Why I hate buying clothes.

This is the suit I bought (in black, with underwire).

Before I had Max I used to browse the Lands End catalog and think to myself, "Wow that stuff is awfully matronly."

Then I had Max and 6 months later made plans to meet friends in Philadelphia to go to Sesame Place. If you think Chuck E Cheese feels like dying, imagine being at Chuck E Cheese in a bathing suit just 6 months after giving birth. That's dying.

Whenever Madison pulls out the "You like Max better." I remind her of the fact that I exposed thousands of  innocent people from the east coast to my thighs in a bathing suit ALL FOR HER.

I looked at those same Lands End catalogs and thought to myself, "Wow, Lands End has really changed! They're so much more stylish and fresh. I think I'll buy a tankini! How hip!"

But the truth is Lands End didn't really become less Mom-ish, I became more Mom-ish.

The really important part of this story is that I had an anxiety attack as I entered my credit card. I had to talk myself into going through each step of the ordering process. I hate buying things for myself. In part because I have this innate sense that I should not have nice things because I am overweight and also just a mom at home all day.

But then I'm also afraid to shop because I'm afraid I'll like it so much that I'll go back to my old ways. The old ways when the UPS man and I had coffee every morning while he unloaded his truck of packages just for me. The days where I found so many 'bargains' sometimes the bargains would just sit in the basement until I sold them at an embarassing yard sale.

But then I reminded myself of my hair cut and the necklace and how they haven't started me on a wild spending spree but have given me a measure of confidence when I'm out running errands and seeing friends or out with my husband and all the pretty pretty 13 year olds he works with.

Then, I did something really crazy. I bought....a pair.....of shorts.

I haven't worn shorts since 2002, except for one moment of weakness in 2004 when I ran a 5K. I vowed I'd never wear shorts again. I made this vow after seeing a picture of me wearing a pair of shorts at a parade. It was one of those moments where you don't recognize your body and you think, "Did Logan photoshop this picture with my head on someone else's body...as like, a joke?"

But then you realize that is your body with your own head and you look at the Lands End catalog and those cropped pants you thought were so matronly last year, all the sudden look so fresh and hip.

Lands End didn't change. Your ass did.

Comments

[virginia]

Shorts that cover your entire upper leg are really just hi-water capris and so don't count as breaking your vow :-) All clothing styles that cover my less-than-fabulous thighs are ok with me.

[Bensmom]

Amen to cropped pants and no shorts. I like the ones you ordered but I think that length would make me look 3 ft tall. Sigh. My biggest fear of shorts are my incredibly white legs. When oh when will the tan forever go out of style?

I just got the Lands End swimsuit issue yesterday, too funny to read your post today as I was just thinking of trying to find one I did not hate. I have not tried any of their swimsuits, but really like all their other "fresh, hip" stuff. Thats what I tell myself anyway.
Their kids stuff is pretty great also. Washes so well and lasts forever.

Hello, I'm Kim and I'm addicted to Lands End.

[schmutzie]

Yikes. I haven't even had kids, and before I got to the end of this post I was thinking "that bathing suit is so cute 1940s-ish" and "those shorts are pretty snappy". Then I realized that I thought "snappy". And my ass ain't where is used to be, either. Thanks, Melissa. Now I'm old.

[rogueprosecutor]

What sucks is how much money we have to spend on these suits to cover our fat asses. I wish I could just run into Target and buy a $20.00 bikini.

[Melissa Summers]

Schmutzie, Logan said, "Not 'mom-ish', simple and classic."

We can go with that if we prefer.

[m.]

YESSSS, I thought it might be from Lands End! Enjoy it -- those babies last forever and look great. Think WOMANLY, not "Momish," which sounds like gnomish. We are WOMEN, not little chickadees who can get away with that Hollister hoochiewear. Their time will come, mwah-ha-haa. For me, the line I won't cross is the turtleneck dress (also available from Lands End), that to me is giving up completely. But the swimsuits rock -- did you see 'Little Children'? Kate Winslet rocked an underwire tank suit in that one, woo! That'll be you this summer, Melissa...minus the adultery, of course. :P

[Bensmom]

Simple and Classic, I like that!
Logan is a sweet, sweet man.

[lousoz]

Ok, this makes me feel better about wanting to buy a new suit this year ( alas, it is from Land's End too). I have used every excuse you gave as to why I shouldn't buy a new one, but damnit, I'm gonna do it!
thanks melissa!

[Lisa V]

I bought a pair of shorts from Land's End a few years ago. I opened the box and exclaimed "These are damn sails! They are huge! The kids could tie them from two trees and make a hammock. Land's End must run really big for all the middle-aged women." I then tried them on before I sent them back. I couldn't decide if they would have to go down one or two sizes.

They fit perfectly.

[kerflop]

I've been eyeing those custom Lands' End swim suits because ohmygosh you can't find anything with an underwire anywhere that isn't a teeny weeny bikini. And the world doesn't need to see me in a teeny weeny bikini. It just doesn't.

[Melissa Summers]

Ha! I went up a size in this suit just to be sure I would feel comfortable.

When it arrived I thought, "Oh Man, this is going to be hanging off me!"

It fit.

[merseydotes]

That is a really cute suit. It will show off the colors in your necklace really well.

I have a girlfriend who keeps swearing by Chico's, that it's not as fuddy as she thought it was, that the clothes are really cute. And I wonder if Chico's is really getting more hip or if she's just getting more Mom-ish.

