That side door holds endless possibility.

For a few years now I've said I wanted to move. I've also mentioned my desire to move to an entirely different state. Logan shudders to hear this because he happens to live with two people who react to change like a cat being dunked repeatedly into a cold pool of water.

Additionally, it's taken me 31 years of my life to find my very best friends and I'm not actually very good at making friends. Note please the prior 31 years where I did not have best friends. So I have to forgive Logan for not jumping on board the Melissa Wants Out train.

Then, right before we signed on to this house, he was offered a transfer. For the last five years I've hoped there would be a transfer or an out of town job which would call out to him and say, "Hey! Let's have an adventure!"

And here it was, at just about the most perfect time. We had no house commitments, the kids hadn't started school. We were at a perfect place for this kind of transition. I felt dizzy with the sudden possibility dropped in our laps just as we reached what I thought was our ultimate goal. The Dream Neighborhood.

When Logan came home that night he said, "You don't want to move out of state now do you?"

And my mind flipped through all the places his job has offices. "It's just for 18 months," he said.

Where could it be?

London? New York? CHICAGO!!!!

But no, it wasn't any of those options. It was Los Angeles.

Los Angeles is more than a lovely place. People love it. When I mentioned to friends this was an option on the table, they assured me not everyone in southern California is totally insane. That there are tons of places to live where people are just like any other people you'd ever meet. I wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb they told me.

The thing I couldn't get past is that cost of living thing. I didn't want to be the crazy lady at the market, roaming around screaming at the grocer, "You're charging HOW MUCH for yogurt? It's YOPLAIT! It's just yoplait! How can you charge this much for yogurt? How do you live with yourself? Why are you walking away from me?"

I also looked at the price of housing and I started screaming at the screen, "You're charging WHAT for 900 square feet!?"

I realize it's expensive to live in Chicago and even more so in New York. But perhaps it's the Quaker in me, but I can see myself living in these places. Enduring through the winters, appreciating the summers for what they are. I can easily picture myself raising a family in Chicago and I can imagine raising a family in a suburb of New York, at least for 18 months.

I can't picture what raising my family in London would look like but when I conjure up what I think it might look like it seems reasonable. Maddie would just change her name to Frances and Max would get a real haircut, not that lame half a haircut his dad keeps getting for him. We could do this, at least for 18 months.

Somehow I couldn't get my brain to really wrap around Los Angeles. So we decided to go forward with our lease and let Logan's boss know we were interested in relocation elsewhere if the opportunity arises. (Another reason a year lease was more appealing than buying right now) (Also appealing: Continually dropping housing prices!)

All of that seemed smart at the time and the new neighborhood has worked out as fabulously as we dreamed it would.

Except Logan still has to go to Los Angeles every few weeks from now until quite a while and uh.....this is kind of a drag. Refreshingly, it's not a drag because I have little kids and they wear me out.

It's only a drag because I miss him. Even when his clutter and stupid fucking yearly marathon training is driving me completely insane, I am still so happy when he walks through the side door at the end of the day. This might be the night we make fabulous plans for our future. It might be the night we commiserate over our sometimes difficult daughter. Maybe we'll have a night where we make each other laugh breathlessly. Or maybe he'll work until 2am and we'll slam doors and be irritated with each other. You never know.

When I'm by myself I know what the evening holds: endless hours of really bad television in the form of Law and Order: SVU. I can't help myself. If, God Forbid, I ever end up permanently solo, Internet, promise me you'll come to my house and block all Law and Order from my cable and forbid me from getting any more cats.

Los Angeles really wasn't the right move for us, not without a significant raise (not offered). But still tonight I'm thinking maybe Maddie would look great as a blonde and Max might never have to know the hell that is the long gray winter.

Also this is a very big house to be alone in.

Comments

[Lori MacBlogger]

Well, if you ever come to Los Angeles, I would love to meet you. I am not blond either, and I can count on one hand the number of my friends who are. Oh, and Yoplait is only like 50 cents here. It's the gas that will kill you.

[Kathryn]

I am a huge fan of your blog and am delurking after many many months of reading. I moved here to LA from Detroit 3 years ago and am about to move back to MI (to Kalamazoo). Trust your instincts, my friend!!! LA is not a good place for midwesterners. I'm sure there are plenty of perfectly normal reasonable people here in LA, but I haven't been able to find any of them. And the cost of living is seriously out of control and it's like being in grad school again. Living paycheck to paycheck on a 6-figure salary is no fun at all but I suppose for 18 months it would be doable. But still, Chicago is a much better place for us midwesterners!!! :)

[schmutzie]

The Palinode used to be away for weeks at a time for work, and I spent endless hours glued to "Law & Order" and fanning out everything I needed to live around the sofa.

