New Bumper Sticker: "My Kid Reads The Shit Out Of Books."

A few weeks ago I off handedly mentioned my concerns about Max at school. I'd mentioned before the class is a little chaotic with too many kids and not enough supervision. I had an entire other list of concerns, which one night woke me up and kept me awake for several hours debating how difficult it would be to fake an address in the school area we want to be in. Those concerns are still very real, but I chose to focus on the most important issue. My son hates kindergarten.

At that point I'd mentioned my concerns to the teacher, mainly focusing on my rather modest goals for my kids in preschool and kindergarten. I think of preschool and kindergarten as the foundation for the rest of their school years. I want those years to be good, so they approach school with a positive attitude.

This was especially important for Madison who cried when I dropped her off for the first 4 years she went to school. Thanks to very patient preschool teachers (Presbyterians are patient baby eaters), a patient kindergarten teacher (who had cried everyday during her own kindergarten year) and a patient but firm first grade teacher who didn't coddle and didn't belittle, Madison is now very fond of school and runs into the school each day without tears. This is very good news because for many years I thought I'd be pushing a crying 16 year old into her homeroom each morning.

Max started school as a 3.5 year old full steam ahead. I barely got a kiss and hug before he ran in to class to play. As he made good buddies, he loved school even more. He wanted to go every day. All day. He was sad when it was over after just 2.5 hours. On T days when he couldn't go, he said he wished he was still three so he could go to school that day.

When we started Kindergarten it was the same way. He ran into the school even on the first day without a glance back over his shoulder. I walked Madison into the school every day for the first 2 years, but Max wasn't scared or nervous, he was excited about school.

In the last month or so Max started to cry when he realized he would have to go to school after lunch. He came home angry about having to use the computer reading program. He said it was boring and he missed playtime sometimes and snack time other times and he hated doing it. He said he cried when the teacher made him go, sometimes he said he was "spitting angry".

He started to make up illnesses. One day a sore throat, the next he couldn't possibly go because didn't I just hear that cough? Another day his shoulder was killing him, it was obviously killing him as he hurled his body all over the house demonstrating how to be a ninja.

I mentioned my concerns to the teacher. I told her how he'd loved school but now really hated it, how he often tells me he can't hear because the other kids are talking. I told her he said it was boring and that he couldn't stand the computer reading program and I could imagine he found it boring based on the books he brings home using the system. These are small books with high frequency words meant to build a child's confidence in their ability to read.

This morning Max and I read a chapter from a library book. We switch off pages and Max read a page which included the words silhouette, shoulder, assimilate and parchment. Books consisting of one sentence on each page like, "I go to the Drive-In." "I go to the dock." "I go to the dairy." are not really what Max needs at this point.

I expressed my concerns but didn't have much hope for anything to change. I was placed in the horrifying position of both looking forward to summer vacation so Max could get a break and a fresh start in first grade and dreading summer vacation because summer vacation makes me want to die as I face months and months of "What are we doing today?"

I was going to write a post about how frustrated I was, which I sort of just wrote, but I was so frustrated I couldn't even make sense. I wondered if the teacher was even taking my concerns seriously.

But, guess what, she was! The other day she grabbed me as I dropped Max off and mentioned some of the things she was trying with the class. Letting them wait 5 minutes before going to the computers so they could wrap up whatever it is they were working on before. She was taking things 'up a notch', and for the most part the class was keeping up with more challenging work.

Then, yesterday she waved me over when I picked up Max. She'd tested Max in reading (uh....just now?) and he scored in the upper 1st/lower 2nd grade level. She talked to the first grade teachers and they're going to make room for him at their reading groups. Hooray! You'll forgive me for bragging a moment. I mentioned my feelings about reading groups before.

I was at a birthday party recently and had my very first run in with a braggy sport parent. I've been a parent for eight and a half years so you'd think I would have seen one before. But that's how little this family cares about sports. Maddie takes yoga and it's difficult to be competitive in yoga. Max has tried a couple of sports but he's mainly in it for the ice cream and high fives with the team.

But this family I spoke to was really into sports. I saw them at two different parties and at both I was asked what sports Max is playing. What about doing this? How about this? Does he like this? I answered, "He's trying a lot of things but nothings really grabbed his attention."

Then I listened as these parents (mother at one party, father at the other) told me all about their son's excellent sport prowess. He's doing soccer and swimming and t ball and basketball and karate and there's a drills class they'd signed him up for because he just can't get enough. Oh, and he's also a chess champion.

