Some people call it The Prom and you know, I never went to prom.

I've mentioned before how my husband works with pre-pubescent boys. A few weeks ago Logan went to a "design team" bar-b-que. Around midnight I tried to return a call from him earlier in the evening but his voice mail picked up right away. Logan turning off his phone while he's out is one of my personal pet peeves, even more annoying than the fact that summer "vacation" lasts 3 entire months.

In the morning I mentioned how much I hate it when he turns off his phone while he's out. He said, "I didn't turn it off...."

I interrupted, "Let me guess, the 13 year olds threw you in the lake!"

"Yes! They did!"

At first I thought, 'Right...." but then I remembered my husband is the Peter Pan of his place of employment and also that the iPhone was unveiled the night before this supposed water incident. Either way, yes, it made sense.

(There was also a marshmallow fight involved in this party.) (They were all jacked up on Mountain Dew.)

The day after we move into our new place, WHERE ICE COMES OUT OF THE FREEZER DOOR WHENEVER YOU WANT, his company is hosting a little party. Last year the party was quite elaborate according to reports, which makes sense since if you're not buying drinks for your employees (not of age!) you can splurge on Hawaiian Punch fountains and pizza chefs.

I asked Logan what I should wear, thinking a nice summer dress would be perfect. He replied they'd gotten a visual guide regarding the party clothes.

It turns out I have to lose 30 pounds, 40 if we're looking at Lohan, 15 years and all sense of myself by next week in order to attend this party.

Can't I just start a marshmallow fight or something?

Comments

[nicole]

a visual guide? f'real? is that for the staff to show their moms when they take them shopping for party clothes?

if i saw someone show up to a staff function dress like rainbow brite lohan, i would be....surprised.

[nicole]

that should read "dressed like"--i hate comment typos.

[UnrulyDuckling]

The Husband and I just moved into a new house WHERE ICE COMES OUT OF THE FREEZER DOOR WHENEVER YOU WANT, and it really is as cool as it sounds.

[superblondgirl]

Whoa, the dress code seems a little strict. I would be turned away at the door. But, whatever. You have an ice cube maker. And a place to ride bikes. And basically, life is good even with the extra 40 pounds and a decent wardrobe (versus one stolen from a drag queen, which is what so many celebrities look like).

[sugaredharpy]

I was all, "you are shitting me," when I saw that image.

So I clicked it and read that this is an actual image they sent out regarding dress.

And then I was all, "YOU ARE SHITTING ME!"

[califmom]

I'd be tempted to squeeze my way-past-legal ass and gut into that horizontal-patterns-flatter-no-one number, grab a pair of those "new jelly shoes" from Wal-Mart, borrow a hot pink clip-on hair extension from my 9-year old daughter and waltz my ass on in there with a handbag fashioned out of those oh-so-helpful guidelines. Maybe the handbag could be this week's craft project with the kids. Or maybe, the kids at Logan's office could do the craft. Will there be goody bags?

[califmom]

Another thought, how are you supposed to jump in the bounce house in a strapless dress? Huh? Bet the kids at work didn't think that one through.

On second thought, maybe they did. They probably aren't old enough to get into a strip club. Strapless, bounce house, underage men, it's all making sense now.

[BOSSY]

You need to lose 40 pounds? Lohan would probably suggest a decent cocaine habit. Works every time:

http://iambossy.typepad.com/i_am_bossy/2007/07/take-two-swell-.html#comments

[Kyran]

for sure go with Colin Ferell's look. it will kill. especially if you can persuade Logan to go as Posh Spice.

[Melizzard]

Just wear something low cut. As long as the little boys can talk to your boobs they'll still think your hot.

[mommastantrum]

WTF?!?! Just walk around in a low cut shirt showing clevage and saying thats hot, and those little kids will think you are up to code. Or you could go as Colin Ferrel and Logan could go as Jamie Fox. I mean then you are both comfortable and dressed up to the "code." I want pictures of this event though...I want to see these boys in those horrible rainbow brite (Thanks Nicole) dresses...it will make my otherwise boring day SUPERFANTASTIC!!

[Zookins]

Can you skip it, and send a blow-up doll all decked out in Victoria's Secret's finest in your place?

Because that invite . . . it fucking blows.

[Chicago Chick]

I would be happy with myself if I could get a leg into Lindsay Lohan's stripped dress. I swear at my tiniest (105 lbs at 21 yrs old), I could NEVER get into that dress. Good luck.

[carosgram]

After watching you on tv, I know you have style and look good. Wear a nice cocktail dress and enjoy yourself. There will be so many there who are envious of your charm, your wit and your looks. Hopefully they will have great cocktails to enjoy.

[Jessica]

Where in God's name does Logan work? I'maskeered of them their partay clothes!

[Jazz Brown]

I already hate work parties. This really makes me hate work parties. Good luck. Your superhero necklace will Rock!