I swear we encourage farting in this house.

Back in November I took Gary, The Cat to the vet because he was growling at us and walking weird. Gary is just about the nicest cat you'll ever meet. He's also one of the biggest cats you'll ever meet. It's entirely possible he could break a bone while walking down the stairs. In spite of myself I was concerned. If you'll recall, we paid $115 to find out Gary....was....constipated.

This morning Max came into my room, laid down in the bed and told me his stomach was hurting. This happens to my kids from time to time so we tried a few yoga moves I've learned. We tried having Max lay with a pillow under his stomach. Nothing seemed to help and at hour two he started crying and begging to go to the doctor. An hour before he had been crying and begging not to go to the doctor. (Hello? Shots?)

So I called and told the doctor we needed to get in immediately because my baby has appendicitis or cancer or malaria.

Of course as we drove to the doctor....his abdominal pain went away.

We use a family doctor for "emergency" visits and the pediatrician for our regular check ups because the family doctor has a lot more openings each day, but the pediatrician knows us a lot better. The family doctor is thorough, they have an x-ray machine (pediatrician doesn't) in the office and they're not afraid to use it.

The doctor asked him to pee in a cup for the first time in his life. Max looked at the doctor like she'd lost her fucking mind. "Lady? Do you want to drink my pee?"

After that they took a couple vials of blood and I had a reasonable amount of success at keeping his general "I'm afraid" crying from becoming the "Donkey Bray" (Thank you, Lindsay) screaming it can turn into lately. He cried but it never turned into the mouth thing where I have no choice but to gut myself with the broken end of a liquor bottle.

Finally we had x-rays done.

The diagnosis?

Gas and constipation!

JUST LIKE GARY!

Except it only cost me my pride as a mother being able to tell What The Fuck is going on with my kid and trusting my instincts. Oh, and $25. (Also unlike Gary, Max didn't urinate in the cat carrier on the way home from the vet.)(Also Max wasn't in a cat carrier on the way home from the doctor.)

We're still going to see his pediatrician on Monday to talk about how things have been going, but for now the constipation thing could go a long way in explaining his mood.  I mean the truth is, I've become pretty happy not having to keep track of the poops my kids put in the toilet. There was a time in my life when my days revolved around how much poop came out of each kid. It was a five or six year period and I was pretty happy not to think about anyone's poop but my own.

So I don't know when the last time my kid pooped was. Similarly, my kid doesn't exactly mark down his poops on a calendar and he has no clue when the last time he pooped was. I guess he has more important things to worry about....like curing AIDS or something.

===================

Hey I did another project with the kids this week. You can read about it at The Buzz Off. As an update, Maddie had a couple friends over this afternoon and took apart her toothpick sculpture and reworked it with them. Nice, an additional hour of daylight burned. Thank you Jesus.

At Mighty Haus we made a Deck Your Deck feature. It's kind of depressing me that almost everything on our list is on sale right now because summer is halfway over. Don't get me wrong, school starting is a pretty big prize but the stupid fall and winter in Michigan is kind of depressing.

At Mighty Junior I've been Christmas shopping....I mean Back To School shopping.....same thing. Here's our Back To School Guide and our Lunchbox Round Up. This week the Back To School Clothes Guide is running.

Comments

[rachel beto]

I'm actually kind of jealous of your situation. My son has starting pooping EVERY FRIGGIN' TIME he uses the potty. I think I deserve a couple days of constipation for all the butt-wiping and hand-washing I've done lately.

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

I was 12 when I was taken to the hospital by ambulance for a presumed ruptured appendix that turned out to be . . . you guessed it--constipation!

[MG]

When I was 10, my parents and I had to leave a showing of "The Secret of NIMH" because my side hurt. We went to the hospital. Backed up! So embarrassing.

[misspudding]

This is kind of TMI, but I had really, really painful gas and diarrhea for as long as I can remember as a child and then as an adult. It was downright debilitating.

Only recently got rid of it by completely removing wheat/gluten/etc. from my diet.

[Grace]

When my son was home with me I could monitor when he'd poop during the day. He started school last Monday and just yesterday I had to ask him if he had pooped at school. Because it dawned on me (1.5 after the start) that he wasn't pooping at home. So for all I know he could have been backed up. Ay-yay-yay! So what did you end up doing with Max to "help" his situation?

