The Golden Spoon

Before we begin, let's see what comes back with this query: Is it normal for the buyer's mortgage company to require an appraisal? I can't remember my mortgage company doing that until we refinanced years after the purchase. I asked around at the block party (!!) and no one else seemed to recall that step in the process.

So yes, we attended the block party on Saturday. Several times I just stopped moving, took a deep breath while watching my kids run up and down the closed street with about 20 other kids and thought, "I could not be happier than I am right now." I spontaneously hugged Andrea and Logan and they both understood where these non-required hugs were coming from.

Then I had an orgasm.

Which brings me to the next item. Many of the new neighbors read this site, in fact one of them knows I, on occasion may or may not give my husband oral sex within the boundaries of a loving and totally legal union. So you know, I may be feeling a bit reluctant to publish pictures of their children partaking in egg tosses, jump rope contests, water balloon fights and talent shows (!!!).

The only thing I have to say about the neighbors worrying about how I'll portray them if I write about them is this: If you walked up to me next Saturday as we moved in and punched me full force in the face, I would come back here, all iced and bandaged and write, "I LOVE THESE NEIGHBORS AND THEIR FUNNY CUSTOMS!!!!!"

It is nearly impossible for you to offend me after the last nine years.

Part of the yearly block party is a Men's Bake Off. Each year a specific ingredient is required for each submission, this year oatmeal. All the guys then submit their concoctions for judging. Logan is a robot and for the most part is programmed very well, but someone forgot the "Time Management' coding and he often bites off more than he can mechanically chew. But this time he made time for baking. He searched the Quaker site and came up with Spirited Southern Sweet Potato Bars. He made the 'test batch' Friday night after we reassembled the trampoline and he attempted to purge his closet. I tested the first batch in bed at 12:43 am.

Guess what? He won!

The one neighbor in our current neighborhood we sort of socialize with said, when faced with the power of the Golden Spoon, "They told everyone else to burn their entries or bring rice crispy treats just so you'd win."

And I'd believe that, I mean really, the robot wins the Golden Spoon? The spoon which dates back to the early 90's? The spoon many men have laid awake dreaming about (or have at least spent 20 minutes in the kitchen concocting an entry for) and he wins before we even officially move in?

Except when he won several men in the neighborhood fell to the ground and cursed The Lord for their incredible misfortune and at least one threatened to steal the spoon. But we won't let that happen. No, we won't.

Our landlord doesn't realize this yet but the Golden Spoon means he can't kick us out even after our lease is up. If he tries, we will beat him with this spoon until he sells to us for the price we can afford.

To quote my realtor, with a very serious tone, "Promise me, promise, you'll never attempt to negotiate a sale on your own. Promise."

I can't imagine what she's talking about.

Comments

[UndoneLady]

Congrats to Logan! And yes, appraisals are required (at least in Ohio) by the mortgage companies so they don't lend more than the property is actually worth (so they can get their money back if the buyers default).

[Victoria]

The golden spoon is the friggin awesome-ist idea ever!

And I don't know nothin about appriasals. I just know I'm not allowed pets in my apartment.

[gorillabuns]

unless you put down a shit-load of money, you are required to have/pay for an appraisal. most of the time, you can add the expense to your loan.

because really, who ever lives in a home for 30 years?

[Kate]

Your fifth paragraph made me laugh and laugh.

[AKA Eleanor]

I've been involved in real estate sales and mortgage closings for over ten years, and yes, an appraisal is always required. The bank needs to ensure that the buyer isn't taking out a $400,000 loan for a house worth $200,000, then defaulting on the mortgage and absconding to Belize with the extra $200 grand. Or we all would!

I Love the spoon!

[carosgram]

Yes, I have always had to have an apprasial before the bank agreed to loan me money on a house. They want to know they can get their money back if they have to foreclose. That the house is worth what is being paid.

[heather2]

Yes - an appraisal is required by the mortgage lender. Oh, and apparently it's extremely bad form for the seller's agent to call the buyer's mortgage company to ask how much the house appraised for.
Oops. Learned that the hard way!

[Fenicle]

Just as long as we don't read on here about your new fantasy of Logan spanking you with his Golden Spoon!!!!!!!!!

[andrea]

Our home was appraised while we were in escrowt - over 8 yrs ago. In fact, it appraised for less than we offerred, so somehow (?) we got to pay the lesser (appraised for) price.

[ivy]

We just closed on the sale of our house, and the buyer's mortgage company required an appraisal as they cannot qualify for a loan greater than the amount of our appraisal. Unfortunately, our agent had overpriced our house so it appraised low and we had to cut $10,000 off the sales price so the buyer's could still purchase the home. We were so weary of many months of double mortgage payments we just signed and ran with what we could. Most of the time the appraiser gets very close to the offer price, but this was a VA loan with a VA appraiser, and they tend to be pretty mean, grumpy old appraisers. They even made us make additional repairs! We thought only the inspector could make us do that. Don't worry, our situation was not common and I'm sure you'll be just fine. Good juju!

