Becoming That Parent

We signed Max up for TBall this year and switched his team so he could play with kids from the new school. He didn't get onto our first choice team but we were assured this team would also have kids from the new school.

So we said, "Oh well..." and were disappointed he wasn't on the team we'd have liked but I thought to myself, "Think about how many whining angry parents this organization has to deal with. We'll make the best of this."

I don't think of myself as One Of Those Parents.

So after a few missed connections and weirdness we were hooked up with our team for practice. I saw one kid from Max's class I recognized but none of the other kids. As we stood there I realized the kid I recognized wasn't playing, it was her preschool sister playing on the team.

Slowly I put it together that all these kids were kindergartners or preschoolers. Max didn't know a single one of the kids.

Max doesn't really like sports, we've tried a few and he ends up hating it. And sobbing. And gets mad whenever someone takes the ball from him. Like it's a personal affront. Like they took the ball just to be assholes.

TBall was the only sport he played that held his interest, probably because of the slower pace. Please see here.

After the first practice he wanted to quit TBall too.

That's when I became That Parent.

The one who makes angry phone calls and sends angry letters in an attempt to get things to be the way they selfishly want even though the organization has worked very hard to make the teams work and rearranging everything for one kid's precious sensibilities is a huge ass grinding pain.

I understood all that and still I set about being a huge pain in the ass, begging to have Max's team changed.

I got back the usual things one would get in this situation, gentle pats on the back about "Making New Friends" and "Expanding One's Social Circle" (with preschoolers.....okay....? No.) I went back and forth a few times, finally sending off a note explaining how stupid it was to suggest my 7.5 year old son make pals with 4 year olds. I also said, we'd make him play for the season as a life lesson in making the best of things, but it made me sad that the only sport my kid enjoyed would be ruined by the experience.

Immediately as I fired off the last note the team coordinator let us know Max had been moved to the team we wanted.

Although I felt like a baby, a gigantic baby crying for her binky, sometimes as a parent you have to be the whiny baby. You have to be That Parent.

I guess the key is trying to be That Parent only so many times so no one actually hands you a binky when you complain about something.

Comments

[AnEmily]

You go girl! I hate being That Parent too, but sometimes...

[Lysa]

Good for you. Honestly, I don't think asking that your child be on an age appropriate team is too much to ask. In this case, you are not That Parent. That Parent complains when people hand out candy instead of organic fruit snacks for Halloween.

[Tiffany]

I definitely think you should have been That Parent. It's ridiculous for them to think that a 7.5 year old would want to play with a 4 year old... and not only that, but it's probably not all that safe. If I were the parent of a 4 year old, I wouldn't want to play against a 7 year old.. he'll be so much bigger than them! What if he accidently runs into them getting a ball or something? But I'm glad it worked out for you. Way to go.

[Lisame]

I would so be That Parent - good thing I don't breed. You were much more polite about it than I would have been. I wish you were my mom.

[Tonja]

We're just finishing our first year of tball. His friends are on the other team and the funniest part was when one was running the bases, my son stepped in the way to give him a hug and the kid ran around him. My son isn't the sports guy either, which you can probably guess from the hugging attempt.

[Nikki Waggoner]

One of the best little league experiences I've heard of was a team where the coaches picked the players based on the parents and their personalities. Nobody cared if the team won or lost, but everyone had fun, the parents had a great social network, and in the end, the team did pretty well. Plus there could be candy and beer at the end of the season party because there were none of Those Parents.

You are far from being That Parent by insisting on an age appropriate placement.

[Bananamom]

Seriously we are leading parallel lives. I became That Parent this year because of my 7 year old's baseball team assignment, but I backed down too soon. We have had a miserable season and I wish I'd been -more- That Parent. Baseball takes so much damn time and if we're going to be doing something for 4-6 hours a week I want to be doing it with my son's friends and also OUR friends. We have tried hard to chat and get to know the other parents but they have been a total clique and it has sucked. Well done for sticking to it!

[Robin]

You would have been "That Parent" if you have come to each practice and game and yelled at everyone, including your son. Doing your best to make sure his childhood experiences are positive is just attentive parenting.

[shokufeh]

Whenever I have fears about being that parent, I quell them by reminding myself that part of any good parent's job is advocating for their kids when they can't do so themselves. What were they thinking, putting him with a bunch of kids who have not yet experienced kindergarten? I think you did a great thing.

