It's at least a misdemeanor to be this happy.

I got an email earlier this week from Kathi saying how confused she was about what was happening with our house. At first I felt like, "Internet, take it easy!" and then I realized, "Uh, Melissa you've dragged these poor people through the mud with you for many many months. A year even, of course they're curious about where you're moving."

Two things:

1) I am being far more careful about how much I reveal about where exactly I am living. Not because of any threat but just, you know, common sense tells you not to tell everyone on the internet, especially the person who writes to tell you what a "selfish whore" you are, where you live specifically. I've had a few visitors at my door here because it wasn't so hard to find me and while I love having kind strangers pick up the toilet off my neighbor's yard and also bring me chocolate and champagne and even yarn (!!) if the people doing good deeds can find you so can the people who think you are the worst kind of selfish whore.

2) The dream house is only our 'for now' dream house because we did not make money on the house we've just sold, which is fine all things considered because the sale of this house could have been like being anally raped and instead it was more like being flashed by some guy in his car who likes to show it off to unsuspecting and unwilling people. I mean, no offense to our buyers who have actually left us in a much better position than our worst (anally raped) case scenario, but nonetheless our real estate adventure has turned out to be less than a wonderful dream come true.

We are leasing the 'dream house' and I hate to say it because all day I said to myself, "There's no shame in leasing a house! Lots of people lease!" But there was my grandfather's voice echoing in my ears, "You lease and you throw money in the garbage. Give me that money, I'm throwing your money in the toilet. Here, I'm flushing it. Every month just send me your money."

(He never said this but I remember him being quite adamant about not renting and paying someone else's mortgage.)

I feel a little sheepish about renting in spite of myself. Especially since one of my biggest problems with my current neighborhood has been the rentals and the people who could care less about their property because it's a rental.

But there it is, we can't fathom jumping into the real estate game again after what we've been through. I don't want to commit to another house, pretty much, ever. I would commit to the dream house, but considering how much we didn't make on the house we're leaving behind, it's just not possible right now. In a year? Who knows.

And here's where your head splits in two. I'm letting it go, we only have a contract on the dream house for a year. The house I just spent an hour weeping in and pointing out the laundry chutes (2!) and the bathrooms (2.5!) and greeting neighbors who are genuinely happy to see this part of our dreams coming true. Pure bliss.

And if at the end of the year we still can't buy it, I'm feeling okay with that. I know there will be the right house at the right time for us. Now that we're free of the commitment of a house which is difficult to sell, I believe it will come together with so much less stress when the time is right.

Now, remind me of this post in 12 months.

 

Comments

[micheled]

You sound like your head's in a great place right now, and that's important, considering how stressful real estate transactions and moving can be. I hate moving (that should be HATE, with capital letters), so I am sending you every kind of good wish I can think of.

Just keep your eyes on the prize! And enjoy the new neighborhood!!

[SUV Mom]

Ok, are those granite counter tops?? If they are...immediately remove your clothing and have sex in the kitchen with Logan or, possibly, a hot neighbor.

Nice digs. Oh, now I hate my mortgage even more. DAMN!

[Cinders]

That sounds like a great plan. Can't wait to hear about your first night!

[empressofdirt]

Ok, who wrote this post and what have you done with Melissa?

:)

[Jaycee]

Despite the anguish of the house sale, it's been a good year for you. I'm sure life will continue to get even better and you'll be owning a dream house (this one or another) before you know it. A great neighborhood is truly a beautiful thing. I know because I do not have one--although things are better than they once were. I hope you enjoy the hell out of it. Way to go, Melissa!

[Karianna]

Absolutely on all counts.

If something comes up towards the end of your contract, it is much easier to jump at it than to wait to sell the old. You are in a MUCH better position now.

[Jessica]

You guys are providing for your family, which includes removing yourselves from a situation that loses you sleep and causes you great distress. The fact that you are renting the place that allows you to accomplish this is irrelevant. You will get your dream house, whether it's this one or a different one. For now, relish the absence of the shrill voice and the shirtless man, not to mention the obnoxious music!

[MelissaS]

You're so right Jaycee. It has been an amazing year and through all this real estate trauma i kept thinking, "But this is my best year yet. I just need this one sliver of the pie to get in line."

And now it looks like it is. I just feel....elated.

[divrchk]

Congratulations, again! It does sound like you are in totally the right place to be, mentally. There is nothing wrong with leasing, at least for a short while. In about a year, we will be hoping to move out of our house in the horrible market here in the DC area and may be moving to an even more expensive part of the country. We will most definitely be renters if that is the case.

Oh, and at least your landlords sound like they are cool letting you paint and all...

