Since the house has gone on the market we've had zero viewings. This is making me feel all warm and cuddly inside. The weather has been shitty it's true and my realtor wanted to do a realtor open house yesterday and I pushed her off to next week since our new cupboard doors are being installed today. (Eee!)

Yesterday I met with our mortgage guy. I did this alone. By myself. Because Logan was busy trying to convince a client not to scrap $500,000 worth of work to go in an entirely different direction. Every question he asked made me fear he would realize I'm really just 12 and I'm trying to get a mortgage. A large mortgage.

Funny thing about mortgages, they don't give out money based on how incredibly badly you want the house. Isn't that funny? My only hope now is that the house I want (same as original dream house on dream block with dream neighbors) which is about 90K more than we can afford will go through a series of price drops, my house will sell for 20K more than what we're asking and life will go on happily ever after. I'm pretty sure that's the way it works, I decide what I want and the universe makes it happen. Right?

These are the worthwhile things I spend my energy on. Hoping for the impossible. All through this process of getting the house ready to sell there have been several 'dream houses' I obsessed over. And three of them sold well within our price range, one was even below our price range which meant we could keep eating and pay our mortgage every month.

Now that the house is on the market, there's very little I can stomach living in which we can also afford. We're going to end up in a van down by the river. In other news Logan and I have a joke. It goes like this:

Me: "Wow! This house is filthy! Who the hell is your housekeeper."

Logan [staring at me]: "I guess we don't have one."

Me: "You're right you should get one."

But suddenly the house is so nice I find myself giddy to clean it. If I have 10 minutes, I clear out the linen closet and clean it, reorganizing everything. I dust the blinds while I watch Oprah. I washed the bathroom floor on my hands and knees yesterday and while Logan was peeing later in the evening I stood nearby pointing out how awesome this new Pine Sol I bought is.

He was delighted.

I've become a Stepford Wife.

I'm also going to try to write more at Did They Eat It. I vow to keep the camera around and update more often. It helps me stay motivated to try new things in the face of the Pickersons.

I also took another gig at Strollerderby, home of the urban hipster parent. I am neither hip nor urban and still they hired me. I know, I know, you're saying, "Melissa! How quickly you forget the Flogging Baby days! Remember how miserable and unpleasant a human being you were?"

Two things: I'm making the same amount I used to make for writing 125 posts a month for writing just 60 (just two a day) and I am not the lead blogger and therefore only responsible for my personal contribution to the site. Finally, over half my crappy comments at the Flog came from a specific troll I have since identified as following me from site to site for the last 4 years. This makes the bile spewing far less random and less personal.

In my first piece I was able to work in "The Italian Chandelier" and "The Reverse Cowgirl" complete with links to drawing mannequins modelling sexual positions.

This is going to be great.

AHHHH! Phone just rang a showing.

Comments

[Mitzi]

Having a house on the market is so stressful. I don't envy you. Try not to start worrying until its been at least 3 months. That's what a friend told me when we were selling our house and it saved me a lot of worry. IT will sell. It WILL sell. It will SELL. Good luck.

[Rayne of Terror]

We sold our house in a really bad market. We had 0 showings for 2 months except for realtor coffees. The realtors kept tracking dirt over the hardwood floors I was cleaning on my hands and knees 8 months pregnant. I had bought 2 rugs for wiping feet and was still getting snow and mud tracked around the house.
ANYWAY, we had two showings in one weekend and received a good offer a couple days later and closed within another 30 days. So in a market that had an average sell time of 6+ months we were sold in 3 for the asking price with a grand total of 2 showings.

Good luck to you!

[Susan]

We have sold the house, and yet I CANNOT STOP with the compulsive cleaning. I like the house all sparkly and unlived in looking.

I need help.

Good luck with the showing.

[virginia]

My husband also had thoughts that I would become a Stepford wife after I became a SAHM last May - that became apparent one day when he said "You know - if you're going to stay home, you need to get some things done." I've tried - gotten somewhat better - and he's become resigned to the fact that staying home all day doesn't guarantee that everything will always be pristine. I do like the smell of Pinesol though and would love to have one of those Pinesol dudes come clean for me! Good luck with the house showing and the new gig at Stroller Derby.

[Xdm]

If I lived near you I would come over and you could show me your house. I would bring booze.

[Kristin]

I would totally come buy your house if Redford wasn't already so prestigious... ;) Good luck to you...I hope it sells quickly!

Yay for the Strollerderby gig! I noticed you over there the other day..the visual aids were a big hit in my office! he he he...

[Collin]

I am a long-time reader, but this is my first time to comment. You are one terrific writer! Good luck with the showing. I've enjoyed the pictures of your house fix-up...You have impeccable taste and your house looks great. I live in Austin, Texas and we are still experiencing a real estate boom here. However, my husband and I totally got burned our our recent house sale.... My husband and I chose to purchase our dream home right when it came on the market before putting our older house on the market first. BIG MISTAKE. You are totally doing the house transactions in the correct order! We carried two house payments for almost 6 months, and along with the money it took us to fix up our old house to make it ready to sell...let's just say we will never do that again! Learn from our mistake. Good luck to you. My fingers are crossed that your home will sell incredibly fast and that you will find a great house at the right time!

[slouching mom]

Any day now I expect you to find the house of your dreams. Why? I don't know, exactly. I think things like this always work out in the end.