[HouseofJules]

Oh man, I hope he's feeling better soon! My mom always knew I was REALLY sick when I'd demand to be taken to the doctor (which only happened maybe 3 times in my life), but just like Max, on the way there I'd demand to be taken back home (but at that point she took me anyway). Sheesh. Not feeling good sucks.
Jules
House of Jules

[soozey]

Oh I swear not pooping can change your entire world view!!! This makes so much sense, by 5 year old does it and after 4 days when he finally says, I cant poop, and I finally take a look at his underwear, which shows the telltale sign of something trying to come out and then retreating (ugh, sorry) i talk him into the Kids Liquid Glycerin shooters---but another thing that I love and you might like is MIRALAX!! Powder, over the counter now, added to juice or whatever, works like a charm over time! Good luck!!

[Karen]

Buy some Miralax (over the counter) and mix it in with his favorite drink. It doesn't have a taste and it helps so much and not harmful to him. I would ask the pharmacist how much to mix in there though as I'm sure it is different for kids.

[renee gillette]

Your last few posts are just so damn funny. When you said you thought you were getting the hang of this mothering thing? That you were a better mother now that your kids are getting older? I've had the same exact thought. Typically it takes my kids @ 48 hours to prove otherwise. As time passes, one of my goals is to not become a judgmental old hag who looks disapprovingly at every misbehaving kid and/or frazzled mother.

Oh, and school started for my kids today. I think I'll start drinking now.:) I wish you were my neighbor. I could use someone to share a good laugh.

[tired]

I second the recommendation for Miralax. I took my daughter to a pediatric gastroenterologist b/c of her constipation almost a year ago, and she's been on it ever since. (I give her a 1/2 to 1/4 of the adult dose each morning in her milk.) We had previously tried cutting out wheat and dairy. Also, she is my "good" eater (as opposed to my son who only eats carbs and hot dogs and chicken nuggets and never has a problem), so she gets plenty of fiber from fruits and veggies. There were some studies showing that long term use is not dangerous, so I imagine I'll keep her on the stuff forever....

[JoAnn Yerem]

I have a friend who refers to her son's "$100 poop." He woke up in the middle of the night screaming in pain, and they rushed him to the ER, got an X-ray of a very large backup and then paid the $100 co-pay...

[Tracy]

I am so relieved you found out what was wrong... I was just coming back to comment on your last post and yeah! You've got it solved (well... mostly solved).
I hear you on the donkey braying. My son is 6 1/2 and doesn't do that but sobs like the world is ending. We're moving (2 whole blocks, no new school or anything) on Saturday and he is back to acting like a toddler. It's so hard when they get to the age when you feel they should be past it. And you want to be a good mum, but holy cow, is it supposed to be THIS HARD???
Hang in there. Hopefully he can spend his bathroom time mostly alone ;-)

[kris]

my son had some 'hard' poop isues and i solved it with extra fruit and more water. he really is one to not drink so i just make him drink more and that has helped beyond words. and i ask him every day whether he has pooped or not (he is 8) and he tells me. we are going to try the 'tell me if you don't poop' though as i think he may be old enough to remember that.

[Sue]

Kids and poop man. Constipation = bad. Constant pooping = bad. (This very obvious life lesson for today is brought to you by the letter P.) My daughter used to get incredibly constipated all the time. My son poops every freakin' day, sometimes twice a day. I can't decide which is worse. But the words that make my blood run cold are - "MOM! WIPE!"

Bleck.

[Patti]

This is so funny because it is so close to home. We had a trip to the ER not to long ago because Jeremy did the same thing, after the peeing in the cup, the blood drawn, and the X-ray, the Dr had to call us over to show us "the most impressive amount of poo he'd ever seen in a child" Yup...my kid was so full of shit it warrented an overly loud announcement from the Dr in the overly crowded ER. Hey, at least we provided some entertainment for a few people.

I hope he feels better soon.

