This is really long and ends with Rebecca Eckler's lawsuit.

I am currently drowning in tissue paper flowers. At this point I have plenty to decorate the house for our party Saturday and still, I can't stop making them. I want to keep making them. Right now as I type I'm thinking about how I could get more tissue paper to make more flowers. Big ones to hang from the trees outside and in the windows and from the chandelier and I'm going to stick one on the toilet seat too.

Some of them have pointed ends and others are rounded and WOW. I need Logan to be here so I can blabber into his ear all this stupidity.

***

Tonight Logan called from his trip and sounded so happy I thought, "Wow, he must have just sold our house!" But he hadn't. He was about to go into a tiki bar in Florida. A tiki bar he's been talking about going to for the last 7 years since we made a road trip to Kahiki in Columbus, Ohio. Yes, we took a road trip with devoted friends to see a tiki bar.

Before we left, I took a pregnancy test because we'd been trying to get pregnant with Max. Which means we were having TONS OF SEX. It was negative and I was for the second month convinced I'd never get pregnant, because in case you haven't noticed I am fatalistic and also insane.

At Kahiki a lot of things happened. Two friends who are now married with a child spent time together for the first time, a friend said as we sat at our table with a faux "island storm" booming around us, "I think I am, just now, actualized." and I could not drink because every sip tasted similar to esophagus burning acid. The night we got home I took another pregnancy test and then Max came around a little later.

Today Logan called as he walked into this fabled Tiki bar he's waited 7 years to go to. I bitch all the time about my husband getting to do something I don't. Or about how I spent the day at our local recycling center surrounded by garbage and he was going to realize a long held dream without me. But when I heard Logan on the phone telling me he was about to go into this place I felt like I was talking to a 10 year old version of my husband and I wanted to pinch his cheeks and give him a hug. Because I was just happy for him.

Maybe I'm growing up. Nope, still bitching about the house not selling even though it's been on the market for just 9 weeks in a 24 week (average) market.

***

Max has transformed himself into someone's retired 60-something grandfather.

A few months ago we were trapped at the market during a pretty heavy rain/hail storm. We waited a while to leave, but it started to seem like the rain would never stop and I thought, "It's just rain.....we'll make it to the car."

But the rain was a little heavier on the hail side than the rain side. We ran to the car and Max's small brain split in two and he spent the 3 minute drive home screaming hysterically. He was so terrified of the fact that we'd just run through a (pea-size) hail storm for 20 feet.

He's not been the same since.

When I wake up in the morning I find Max sitting in front of The Weather Channel with a furrow in his brow. If the weather report says it will not be raining today he is happy and brightly tells me all about it. If it might rain, Max is upset for the entire day waiting for the rain.

I realize this is a phase but how do you teach a child not to be afraid of the weather? I'd lie to him about the weather, except he knows The Weather Channel is 62.

He also told me not to tell anyone he's freaked out by the rain and I just did it and someday he will sue me for it.

***

Rebecca Eckler is suing Universal Studios because of similarities between her book Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mom To Be and the Judd Apatow movie Knocked Up.

I've gotten several emails about the small part of Eckler's evidence of copyright infringement involving a binky with a martini glass. You can read more about that here (though, I warn you this person is a trainwreck style blogger....read at your own karmic risk).

On Tuesday night my friend Andrea asked if I wanted to go out because she'd been in Ireland and I'd been in San Antonio and we hadn't seen each other in many weeks. Plus she's an awesome friend who knew when I responded to her email inquiry: "How are you?" with "I WANT TO BURN MY HOUSE DOWN AND LEAVE." I needed a break from the house.

As we went out I saw the first email referring to this Eckler Martini issue and I told Logan about it as I walked out, and before seeing what we were talking about I said, "Perfect, we'll sell the rights for [The Exact Price Of Our Home Which Is Not Very Much At All.]" Judd? Call me, I promise I'll answer.

Since reading more, the thing I find ironic about Eckler's claim that this story about an unexpected pregnancy is so very uniquely hers is that she claims the part which convinced her this movie was stolen from her book is the binky around the stem of a martini glass on the cover of the original screenplay (an image which is not being used for the film.....damn because I'd sell the trademark for MY HOUSE.).

I don't have a trademark on all binkies involving a martini glass. I am not the only person who put the 'Chick Lit' martini glass book cover together with a binky which fits my drunken lifestyle. I happen to have a trademark on my specific version and the Momtini name, but otherwise you're all welcome to be influenced by my common idea.

Eckler does not have a trademark or even a copyright on all stories of unexpected pregnancies. Guess what? I took several pregnancy tests before I accepted I was unexpectedly pregnant with Maddie. I think we conceived her after a very inebriated night at the Old Shillelagh. I stole her story too! Well we were married when we conceived her so I'm off.

I guess there is a gray area where influence and copying overlap. I wonder if, since I have been able to procure a US trademark for the momtini logo without issue, perhaps someone at Eckler's publishing house was inspired to put a martini glass with a binky around the stem because of my logo.

It remains I don't own the rights to all pacifier and martini glass imagery.

And it seems to follow Eckler doesn't own all the rights to all unexpected pregnancy stories involving Jewish fathers and women in media.

But maybe I'm wrong and I can sue everyone who ever photographs or illustrates a martini glass with a binky in any form and make enough to get into the house of my dreams. Suddenly I'm all for Rebecca Eckler's plight.

Comments

[Hetty_Fauxvert]

When I was little, my dad got me not to be afraid of thunderstorms (of which there were a-plenty in Texas) by sitting with me on the porch at night and watching distant lightning, commenting on the beauty of the sight and telling me how thunder and lightning were made. It worked wonderfully, and I was never scared of storms, even ones that were right on top of us. OTOH, I was never scared of the storms in the first place, so I am not sure how to use this idea with Max. Maybe studying up on how hail is created? All those little layers and so forth are really quite interesting. Perhaps you could convert him into a budding meteorologist!

