Time for a new banking institution

Dear Bank,

The other day, I was thinking of you Bank. Remember a few months ago when you cashed a check on my account only it wasn't our check and the numbers didn't match up or the names? Your teller had transposed a couple numbers and made an honest mistake? Remember how you made us wait 3 days to 'clear it all up' and in the mean time we were short $500?

I understand, mistakes happen. God knows I've goofed up our checking account a few times since we started our relationship. The thing I was thinking about though was how when I mess up, you make me pay you hundreds of dollars in fees and such. Isn't that funny?

My husband has a freelance client who really likes making his checks out to the name of his freelance business and not to him personally. It's true, we really should have a business account but I should also floss my teeth every day and not just the day before I visit the dentist.

Half the time, Bank, you don't even notice who the check is made out to. The other half of the time you refuse to deposit the money into our account. At least until I pull out of your branch and drive a quarter mile to another. Then they'll take the check without any questions.

The thing that bothers me about this issue is not just the lack of consistency in your actions but also the fact that I am only depositing the money. I am not taking cash back and you are holding the funds until the check clears. Which it will, just like it always does.

Yesterday I came by to deposit a check for a whopping $40. I was not getting any cash, I just wanted to put that whole $40 into my bank account, so I could buy a newspaper or something.

My signature is sort of messy. I used to write my whole name out but then I started signing my name like all the adults in my life. A big M with a scribble and a big S with a scribble, sometimes I just write M S-scribble because....Bank? Does it strike you as a little odd I have to explain all this to you?

Yesterday I tried to deposit forty whole dollars into my account and while waiting for my deposit slip you called over the intercom that I would need to sign my whole name on the back of my check because that is the legal name I gave you for my account. Also? Could I add that W initial I have on the account?

Bank? It's A FORTY DOLLAR CHECK. Just put it in my account for christ sakes.

I was stunned when you really did send my check back for a new signature. But guess what Bank? I signed it almost exactly the same but I squiggled my pen after the M just for you. I did not put the W though because Bank, I think you're just being a bitch now.

All this inconsistency and weird added road blocks aren't the thing that's making me want to grab my money and run from you Bank.

What I'm trying to say Bank is that if anyone wants to put money into my bank account? I'm cool with you letting them. Just place a hold on the check and if for some reason it doesn't clear, hey! we'll just pretend it never happened. Okay?

Sincerely, your 19 year customer,
M S-scribble

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New posts: I'm starting a book club for kids and reintroducing Did They Eat It? at a new venue. Did they? There's only one way to find out.....

Also I've been working on a secret new project and it's going to launch very soon and I can hardly wait for you to see it. More next week....

Comments

[izzosmom]

Pssst! The DWR warehouse in Northern KY is having a sale in Nov. I thought it said 6-7, but that can't be right.

[JAK]

Not sure what's up with the first two comments...

But, I hear you on the bank. And seriously, do they ever really check signatures? I believe the one my bank has on file for me is from 1982 when I was seven and wrote more than a little wobbly. My signature now looks NOTHING like that. More of a J followed by the EKG of a non-functioning heart, then a K with a kind of flourish.

[Melissa Summers]

Jennifer is referring to a deleted comment.

FYI "Paige" I plan activities to do with my kids because I enjoy doing things with them. I don't enjoy miles of unfilled time which is what makes the summer so hard.

Sorry you can't comprehend the difference.

[Goingape]

The bank problem? The answer is a local credit union. I love ours. Granted, the interest rates they pay out aren't spectacular, but the rates they charge are. Oh, and if we're ever overdrawn, they just transfer from our savings or line of credit...our choice. (BTW...We always pay it off immediately.)

Anyway, I love our credit union, and I despise corporate banks. Sounds like you've got a break up in your future.

[Heather]

I have the teeniest tinyist bank and sometimes I miss out on some of the cool things the big bank offers but dang it if they don't ALWAYS take my checks. Even if I sign my husband's name (badly might I add) while sitting in the drive up window they know me and they know my account so I continue to use them.

