Well if you like it.....

Max couldn't hear for at least a year, and it turns out he can't see either. I got a note home a few weeks ago saying he'd failed the school's vision screening. I thought it was a fluke, he can see how many fingers I'm holding up. He can beat me at Guitar Hero. Apparently, though, as I watched him read this line of letters "A M L Z P" as "E N I S D", he's just learned to compensate really well.

He picked a pair of glasses I can not stand. I hate them. I hate everything about them. They are blue, they're wire, he liked them because the label named some stupid Nickelodeon television show and even though I pointed out the label would be removed for actual wearing he didn't care.

I suspect he will decide he hates these glasses in about three weeks and will blame me for not stopping him from getting them. I think he will then attempt to needle me into buying him another pair of $150 glasses. I fear I will be needled because I really hate these glasses but didn't want to have a fight about something he should really have control over.

It reminds me of the time I wore a blue and white gingham checked dress to school with a pair of red shoes a friend had given me as a hand me down. I was very excited about the outfit, my mother signed off with a bit of reluctance saying, "Well, if you like it that's all that matters!" I did like it, until I got on the bus and realized I was dressed up as Dorothy from the Wizard Of Oz. I carried my backpack with me all day that day trying to hide my shoes from view.

I was always angry my mother didn't just tell me "You're dressed like Dorothy, which is weird but if you like it go for it."

But now that I could be the one saying, "Maddie maybe you should put your hair in a barrette or hair band, or I don't know brush it a little more." Or "Max, those glasses are sort of lame and I think you won't like them in a week."

I find myself unable to, even though I swear to God one day Maddie is going to say to me, "Why didn't you make me do something with my hair!? I looked like an orphan!" And one day, in a couple of weeks Max is going to say to me, "I hate these glasses and I don't want to wear them. Why didn't you tell me to get different ones?"

And I will feel more like a mother than I ever thought possible.

Comments

[Ariel]

There's a big tuft of hair sticking sideways straight out from my head in my kindergarten portrait. I'm sure I had spend about four seconds in my usual slept-too-late morning routine putting in barrettes, and probably wouldn't let my mom touch it. I was briefly horrified, but now I just get a great laugh every time I see it. And I still sleep too late and often have messy hair.

[rivetergirl]

I hear you, sistah! For Valentine's Day I bought my 7-year-old daughter her own brush and a cute headband hoping that she'd take more interest in her hair. She goes to school looking like a street urchin, but it's her head.

[CinAA]

You know why you don't say anything at the time? Because they will argue and fight and even lie if necessary ("I *did* comb my hair! Jeesh, Mom, don't you believe me??") and you're beaten down enough, like I am, to just be willing to forestall the drama and fighting until they realize how bad something is. I tell my son a pair of pants don't fit, he maintains they are PERFECT!! His favorites!! Not too long at all!!!!! Until he trips over the cuffs and then it's all my fault, why do I let him wear these too big pants? I'm a bad mother.

Is it a snow day for you again today, too? I love my children, but I also love having a little more of a break from them than we're getting lately.

[lisame]

I wanted cat eye glasses. My eye doctor said I looked stupid. His assistant gave me the Spock one-brow glare. I love them! Perhaps they will make the child happy longer than you expect - well maybe.

[nell]

We totally need a picture!

[lindsay]

hopefully the place you purchased said glasses has a 30-day money-back guarantee, in case he "sees the light"?

boys with glasses were always the cutest, not that he needed any help in that department! i'm sure these just add to his charm.

[Megan]

In ninth grade, I got these insane glasses that I was totally in love with - clear frames with blue-tinted lenses, and yes, they were exactly as sad as this comment makes them sound. I LOVED them though, and my mom never said I looked ridiculous even though I absolutely did.

So two years later, we were going to get new glasses and I was trying on different frames and showing my mom. I turned around to put my glasses back on, and when she looked back at me, she said, "Oh, no, I don't like those AT ALL."

They were my regular glasses. Whoops!

[chris]

Odds are he probably will still like them. I had the woman at the optical store tell my son that you weren't allowed to get the same glasses twice in a row. I know. I am mean AND a liar. But a whole year of glasses that didn't look good on him was enough.

[Peggasus]

My son had glasses from when he was four until he was twelve, when he had surgery to correct his problem. When he got old enough to have an opinion on his own (about Max's age, I guess) I told them that he'd be stuck with them until his prescription changed again, as it did every year. He looked alot like the Christmas Story kid in them.

Are you getting the insurance? I'm so glad it was offered where we got ours. That kid broke so many pairs I lost count. We had a glasses graveyard drawer, and we could piece a new pair together, kind of like Frankenstein Glasses, until the replacement pair arrived.

[procrastamom]

When my son was in Kindergarten they did the eye screening and when I went to pick him up from school the analyst said, "he either can't see a thing out of his left eye or he's screwing with us." Well, I knew my son and I knew he was screwing with them, but I took him to the Opthamologist anyways. They diagnosed him with severe Amblyopia (lazy eye) in his left eye. He's legally blind in that eye. I still don't know how we never caught it, but like Max he must have been compensating somehow. My son also wanted the SpongeBob/Spiderman/maybe even My Little Pony frames, but we managed to talk him out of it...well, the Optician managed to talk him out of it. Whew! Another parental responsibility dodged...like I should really be the one who has to deal with that ;)

Also, my daughter is eleven and she JUST started brushing her hair daily, now that she's in the latter half of her first year in middle school. We also have to push her through the door of the bathroom to take a shower, prying her claws from the doorframe as we ignore the screaming protests.