Who knew I was such a g-ddamned optimist?

[Amy]

There must be something in the air, for I also scrubbed the bathroom floor last night. And am strangely protective of it now. Don't you DARE drip on my FRESH CLEAN FLOOR.

Thanks for the Buzz Off links...my daughter was pretending to shoot things last night while we were watching the news. As the kids get older, it gets harder to just say it's pretend or whatever.

[Stacitee]

It seems like every day now when I come here you inspire me in some new way.

I've enjoyed seeing the transformation of your house (which looks lovely in the pictures).

I was inspired reading about how you bought the superhero necklace and are taking care of yourself (because you ARE important!).

And today I just found your "Did they eat it?" blog. Yay! I have two picky eaters at my house too.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks and keep up the good work!

stacitee from laughing mommy

[dbug]

We might could squeeze out our dream house mortgage, but who really needs electricity or running water or really food for that matter if you have love (and your dream house!)

[Shawnee]

While our house was on the market, we missed out on buying a house that was "perfect". I was just sick about it. Once we (FINALLY!) had an accepted contract, there was absolutely nothing on the market that we even vaguely liked & could afford. Against our better judgement, we looked at a house that was outside of our price range, and , of course, loved it. We assumed that the owners wouldn't lower their price since it had recently been reduced $15k. Holding our breath, we made an extremely low offer. Imagine our surprise when it was accepted!

I am NOT an optimist (oh the understatement!). But I do believe that things happen for a reason. And I also believe that you will find your dream house & everything will fall into place. Doesn't mean that you won't hit some stumbling blocks along the way (don't even get me started on my real estate issues!), but you will make it through. Hang in there! Best of luck for your showing. My fingers are crossed!

[amyp]

a little sign that the housing market in MI is turning around - my mom had her house on the market for 6 months last spring-winter. she pulled it off in december and just relisted.

she had her first open house this weekend and received a FULL PRICE OFFER today!

good luck!

[Kyran]

no, no, no!!! no standing in the bathroom while the other spouse is peeing. auggghhh.....

please say you were outside the door.

xo

[MamaPajama]

The Universe? Listening. Sell, house, sell.

[Melissa Summers]

We live in 1200 square feet on one level with one bathroom.

Peeing shitting.....He's brushed his teeth while I'm puking.

[Kyran]

okay, I am earnestly visualizing spaciousness, your very own vanity, and the restoration of conjugal mystery. burning candles for you.

after our first son was born --in our bedroom-- my husband looked at me hopefully and said, "so, I suppose we can dispense with all notions of personal modesty from now on?"

never going to happen.

[Suebob Davis]

According to that movie "The Secret" all you have to do is imagine a shiny new bike and you GET a shiny new bike. I was pretty skeptical but I was talking about it and told my co-worker "I am going to use the power of the Secret and go home to find checks in my mailbox from people I don't even know." I came home and there was a check for $107 for jury duty and one for $51 as a refund from my gym that I wasn't expecting...OOH EEEE OOOOH...maybe I should ask for my dream house too...Universe, consider this my order. Something in a Spanish style, with an ocean view and nice tilework.

[madame sosostris]

Good luck with the sale of your house (and more importantly, with finding your new Dream House!).

I've been going to a lot of open houses myself lately, and I have two suggestions (please take them in the spirit they are offered!). Maybe you've already thought of these, but perhaps some potted flowers out front (in yard or hanging from porch) would bring some color to the yard/your house, and also you should get rid of any extra work table you've got in your kitchen. When I see that in an open house my immediate thought is "not enough counter space!"

Your house is really nice, though. All the little details are gorgeous, and of course that bathroom looks pristine. :-)

Good luck!!

[Melissa Summers]

Well our bar is in the kitchen because there isn't enough counter space.

Plus people like 'eat in' kitchens so it could go either way on that end.

This weekend we'll work on the yard since it's supposed to resemble spring (finally).

[Annie B.]

Ummmm.....please don't read page 10 of the Weekend Journal section of today's (Friday) Wall Street Journal. Especially not the part about Jack White's Detroit house selling and how the Detroit market has been over the past few years. You've been warned.

[Melissa Summers]

I'm well aware. Have been since we decided to sell. It keeps me awake at night.

[Tracy]

Virginia, when a friend of mine became a SAHM, she told her husband she was staying home to care for their children, not scrub the floors and cook gourmet meals. It worked.

Melissa, the good thing about a buyer's market is that it will still be a buyer's market when you are buying your new house. So eventually things will be on your side.

[BOSSY]

Bossy suggests a house you can afford. Food is good.

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

Doesn't that "Secret" thing that Oprah is so in love with go on the principle that if you vizualize something and ask the universe for it, it happens?

You should do that.

Hell, I should do that.

[Suzanne]

We listed and assumed it would take at least a month to sell. It sold in 3 days! This house selling and buying stuff sure is emotional isn't it? It's a sellers market here...
Good luck with the $$ :)

[HeatherZG]

Good luck with the house. I had images of fun looking at houses and finding the perfect one, having people fight over our house-HA! We ended up looking at 74 houses, then when we found one our house didn't sell. The only thing scarier than a big mortgage is 2 mortgages and a bridge loan, it puts that new loan in perspective!

May good weather bring you multiple offers!