[Heather]

As someone who rented an apartment in NYC for her entire adult life until a year ago, I completely relate to the little voice that's telling you it's not the greatest financial arrangement. But we couldn't afford to buy what we wanted in the city, and we were where we wanted and needed to be at the time. I also had a little voice reminding me that it wasn't a forever plan. Now that we've moved and have bought a home that we love, I have no regrets, and I suspect that you won't either. It all works out the way it's supposed to, I think--even if it's not what we envisioned. Congratulations and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.

[carosgram]

I hate to admit this but I watch Suze Orman every week. She says that in this market it is smart to lease/rent. She says to wait until the market settles and then purchase. She also advises to save the difference between renting and buying so you will have a good down payment when you do decide to buy. So according to Suze you have made the right choice. Enjoy your new home.

[I, Rodius]

Congratulations. There's almost no better feeling than waking up every morning to realize that you really did manage to get out from under that piece of real estate you thought you'd be stuck with for the rest of your life. And there's worse things in the world than renting until you know you've found the right time and place to buy. Good luck!

[Belinda]

You know how when something hurts bad for a LONG time, and then the pain stops, you just feel miraculously GOOD, merely due to the absence of pain? (if you don't, thank your lucky stars!) Sometimes, the removal of a chronic, heavy stress leaves a blissful peace in its wake...just because the "bad" is GONE. Congratulations.

[Katherine]

So you've just done the impossible and sold a house in this market (I live with in an hour of you…I know exactly what it’s like here), but rather than take advantage of the crazy low prices (at least 3 years of gains erased!) and buying a house, you’re going to rent?!!! That really is not a smart decision. You know you are going to live there at least a year and the market is pretty nearly bottomed out. It’s a terrible time to sell and a fabulous time to buy. Find a house you can afford in a place you want to live and buy it. You are making me smack myself in the forehead over here! Are you trying to stay broke?

[MelissaS]

Gee Katherine, are you trying to stay unpleasant?

I'm not making negative assumptions about you here Katherine, because frankly you sound like a bitch from your comment.

Instead I am going to assume that this unpleasant comment is based on your own frustration with the current financial climate in Michigan and not my personal situation which my husband and I have spent 18 months plowing over.

Unless you've been spending time plowing through my family's personal finances, in which case: I'm feeling uncomfortable, please don't do that.

If you had sold your house and bought a new home in this market, I would be thrilled for you. If you didn't, I'd probably assume you had reasons I didn't understand.

Just like right now I'm assuming you left such an unpleasant comment for reasons I simply can't understand right now.

PS: I didn't do the impossible. I sold my house for a ridiculously low price because I simply don't want to own a home anymore.

[Flydaddy]

Katherine:

I'm available if you need help with that 'smacking you in the head' thing.

[Sarah]

Renting is the new buying in Michigan. I wish we were renting. We probably have to move fairly soon and we are so screwed it isn't even funny.

[Sarah]

Okay, I just came back to close the tab and read Katherine's comment and I am married to someone with an MBA in finance who makes a living by traveling around this state, country and abroad to buy and sell properties and businesses for his company. While he is not a Michigan real estate agent, what she said is the opposite of what he says (and apparently Suze Orman too), so bleh.

[MP in MD]

Hey Melissa,

I've been reading your blog for a while but was too lazy to make the effort to post comments. (OK, not lazy but not motivated). Anyway, as a former Michiganian, I know about the real estate market back home. We were lucky to sell our Redford house shortly after my husband landed a job in a new part of the country. That took a huge stress load off my mind!

The real reason for posting here is to congratulate you for getting a buyer for your house. And I completely support your new leasing arrangements. If it means your family is living in a better neighborhood, more power to you!

Best of luck to all of you.

[Lisa V]

My mom spent a year 20 years ago trying to sell a house she hated. When she finally did, she said bullshit on owning another one and was gunshy for five years. When she and my step dad finally felt comfortable, they bought again. Next year she will pay off her 15 year mortgage. It turned out great for them and it will for you.

The best deal is the one that lets you sleep at night. Congratulations on having found out that deal.

[Maggpie]

Hey Melissa,

You have gotten a LOT of comments, mostly support on your decision. I think that, despite the opinion of others, you have to do what is best for you, and therefore best for your family. As Jaycee said, if you feel better emotionally and even physically, then your family will too. Keep true to yourself no matter what. Congrats on the house sale and for taking care of yourself.

Maggpie

p.s. I live in the area and I know the market. We have had our house up for sale for over a year now and have had very little activity. Ugh! It is so great you sold.

[beanblossom]

I think I already said Congratulations in Flickr, but if not, here it is again: CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Secondly, I totally understand everything you have been going through. (that is why I keep reading your blog because it is nice to know i'm not the only one out there!). We bought our first house in a nice suburb of Indianapolis (Noblesville), but the 'hood was falling apart with idiot neighbors and the final straw was our nextdoor neighbor molesting kids and the news reporters showing up (he was also the association president). We didn't make any money when we sold it even though we bought it as a foreclosure deal. We had to put so much money into remodelling it because for the same price, first time buyers could get a bigger brand new home by CP Morgan.