[Kyran]

Good choices. And everybody's right about the quality. My kids' shoes and school polos from there last and last. But i also have the Lands End cringe factor. Whenever I pick up the catalogue, in my mind, I see a wrought iron archway. Welcome to Land's End, it proclaims. It's one of those tidy, tasteful communities, where the moms all wear pastel twinsets. I think, surely, I don't belong here??

[Real Susie]

I bought my first Lands End suit after I had my son. And now that I'm pregnant with my second, I'm saving money to have the spider and varicose veins in my calves zapped. Til then I'll never wear shorts. Love Lands End shoes and the suits keep their shape great. Nice choices!

[slouching mom]

Oh, yeah, Lands End and I, we're BFF. Every time I have strayed (hi, Old Navy!), I have regretted it.

As has my husband, who ever so helpfully says of anything NOT from Lands End, "Uhmm, isn't that a little YOUNG for you?"

Thanks, bud. Hey, didya notice you're almost BALD?

[chicagomama]

Ok, so I too was looking at these swimsuits last night. And trying to convince myself that LandsEnd had become much more hip since I last remembered mocking it.
Please give an update on the suit when you get it. I am leaning towards buying it as well (it is hard to find a D cup swimsuit) but want to hear from someone else that LandsEnd swimsuits aren't giving up. And that it really is as cute as it looked to me (mom to 3).
:)

[Goingape]

Lands End Swimsuits are not giving up. Unless I gave up before I got started..which is possible. I bought my first one at the age of 21, and just bought the tie halter and bottoms in black for me to take to Greece (I'm 26 and childless).

For the record, all my 20 something friends voted for the Lands End suit out of an array of suits...so they aren't "momish."
(At least that's what I'm telling myself...)

[Cherie]

The suit you picked is really cute. I think Lands End has met us half way--it's gotten a little younger and more stylish and we've gotten more momly. I have a Lands End suit from after my first of three was born. I need a new one. My biggest issue is the skirted bottom. I've contemplated going with the shorts... I also gave up on shorts after my third was born. I may consider them again after I have my varicose vein removed. And then again, I may wear capris (stylish or not) for the rest of my life. Or skirts? Maybe skirts.

[pnuts mama]

i had to buy a new suit a few months ago for a trip. it horrified me, to the point of trauma. TRAUMA. i applaud your courage.

i found these capri-ish pants at old navy last year: http://www.oldnavy.com/browse/product.do?cid=35158&pid=459574 and everything about them i thought i wouldn't be flattering (linen! wide leg! capri length!) i actually looooved once i wore them with wedges, and have received good comments when i've had them on. i wear them with an empire-style top (mom? is that you? did i just say top?) and it hides the muffin-esque issue at the waistline. great for going out in the evenings or an afternoon gathering where you are going to be warm yet prefer not to be sweaty.

ps when i first saw the pic in your flickr badge i could have sworn it was gary on the swing. i clicked through b/c i thought i was losing it.

[jkopftwins]

Your post got me to thinking (after I caught my breath from laughing so hard), did I wear shorts even ONCE last summer? Um, nope. My trusty capris (pronounced by my 5-year-olds as 'capreezes') aren't any hotter than wearing shorts, spare everyone the sight of my legs that will burn but never tan and -- oh, the horror -- if time is limited, I only have to shave below the knee.
Now, THAT is giving up!

[Vicki]

Oh sista, I feel your pain.

Not only is Lands End not so bad, but Copperkey looks pretty good too.

[IzzyMom]

I had one of those "Holy shit! Is that REALLY MY THIGH (and backfat and arm flab)?" moments last summer. The bathing suit photos were just. So. Depressing.

I'm pretty sure I have the opposite of body dysmorphic disorder because I always think I look way better than I do until I see pictures that say otherwise.

I like the bathing suit and yes, I used to balk at the thought of shopping for a "Kinder cut" bathing suit from Lands End, too.

[Melissa note: I have that opposite body dysmorphic thing too. Seriously.]

[merry jennifer]

I looked at this EXACT suit this morning! I'm so attracted to the basic suits that Lands End has, but a part of me resists (the part that still wants to get carded when I buy alcohol). I may just have to order it now. I really need the underwire. Did it work out for you?

[needlesonfire]

Actually, Land's End has gotten less matronly... a bit anyway. And their catalog is a lot better. Better photographers. Better design. They were working on it a lot a few years back. I know this for a fact because I helped work on the catalog redesign. And I have a LE tankini, but I might order that suit you ordered.

[Lisa]

While it is true that I have become more "mom-ish" (I prefer the term "classic"), LE has become hipper. I ordered a bikini from there last week. I did not see it in the catalog but I found it online. It is the imperial floral bikini. It arrived yesterday and I LOVE it. It is supportive without being matronly and the pattern is adorable. I cannot believe that I am actually going to put a bikini on again but we will be out of state and no one I know will see me.

I love your new suit and I am sure you will look fantastic in it.

[superblondgirl]

I hate that about being a mom - I find myself wearing all sorts of things that would have made me cringe a few years ago. Though I guess it's not mommyhood so much as being old and boring. It's probably actually marriage that does it. Those shorts are cute, though, even I could rock those shorts (maybe. If I grew balls). I need to figure out something before vacation this year, because jeans on an island is lame.

[drowninginkids]

That suit is really cute, plus built-in bra? Awesome.

I don't know the answer to bathing suit anxiety - i think most people suffer it, even men - except of course Logan.

[lauraeds]

Oh no. I really thought Lands End *had* gotten hipper. And I ordered a bathing suit from them. (I hated it, sent it back...not the point). Nope. I guess I just got mom-er.

I'm loving that longer shorts are now in style. Not quite pants, not quite shorts. Works for me.