I am the worst sick person you know.

*My sinuses staged a coup last night, they attempted to declare their independence from my face. During the night Nyquil appears to have worked out a peace treaty because so far today my eyes are not watering and my head is not exploding.

I'm about to go to the gym where I am going to take everything very slow. This embarrasses me, so I'm going to staple a sign to my shirt, "Delicate Peace Treaty Between Me And My Sinuses: Low Impact Workout Today. (I'm not just lazy.)"

***

*Max is having tubes put in his ears (again) and his adenoids out on Tuesday. I've been fielding a lot of questions and some I've handled better than others.

"So do they cut off the part of my ears that shows and put a tube there instead?"
"No it's just a teeny tiny tube. No one will see it, they put it right inside your ear. No cuts or anything."
(This would be effective I'm guessing, though not aesthetically pleasing.)

Him: "How do they take my adenoids out? With knives?"
(Uh oh....let's take the focus off knives and cutting!)
Me: "Oh no! No! Not with knives, they use....lasers which aren't like knives at all really."
Him (eyes huge): "You have got to be shitting me. They're putting mother fucking lasers in my mouth? You don't love me at all do you? The last 6 years have been a farce."

So I blew the pre-op pep talk. Hopefully the nice people who do the hospital tour Saturday can help us. This tour is called a Surgical Safari. When I told Max about it he asked if there were monkeys. I said, "Probably not, they might get in the way of surgery." Then he asked if he could at least swing onto the operating table on a vine like Tarzan.

I told him, "Yes".

They give him some sort of pre-anesthesia 'cocktail' that makes him loopy before going under. I'll tell him he just doesn't remember swinging into the OR.

***

*Maddie saw the orthodontist yesterday, an appointment I had long put off because I knew the outcome. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.

I was not wrong. She pretty much needs every single orthodontic device ever invented, plus a few I think he just made up. This news gave me a tiny feeling of pity for my parents, something I never, ever allow myself to feel.

As a seven year old, I had to tag along to the orthodontist for my brother. The orthodontist saw me and my teeth (which have been known to shoot out of my face....) and said, "Those are the shittiest teeth I've ever seen! What a mess! I think I could build a career out of those teeth!"

So he told my mother he would do my orthodontic work free of charge provided I could be a case study. So once a month I went in and had my picture taken to show the improvement. I wore about 40 different retainers over the next four years, each one bigger than the last. I think I wore everything on this page at one point.

In fifth grade I threw out my retainer, (the obnoxiously huge Frankel) with my lunch about four times. Twice I found it by digging through the trash cans after lunch. Pleasant! Another time my parents had to pay to replace it. Finally the last time my parents said they weren't buying me another one.

And so, now I have these annoying teeth and a hefty bill for the next two years. The orthodontist said this process should take two years and Maddie keeps saying, "The next two years are going to be pretty hard." I don't have the heart to tell her that my brother's work took all the way through high school graduation. And I wasn't even close to the final step of braces when I threw out my retainer one final time four years into the process.

I'll just leave that part of the story to myself I suppose.

Comments

[divrchk]

Does she need the thing that goes across the roof of her mouth and you have to crank it tighter with a key once or twice a day? I had that. I think it was called a rapid pallet extension.

[ollka]

I feel for Maddie. They just put braces on me. I also feel for you - orthodontists and me, we have been like this for as long as I remember myself. But most of all I feel for your wallet. "This is going to cost about 6000 Euros," they said, but what I heard was "I'm going to suck all of your blood out and then bite off your fingers one - by - one, because I can". See, the advantage of being 21 is, you have to pay for your own braces.

[Yolanda]

I remember my mom working overtime shifts to pay our orthodontist $200 a month for our (me and my brother) braces. His was off in two-and-half years, but mine took five: 6th through 11th grade. When they were finally removed my teeth looked huge and gopher-like to me, after seeing them partially obstructed by metal for so many years.

[Mrs. Chicken]

Oh my God! I was the same! I was also a case study because my teeth were so messed up. I have nightmares about those photos, that some day, someone will publish them on the web. Let's just say that 12 was not a good year for me.

Hope you get well soon.

ps - had to come out of lurkdom to share this.

[bigpikchur]

As someone who also had teeth that entered the room before my body did, and as someone who started my orthodontic experience in 4th grade with getting teeth pulled, being fitted for a pre-braces retainer, then getting braces for years, then having a retainer well into adulthood, I say that orthodontic technology has vastly improved in the past 2+ decades! Hopefully she won't have such a long, drawn out experience like you & your brother did; and in the end she'll have incredible teeth! You're great parents for diving into the financials of it all. Good luck to Max with the surgery and with the swinging into the O.R.!
Jules
House of Jules

[Sara]

That retainer website = PTSD. I started in the fifth grade and wasn't finished until high school. I think I took off the final "permanent" retainer in college. I had one of those Herbst appliances (shiver). Anyway, my hat is off to you for doing this for her -- she won't regret it. Good luck with everything!