[heather2]

My daughter wears glasses,and doesn't brush her hair so I can totally relate. But I figure letting her make her own choices on things like brushing her hair or choosing her glasses will help when I say "Look, I let you wear those dorky frames, and I didn't bug you about your hair. But I am putting my foot down about the tattoo."

[Ani]

I just ordered my son two pairs of "spare" glasses from an online place for $25 delivered. Even if the quality is not great, they are spares to keep my sanity.

Or, in your case, so when the novelty wears off you can afford replacement.

[gorillabuns]

If I had to suffer from looking like an idiot most of my childhood, so will my children. It's only right.

[Rose]

In 2nd grade I got to pick out my own glasses. And for reasons that I cannot recall, I chose glasses that made me look like Sally Jesse Raphael. Huge, red plastic frames. My parents didn't say a word, and for some reason, I loved those glasses. Pictures now just remind me of my Sally Jesse Raphael phase.

[sindam]

OK, I didn't read all of the comments, so maybe someone directed you here already:

http://a.wholelottanothing.org/2007/11/29/adventures-in-40-eyeglasses/

Matt Haughey wrote a great post on getting glasses online for cheap. Good ones. I am so getting spare for my daughter - she just got her first pair a few months ago, and is FIVE - I can't believe she hasn't lost/broken them yet.

[carosgram]

Let me assure you that although I did tell my children what I really thought, they did not appreciate it. It only made them feel bad about their choices. Better to say nothing and sympathize when they have regrets later than to be able to say' I told you so'. Either way as a parent you will be in the wrong, so you might as well go for being sympathetic.

[MelissaS]

Well that's good to know. I guess I should have put that in my post. That I suspect you just can't win. Which is hard to admit because I like to blame my terrible early fashion and appearance choices on my mother's terrible sense of fashion and grooming.

[CyndiLou]

When the dog ate my 9yo daughter's glasses last month, I let her choose the new frames. They have these really wide arms (who needs peripheral vision anyway?) that are purple and white striped with rhinestones. She loves them and I just laugh ruefully when someone comments on them. In both of my children's cases, the more I hate something, the more they love it. I won't even go into detail about my 12yo son's gold drag queen looking soccer cleats.

[Jaycee]

Well, he looks pretty cute in the picture! My kid would have gone for Avatar, too.

[Bonzai]

Well, hopefully, he won't go through the phases my now 7 year old did. We not only had glasses, but the felt eye patches to slide over his lazy eye. 3 pairs of glasses were twisted or bent into ruin, even the ones designed to bend. Now he's settled down, no longer has to wear the eye patches and seems OK with it.

And my 3-1/2 year old son has had glasses since he was 18 months - can you imagine the joys of that? And his current frames? If you look very closely on the sides, they say "Barbie". (If the middle boy, who is into Polly Pocket and Hannah Montana knew that, he'd be SO jealous!)

[Jenn]

I totally feel like crap. I'm the mom that would have said "No way, for a 150 bucks, I have to like the glasses too."

[Steve J]

My son - now 4 years old - has been wearing glasses for about 2.5 years. He always picks out the worst looking frames. At this age his head grows a lot, so we've bought maybe 6 pairs of frames, each of them awful looking.

But, you know, he doesn't get to control much. So more power to him, I say!

[heartfull]

I feel lucky as Mare has always picked great glasses. She has had them since she was three. Here she is in her current pair:

http://heartfull.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/100_4519.jpg

She chose those because she wanted to look like mom (I can only dream of being that cute in my glasses...)

But don't even get me started on my 8 year old and her attire/hair. When she started school, I told our nanny that what she wore wasn't important. She needed to be an individual! Not grow up to think that looks matter! Yeah! Boy did that bite me in the butt.

It was awful at the beginning of this year. I would pick her up from school and be totally embarrassed by the way she looked. Sloppy, stringy hair that looked like it hadn't been brushed in a week, half in a pony tail, half out. Baggy clothes that looked dirty and stretched out. Camis worn as shirts.

I finally told Bird that she had to have "ready to learn hair" and that how we dressed and groomed ourselves affected not only ourselves but the people around us. She still is a walking fashion don't most days, but at least her hair is relatively neat and the sloppy stuff is gone.

What makes me feel better is that she fits in. I guess the not caring is common at this age.

[sneakyg]

My daughter longs to wear glasses. She has a pair of heavy black frames that are actually sunglasses with the lenses punched out, and she wears them while she's doing homework because they make her feel smarter. She really, really wanted to wear them to the first day of day camp last summer, but I convinced her that she should wait until the other kids got to know her before busting out with her faux corrective eyewear. I figured once they'd been around her for a few days, it wouldn't surprise them at all -- she's delightful, but she's quirky.

[Sumo]

If he ends up having a meltdown about his glasses and you decide to get him a new pair, you should check out the review that Mir did on Zenni Optical, a web store for inexpensive glasses.

But I'm voting for making him wear the bastards.