[Molly Chase]

I work for a homeownership and financial education and counseling non-profit, and as you've heard before, yes, most lenders do require an appraisal, for all the reasons everybody else said. Generally speaking, it's not a cause for concern as a seller, unless your price is inflated for any reason. It's more of a problem here in D.C., where people bid up the prices on homes to the point where they have to come up with HUGE downpayments just to get the banks to sign off on the deal, and they still end up in default on their mortgage five years down the road. Like ivy just said, this isn't a common problem, unless you live somewhere where the economy is recession-proof and the housing bubble still hasn't burst.

[jeanie]

Don't know anything about the appraisal but I am BLOWN away by the spoon - and your storytelling of it was fan-tastic.

So - do you get extra helpings of the oatmeal pie now?

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

You know, you are lucky. Had it been my husband they really would have to have thrown it for him to win :)

[a happier girl]

Texas requires appraisals. Bought two houses. Required both times.

[sarah]

An appraisal was required for our mortgage, on the initial purchase and the refinance. When we bought our first house, our agent was cynical--this is when the boom was just starting. She found that no matter how convoluted a price the buyers offered, the appraiser matched it. I have no idea how true this was, but it made me worry less.

Happy Moving!

[filmfangirl]

My boyfriend B & I just moved into a new house this summer, and the neighborhood is not nearly the wholesome barrel of monkeys as yours! We were promised some sort of welcome packet, then never got it. Some nanny & her charge nearly broke down our door peddling lemonade. We suspect a former gay porn star lives down the block. Teenage hooligans set off smoky fireworks (and possibly bottle rockets) literally every night. I covet Logan's Golden Spoon!

[raine]

absolutely an appraisal is required - if you're selling it for more than it's worth then that would be quite a pickle, wouldn't it?

[James]

It's just too much to take. New neighbors who are quite pleasant, social, have kids for our kids to play with, enjoy the same beers, bought a trampoline (or that big jumpy thing as my daughter calls it) and now are the keepers of the golden spoon. Humph, maybe if Logan teaches me how to "jam like a pro" before the end of summer I’ll feel better about losing the men’s bake off three years in a row. Who knows, maybe you can make it a clean sweep and be crowned Ms. Oktoberfest 2007. Ohhh you'd look good in the crown too! Welcome to the neighborhood!

[BOSSY]

The appraisal could also be about them wanting to do some sort of addition or home improvement? Or maybe they are going to level the place and turn it into The Official Museum of Suburban Bliss.

[Sarah]

Logan winning the Golden Spoon before you've even moved in is just the best sign that this house/neighbourhood was Meant To Be.

[Womanwithkids]

My mortgage co did an appraisal when I bought my house. From reading between the lines, I believe it was because "Single mothers with one income are not a good risk when it comes to mortgages. Also? Your children are heathens."

But that could just be my own paranoia.

[suburbanhell]

Oh. My. God. You tackled wallpaper from hell, in a house that was trying to kill you, so you could move to the SUBURBS? Your new neighborhood sounds exactly like my old neighborhood. We sold two years ago - after three years of living there - and I could care less if I never attend another block party, progressive dinner or Bunco game in my life. I think I may need therapy to deal with my loathing of all things suburban.

Oh, and appraisals are standard here in Colorado. It's actually a perk if a seller has recently (within the past six months) had it done.

[NicoleP]

Oh, suburbanhell... to you, I say feh. To be fair to Melissa, the suburbs in Colorado are FAR more soul sucking than what she's described. Her house seems to have more character than all of the suburban homes in the Denver area combined.

Congrats to Logan on the Golden Spoon! It sounds like a fun neighborhood where you guys will get to meet great people. I hope the neighborhood I'm moving to is half as fun... DO YOU HEAR ME MARIETTA, GA?

[Melizzard]

Reading about your joy at the new neighborhood reminds me how much I love ours (which is a lot like your new one) and reminds me how incredibly lucky we are to live on this street. Thanks for helping me not take it for granted.

[MelissaS]

Suburban Hell: You should know, I loathe people who come to my website and are rude.

I didn't move to the suburbs, I moved 10 blocks within the same suburb of Detroit.

I've moved to a block where the neighbors enjoy each other's company and think it's worthwhile to create an environment where everyone is invested in the neighborhood.

If you lived here, I imagine you wouldn't enjoy it. In fact I'd suggest you might be happier in my old house.

I'm glad you found what works for you, you don't need to slam other people's choices to feel better about your own. Unless you're an insecure and rude person.

[Lena]

Oh my God, Melissa. You tackled wallpaper from hell, in a house that was trying to kill you, so you could move to the SUBURBS?

How totally AWESOME of you.

Can I just tell you that when I read that you had actually attended THE Block Party as a resident, I felt emotional?

[Sta]

Am now wondering if we live on the same street. I tried to turn onto my street on Saturday and had to turn around because the road was blocked off for a block party! There was probably more than one block party in RO on Saturday, right?