When the mother walked away, the other mother I was with said, "Wow, her kid's winning chess tournaments and I can't get my kid to stop picking his nose."

I said, "My kid can't master wiping his own butt."

My kids may not be sports (or bathroom) abled, but damn it they read the shit out of books. And I'm proud.

Comments

[Amy]

Your post is exactly why I worry about being THAT parent. No one likes that parent. My kid walked sooner than yours, talked sooner, lost her tooth sooner, she's taller....ah! It goes on and on. My 5 year old is a smart kid and it is really hard not to be that parent. It's natural to want to "talk up" your kids, if not out and out brag about them. I try to step back and make an effort if someone asks about my kid...answer, then always ask about their kid. We are all doing the best we can, I suppose....who can ask for more?

[Melissa Summers]

Max's reading score and reading group won't be birthday party small talk. "Hey, does your kid like reading? Really? Mine's in a reading group in the grade ahead."

My good friend's daughter has excelled at gymanastics and she tells us when she does really well. She just turned 6 and is in a group with 10-13 year olds. I'm so proud of her and impressed. Does my friend bring that up in small talk? Not generally.

That might be a line where you cross over into simple bragging. I'm not sure.

Also, like I told my girlfriends. Max is good at reading. He's not great with gross motor skills or small motor skills like cutting and writing. Maddie's great at reading too, but she really struggles with math and her ability to control a pencil has only this year started to look like the rest of her peers.

He's not a brainiac by any means (see how he can't figure out how to wipe his butt). I'm just happy to see him challenged so that that part of school will be good for him again.

[Alisha]

The realization that my son's Kindergarten teacher may not have formally tested his reading level sheds a whole new light on my situation, so I thank you for that revelation. My son is flying through (AKA Reading the Shit out of! - love that!) books that are labeled as being on the level of grades 1-3. I am worried about first grade being a tremendous bore for my son. I 'll have to speak with his teacher and the principal about perhaps having him take reading with an older grade. Thanks for the post and the insight, Melissa!

[Amy]

I completely agree with you, Melissa and didn't at all mean to imply that you were one of those parents. Re-reading my post I can see I wasn't very clear. It's MY fear that I will be one of those. Your post helps me to realize I can choose not to be.

Apologies.

[Melissa Summers]

no, i didn't think you were implying that at all. I was sort of clarifying in my mind the difference between being a braggy freak and being proud of your kid's accomplishments.

It's a tricky line I think.

[Mother Hoodwink]

Eh, only like less than one percent of athletes make it big and they make adult diapers if need be. Reading will take him much further than being able throw a football and properly wiping his butt.

[Amy]

Sure hope I don't end up a braggy freak. I like the way you've mentioned both the excelling and the uh....not so much excelling. My daughter is like that, too. Smart, but then can't seem to play for 5 minutes without falling down and ripping a hole in her jeans that I just paid $20 for.

[merseydotes]

But don't you wonder that some of those parents are exaggerating? Maybe their kids are really mediocre at sports, but sports are important to the parents and so the parents oversell their kids' abilities in their own minds? It's how my mom is...she wants her daughters and now her granddaughter to be thin and athletic, so she looks for any little hint to affirm what she believes. When Petunia took gymnastics this spring, she was TERRIBLE at it. I really worried that she was going to snap her neck doing forward rolls where her body was momentarily perpendicular to the floor. Petunia couldn't figure out how to jump on the springboard...she just sort of threw her body off it. But when my mom visited and sat in on a class, she said, 'Petunia is really good at gymnastics, isn't she?' I said, 'Mom, she's terrible. What class were you watching?' It was like it was somehow a bad thing for her granddaughter to be un-athletic and un-graceful so she made herself believe it was so. And I guarantee she went home and told all her friends and coworkers how her granddaughter was going to be the next Kerri Strug.

[Angela]

That is a bumper sticker I would be proud to put on my car. I could not are less about sports.

[slouching mom]

[warning: information that might be construed as bragging]

Jack and Max would get along. Jack starts K in the fall and has been reading chapter books by himself for months now. I am so worried (yeah, I know, there are bigger things to worry about, but I don't want him to be bored, I really don't). I want his teachers to figure out, and quickly, that he's reading way ahead of grade level so that they can challenge him, but at the same time I don't want to walk him in there on his first day and say, "Hey, look at my kid! Look what he can do!"

Also, Jack refuses to wipe his bottom. Holds his poop until he gets home from preschool because he knows that if he pooped there he'd have to manage it by himself.

