Logan's starting his own scholarship foundation.

The kids did their first organized run this weekend. We walked downtown (We are, after all, "CLOSE TO DOWNTOWN!" Selling point!) the kids wearing their Oak Apple t-shirts and Logan wearing his as well because he'd run the 10K at 3 o'clock in the morning and me wearing my Fussy t shirt because there are a lot of things I'd like to do, for example, sell my house or live in a climate controlled environment or have marinated artichoke hearts for dinner every night and shockingly, running in 90 degree heat isn't one of them.

Running will never be the best revenge, writing will.

Logan had warned the kids he wouldn't be able to run with them so if they signed up they'd have to do the run themselves. So if we pay the registration, I don't want you to freak out at the last minute and decide you don't want to do it. Not that our kids ever do things like that. They also never sob in fear during a tour of amazing Texan caverns because I could never raise such high strung children. Never.

I have to admit I was a little concerned they'd freak out when the starting gun fired because, and I know this is hard to believe, but my kids can be a little high strung. I don't know how on earth that happened.

In related news; Max has started saying with a little twist of his head and a knowing tone, "You're being sarcastic aren't you?"

I suggest you try this out in your everyday life.

But Logan gave them a pep talk at the start line, according to Dutch the pep talk consisted of defecation approval because I've made it abundantly clear on this website Logan believes Runners Trots are a normal part of life. In spite of the fact that the rest of the world does not think SHITTING YOUR PANTS is ever "normal". Still Logan thinks shitting your pants is something great for kids, maybe something they'll get a scholarship for someday. Here he is explaining all of this.

It turns out I had no reason to be concerned the kids took off running with the pack like regular kids. They also did not stop off at the 1/10th of a mile mark to evacuate their bowels. My parenting finally overwhelms Logan's.

Maddie ran as fast as she could because, in her words, "I didn't want anyone to say; 'ha ha! Your baby brother beat you!'" She beat Max but only by seconds and mostly because her feet never touched the ground.

Hey! There's Max three runners behind Maddie and looking oh so very Wes Anderson-esque.

I sometimes think, in society in general, we celebrate the average with kids. We congratulate them for "graduating" preschool or turning 16, things which, for the most part simply happen with time. I wonder what that teaches kids: You Are Awesome! For waking up this morning! And eating breakfast! And listening to your mother! It starts to seem like we're giving our kids rewards for the most benign things.

And I thought about that as the kids ran a quarter of a mile with a police escort, are we pumping them full of false pride? A trophy for running the same distance as the block I used to ride my bike around several times a day just because I could? I did not get a reward for that.

Except I can't help it, they looked so happy after they finished that run. So did all the other kids who finished. So did all the parents watching their kids cross over that giant finish line.

After the run, as we walked back home (SELLING POINT!) we stopped for a bagel lunch. The kids wanted their trophies on the table to look at and Maddie said, 'Next year I want to do the 2 mile run. Maybe we can train for it.'

Logan loves to run, I think running is as appealing as swallowing a live frog. I do think we can give our kids too much praise for the simplest things but I also think giving them mini opportunities to succeed can create lifetime passions. Logan certainly hopes running (especially while wearing a sweatband) becomes a passion for our kids and he sets a great example for them by making time for what he loves.

If the kids love running and wearing sweatbands that would be great.

A few months ago Maddie came home so happy because she was "being published!!!!" in the school newsletter. Everyone in her class submitted stories and hers was chosen to be "published".

Maddie and I often have trouble connecting. I know I hate running but I understood how happy Logan was when the kids not just finished their run but felt giddy with their success. I felt the same when I saw Maddie's desire to tell stories with her writing and when I saw her joy at seeing her words out there for everyone to read.

As parents I think we want to encourage our kids to try as many things as possible until they find what fits them. We can reward their smallest efforts and we can show them our passions and hope they sort through all that and find something that fits them. Maybe that deserves a trophy after all.

Comments

[Leann]

AWESOME POST! Maybe they'll help you sell your house and consider their 'calling' *REAL ESTATE.*

I love the headband!