We moved into my dream house in Danville on a lease/option (with the last of our savings down). That turned into a potential money pit and we got out of it by taking an offer to transfer to Reno where we had to rent because the homes were ridiculously priced thanks to Californians moving in. A year later, we are in Miami where it is just as bad, if not worse because of property taxes and hurricane insurance. Long time residents keep asking us if we own and when we say no, they ask why not. " Well, gee...your mortgage is $4000 and you have to have three generations of your family living with you to afford it and all adults working. My rent is $1800 which is bad enough!"

I don't regret moving from Noblesville, but I do miss our $700 mortgage, including insurance. We did what was best for our family and someday we will maybe own a cool loft condo when we kick them off to college and their adult lives (which is sooner than later for us thanks to getting knocked up at 19!).

Sorry...I just wrote my own blog entry....

[vbd93]

I'm so happy for you to be moving on! since you've plowed through this for so long, you've probably already explored this but thought I'd throw it out there anyway: could you negotiate with the owner to make it a lease-to-own? so a portion of your rental payment goes toward a down-payment on the home. i think there is usually an additional down-payment required at the beginning of those arrangements, but it's not nearly as large an amount as the downpayment on a traditional sale. just a thought in case you haven't already looked into it. best of luck in the moving process. you are doing a good thing for your family!!!

[Katherine]

While I'm sure everyone's anecdotal information is helpful, I suggest you check out this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/10/business/2007_BUYRENT_GRAPHIC.html?ex=1185249600&en=aa7e66bdfdc52c12&ei=5070

[MelissaS]

Dear Katherine, thank you for caring so deeply about my financial decisions. I'm not sure why you care so much whether or not I buy or rent.

I assure you this is the right choice for my family for many reasons, some of which I'm able to talk about, some of which I choose not to talk about.

Now run along and balance my checkbook dear.

[sassykat1213]

I agree with not giving out too much info on your new home!! But, I hope you'll post more pics soon (safe pics, of course!)~the kitchen looks wonderful!
:)Kat
(Katherine from Texas, LOL!)

[AmandaT]

I was hoping Katherine the financial genius could help me find the line on her little graph that indicates, in dollar amount, what your happiness and peace of mind is worth? I also can't find the information on her graph that indicates the financial benefit to being so f*&*ing smug about someone else's money matters, but I'm sure she'll be happy to point it out.

Anycrap, congratulations, best of luck on your move, and enjoy making lots of great memories in your new home!

[Chicago Chick]

There is no shame in leasing. Yes, there are tax benefits to buying but if you lease you don't have the hassles of fixing stuff that breaks due to wear and tear. Enjoy your dream house! Not many people get to live in theirs and you have it for an entire YEAR. YEAH!!!

[izzosmom]

Hmmmm, by that chart in the NYP that Katherine posted, with 0% appreciation, which is what your case sounds like...it would take living in a place 20 YEARS before buying had an advantage over renting. So...should we ALL be renting?

I live in Cincinnati, only marginally better market, and when I told my mom, the Realtor, about you, she was like, "Ooooooohh, Detroit is a BAD market right now."

Now you have the leisure of finding a dream house that has a reasonable owner willing to part with it.

[palamedes]

For a little more financial peace of mind, just realize that you can still pull down a hefty IRS standard deduction while leasing. You might save more on your taxes via a purchase, but then that means a bigger financial commitment versus the resulting payoff, especially when it comes to living in expensive-housing neighborhoods like my own.

Purchasing a home can give you a feeling of greater security, but as someone who's run the risk of defaulting on a mortgage (didn't, thankfully), it's an illusion if you're in over your head with a very expensive bill to pay month after month for decades. All is well until things start to fall apart.

Besides, in a year from now, the odds are good that either the landlord will appreciate a stable renter, or you'll have a much better housing market for buyers. Or both.

[terrapin24h]

Melissa,
It makes no sense (to me anyways :) )whatsoever to buy such a large asset in market where they do not appreciate. Sure you get some tax write offs, but considering all the other costs involved i hardly see it as worth it unless you find *the* *perfect* *house* cheap. Sounds to me like you guys are being smart by leasing; can't say i'd do anything different were i in your position. i only wish you guys the best and hope that whatever time you spend in the new place (short or long as it may be) is enjoyable, you all deserve it!

[WalSimp]

Delurking ....

Melissa, I am so very pleased for you!! I think anyone who believes that they know what you are going through and what is the best decision for you and yours should blow it out their chosen nether regions.

I live in Beverly Hills, MI and really hope/wish we are in the "dream neighborhood." We could crack open a celebratory bottle of wine. Hey! Maybe we will do that anyway! Any excuse ....

Congratulations and roll on Moving Day!