[joanne]

I am so dreading the day we take my son to the orthodontist. I had braces, and I'm sure my son will need them. Good lord, his teeth are worse than mine.
Hubby thinks his mouth is great. I remind him, that his mother has horrible teeth and she felt orthodontia was a scam. Most likely she never got the opportunity, and in her warped mind felt her son should go without too. He is also avoiding the dentist because he knows he's got wisdom teeth that need to come out and has avoided that for years. Hee hee at least on that note I only have one, and it's never given me a problem.

[Angela]

*shudder*

I used to wear a retainer all through elementary school along with one of those devices that need to be turned with a key. Then braces through middle school and high school. Oh and my teeth? They are still not straight!!

Hopefully they have better techniques now and Maddie will fair better than all of us.

[Z]

I just wrote about being a bad sick person yesterday... Cuz I'm utterly horrible when sick! Hope you feel better soon!

As for the orthodontal stuff - my older brother went through it for years, my parents suffered, and never wanted to go through it again. So? Us younger kids? Have really (REALLY) special teeth. Urgh...

[angelawd]

Ugh, those orthodontist years are rough on parents and kids both. I never ended up with any braces but I remember all the horrible things they did to you and Scott!

The good news for Maddie is that many more kids get braces these days than 20 years ago. In junior high about half the kids have some kind of dental appliance, so there's not so much teasing.

[Michelle]

My sinuses and I have been having a love affair with Mucinex D all week. Try it! You will fall in love too! Feel better

[empressofdirt]

Gotta ask: have you tried using a nasal bidet to clear your sinuses? Dr Oz introduced this very old practice on Oprah recently and it seems lots of sinus sufferers are getting good relief from it.

[MelissaS]

I'm going to do that. Just as soon as I have a tiny air hole where the stuff can enter into my head.

[Lisa]

I would have to second the recommendation of the nasal bidet - a.k.a. a neti pot. A friend of mine has used it and raved about it for years and I finally got one last week. I was a little nervous at first, but wow what a feeling when you can breathe & hear again.

[Anne]

My 9 year old daughter got braces a few months ago (yes, including an expander to widen the roof of her mouth) and it's actually been a lot better than I thought it would be. I remember crying in the orthodontist's chair when I got them, but apparently the wires that orthodontists now use result in less pain. Another big plus is that the elastic bands for the braces now come in different colors. My daughter picked orange and red in October and red and green for December. This was a big selling point for her -- hopefully, it will be for Madison, too! It's also been a good way to respond to kids/adults who remark on the obvious: "You got braces!" The response then is, "Yes, and aren't they pretty? Look at my [insert favorite color] bands!"

[Jenn Ouellette]

All four of my kids have had orthodontia. The younger two still wear them. However, I really enjoy my visits to the orthodontist now. Although the kids are still in treatment, WE'RE PAID OFF! And I get to hear about the grad school program the orthodontist's daughter is attending. Only fair I should get the updates because I bought a year!

[Beth]

If it isn't too late (i.e. you haven't forked over an enormous deposit), I would absolutely recommend getting a second or even third opinion from other orthodontists. Maybe it was just luck, but my parents stalled getting braces for me(because of the money) until all of my baby teeth had fallen out, which meant I only had to go through one round of braces for about two years. If they hadn't waited, I would have had to get them on the baby teeth (waste of time and money), and then again on the adult teeth for a total of 3 or more years. I think a lot of orthodontists will just assume they should start the work right away, when it may be easier, cheaper and more effective to hold off until kids are a little older. My experience was 15 years ago, though, so who knows how much has changed. Regardless, good luck! There are a lot worse things for her to have to handle in life, but it's still not fun.

[Peeved Michelle]

My baby, she is screwed. My husband had braces when he was a kid and I am now in Invisalign braces (which are taking FOREVER because I always forget to put them back in). Hopefully she will be more like me and have a mild case of crooked teeth.

[Karen C.]

hehe...I blogged about this once too. You can read about it here. It hasn't actually been that bad, and my Julia hasn't really complained about any pain or anything. Seriously, I wish you luck.

[Maggie]

My 4 year old had his tonsils and adenoids removed today as well as having his ears flushed and his left ear drained. Today? Worst day of the year so far.

[MelissaS]

Maggie, I'm sorry. I know from friends tonsils are no picnic for the first day. I remember from Maddie's adenoids that it was less pleasant than just plain tubes.

Tomorrow will be better. Kids, especially under 10, are so resilient, why don't we send them off to war?

[chris]

I curse myself daily for throwing away my retainer. Which is why my kids are getting a permanent retainer put in when their braces come off. Because after I spend over $5000 per kid, if they let their teeth get crooked I will punch them out. Serously.

We went to two different orthodontists for consults. I ended up choosing the more expensive one as he came highly recommended and all the people I saw who had gone to him had really nice teeth.

