The metaphors just keep coming.

There's a skunk living in our backyard. It sprayed during our party last week and chased us into the house last night (literally, it charged at us).

Logan is the only human being who can not smell skunk. He is totally and completely immune to the scent. I realized this when we first started dating and traveled out to his parents home in the country. I'd smell a skunk and make him take several deep breaths. Nope, can't smell it. I told Dutch and Wood this at the party and as they left Wood asked Logan to come around to the back of the house. "Do you smell anything?" She asked.

Nope. He doesn't smell it.

Last night the skunk sprayed again. The whole house smelled of skunk and I started laughing, hysterically. It couldn't be more perfect, first the cat is yearning to get out of here by moaning at the door. (4 of 10 emailers agree: Let him out sometimes! Hey! We did that and that's why he's moaning....he wants back out. With the skunk.)

Now my house smells like skunk and my husband doesn't smell it.

I was easing up on the neighbor stories in light of the sale. In fact I froze a bunch of posts just in case our Wimpy First Time Homebuyer Backer Outers were Google Savvy and didn't want to hear all about Tile Cutter and Ed. But now that my house is being sprayed by skunk and is unsellable, let's have another edition of Stories From The Suburban Ghetto.

The other night I sat on the sofa watching television and heard this loud squealing and screaming. I could hear a child's voice and hey, I'm fine with kids and happiness. In fact if there were more kids in this neighborhood who didn't try to burn my house down (True Story!) we might even just stay put. But it was almost 10pm and I wondered why these kids were out and why the adult voice with them was louder than theirs.

I looked out and saw the unemployed lady from down the street, she appeared to be babysitting a neighbors two little girls who are 4 and under. She also appeared to be stumbling and yelling "WOOOPSIE!!!! WHOA!!!!" at the top of her lungs.

I sat back down figuring they'd move on soon enough. But they didn't and the yelling continued so I watched them from the kitchen window as they walked past. The woman was swaying and stumbling down the sidewalk while holding onto the little girls hands. She tripped on the sidewalk a few times and stumbled onto a couple of lawns and in general couldn't walk.

She was not just 'buzzed' she was what is called, "Falling Down Drunk". And I cried.

7 out of 10 emailers agree: Count Your Blessings and Get Some Perspective.

Please stop emailing me, I'm not in the mood for blessings or perspective. How the hell do you think I've lived here for the last 10 years? How the hell do you think I made it through all the remodeling and work we've done to this house for the last year and a half?

I am blessed. Just not when it comes to real estate. And I'm really fucking upset about that.

Sorry.

We listed the house for lease yesterday. So did our neighbor, who has the same square footage, central air and lawn service included for $300 less than we are able to lease for.

We've gotten one call.

Yesterday Murray came over to see how it's going and oh! He had to run there's his 7:30 showing! He's had 6 today....the first day his sign is up.

It's summer vacation. In order to work I've been bribing the children with pokemon cards and new webkinz. So I'm spending around $20 a day at this point. If I don't bribe them they like to play a game called "HighWay" which involves running around the table I'm working at. Over and over and over.

So I move to the sofa. Oh! Now the living room is the Gas Station!

And I want to send them somewhere else.....but uh, there is no where else to play.

Since we're not moving to a home with a yard and an office and multiple rooms and since Logan has a laptop and is supposedly able to work anywhere. I thought it might be nice for him to work 2 days from home for the summer. Just to see how well it goes. How well his suggestions ("Did you tell them to stop it?") work. Just so he can get a feel for how much work gets done  when we're all stuck in here together.

He's probably immune to the chaos anyway, much like he's immune to the skunk smell.