I feel like I should give a nod to the man-saving panties. Man saving panties!

Just kidding.

[beanpaste]

Just a Quaker (and Idaho!) shout-out.

[Julie]

The Law and Order thing? So totally there. If, god forbid, my husband is traveling, I magically transform into a hermit and watch bad TV and avoid the telephone. I really, really, really hope I NEVER end up single.

[joanne]

I don't know if you pay grocery tax, but that threw me in for a shock when we moved to Georgia. I think the price of everything is the same across the board. Well fresh produce costs more and is not as great of quality at the supermarkets here. In CA where most everything is grown it's a bit cheaper, or at least fresher, and more farmers markets. The things that hurt are the housing prices, and gas. Heck, I lived in the East Bay. The home prices in the suburbs are nuts!

[Suebob Davis]

If you were in LA, you would be sitting stuck in traffic.

[serafina pekkala]

"If, God Forbid, I ever end up permanently solo, Internet, promise me you'll come to my house and block all Law and Order from my cable and forbid me from getting any more cats." -- Ah, the Prayer of the TV Wife, thank you Saint Melissa! :P For me it would be BBC America, I just can't. shut it. off...

I would also like to add Boston! to your list of potential not-terrible places to move from Detroit -- equally awful winter, but mild breezy summers that (almost) make up for it. Hmmm, no wonder I don't work for the Chamber of Commerce...

[Kate C.]

"LA is not a good place for midwesterners."

I second that. We moved from Royal Oak to the LA area (Torrance) in 2004 and were back a year later. The weather was perfect, true, but I hated just about everything else.

[soozey]

Oh god please please please don't fret about not moving. I didn't even finish your post, I skimmed in order to get to the comments fast enough so you didn't change your mind and post an update--I am from St Louis and lived in LA 17 years--from the time I was 18. Only for the grace of God (sorry, or getting knocked up with twins while I had a 1-year old while we were living in a 1 bedroom apt) to get us back here in the MIdwest and our lives...suffice to say so much better. Even through hardship and tragedy and all the other stuff in a marriage, it was all better to weather it in the Midwest. Im sorry to offend any native LA people ( my husband is one) but it's not the place for a family on their own with no support, just plopped in a random place. Hang in there during the hard spots when he is gone--it would be just as bad in LA, he would never be home because of the traffic. I love your blog, just had to jump in! You make me want to visit MIchigan!!

[Heather B.]

You want me to keep you from Christopher Meloni? Yeah right. NEVER. No one should be kept from the joy that is Elliot Stabler.

[Sarah]

Very interesting. I've always thought what others have just said about midwesterners and LA. I see it as kind of another country that I'm not interested in...one that would be low on my list of places to visit, like the Caymans or Jamaica or the Cancun-ish parts of Mexico.

Although we were renters, not owners, our life in Chicago was cheaper than our life in Ypsilanti. I just don't think the cost of living is as low as everyone's always saying it is.

[LizRM]

I'm glad you're happy with your decision, but I have to say to all the folks who hate/d it out here, live in Long Beach.

I grew up in Chicago, we lived in MN for 5 years and we love it here. None of the LA crap, really nice down to earth people, outstanding weather. The housing prices are insane though.

But hey, enjoy your neighborhood and your house!

[Gullebarn]

Well I am from South Dakota and lived in LA for a few years and absolutely loved it. But then, it was 1987 and I was 21 and lived right on the strip and was going to music school and drinking and partying a lot. Yeah, nevermind. Stay where you are.

[jennifer]

I'm going to chime in with what you already know: good call on staying put since there was no raise. I loved living in Los Angeles for the 5 years I was there, and I would love to move back. If we made a lot more money, we would in a heartbeat. But we moved from LA to Detroit because it is hard to afford being a one-income family there. Heck, it's hard to afford being a family there. People do it, but it takes many more sacrifices than we were willing to make. Or it takes a couple hundred grand per year. One or the other. So we just settle for many visits and daydreams of our favorite places and all that sunshine.

