Caution: Website Beats Dead Horses

Yesterday we went to play date at Andrea's house. Andrea lives in the dream neighborhood, which is hard for me at this time because I feel my soul detaching from my body when I realize what I've worked for for a year and had at the tip of my fingertips last week, is very likely not going to happen.

The week before we had play date at Andrea's house again and the way I felt was very different. I snuck away from the back deck a few times just to wave hello to the house down the street which would soon be mine. I walked through her rooms realizing, since the houses on this block are all quite similar, soon I'd be walking through rooms very much like these. I'd have guests over and they could urinate in a bathroom which isn't also the place I am naked each morning.

I thought, as my friend Leslie's baby slept upstairs and the kids loudly played downstairs in the family room, how one day we could maybe have friends over after the kids go to bed without the Sound Police's Chief Officer Madison Summers citing us for disturbing the (her) peace whenever someone laughs.

When we were in Texas we described the house we want to live in to Jean and her husband Joe. Logan told them, with wide eyes, about the refrigerator. "Okay, so it's just like a regular refrigerator and freezer but then, get this, you press a button on the door and ice comes out. It, like, makes the ice for you. And it comes in cubes or chips. I don't know how it does it but it does. All by itself."

This is amusing for a couple of reasons. First, it shows you how incredibly simple our Big Dream is. It's also amusing because right now Logan believes ice is made by leaving empty ice cube trays in the sink until I fill them up because after 3 or 4 days I've sort of accepted that he really doesn't know where ice comes from.

I've spent the majority of the week a little bit drunk. At first I was an angry drunk sending Logan long emails about how AS GOD AS MY WITNESS I WON'T STAY HERE! And, "IF YOU THINK I'M LIVING HERE FOR FOUR MORE MONTHS YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND!!!"

Now I'm just a sort of a giggly drunk, a giggly sarcastic drunk.  When the skunk sprays, what smells like, directly onto my pillow I just sort of laugh. Maniacally. When Logan gives me the "Pep Talk" about how this is a six month market and that house isn't our dream house or else it would have worked out! Let's just wait and see what happens next! He says.

Instead of shoving him down the stairs I just kind of laugh and scream "Rah! Rah!" And I say, "Hey! I've got an idea! Let's just sit here and do nothing and SEE WHAT HAPPENS! Let's let the right house for now slip right past us and just wait and see what happens. Because for the last 9 years the 'Wait and See' thing really worked out great for us."

Oops! Sorry I thought I was over it. Guess I'm not drunk enough. Yet.

Tonight I'm leaving for Camp Jenn in Indianapolis for the weekend. Camp Jenn is supposed to be for Maddie but I'm going to Camp Jenn so I can buy myself more time before I set fire to this house in order to get out.

When I emailed my brother and Jenn to see if I could escape and hide at their house for the weekend they said of course. I assured them I didn't need babysitting so if they had plans, just go ahead and I'll watch tv and read magazines all day, every day. Jenn replied that she had some work appointments on Thursday and Friday but on Saturday she had no plans other than lounging at Rivi.

I need a new life.

Lounging at Rivi sounds about as good as it can get right about now. Well, unless we got an offer right now. That beats Rivi.

In vaguely related news: I wrote about labels at The Buzz Off, just in case you're sending your kid to Camp Jenn.