Is there some bizarre correlation between overdeveloped reading skills and underdeveloped bathroom skills?

[Melissa Summers]

My turn to give unsolicited assvice.

If I had it to do over again, which I don't because woo hooo! My kids are growing up!

I would have asked at the first conference if they evaluate the children's reading. I was shocked she hadn't done it until now. At that first conference she wasn't even aware that he was already reading. That should have gotten me doing something. I guess I didn't know what to do.

So then you're not saying, "HEY! Check out my kid!" You're just asking if they check what level they're at. If they don't, ask that they do. They do it with other things like letters, numbers, etc to see where each child is.

Also, in my friend's daughter's kindergarten class (in the school I want) they have reading groups based on where each child is. So it's possible it will be a non-issue for you.

[SpartanFan]

My son is yet another example of a high-level reader who can't wipe his own butt. First grade, people! The biggest struggle is when it's "mooshy." He came out of the bathroom at the McDonald's playplace with his pants/underpants around his ankles asking my father-in-law to wipe his butt. My husband and I weren't there. My father-in-law was mortified and gave my husband a lecture later about us talking to our kids about "limits." Whatever. He can read at a 2nd/3rd grade level and is doing 2nd/3rd grade math. He can't do sports, either. Our family is not a sports family. My son asks, "Can we go to a museum this weekend?"

As a teacher and a parent of a former kindergartener, when your Max goes to 1st grade (actually, probably before - like in June), ask what the school does in terms of reading/reading groups in first grade. Maybe he'll be able to move at his own pace (and be ahead of where a lot of his classmates) or maybe the teacher will let him read with older students again. My son's teacher lets her 1st graders take home books from her classroom book collection. They have a folder where they record the title, the date they took it home and then the parents write comments about how well (or not) the child read the book. She also has a "trick" for seeing if a book is too easy/hard (I'm sure it's not 'her trick' but rather something they teach elementary teachers): Have the child open up a book to a random page and start reading it. Everytime they come across a word they don't know/can't read, they put up a finger. If there are five or more words they don't know, the book may be a little too difficult for them, but if there are only 2 or 3 words, then it's probably just right. Zero words - too easy.

Geez, for a person who never comments, I've rambled far too much. Sorry. Your kids sound great (and similar to my own). You're doing a great job and don't hesitate to "talk up" your kids - you may find there are more parents out there with situations similar to yours than you think!

Take care and Happy Easter.

[homeslice]

My favorite phrase, coined by my sister, to braggy parents is, "Oh, how great. My kids are just really average and boring."

It usually stops them dead in their tracks.

[Peggasus]

Those early years can be hard. My boys had (respectively, in 3rd and kindergarten) teachers for whom that was their last year before retirement. Talk about lack of committment.

My 15-year old still picks his nose, and yet is allowed to take Drivers' Ed. He was flagged to take the remedial reading program in 1st grade (best thing ever, in retrospect), and has been on the honor roll for years now. Disliked sports at 7 & 8, and is now on the school basketball team.

Kids have an amazing capacity to change and adapt. I couldn't help them getting a shitty teacher, so I had to adapt too. Yours sound fine, and you're on top of the situation, so they'll be ok.

In the summer, our village always had reading groups and contests through the Bookmobile and at the library for prizes like certificates for x number of books read and cones at the ice cream joint. Does your town have anything like that?

[bgirl]

Geez, we're having the same Kindergarten struggle right now - and it is really hard not to get too judgemental toward the teacher. I can't imagine the stress of her job, but I'm frustrated and looking forward to next year's "clean slate" as well.

[She]

I hope you get into a new school system soon. I can't believe they only tested him AFTER you said something. I had a similar experience with my son in a crap school district. At least they recognized his reading was advanced, but all they did for him was stick him in the back of the class with a different workbook (and he faced getting beat up most days). The next school district was pretty good... and the next even better (been here 8 yrs now, he's 17!). And I will brag, he's still brilliant (in NHS and blah blah) and he never gets beat up ;)

The school system here has computer lab also ("Accelerated Reader" or "Accelerated Math"), but it works on the child's level, not the class/grade level.. so if he tested high it would recommend books (or math problems) at their level.. So the smart kids can excel and the not-so-smart can get the help they need... and no one is pulled out of the classroom and made to feel special.. and I don't mean special in a good way (if you are smart or not-so-smart you don't want attention drawn to you).