[Coma Girl]

I tried to deposit an $11 check of my step-sons. And while I admit I did forge the signature, the woman at my bank would not let me deposit the check because it was "not the signature we have on file for him"...um, he was 14 at the time. What signature did they have on file exactly? And do you realize how often 14 year olds change their minds about their IM screen names, let alone their signature.

And it was for $11!

[viechaotique]

This is genius. You are hilarious. We are adding you to our roll...
www.viechaotique.blogspot.com

[viechaotique]

This is genius. You are hilarious. We are adding you to our roll...
www.viechaotique.blogspot.com

[Fenicle]

A new thing uh???? Very exciting!!!!

[momheymom]

Hey M S-Scribble,

You may want to consider opening a business account for a variety of reasons. The main being that it helps in keeping more accurate records. The other is that depending on the dollar amount of deposits, you may be eligible for a tax credit that helps offset the cost of any fees associated with having the account. If it's a small business, most banks have a free business account. Most of all, banks value their business customers and will make certain exceptions that they may not make for a personal account holder. Also, I'm afraid that your bank is following proper procedure for not allowing a check written to a business to be deposited to a personal account. It's an audit violation, no matter the dollar amount and does run the risk of being returned based on the titling of the account. Another, just because funds are available does not mean that the item has cleared.

As far as your scribbly signature, that's just ridiculous. It's not a mortgage, you do not have to sign the back of the check the way that the account is titled.

For those who are forging signatures, you don't have to. With doing this, you do run the risk of it being returned. As long as the payee on the check is the same as an owner/the owner on the account, and as long as you are just depositing the item, you can just write "For Deposit Only" on the back. If you're trying to deposit a check where the payee is not an/the account owner, then you're SOL I'm afraid.

I work in a bank, can you tell?:)

[HeatherZG]

I have similar vents about my own bank, that is why I use the ATM almost exclusively--it never talks back! I was a bank teller all during college and a few bonus stints in grad school and between jobs, I know the job sucks but really, you don't have to be a bitch about it.

[Sandie]

Really? Can someone be annoyed that you are annoyed at the bank because they are annoying? :) I thought your post was funny and honest and you aren't a bitch at all.

My advice- switch to a credit union or local bank. My brother works for a big name bank, (hint- has that wagon logo) and the stories he tells about the millions they pull in from inflated fees make me want to puke.

[Melissa Summers]

I think Heather's referring to the teller being a bitch.

And phew because HOLY SHIT yesterday the internet really wanted me to have a bad day and tried REALLY hard to make it happen and I thought this was going to be a repeat.

I was a teller one summer during college, I liked the job but was really bad at it. Maybe that's why I didn't make people resign their names just for the hell of it.

Momheymom: I've done the For Deposit Only and they wouldn't let me! It's like they are trying to keep money out of my account.

And I know about the business account. Especially now that we don't own a house we're going to need to be much better with our tax stuff.

But we won't be opening it with our current bank. Seriously.

[Melissa Summers]

Also they hold those checks for 3 days. How long does it take to secure the funds anyway?

[BOSSY]

Bossy thinks you need to file for a divorce. That relationship is just plain abusive.

[Lorelai]

That is the exact reason I found a bank that did not own multiple locations. In fact I went to the nears "small" town, found a locally owned bank. I mail in my deposits (checks) and do most banking online.

[Peggasus]

When we sold our house in April the bank held our check, a very large check, a CERTIFIED check, mind you, for five business days until it could 'clear.' My sister-in-law, a bank officer, told me to ask them to just call and verify it with the issuing bank, which they would not do. With the weekend and all, they ended up holding our funds for a week.

I was real happy about that. Still am.

[Heather]

LOVE this post! I think it's just perfect.

And yeah! Why the hell didn't the BANK have to pay YOU some fees for that f-up they did? For God's sake, the amount of fees they charge US if we f-up is astronomical.