[Hetty_Fauxvert]

When I was little, my dad got me not to be afraid of thunderstorms (of which there were a-plenty in Texas) by sitting with me on the porch at night and watching distant lightning, commenting on the beauty of the sight and telling me how thunder and lightning were made. It worked wonderfully, and I was never scared of storms, even ones that were right on top of us. OTOH, I was never scared of the storms in the first place, so I am not sure how to use this idea with Max. Maybe studying up on how hail is created? All those little layers and so forth are really quite interesting. Perhaps you could convert him into a budding meteorologist!

[Hetty_Fauxvert]

Eek! Sorry for the double post. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

[Tearfree]

I would just like to clarify that I am only a Trainwreck-style blogger when blogging about Trainwrecks.

My blog covers lots of other non-Mummy-blogger topics including Crocs shoes, embarrassing spinning pain, supposedly "invisible" deodorant, Dr. Oetker and much more.

RTK is no one-trick pony.

[~~Melissa]

When I heard about the Eckler lawsuit, I assumed it was a PR grab (lots of people will want to read and compare for themselves). And I also predict the next printing of her book (which they're probably scrambling to get out now) will have cover artwork similar to the movie artwork, which will be entirely coincidental, you understand....
Wow, glad I unloaded my cynicism early in the day today!

[Michelle]

This past week's Maclean's mag has a spread about the Eckler suit. I don't know; the timing and far too many of the specifics do seem rather unlikely to be coincidental, to me. The sad thing is, if Eckler's claim is legit, she has no hope of winning against Big Hollywood's lawyers and only ends up with this image as a whiner.

[Steph]

Has anyone read Ms. Eckler's book? It was truly truly horrid and a waste of money. For that reason alone I hope she doesn't win the suit.

[melissaS]

I'm a little shocked by the vitriol hurled at this woman. Maybe I'm out of the loop but, whoa, she takes a beating.

[Yolanda]

I say block Channel 62. It may keep a phase from turning into an obsession. Blame it on the cable company.

[serafinapekkala]

LOL, Melissa -- as an intellectual property lawyer, I like your agressive litigation stance! :p Your first instinct is right though -- neither you nor Ms. Eckler has much of a chance at a big infringement windfall. Your Momtini and her book cover are unrelated, from a trademark perspective. And as for her copyright claims, good luck with that -- similar cases on The DaVinci Code, Lost, and Harry Potter all met with complete, expensive, sour grapes-y failure. Now, your story of selling your house (once the happy ending is sorted out, as it shall be, huzzah) sounds like a screenplay to me... :) emily

[MoMMY]

Shit! I totally stole her story when I got unexpectantly pregnant and the dad was a Jewish man! We weren't even married and I'm sure we were drunk when it happened. Great, now she'll be suing me.

[Michele]

Melissa, I think you should sue anyone who even thinks about the combination of martini glass and binky. In fact, I'm thinking about it right now, so have your people call my people and we'll hash out a settlement.

I think people have to realize that we are not all as unique, with unique stories, as we like to believe. Maybe Ms. Eckler should just view this as a gold opportunity to sell more of her books.

[april]

aww, little Max. I understand! I've been similarly obsessed with weather for most of my life. I think some people just are.

It's not necessarily a bad thing.

[cursingmama]

I used to make tissue paper flowers for a living; ValleyFair! age 16. At the time they sold the damn things for a ridiculous sum ($5 each I think). Not knowing the actual cost of supplies these days - I wonder if you could set the kids up with a tissue paper flower stand on the street and earn enough money to buy your dream house and leave the current house as a rental ;)

Whatever works....

[Pete Dunn]

Whether Eckler wins the suit or not, she has won. Afterall, here you are blogging about her book and she didn't have to pay you a dime.

Also, will you become best friends with my wife and convince her that taking vacations just to visit a bar is actually a good thing? Thanks s'much.

[Michelle]

How do you make those tissue flowers? I love them (but am not a very intuitive "crafty" person and need specific instructions!)

[Dana]

I love the end of this post.
And I agree.

[Laurel]

I bought that book while pregnant hoping for a silly yet witty piece of mindless drivel to enjoy...and OMG it sucked big hairy balls. She is a whiny bitch, and I am sure she will lose, not because of her bitchitude, but because she is lame. Totally lame.

[melissaS]

Wait, I'm a whiny bitch.

[Barb in Ohio]

A tiki bar in Columbus? I've been living here for 3 years now and never knew. You got me excited enough to delurk.

Sadly, after a quick search I found out that the Kahiki closed in 2000.

Bummer.

[kelli]

Mummy-bloggers makes me laugh every time. Best way to remove organs, how to wrap bandage ends securely...

[Kelly]

I know, I'm tragically UNhip, but what's a train wreck blogger?

[athena]

Isn't the cover of her book just a martini glass with one of those kitschy glass markers (they're the trinkets that come on little metal rings that you put around the stem of a wine glass so you can tell your glass from everyone else's) that you get at baby showers and other parties? How could she even claim that that's her own illustration or idea? Seems like in both story and cover art, this woman is lacking in originality. The point of the plot is that it mimics real life--if it or the movie were further off, it would be too outrageous to hit home. Probably why they're similar.

[TheLFactor]

I just happen to live in Columbus, Ohio and also just happen to love the Kahiki. All the flaming, bubbling drinks make me real happy! I also happen to love your blog, it makes me laugh real hard.

Hey Barb from Ohio - Although the Kahiki closed in 200, I'm quite certain it relocated to an even larger building and is still open, don't you worry, I'll be finding out for sure!