About the dog thing....

Remember when we owned that soul-killing house in the soul-sucking neighborhood we lived in before we sold it by the skin of our teeth and moved here? Man that was fun. Great content...shitty living conditions.

Back when we lived in that Soul-Killing house where we brought Maddie home from the hospital, Maddie wanted a dog. She wanted a dog from the minute she was born. I'm fairly sure they had to use forceps to get her out because she was holding out for a puppy. Ironically, we dressed her in a puppy outfit to bring her home from the hospital. I guess we made our own bed.

At first we didn't want a dog because sometimes I spent a lot of days trying not to eat the two kids I had. I thought it wasn't a good idea to get a dog when I could barely make it through the day without crafting Ebay listings to sell my youngest son to the first bidder.

Then Logan had a vasectomy because it turned out two kids was probably more than I was capable of raising, so why don't we cut our losses and see if I'm better at raising bigger kids? (I am!)

Because of Maddie's unrelenting desire for a dog, along with the fact that I have to restrain myself from french kissing nearly every dog I meet, we started really thinking about getting a dog back then. But every time I tried to face the commitment of a dog, I freaked out and had flashbacks to the years of early motherhood when everything was an ordeal and difficult for me, being a delicate flower, to manage. So we got the cats to appease Maddie and buy us some time.

I told Logan that if I ever felt the desire to have another baby, I'd consider getting a dog. Considering how I handled the first four years of being a mother, this seemed about as likely as me becoming an Amish farmer or a porn star.

In the last three years parenting my kids has become a much better fit for my (neurotic) personality. I almost never feel the desire to devour them, I don't feel like I'm treading water trying to keep up with the needs of totally dependent beings. It's a good place to be.

Still, I don't want a baby but in the last year or so, I've been browsing Petfinder.com and thinking about how a dog would fit into our lives.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, our Landlord believes water in basements and tiles falling off bathroom walls is "normal" and dogs are beasts hell bent on destroying your property. (You know, more than consistent water damaging your home's foundation and soaking the drywall in your finished basement is destroying your property.)

A few months ago I told Logan that I know it's really selfish, but I've thought about this since we got married. I grew up in Michigan, went to college in Michigan and have never lived anywhere but Michigan. The best time for us to live somewhere new was before we had kids, but then Maddie came a little (a lot) sooner after our wedding than we'd planned and life started rolling along with houses and careers.

Logan was the only one making money and I gave up my career (and a lot of my sanity) to be a full time mother. I put the idea of living somewhere that is not here out of my mind. Now that things are more settled and the kids are still reasonably young, that feeling is back. I want to move somewhere entirely new. I have a few places in mind and a couple of ideas up my sleeve to make it happen....they mostly involve me obsessing as I did about selling the old house, on a larger time frame.

Maddie overheard us talking about potential places to live. Max overheard the same conversation and was all, "Huh....cool...." then walked away to play with Legos. Maddie reacted less calmly, more like her mother might react to something that makes her nervous. A-hem.

So yeah, I bribed my kid with a dog if we move to a new state.

This buys me at least a year, maybe two.

If I can resist Petfinder.com....

Comments

[Nicole]

Blessings and good luck as you consider a big move. I look forward to when you disclose where you might move, so we can enjoy all the dreaming you'll be doing, albeit from the sidelines.

(And you know this is going to turn into a comment thread full of "Move to X community, it's where I live! So, I'll resist the urge to say just that.)

[menchuvian]

There is no resisting petfinder; it's like crack for the empty womb, or porn for the menopausal (not you, or me, of course). Instead of looking at inflat-a-boobs, bleached hair and 10" wonders, it's puppy dog eyes, and wagging tails, and warm furry little tummies. Resistance is futile! We've adopted two kitties, a dog, already have two fish, and, well, I'll probably go meet another kitty tomorrow...

[Denise]

Good luck in your future endeavors. My family has lived in four different states in 13 years. We have finally landed. I can honestly say I love living where there isn't snow all winter long. This past week the highs ranged from 60 - 75. I love it! I function much better in warmer and sunnier weather. My lexapro bill also dropped dramatically as I moved South! Again, best of luck. The kids will do great!

[Erin]

Long time reader and first time to comment. Before having a baby a year ago, I used to volunteer for the Michigan Humane Society doing Pet Finder. I have to say we were well trained at writing sad stories and taking heart-breaking photos. Good luck with the resistance!!! All the best from your fellow Royal Oaker.

[samantha]

I've been thinking a lot about moving too. I have one more year to get through until my daughter graduates high school then I'm outta here!! Do you think it's due to the fact that I live in Upstate New York and its been either snowing, freezing rain or just drizzling mist from the grey grey sky for the past two weeks straight? I don't know but the Florida Keys are looking mighty handsome right about now. Actually, they've been beckoning for about five years. You are right to consider a move before your kids get really ensconced in lives of their own. My kids would have been gutwrenched if I'd uprooted them when I first started feeling the urge. This staying in New York has been one hell of a sacrifice! On the other hand there is nothing like spring in the Catskills or a dip in a mountain stream on a hot summer day. Looking forward to those things keeps me sane when there is hardly any day light. How do they survive in Alaska?!