[Sarah]

Some things are worth making a fuss about. You had reasons that this was important and decided to press the point. Making a big deal and expressing dissatisfaction about something isn't always the same as whining. And sometimes your child needs you to stick up for them. There is no reason Max should have to spend a whole season playing with kids who aren't even CLOSE to the same level he is at. Would they send a four year old to play with the 7.5 year olds? As the parent of a 4 year old, I should hope not!

[zeghsy]

honestly, i have no problem being that parent when the age gap is at least 3 years. that's simply ridiculous.

[Lori]

Hey, a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do. This seemed completely warrented making you the much more appealing lowercase "that parent." It's the crazed, competitive, over-the-top parents that earn the capital letters. Just be careful, the slope from lowercase to upper is a slippery one. Next you'll be demanding grape snowcones be provided for every homerun.

[kristi]

You went to bat for your kid. Nothing wrong with that. Except the part about the bat, that is...

[schmutzie]

No, you were not unreasonably whiney.
It was ridiculous of them in the first place to put a child Max's age on a team with pre-schoolers. That's insulting and embarrassing.

[Cole]

I agree with everyone else who has posted. Insisting that your child play on a team with kids his own age does not make you "That Parent." Far from it, I think it makes you a Great Parent.

[Becky]

There is a time and place to be THAT parent and it's good to know what that time and place is. You go girl!!

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

I am reading a book (which I'll post about when I finish) that you must read. "Queen Bee Moms and King Pin Dads" by Rosalind Wiseman. It's basically a guide to being "That Parent" without being "That Parent."

[lesa]

Good for you! My son was always screwed when it came to get on teams too... he eventually quit all the sports and he is now an Eagle Scout and into television production.... nothing wrong with it, sports are not for everyone.

[lesa]

Good for you! My son was always screwed when it came to get on teams too... he eventually quit all the sports and he is now an Eagle Scout and into television production.... nothing wrong with it, sports are not for everyone.

[Olly]

One of my kids has a disability - so I've had vast experiences being that parent. Some real jerks out there!

[laughing mommy]

I wish I had read this a few weeks ago. My daughter's private school did not do a kindergarten graduation. I was disappointed, but didn't want to be that annoying parent that everyone hates. Now I'm kicking myself for not doing it!

[Rachel]

As someone who had to deal with That Parent regularly I can say that the difference between you and her is that you acutally had a valid reason. That Parent wants to switch teams because the uniforms clash with her kitchen decor and how is she suppose to hang up Little Billy's picture on the fridge if it does.

[Suze]

You just have to be That Parent to get the best result for your child sometimes. I've only done it once too, and same as you, with sport. What IS it about sport that drives us nuts?
As long as Max's possible stellar career in T-Ball hasn't been snuffed out before it started - all is good.

[Monica]

Good for you! I would have just let him quit and found some other activity. I figure life's too short and there are plenty of opportunities (maybe too many actually) for the "make the best of a sucky situation" lesson. But your solution was much better. You get extra credit points in my book.

[Bobbie]

And I can't believe that they make 7 1/2 year olds still play t-ball. In CT Max would already be in the minors, where the kids pitch to each other. Much more fun than the dreaded t-ball.

[CinAA]

Trust me, there would be a large contingent of us hating you, Laughing Mommy. The majority of people I know are happy when kindergarten graduation (yeesh!) is skipped.

[kristenv]

I'd have given anything for an adult to have paid that much attention, much less ADVOCATED for me at that age.

Stick to your guns, girlfriend.

[Spandrel Studios]

You *so* did the right thing. It still escapes me how anyone organizing the teams could think a 7.5-year-old and 4-year-olds should ever be on the same team.

[Barb]

I think you picked the perfect situation to be That Parent. And you could look at it this way: You were doing the league a favor by having your 7.5 year old taken off of a team of 4-year-olds. The opposing teams' parents might have been a little upset when it came to game time and they see your "giant" of a 7.5-year-old coming up to bat against their little bitty 4-year-olds. Know what I mean? They league probably have been innundated with complaints about that.

[The Other Laura]

You were completely justified in asking that he be moved to an age appropriate team. I don't even think you were being THAT parent. I think you were being a parent who's paying attention. A lot of parents wouldn't have looked up from their cell phones long enough to notice. Good for you. Lucky kid.

[Velma]

My first thought when my son was diagnosed with a peanut allergy was, "Oh my God! Now I'm THAT MOM! The one telling you what your kid can and can't eat around my kid... I don't wanna be that mom!"