[slouching mom]

That first photo of Max and Maddie is fabulous! They look adorable.

Great post.

[laughing mommy]

Your kids look so happy with their trophies. Aren't you so proud of them?

I'm inspired to get my daughter involved in local races. Thanks!

[dutch from sweet juniper]

if logan wants to make running a family activity, maybe he should have to push you around in a jogging stroller. that will hobble his stride.

[bgirl]

There's a line between over-praising and healthy congratulations - I think you're good on this particular one. Please pass along my healthy congrats to the cutest little runners I ever did see. Must get my son one of those headbands.

[De in D.C.]

After reading this article a few months ago: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
(courtesy of Laid Off Dad)
I've been trying to focus on how I give praise to my almost 7yo, and make sure that he's being praised for the right reasons. "You got an outstanding on your spelling test because you practiced so hard to learn those words! Good job practicing!" "You took 3rd place in your regional karate tournament because you practiced so hard! I'm so proud that you weren't scared to compete!"
He was a little sad he only placed 3rd (out of 19+ kids from around the area - that's pretty impressive), so I reminded him it was OK to feel nervous so long as you didn't let being nervous prevent you from doing what you wanted to do. I also reminded him that this was the first time competing against other kids, so next time he'll know what to expect and what he needs to work on to do better. If Maddie does want to do the 2 mile run next year, praise her for training for it and following through with her goal; not for if she wins a trophy.

[HeatherS]

Aw, I had a whole collection of Oak Apple Run t-shirts as a kid. My dad grew up in Royal Oak and my grandmother would bring shirts when she came to visit. Talk about unwarranted rewards--I had the shirt, but never once ran in the race!

[Molly]

I so agree with you about having kids try lots of different things. I come from a family of somewhat anxious over achievers, and the unspoken attitude in our house was that if you didn't excel at something immediately, you just weren't good at it. (This is probably why brother didn't learn to ride a bike until he was 12.) I swear, I was an adult before I realized that not being the best at something didn't mean I couldn't do it and enjoy it. Yay for mini opportunities to succeed! Anything worth doing is worth doing badly, and all that. I so want my kids to know that trying things and following through is what matters.

[Rachel]

Not to overly focus on a very minor aside in your post, however, I just had to mention that I had a very dramatic breakdown in those very same caverns when I was 4 years old.

My brother had told me that is where the dead indians were. I never forgave him.

[mommas tantrum]

Being happy that the kids are excited is great!! Praising them for having succeeded at something - no matter how small it seems to us - builds their confidence to try bigger things (Maddie wants to do the 2 mile run next year. She knows she has to train for it to do it.) and the fact that they know how they have to do it is even better.
For a couple of high strung kids, they sure do have their heads on straight. And running a couple of miles with the sweatbands on might help keep them a little more grounded. (At least it has helped keep my three year old less high strung - but only because I think he is exhausted!!)

[Irene]

"As parents I think we want to encourage our kids to try as many things as possible until they find what fits them. We can reward their smallest efforts and we can show them our passions and hope they sort through all that and find something that fits them. Maybe that deserves a trophy after all."

I am in total agreement. That's why they say to give stickers (or other such trophies) when potty training! =)

[BOSSY]

Bossy thinks everything deserves a trophy.

[robin j.]

both your kids are hella cute.

[Heather K]

Too funny. Max looks like Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom w/ that headband on.

[Lynda from Canada]

Delurking to tell you what a GREAT post this was!
Parenting is such a challenging job and one of the hardest is admitting what we do wrong and celebrating what we do right.
Letting your kids be whoever they want to be (runner, writer...whatever!...)and supporting them is certainly a point for you. Congratulations on a wonderful post and your candid look at motherhood and life.
....
On a different note...
Here's hoping your #$%& house sells already!

[Sarah]

Lovely.

And I hope my kids love to do everything in a sweatband. Especially dance to Olive Newton John.

