Turns out my body isn't just Not-Bionic it's super lame too.

Maybe you had a tonsillectomy last week and you're hell bent on recovering, only your body is all, "Fuck Off, I'm Tired." Maybe you've given up eating because everything, everything, hurts going down. Even the easiest things, like broth and noodles that I forced myself to eat last week because I read that swallowing will help the recovery process, hurt and you eat them with your head turned in different directions trying to make the pain stay to one side or something.

But this is week two you think to yourself, week two is when you should be able to get up in the morning and put lunches into lunch boxes and empty trash cans and put away dishes. Turns out, I can't. Turns out a shower is like running a marathon and my God that is depressing in week two. In week one it was 'expected'. In week two it feels like a personal failure. It's not a failure for my mind though, my mind is the only part of me that's ready to be normal again. It's my stupid body who's all, "What? I'm 35. I'm too old. You don't take good enough care for me. How about a multivitamin or some calcium every once in a while. Enjoy this process dummy!"

Hey, here's a great idea, decide to invite 20-ish people over to eat some food exactly 7 days after your surgery when even taking a shower feels like a marathon event. Around 2pm as I laid on the ground in the family room trying to will myself to wash a couple of dishes I realized that was not my best move. At 10pm last night I thought there was no way, no possible way I would still feel like hell today.

My mind, my mind is ready to eat food and talk to people and enjoy life that is outside of my bedroom. I thought I could force my body into shape, I assumed my body wanted the same things my mind does. But it turns out my body is a huge pain in the ass and would rather suck.

I had the bright idea to invite people over to taste test my Velveeta recipe because voting ends very soon (11/23) and I thought it would be a pleasant way to remind you all to vote for me and my delicious dish. But my body said, "No, let's sleep and lay in bed and feel like shit for a little while longer instead!"

Oh Boy!

The weekend before surgery we packed in every social event we could come up with because we knew I wouldn't be feeling well for a period of two weeks to three years (according to some estimates). So that Friday night we hosted Maddie's first big sleepover party where 12 ten-year-old girls took over our family room and screamed a lot from 6pm until 11:30am the next morning.

Then Saturday we had 16 adults over for cards and though they didn't scream they did drink significantly more than the guests from the night before. On Sunday we went to a one year old's birthday party and later to my friend Laura's house to brainstorm for her new business (exciting stuff!).

We were tired after that weekend but after 7 full days of being in my house without any social activities, it turns out I really like social activities a lot. Too bad my body is all lame and is ruining my life.

I see the doctor tomorrow and Logan's all excited. He's hoping to hear "good news". Don't tell him, but there will be no good news. The doctor will look at my (really gross looking) throat and he'll say, "Yep. That's what it's supposed to do." And I'll tell him about how I'm so tired and he'll say, "Yep. You're no spring chicken!" I'll tell him how I'm going to go totally crazy if I can't take a shower and function in a normal way very soon and he'll say, "Have a nice day."

And then I'll come home and eat another ice chip and take another stupid nap.

Stupid body.