I guess it's a parenting skill we all learn one way or another, being That Parent.

[Mary]

Good for you! Even though I've not been a kid for a loooong time, I still sometimes wonder how my life would have been different if my mom or dad had been "that parent" even one time.

[amyz5]

just remember. you are not THAT parent when the circumstances are absurd. and i am also pretty sure you are not THAT parent when you can recognize that you might be. just like not being insane if you think you are.

[Marie Green]

I had to be That Parent recently Re: my twins' kindergarten placement for next year. The principal at their school doens't know me from Adam, and it really bugged me that her first impression of me was me making waves. BUT. Their reasons for placing my girls in seperate classrooms were old fashioned and severly out of date, so I HAD to speak up. I was a mouth breathing IDIOT during the whole ordeal, but I DID get my way!

[Chelle]

As the brand new Secretary of the local baseball association, and the one responsible for team assignments, etc., let me just say; you are sooo not one of THOSE Parents. Making a stand to advocate for age-apropriate placement just makes you a sensible human being.

Now, if you had insisted on changing teams because Max favored the other team's snacks and, good god, how can my preshus baby eat Goldfish while the A-Team gets freshly cut fruit and string cheese?!! Well then, my friend, you would be one of THOSE parents.

And, you would probably have my foot sticking out of your ass.

See? You're not one of THOSE parents, at all!

[Susie]

I never ask to switch teams or get a different teacher -- my feeling is if we don't like what we get, make the best of it and then better luck next time. Everyone gets a clunker now and then. BUT. If my 7-year-old were placed on a team of 4- and 5-year-olds? You can bet I'd make that phone call, because hello?. That placement is an ERROR.

[Mark]

Speaking as a t-ball coach, you weren't a "that parent." "That Parents" are much, much, worse than that. (Not wanting to pay for the season because YOU signed up a week late? Mad about missing picture day because YOU don't read your emails and YOUR phone is disconnected? That's That Parent material.)

I'd have no problem with your request. The Little League board might not want to do the extra work involved (especially at Max's age) but screw them, that's what they are there for.

[Sara]

As we near my due date for our first, I have become more and more appreciative of the times my parents were "That Parent." And I'm sure they did it many times that I was completely unaware of. Max will be better off for it, even if he never knows why!

[Connie Brooks]

That is exactly right - pick your battles and stand up for your child's life experiences when you need to.

Way to go!

[daisy]

You weren't being That Parent, you were being a Good Parent.

Not to say there aren't Those Parents out there, I hear you, they are insufferable, but you were nowhere near that category.

[Sandie]

If you don't stand up for your kid, who would? You did the right thing.

Though I am a little confused that at 7.5 kids are still playing Tball?? If Max hates it, it's because, really, Tball is incredibly boring!

[eva]

Well played, Melissa. Well played.

[melissaS]

Yep, he loves it even with the T. At this age they have a choice between control pitch or TBall. The team we knew about was staying with the T for one more year. So we stayed with TBall too. I think because we were new to the school the organizers thought we'd be the easiest 2nd grade family to stick with the pre-K team.

[Michelle]

Yeah, I'm THAT parent. Most recently, I became THAT parent when they placed my special-needs 3 yr old in a school almost an hours drive from the school my kindergartener would be attending. I shot off emails, voicemails, serene in tone, at first, then threatening. They approved him for services, it is their responsibility to provide them, but because I determined he would not be riding the bus, they decided I could drive him the hour while trying to figure out how to get my daughter to and from school in a timely manner, as well.

Being THAT parent worked. They called me before they sent out the final, revised list to the other parents for my approval. It's still going to be a giant PITA to get them both to and from school, but now he is only 6 miles from home.

I fear this won't be the last time I morph into THAT parent on behalf of one of my children.

[Kia]

You know, every once in a while, it pays to be That Parent. I'll never forget the one time my own mother had to be That Parent. It involved me not getting chosen to be in the school band. She enacted her version of That Parent and thus, I was accepted into the band. Turns out I hated being in the band and never pursued music any further after that, but the point is, I still remember, 25 years later, my mom standing up for me and being That Parent. Just once. Hopefully your son will remember this one day, too! In a good way, of course!

[KYouell]

I'm just venturing into this water with my 3-year-old special needs son. Not looking forward to it at all. I'm very much hoping that it is like being insane, and as long as I'm questioning *if* I'm being That Parent then I'm not That Parent.