[Judy]

1) Nietzseche was constipated life-long and wrote about it a lot - talk about changing your world view.
2) My now 4 1/2 year old daughter has been on Miralax, now over the counter, since she was 10 months old! All her specialists and peds tell me it causes no long term harm. They don't agree on much else, so that's a "comfort".
3) on the Mommy time outs - I read this and it worked like a charm - for screaming and driving (their screaming, not yours), pull over when safe and pull out a book. (Explain first no more screaming and driving, makes Mommy crash the car, which is true - it's the equivalent of x amount of alcohol or something, without the fun). If reading isn't your thing, knitting or whatever. The important thing is that you actually crave doing it, and even better if they somehow know that. One of my kids (the good pooper, ironically) is a horrible car tantrum child. I did this and presto - she didn't stop screaming, but I stopped caring!!! (I've also done the time out outside of the car - even better) It was my other kids who then started, patiently, telling her I wasn't going to drive again until she stopped that finally made her stop. What a relief to know something, anything, works. (and no, I didn't provoke her too much when I was reading something good) ;) And now all I have to do is remind her. it's like the Mafia - what people think you're capable of works well only if you show once or twice you'll do it.

[TwoBusy]

Apropos of nothing, I really enjoyed the part when you felt it necessary to clarify that your son wasn't in the cat carrier on the way home.

[lindasands]

Finally. Thank you. My remedy had credence.
Whenever my kids come to me- regardless of the complaint- Headache, stomach pain, blurry vision, earache, bloody nose.. I tell them to go sit on the pot.
Now they only have to start whining and I point to the bathroom. They say,
"I know. I know. Go sit on the pot."

[Jennifer]

You may have already resolved the issue with Miralax or some other mild laxative, but you may also need to do something a little more aggressive...like a bowel prep...to get things back to normal. One of my girlfriends had to do this with her daughter and it worked like a charm. But Max might have to stay close to home for a day while he gets everything out of his system. As one who's been there, I can tell you he'll feel like a new person once all that poop's out! BTW...can you imagine, even 10 years ago having this conversation with someone, much less sharing it with hundreds of people over the internet. AND you have so many people willing to join in.

[sam {temptingmama}]

We're dealing with our first bout of constipation right now. It's a friggin' nightmare. I dread the thought of counting poops and writing them on the calendar. LOL

Potty training has really cramped his style now that he's afraid of poopin' in the toilet.

[Lara]

Have I accidentally stumbled onto "Dooce"?

[brokemom]

I was so constipated the other night that I almost went to the ER for an ectopic pregnancy and/or appendicitis. Then I took a big crap and felt foolish. Thank goodness I stayed home. Can you imagine, a 29 year old woman in the ER for that? "Ma'am, you need to eat more fiber."

[BananaDoc]

Seriously I swear we live parallel lives. I read your blog and either you've just done what we're about to do or the other way round. Hmm, does that make any sense? My just-eight year old was very out of sorts a few weeks ago, no energy, no appetite, and generally laying around and occasionally whining that he felt nauseous and had a tummy ache. It took me several days of this, when I realised that he really wasn't eating, was whining more than usual, and he kept holding his stomach, and I too ran him to Urgent Care. They X-rayed his full-of-poop tum and send me home with advice on glycerine suppositories. Our X-ray was funnier because he'd left his pants on and the zipper showed up... You swallowed what?? Anyway I gave the poor kid three suppositories over 2 days and still no poop. Four days and a lot of water and oatmeal cookies later he was on the potty for 3 days straight. Maybe one day he'll eat a fruit or vegetable, until then I'm sneaking fiber in everything he will eat. Fun times.

[Corinne]

I was going to guess that after the last post! I really was! That gives me hope for some day occasionally understanding what makes my kids do the things they do. Good luck with same.

[Miss Jack]

Thank you SO much for admitting that you use to keep track of your kids poops. I thought I was the only crazy one out there who actually did that. Just wondering...did you ever breathe a sigh of relief when you knew they pooped that day and did you announce it to everyone when they finally did after it had been a few days?
Fellow 'poop' advocate - Miss Jack

[P]

Don't remember how I stumbled onto your blog, but must share my story. Not pooping was one of the most stressful things I ever dealt with regarding my children, one in particular. She would not let it out and would cry and scream and thrash and fight until I wanted to just pull my brain out my right ear and throw it in the yard. I would forcibly hold her on the toilet (she was about 5) I felt like the worst mother in the world until a friend confessed to me that she told her son, when dealing with the same issue at about the same age, that if he did not poop she was going to find another family for him to live with. The kids are both 22 and fairly well adj....well, they are both 22.
Good luck!