[Debbie]

Hi Melissa! I have never commented before nor have I read the comments before; but I love that you read and respond to comments on your blog. I agree. You need a new bank. If you wanted to give them one last chance you could go in and talk to a manager and see if they could give you some extraordinary customer service that might make you change your mind.

I'm looking forward to your new banner. I thought you were much too happy recently for that last one to stay ;)

[melodyk99]

Totally with you sister. Banks are full of lifeless people who have nothing better to do than to screw with their customers.

My bank of 20 years changed my name --- without my instructions and/or approval ---, gave me crap when I called it to their attention, finally fixed it and actually acknowledged it being their mistake - but too late to keep it from being reported to the credit bureau under the "new" name.

Now they say - "oh sorry we can't do anything about that".

I have a new bank.

[stephanie8367]

Does this bank's name start witha "c" and end with an "a"? I lived in Michigan for three years as a student, and that particular bank, at a branch in a big university town (A2), insisted on holding my loan check for 5 business days because it originated at an out of state bank. Every. Single. Semester.

Not that I really HAD to eat for five BUSINESS days, which could be up to eight days if you count the long weekend. And not that said checks were from Citibank (my loan company), the LARGEST BANK IN THE WORLD. Can you say inferiority complex? I still hate that bank to this day, five years since I moved away, and still shudder when the baseball announcers call out their name every time we watch the Tigers.

If you don't have this bank, I suggest not moving your account there, for obvious reasons.

[Jaycee]

Just did the Other Branch Boogie today--the closer one will hold my husband's business checks for days on end and the one 2 miles away doesn't give a rat's ass. Also they threatened to close my ten year old's savings account because no deposits had been made in a long time.(Kid's obviously not pulling his weight around here.) Yes, I know it's a state law, but they were going to turn the money over to the STATE instead of just closing the account and sending him a check. The drive up tellers are usually nice though. And the "For Deposit Only" always works there. Can't wait for the secret new project!

[Sandie]

sorry Heather! Now *I'm* the bitch :)

[momheymom]

I agree with you then, it's time to get a new bank if they won't accept the "For Deposit Only". I've only heard of that being refused if it's an insurance check.

It can take up to two weeks for a check to clear. A lot of tellers mix up the terms "funds availability" and "clear" and it causes a lot of confusion for customers.

I agree with whoever said to switch to a community bank or a credit union if you can. They work a little harder to keep your business and are less likely to have a god complex. HTH!

[tracy3906]

I worked as a teller for nearly 3 years for my beloved bank that rhymes with smase or face. And the sad thing is that all of those things are standard policy, its just a matter of getting a good teller who knows what he/she is doing.

[Sharyn]

Have you sent a copy of this post to your bank?

[Karen C.]

You have no idea how much this post hits home this week. My bank screwed me over this week, too. I guess I was naive...I thought it was a big corporation so they couldn't possibly be crooked to their loyal customers!!! Wow, was I wrong!! I'm going to be checking out that whole credit union thing, too. Thanks for a very well-said post. I'm a loyal reader and always appreciate your honesty.

[jkopftwins]

Sigh. Yet again, I wish you lived on the East Coast (-: .... My BIL is actually in the midst of a group that's starting up a new bank in Pennsylvania. Their focus? Customer service. Seriously. Zero or low ATM fees, reasonable checking policies... is it any wonder they found start-up capital in record time?

[themikestand]

I haven't signed the back of a cheque in five years. Heck, I deposit my wife's cheques into whichever account I hit the button for first. And how come this always works for me? Because I have forgone the way of the teller for the bank machine. Apart from the great human downfall of the automated telephone line, I can see no disadvantage in getting the humans the HELL out of my way while I'm trying to get things done.

[WonderDonna]

I know you didn't ask, but my advice? Find a branch with a person who is working to put themselves through college. They won't give you any attitude about stupid crap like this. Sometimes they make mistakes, though, since they are usually still drunk from the night before.