And I hear you on the grey winters. That has been the hardest thing to adjust to in living back in the midwest. I was in California for 10 years, 1/3 of my life, though I was raised here. I had forgotten how you don't see the sun for half the year. I miss "winter" being 3 rainy days in a row one week per month. Brrr, it's 62!!! Ah, good memories.

[Lena]

Melissa,

I am a Bay Area girl, born and raised.

Having lived in southern California now for 4 years, I can tell you that there are plenty of woodsy, cozy little areas where culture abounds, people don't drive Hummers, and yogurt is 4 for a $1.00.

Email me and I shall bestow those city names upon you.

I swear we're not all Jeep driving Gidgets.

[Nicole]

I ask this honestly and not judgingly like it sounds... Would your kids be ok with moving away? I would have freaked out if my parents wanted to move when I was that age. Leaving friends, sports, clubs, etc. would have been devastating.

[Katie]

Good call! Even for 18 months, LA with a family doesn't sound too pleasant.

Every once and awhile my husband mentions a job in the Bay area and I just can't think about moving to someplace that makes our current DC suburb housing prices look low.

Chicago though... I'd pack this house in a day if someone said I could move to Chicago.

(And as renters thinking to buy in the spring, the dropping housing prices make me cheer, glad I'm not the only one!)

[Kellie Mullin]

Having lived in LA for 12 years and moved back to MN (where I was raised) with the family, I have to tell ya, the Midwest IS everything its cracked up to be. Los Angeles (and most of SoCal)is dirty, EXPENSIVE, congested and every inch of free space is being over developed with 800k mini manses. The public school system is subpar, everyone is in a huge race to get nowhere, and you have to chew the air. There is a recidivist freak on almost every block, and those stray pit bulls, watch out. California, great place to visit, would not live there again even with a 7 figure income.

Yay, dream neighborhood!

[Chicago Chick]

I'd say come to Chicago, but I would have to live vicariously through you as we now live in the (YUCK) suburbs of Chicago having closed on the condo last week. *sniff*

[SueFromOhio(nowfromSC)]

Oh God I know what you're talking about...just go with your gut. That's about all I can say. That and you're young enough that if you go and hate it and move back, you'll at least have that interesting little chapter in your life to say, "we tried it".....

[jkopftwins]

Ditto to all the above (though, being an East Coast girl, I can't really compare Midwest/LA)...

just wanted to say, Very sweet love note to Logan, too! "I am still so happy when he walks through the side door at the end of the day..." THAT's the kind of guy (and you're the kind of woman) that, when the adventure is the right adventure at the right time, you'll take it.

[Cadbury]

Girl! be glad that he only trains ONCE a year! I have to deal with that crap at least three times plus all the bike races, my social calendar is controlled by training schedules. God forbid we should sleep in and cuddle on the weekend! No, its a 20 mile run today, and endless miles tomorrow. But. You capture that feeling of loneliness/hope waiting for his return...

[centrs]

i live in san francisco. la seems cheaper to me than sf, from a day to day perspective, rents can be cheaper, BUT, i don't have to own a car in sf, or own property. my favorite parts of la are the beach cities, venice, hermosa, manhattan - everything else, once you seen it is rather unspectacular. the air if filthy - you can wipe a washcloth down your arm and it will have yellow-brownish stuff on it from the pollution. plus, it is no exaggeration when people talk about how bad the traffic is. i enjoy visiting, but would never live there.

i lived in london a few months last winter. it seems like a great place to raise a family. the people are really nice and it would be a wonderful experience. it's also the second most expensive city in the world, without factoring in the horrible exchange rate. my flat was $4000 USD/mo. and it was tiny. it was in chelsea, which apparently means something, but to me it was no diffferent than the rest of the city. most families live in south london, which is awful. also, english people are very different in how they interact with people. super nice, but a little aloof. it may be very difficult for your kids to adjust and make friends, and perhaps even for you and logan. however, if your kids were teenagers and your company pays for everything the way mine did, i'd say go for it in a heartbeat. one of the best experiences of my life.

nyc - i lived there last summer. i swear to god i saw a little girl that looked about 11 that had wrinkles, drinking coffee in a starbucks. more expensive than sf, less so than london. again, nice place to visit...

finally, i lived in chicago this spring. personally, it wasn't for me, but it is a lovely city and i always thought it would be a great place to raise kids. also, to me, very inepensive. the people there just seemed so content with their lives.

i love sf with all my heart and can't imagine "home" feeling like anywhere else, but i would go back to london if i had another job there that allowed me to afford it.