Goingape]

Hubby and I helped my brother move into his new house. After we arrived and he had NOTHING packed in his existing apartment, we then spent the next two days helping him strip wall paper off his kitchen walls. (Between that and the recent wedding help, he owes us...so big.)

What we found were THREE layers of pain in the ass wallpaper, the first one of which had been put onto sheetrock with no paint or primer beforehand. So, when we pulled off that final layer of horrid green plaid wallapaper, we also pulled off the top layer of the sheetrock.

But, with some Kilz primer and a couple coats of paint, you'd never know it. So...in the end it will look fabulous, but that may be little consolation since someone else will be enjoying your hard work.

Well, maybe not having fingerprints will work to your advantage when you knock over that bank to buy your new home.

[chris]

I spent the weekend doing the same thing.

God it sucks.

[Shambay]

I had to come out of lurkdome for this. I just spent last Saturday taking wallpaper off of my bedroom wall and I used Windex. OK, I know, it is chemically (is that a word?) and all - but it turns the wallpaper glue to gel. You have to penetrate the outer layer of wallpaper and then let it sit for a little while and then wallpaper and glue will scrape off very nicely.

Love your blog!

[Susan]

Screw the mortgage; knock off a liquor store. Cash AND beer, all at once. And with no fingerprints, you're golden.

(We looked at a house yesterday where EVERY GODDAMNED INCH OF WALL had wall paper on it. And when Wade said, "We could just strip it and . . . " I killed him. Because NO WE COULD NOT.)

[Sarah]

I think they must give a mortgage to anyone here in Michigan. I bleached off my fingerprints trying to disguise rust stains in the process of trying to sublet our former apartment and I think I weigh more than my credit score and I'm shelling out $1600 big ones a month.

[Kim E]

I'm sure you're tired of everyone offering their wallpaper advice, but I can't help but open my big mouth.

Have you tried liquid fabric softerner? We had some HOT kitchen wallpaper (watering cans and birdcages, don't be jealous) that was super stubborn. I scored the paper with one of those wallpaper thingys and sprayed liquid fabric softener mixed about 1/2 & 1/2 with water. Wait about 5 minutes and it scrapes off like nothing.

Good luck! It'll be worth it in the end.

[jeanie]

lol I had to laugh at someone above using Windex - we say My Big Fat Greek Wedding (again) on Friday and have been suggesting Windex for everything!!!

I have nothing but condolenses to offer - the only wallpaper peeling I have done is in my mother's front room, and I don't think she really wanted it done!! But hey - it was peeling a little bit anyway, we kids were just helping it along!!

[Smeep248]

so... my mom swears by a spray bottle with water and a little liquid fabric softener. Spray it on, walk away, and a few hours later come back to find the magic of wallpaper that practically peels itself.

[AnaBell]

I stripped wall paper for three days and ended up with a claw instead of a hand.
I used a sponge and warm vinegar (steamers cost too much). I also tried the fabric softener but that was bad. The floor ends up all slippery and that and a ladder is not a good idea.

[erinchosen]

I kind of love this blog and Melissa, you are seriously an inspiration! My husband and I are heading down the path of no return (a.k.a child rearing) and reading your blog gives me some hope that I won't fail at life! Plus, I'm amazed that you are handy enough to do wallpaper.

[kellyjeanne]

I had a bad wallpaper problem once and wiped the walls down with fabric softener and water to loosen the wallpaper glue after scoring the paper with a roller scorer thingie (helpful, eh?) Worked pretty well.

[summer]

I'm almost sure there's not much to ease the process when wallpaper is applied on an untreated surface (bare plaster, drywall, etc). We had 1000 square feet of the same situation when we moved into our home, and it nearly drove me insane. The finger blisters, the achy joints, the miles and miles of wallpaper, the tears....good grief.

The only thing I didn't try was gasoline and a match.

You have my sympathies.

[cce]

We had the distinct joy of discovering that wallpaper removed from antique walls is apt to take the horsehair plaster with it. So we didn't have any walls for awhile, at least we had gotten rid of the iridescent wallpaper with onions and labeled spices. Glad I found your site. Glad there are lots of us out there hating our home improvement projects. I listen to lots of public radio while painting and scraping and destroying my fingerprints. I even blog about it some at www.madmarriage.com.
Stop by!

[ChrisBL]

Delurking to say that I live in an old house with lumpy walls that have been mistreated by so many families that they're beyond help (except for tearing them down). We opted for a sandy faux-finish paint, and you'd never know that there were cracks and weird wallpaper spots all over the place. I don't know how well it would work in a kitchen, but that would be a worry for the new owner.

[TeeKay]

You need Wallwik sheets! It seems like a weird way to remove wallpaper but I swear by it. The wallpaper peels right off. Oh, and the sheets are reusable. Check it out, really! www.wallwik.com

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

The wallpaper in Jack's room was applied very poorly, and as such there are giant chunks of torn off paper starting at about three feet high all around his room.
I'm really dreading having to remove the rest.