[Jaycee]

I feel ya on the orthodontia-itis. I have rather prominent front teeth. My struggling, divorced mom finally relented and took me in and our very kind dentist judged me to be fine and not in need of braces. I think he thought there probably wasn't much that could be done and he knew my mom couldn't afford it anyway. I was happy until I figured out that, no matter what he said, *I* didn't like the way my teeth looked. I finally got clear braces as an adult and got them off before my 40th birthday. They're not perfect, but I am happy with them and do still wear my retainers every night! Took my older son in and got THREE opinions. His teeth, which are more like my husband's (nice looking), were in need of a little tweaking and I wasn't going to deny my kid! Turns out he's got some funky,jaw growth issue,wherein, if he grows too much, he'll need to have his jaw broken(!!) and have his braces all over again! So far, so good--they check him every three months or so, and, at age 15 (and 6'1") I hope to hell he's done growing. His teeth look beautiful right now. The only good news they gave me is that the 2nd set of braces would be free. Sorry to hijack your comments! Hope your sinuses free up soon! And good luck to Max!

[Builder Mama]

Poor Maddie. I was one of those people that had such a bad overbite that I couldn't close my lips without teeth hanging out. So pretty! I ended up with braces, retainers, headgear, the works from 3rd grade until I was 17. I believe our orthodontist was able to put an entire wing on his house thanks to my parents. I am hoping that our son ends up like his dad, maybe a little bit snaggly but not requiring early orthodontic intervention like I did.

My son has had the adenoidectomy done twice, tubes done twice, and had his tonsils out when he was 5. The adenoids really aren't that bad, he was feeling much better by day 2. Day 1, however, I drank a lot.

[susies]

I am 47. My orthodontist still has a plaster mold of my teeth on his shelf as his "Worst Case Ever" display.

Advice from my incredibly wonderful dentist"
Kid's shouldn't have braces before 10-11 years old. Take it for what it's worth. :o)

[The Traveling Vineyard]

I am so not looking forward to the bills for our children. I didn't have mine done until I was 29, but I only needed Invisalign for 20 weeks (of course that didn't lower the cost a teensy bit) but I have a feeling the kids are in for years and years of fun visits.

I was amazed at the 6-8 year olds I saw in the orthodontist office when I went in for new trays, they still had baby teeth and they were already in braces! Scary.

[jkopftwins]

As someone who is one month post-jaw surgery, and coming up on two years into my SECOND stint in braces (granted, the first go-round was when I was, like, 13, and I'm now 42), I feel your pain. Literally! I was told that recovery is easier from all of this when you're younger because your bones are still growing (translation: "Ma'am, you are old."), but the first thing the doc said when examining my 2-hour-old twins in the hospital was, Boy, the orthodontists are going to love you.

I feel proud of myself, though, because whenever I see the look of fear on all the young patients' faces when they see me come in for appointments, I am *so* tempted to say "I can't wait to get these off after 30 years! You guys told me I'd only have braces for 18 months!"

[Katrina]

My sister in law got her braces payed for 100% by the government.
Bad teeth, believe it or not, are considered a 'disability.'
Depending on your income, you may be able to get your state/government to foot the bill, as long as the kid is under 18 when the work starts. She got her braces in at 17, and out around 21/22, and never had to pay a dime for them.

[kate]

Ugh - the orthodonist. I hated my orthodontist. He wore crocs and scrubs (who did he think he was?) and used to sing "If I Had a Hammer" while he pounded bands around my molars. I started with the palatte spreader thing with the key combined with a headgear. Oh, and a bite plate to wear during the day. Once I had a gap between my front teeth the width of an eraser (like someone else said - 12 was a great year!), I got braces on. And was still supposed to wear the head gear. After the braces came off (2 years!), they gave me this fabulous retainer that was spring-loaded to exert extra pressure on my not-quite-perfect front teeth. See, he wanted to crack my jaw and realign my bite surgically before removing the braces. For an 1/8th inch overbite. My parents and I said NO WAY (3 months of a screwed-shut jaw at the start of 9th grade??). Then it was bonded retainers on my bottom and upper front teeth. The bottom broke off (with help from my dentist) about 3 years ago, the top just in the past 18 months. So, I started nearly 20 years ago. Awesome.

I wish all the best to Maddie - I know the technology is vastly improved, but it's still no fun. And good luck to Max! I find out this afternoon if my daughter needs tubes . . . after her FIRST ear infection (l.o.n.g. story, but the MD isn't bonkers).

[Janette105]

Ok, seriously? I thought I was the only person in this world who ever wore a frankel. I felt so great about myself in the 5th grade. Nothing says confidence more than a frankel. After 10 years of orthodontia, I have perfect teeth. However, after a lifetime of grinding and clenching I am now losing my perfect teeth. I wish I could go to schools and do public service announcements to tell kids to wear a nightguard if they clench their jaw or grind their teeth. I am a total dental hygiene and tooth freak. OCD of the mouth. If you only knew.