My 7 yr old hated 1st grade but not because he was bored so much as his teacher was a bitch. That was a tough situation because I didn't think I could request a new teacher based on I thought she was a bitch. We made it to 2nd grade though and back to loving school!

[veg4me]

The children in my daughters kindergarten class have to walk laps around the perimeter of the playground at recess if they return paperwork without proper signatures. As in, papers the PARENTS are supposed to sign.

My daughter has gotten a "disciplinary action" note on official school district letterhead because she told another student not to sit by her during music class (because he is not allowed to sit by her since he talks to her!)and was quote unquote disruptive to the class.

The killer is that her teacher has sent home notes to me misspelled. "In the passed, she has been less disruptive". I have half a mind to write her a note telling her to walk laps for using passed instead of past.

Kindergarten in NC blows. At least its full day though.

[Mary]

As a former 1st grade teacher, I can tell you that any teacher worth her salt should have been able to pick up on Max's need to be challenged! Also, she certainly should have been able to see a change in his attitude about school and question it!

I am amazed that he can read the words you mentioned- without being really boring, the sounds /ch/ and /sh/ are very difficult for young children to remember because the 2 letters come together to make a whole new sound.

Anyway, glad she is taking your concerns seriously now. Definitely ask his first grade teacher at parent night how she assesses the kids' reading skills and meets each child where he/she is. Good teachers like involved parents, so she shouldn't get defensive on you wanting details. Good luck!

PS: He might really like the chapter book series called "The Tree House Mysteries." Very readable and fun.

[KYouell]

I have no idea if I've told this story before because it seems to be coming up allover the blogosphere right now... sorry if I'm redundant.

I had a brand new teacher in 1st grade and she didn't know what to do with me when I finished our reading book (we all had the same book and it was a go-at-your-own-pace kind of thing). After a conference between her, the principal and my mom, I was sent to the library during reading time and was allowed to read ANYTHING. Also my mom signed me up for the Weekly Reader Book Club (this was 1971-2... they've morphed to something else now) so that I had challenging books at home as well. I changed schools the next year and was sent to the next grade's classroom at reading time. Not as much fun (more structured and more obvious that I was doing something very different), but I survived. Yay, reading!

Now, as a parent, I'm really proud when my almost-2-year-old son will sit and "read" a book to himself. I'm painfully aware that I must watch what I say to other moms of kids with Down syndrome, because I don't want to sound like "my kid has NO delays -- he's a genius" when really I'm just so happy that he already enjoys books like my husband and I do. It is a scary line to walk, indeed.

[BOSSY]

So wait - Bossy thinks perhaps you can combine the concept of "reading the shit out of books" and wiping their own butts?

[JustStudying]

Neither my brother nor I were ever good at sports, but we always read. Now we are both finishing our Masters degrees and have full government funding to go to school ... watch out Melissa you may have some intellectuals on your hands!

[Jaycee]

The sports thing has been a thorn in my side for both my boys. (They're both good enough readers but not true book lovers like Maddie & Max.) Everyone around here is totally into sports and all the boys want to do on the playground is play football and it is really hard for my 3rd grader to find kids who just want to play imagination type stuff because that is NOT cool. Since my older son went through the exact same thing I am coping but it's tough to have to feel like your kid isn't up to snuff because he has no interest in touchdowns. We do Little League but he's in it for the camraderie and as it gets even more competitive (this year) it's gonna suck bigtime!!Most of the kids aren't very tolerant of non-jocks. Our school tests all the kids in 1st grade to establish reading levels and figure out who needs help but they don't really do much for the accelerated kids except let them check out whatever books they want at their weekly library visits. Of course, hopefully, there is a lot of other stuff going on in 1st grade besides basic reading (social studies, science and the wonderful world of math) so maybe he (Max) won't be all bored all the time! Good luck!

[AnnieEmm]

Okay, I am another RO parent who is very well aware of what you are going through. Two of my three were Max in Kindergarten. I moved them from our neighborhood school to Longfellow, soon to be Addams. My son had been at the other school for three years and apparently his kindergarten teacher and I were the only ones to notice his abilities. Beyond that, he was getting nothing, except suddenly becoming a pest to his neighbors and by second grade I was having painful conferences where the only thing the teacher could talk about was how he was not paying attention and being disruptive. Really? A child of that caliber - bored to death - becoming disruptive? Imagine that.

My daughter was in kindergarten at this point. I checked out the TAG program but wasn't satisfied with that. The following year I moved them to Longfellow. On the 9th school day, my daughters teacher called me and related that she noticed L was reading far above grade level, had already done some testing, and had made some plans to accommodate and challenge her. Was I on board with that, she asked? I think I screamed, I may have cried, I certainly cheered. I was thrilled.

