We Are Every Midwestern Cliche, And It's Winter So I've Stopped Caring.

Logan joined a bowling league with people from work. And, like everything my robotic spouse does, he programmed himself for all out participation. He bought a ball, he got his name engraved on the ball. Got team shirts (with name embroidery) and even bought a retro bowling ball bag. He is into it, just like he's into everything. He's like the marathon runner of bowling.

I like bowling as a hobby far more than I like marathon running as a hobby since it requires about 1/1000th of the money and half the time. I would say 1/100th of the time, but bowling goes for, literally, 43 weeks a year and Logan isn't happy being just an 'average' bowler, he likes to practice.

A weekend ago, we all went bowling as a "Family Activity"! Which would have worked when Maddie was 7 but now that she's 9? Bowling is LAME-O. Thankfully Logan's friend Adam from the team came with us for our "Family Activity"....you know because this wasn't about Logan practicing his bowling...it was about "Family Activity". Cough. Cough.

Adam came along and brought his iPhone so Maddie browsed the internet instead of bowling like the rest of us LAME-Os. I don't think I'm going to make it through her teenage years if bowling is already this unbearably lame at nine. We'll have to try something more exciting, like traveling the country to see 30 consecutive Hannah Montana shows. Or something even more fun, like freebasing. As a family.

Anyway I bring up the training session because Logan's still working at getting used to his new ball and sometimes it sticks to his thumb as he attempts to throw it down the lane. A few weeks ago he threw the ball and instead of throwing it down his own lane, it flew into the next lane. Which was pretty funny but I didn't get to see it with my own eyes.

Last weekend though he tried to take his turn but the ball didn't come off his thumb as per the usual procedure when bowling. His entire body was thrown down the lane with the ball. I watched my husband flying through the air being led by a bowling ball and he looked exactly what I think he'd look like if he was a giant rag doll. Or maybe a dog's chew toy.

Even if he broke his arm in that stunt, I still think I'd be typing this while furtively laughing every other minute thinking of my husband flying down a lane at the bowling alley with a bowling ball attached to his thumb. Thankfully he was not hurt so I can laugh openly.

In other bowling related news, a week ago I went along to watch the bowling team, The Split Hogs, if you must know. I took some pictures, most of them didn't come out very well but a couple did.

Like, say, this shot which is an illustration of a bowler being violated by a bowling pin. This is a regular  occurrence, much like the Superbad drawings (link NSFW, unless you work some where they don't care if you view drawings of Mr T as a penis on company time). Again, reminding me my husband fits right in with 13 year olds.

You get this drawing when you aren't doing well and I think it's reason I only bowl with bumpers. I don't want the pins doing that to me.

Comments

[Jennifer (Et Tu?)]

OK, I just went through the epic process of creating a Typepad account because it's very important that I tell you this: you are hilarious.

I used to read your blog a couple of years ago and am excited to have rediscovered it. Keep up the good work!

[Assertagirl]

I hope and pray that my husband never joins a bowling league...there's something I have always loathed and despised about bowling. You poor thing. ;)

[sherrypg]

I have been a bowler for *cough* years and it sounds like Logan needs to have his hole drilled out...um...his thumb hole on his bowling ball needs to be enlarged. Or a little powder to lessen the friction.

Good luck!

[angelawd]

You didn't get a picture of Logan flying down the lane? I'm disappointed.

[Michelle]

Bowling may be boring now, but when she's about 16 it'll get exciting again when all her friends randomly decide it's the cool thing to do. Unfortunately, she still won't want to bowl with you.

[Peggasus]

I was a bowler for years too sherry, don't be embarrassed. Hey, it was a night out, and we mothers took those when we could. We used to draw little droopy penises in the tiny score squares when somebody hadn't got a mark in a while. And then we played poker-hand card games with naked man decks.

We were sponsored by a local bar, and so had shirts with their name on them, but my favorite name was another all-girl team whose name was 'No Balls.'

[notjustbarbra]

I like bowling, and so do the kids. My daughter is about to turn 8, so I guess we'd better enjoy it while it lasts...

But... running? costs nothing, right? Bowling, at least here? costs A FORTUNE.

[Melissa Summers]

Not when your shoes cost $150 and your marathon registration cost $300 and your airfare costs $300 and your hotel costs $500 and all the small races you run to 'keep motivated' cost $30-40 a pop....

Yes, bowling is way cheaper and takes up less of my weekends and makes my husband a lot less exhausted.

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

You forgot to mention the best part of bowling--it's a sport where you can eat french fries and drink beer while doing it!

[Amy]

I, too, would like to say I was hoping for photographic evidence of Logan flying down the lane. Next time, okay? Promise?? Maybe for the good of your site, he could, um, recreate it for us?

As Toledoan, I'm surprised we haven't been sucked into the bowling league. Many of our friends are bowlers. Beer, fried food and friends seems like a good night to me.

[ErikaMSN]

OMG. That actually happens? People really go flying down bowling lanes stuck to their ball?

If it were me, I wouldn't be furtively laughing--I'd be on the floor howling. Even if my husband were broken in two.