Episode Number 329: The one where she realizes she just spent the last year of her life wasting her time and money.

I was so happy when we got an offer. So happy that it didn't even matter that we'd have to bring money to the table to close the deal. I didn't even care. I simply felt thrilled that the ordeal of the last year would be over.

From the minute I put my mind to getting this house ready to sell I knew in the back of my mind that the margin for sale was too small considering Detroit's unbelievable market. I knew as I peed in a port a john on my driveway and burned my fingers on a steamer taking years and years of wall paper off the shitty damaged walls. I knew we were stuck here.

I knew there was too much 'not good' about the house to find a buyer in this market.

I suspected that we'd had a crappy inspection when we bought this place. An inspector who didn't note some very key errors in construction going on in our basement. An inspector who told us the drop ceiling in our kitchen, third bedroom and bathroom were "probably just there to keep heating costs down...." Never mind that the plaster was falling off the ceiling and no one covers their 9 foot ceilings unless there's something wrong underneath.

i knew a year and a half ago we should have let this property go. I knew it was a waste to pour all our extra money into a sinking ship.

But still, we did what we thought was right. We worked so hard. So. Hard. To make this house sellable. But it's still not sellable. It's never going to sell. I know that for sure. Just like I knew last night when the buyers got cold feet that no amount of praying to St Joseph would make this sale happen.

All last week when the engines revved or the music blared I laughed and cheered and thought "Good riddance you asshole!"

Last week when my friend told me about happy hours and book clubs and block parties in the neighborhood I smiled knowing all my hard work had paid off. It was all coming together.

Today I know that all our hard work was for nothing.

That we are trapped here and there's no way out.

But don't worry the realtors all assure me the house is "cute" and "very clean" and "well priced". Everyone who walks through this stupid house assure me it's "clean" and "adorable".

Today when we got the news it was followed by, "We'll find someone!" "It will sell!" "Don't Worry!"

Logan hung up the phone with the realtor after saying, "Oh well, onward! It will happen. We'll see what happens next."

And frankly, "waiting" for what happens next is what made us dump thousands and thousands of dollars into this heap. "Waiting" is what we've been doing for the last year. Every sentence is punctuated with "If we're here." Or "When we move we can....." Or "Depending on what school you go to....."

I think positive thinking is for assholes.

Our cat has decided he would like to be an outside cat. I don't want him to be an outside cat here because there are too many feral cats outside, but we decided once we're living in a different neighborhood we'd let him be an outside cat.

Gary now spends his days scratching at the screens and running his claws down along the frames of the storm doors. He does this while letting out the deepest moans of cat sadness. Loud guttural moans which make your jaw clench and all your muscles tense up.

The sound of his claws and the moaning of his voice make me feel like I'm going to break something. We all want out of here so badly. But there's no way out.