[Deb Abramson]

I think it's so much more important to focus on shaming them for all their mistakes than showering them with praise. We are ruining an entire generation here!

No, seriously--I struggle with all this shit too, though for me it has less to do with wondering whether I'm praising too small an accomplishment than whether I'm creating people whose sense of self-worth is established by what others think (as was, and still is, mine). So when I say, "Great job!" I try to also encourage my kids to recognize and talk about what made them feel good or proud about what they just did.

[Angel]

Somehow, I think your kids are going to be just fine, even if the world tends to over-reward. You're a good mom Melissa, and who could resist those grins? A little nudge to try something new isn't necessarily a bad thing.

But I understand--it's the whole "if everyone is special, no one is special" thing that bugs me. I don't like to see my daughter get a medal "just because". I also don't like it when her talents are under-valued either.

Bribes are never beneath me though ;)

[Melanie Cipher]

I totally agree with the statement about over-congratulating kids for the inevitable - yay for turning 16 all by yourself! And I also agree with prizes for something like a fun run, no matter how short it may be. You're putting yourself out there and doing something proactive in that situation, not just waiting for time to pass. Plus your kids look too cute with the sweatbands and trophies.

[Hilary Robinson]

I must warn you... my oldest brother started out doing those Oak Apple Runs (we grew up on Alexander, near 11 Mile). He now does Triathalons. For fun. And that defecating while running? They do it while biking and swimming too. For fun. Ugh

[Vanessa]

Some kid at school told my daughter that she was a slow runner, and now she's so running-averse that I can't even say "Run upstairs and get your jacket" without getting a cry of "I hate running!" in response. At this point I'd probably give her a trophy for anything more than a leisurely walk. :)

I could tell you so many stories about high-strung children, starting with the time when I was 10 and had a hysterical fit in the boarding area of the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland (my mother, who was not normally a violent person, slapped me across the face and forced me screaming into the "doom buggy," and I've never forgotten it), and continuing with the way my daughter used to howl in terror every time we walked past a movie theater, visited a relative's house, rode an escalator, or did any number of seemingly normal things. Luckily, we both grew out of it, and I'm sure Maddie and Max will too. In the meantime, they look adorable and happy with their T-shirts and trophies!

[Eva]

What a great post! And some beautiful final words. Thanks for making my heart swell with anticipatory excitement for what's to come with my little guy. I'm still pretty new at this.

[maddy]

How cute are they?? I think the trophies are great, and we should all get trophies regularly because life is hard.

Best of luck with your house and its convenient location! I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

[Lisame]

OH Girl! That was just beautiful! I have a tear. You are a terrific Mom.

[Nancy]

Oooh ... no DNA testing required for that daughter! That's a little Melissa.

[Matt]

Meredith Viera: "It doesn't matter what you think, you're just the drunk babysitter."

That was cool, Melissa. Congrats for your kids and on your being a great mom.

[Katherine]

My kids get trophies for being on the swim team. They like the trophies a lot, but they know the difference between everyone getting one and "earning" a trophy. That's a big difference to my 11 yo.

[Sue]

I think everyone is right on about encouraging kids to try things and focusing on the process more than the result.

But I'm inclined to think that by praising our kids (and especially by rewarding them with things like trophies for normal accomplishments)we actually take away from them their own ability to be self-fulfilled and to enjoy an activity for the sake of the activity itself.

In this instance, you might point out to them (in the same enthusiastic voice we normally use to say "Good Job!") "Wow, I can tell you are so proud of finishing that race!" or even "Wow, you guys are out of breath! Was it hard to keep running the whole time?" This keeps the emphasis on them, rather than on your judgment of them.

At any rate, there's no doubt they looked adorable doing it. And I can't believe how much Max has grown! I don't know if I've ever commented, but I've been reading for years. My own are only two and four, but yours are really growing up. I'd say you deserve a "Good Job!" if anyone does.

[Sarah]

Here's a craft Logan & the kids can do together now!

http://runtrails.blogspot.com/2007/03/making-your-own-toenail-necklace.html