All of the teachers there are flexible enough to teach to the individual child. They are proactive and responsive. The principal works 100% to make sure that every child at either end of the spectrum is being taught at their level. This is an amazing school and we are so blessed to have it in our district. My son is back to being a super student, both socially and academically and now all three of my kids are excelling at this school. Bottom line, see what you can do to be a part of this school. I can't praise it enough. And, to make sure that you understand that I am not just a bragging parent (about her kids and her school) I am a teacher too. This is how all schools should be. This is definitely how all children should be taught.

Check it out. If you call Longfellow, the principal has my name as a contact for parents to call if they want to ask a transplant family their opinion. I would be happy to talk to you. Also, this group of parents is the best I have ever seen. They are involved, intelligent, diverse, creative and not swingers (at least that I have seen.) You would be a welcome addition.

[AnnieEmm]

Oh, and Waterford can be personalized so that it is at the child's level. It was for two of my three. You're absolutely right, the books are lame-o, even for readers at the K level.

[Melissa Summers]

I did go ahead and open enroll them at Addams for next year. I've heard wonderful things about the principal the parents and the teachers.

I'm still hoping to buy a house in a different neighborhood and go to another school (I've also heard great things about) but this way my 'worst case' scenario is still really good.

[amyh]

I was one of those kids who loved to read and was really good at it, maybe too early. I was called into the principal's office when I was in first grade, asked to read some material from grade six. I only missed one word, and my rural NC school made a big concession for me. I was sent to third grade for reading. I know things are different now, but this was probably not the best thing for me, as I ended up being ostracized in both my 1st grade class and in the 3rd grade class. The teachers seemed to resent me as well, and I remember hiding under the table so I wouldn't have to go to my "special" class. I had to read in front of the class in both the 1st and 3rd grade classrooms, and only had one friend. I think this might just be part of the experience of being a smart girl growing up in the South...but I would have given anything to JUST FIT IN somewhere.

[sr5839]

I cannot tell you how much I want my kid to be one that reads the shit out of books. I'm already worried that he doesn't seem to be very interested in books, even though I know that's pretty crazy since he doesn't even turn one until next week!

[CinAA]

Maddie's great at reading too, but she really struggles with math and her ability to control a pencil has only this year started to look like the rest of her peers.

This is my kid! Plus, she rushes through everything so she can get back to reading. People say, "Boy, I should have such problems!" but when the writing suffers because she doesn't like to write because her handwriting is messy and besides, she'd rather read, and let's not even mention math, okay, it can be as much of an issue as not wanting to read at all.

I'd definitely get one of those bumper stickers! If either of our kids was good at sports we'd have to get a DNA test done.

[Marnie]

In 1st grade, after my parents decided they didn't want me to skip a grade, I was put into the "gifted program", which really just consisted of accelerated reading. It all went along great until the 4th grade teacher decided that I couldn't possibly have actually comprehended what I was reading, and made me go back through all the 4th grade reading books with the class. Talk about bored.

My Kindergartener is reading at nearly 2nd grade level. The teacher originally had her in the higher reading level, then when she didn't seem to be performing, she pulled her back down to the mid-level group. She performed worse. Teacher moved her back up and started them on more difficult books. She's doing great now. They just tested her and some other kids for the gifted program, and she didn't test in. Not a trauma for me, or for her. She does great and loves school and is happy and so I'm happy.

I just talked to another mom whose daughter wasn't tested. She's furious with the school ("I can't believe the teacher can't see how smart she is!") and took her to be tested separately (note that she had to miss several hours of several days of school to do this - so what message is that sending?). She was quite patronizing when I told her that my daughter had been tested but didn't qualify ("You know those records stay with them.") :-P

For next year, I found the only school in the area that's going to start offering a Spanish Immersion program, starting with first graders. I'm beside myself giddy, because I'm thrilled that I've not only found something that I think will be an enormous benefit to her long term (fluency in another lanugage), but will also keep her challenged in school. She's very excited, too. Yay!

[Melissa]

I am a first grade teacher, and I usually don't get annoyed when parents bring up concerns. Well, maybe if it is the SAME parent over and over... If your son is reading that much above grade level you should really challenge him at home. There are some great reading games and activities on http://www.freereading.net.

[melissaS]

Thankfully, he's in a great new school this year and is reading with a Literacy Group in another grade.