[AnEmily]

Oh just come to Portland, you know you want to! Your kids can play with my awesome dog that we got from the humane society. That'll buy you some time until you get settled, at least.
Seriously, we were supposed to wait until my youngest was out of diapers before we got a dog. I broke our deal. Perusing homeless dogs online was highly dangerous and of course I fell in love with our dog before we even met in person. I swear that when I approached his cage there were cartoon hearts flying into my eyes from his. If you are stalking petfinder, you had best move soon!

[bonzai]

Even though I have a 55 lb almost 18 month old poodle, I was still cruising Petfinder for a 'friend' for the silly beast. It's like crack for those of us done with the baby thing...
I don't know if Detroit has an annual AKC show, but it's worth it to go talk to breeders, see the dogs in person, see how they act, and they usually have this cool computer where you can put in your preferences for how much time you want to spend grooming, walking, playing, etc. and they'll give you suggestions. We got the poodle because of my son's allergies, and after a fox terrier that shed year round, I'll take the groomer's bills any day!
Good luck with relocating - Florida looks mighty good right now from Chicagoland!

[Mary]

Move to Chicago! You know it was one of Maddie's Christmas wishes ;)
"Chicagoland" includes the suburbs and is a wonderful place to live. I'm 25 & I've traveled & the only other place I'd even come across that I'd consider living is Greensboro, NC (& thats cause of a boy!)
The People, they actually are the deciding factor for me. Smart, Funny, similar upbringing, NICE, etc. I've been/lived other places & there is just nothing like Chicagoland. Also...the delis are great. You can choose how thin you want the pastrami sliced. You can't do that in Iowa City.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

You know you love San Francisco...

[CinAA]

We aren't from Michigan -- we moved here for grad school and stayed. However, as we grow older, the weather gets less attractive and the economy totally sucks and so two years ago we started looking at getting out and moving to Chapel Hill, NC. However, we have a house to unload and that seems really unlikely any time soon. Your landlord might suck but you have the upper hand in the real estate wars (which is only fair after what you went through in the old neighborhood).

Good luck deciding what you want to do. And hey, Obama bribed his kids with a puppy, too!

[HomeSlice]

it's hard to make a break from the home state. when i look back at what it took to move me out of michigan, i can't believe i ever made it. although sometimes i still miss the water and shitty economy, it's been great to experience what other parts of the country have to offer (civil war re-enactments, sweet tea, the phrase "bless your heart" replacing "you freakin' moron"). good luck with whatever you decide.

[Sarah]

Hooray! Another Midwesterner ready to take the plunge!

I lived in the suburbs of Chicago for the first 31 years of my life. Hated the winters, the cost of living, traffic and how to get your kid into a decent school you had to pay almost as much in property taxes as you did your mortgage.

Two years ago, my job made me an offer to relocate to Greensboro, NC. All at their expense, too. The fools! I would have paid for it myself.

I have never been happier. Seriously, I used to be depressed from November through April...horrific soul crushing depression. Here it is December (practically January) and the grass is still green, I can go outside just wearing a hoodie and relax in the knowledge that come Febuary, the "winter" here is over.

In fact, I just returned home this morning from a trip back to my parent's house for Christmas. One day back there and I was ready to leave.

Now, Chicago might be a good place for you. My recommendation would be to go south, young woman, go south!

[patois]

When I said I was ditching work, I promised the kids a dog. They obsessively watched the cable on demand program highlighting various humane society pets, searched our local humane society's website three times a day, and repeatedly visited five different shelters to look for newcomers. All of these in the months leading up to my ditching work. Good luck not getting a dog now.

[cathi]

I'm so excited to hear that you might be writing about moving away from your home state! My husband and I ventured out west for a couple of years before the little one but we couldn't wait to get back. Southwest was not a good fit. Now we want to move again before she starts school and we don't want to make the same mistake twice. I don't know where to go or HOW. So, I can't wait to hear your process and plans...I need ideas and some serious motivation!

[beyond]

kids usually do very well and acclimate quickly after a move. my family moved every few years and that usually involved a new country and a new language. i never got a puppy but i know it would definitely have made things easier for me... tell maddie she can be happy you're not moving to france or portugal. unless you think that could backfire on you. (i don't know you, because reading someone's blog is not really knowing someone, but i am thinking california. don't know why.)

[Yolanda]

I'm in that same place--that wanting to relocate place-- and have pretty much decided on Denver. I'm laying down a lot of plans now and hope that a year from now we will found our new place.

[Denise]

Oregon. Ashland or Portland.

[sarah]

Forget the dog and just move somewhere else more exciting and economically stable. Getting a dog destroyed my marriage. I'm absolutely 100% serious. I hate having a dog so much that my husband and I are splitting up. Of course there are other factors at play in the decision but about half of it is the fact that I hate, nay, loathe our dog with the fire of a thousand suns.

If you think having a couple of kids messed with your sanity, it is nothing, NOTHING, compared to what even a slightly poorly behaved dog will do to your mental health. It ruined mine. We went to freaking counseling together (clearly didn't help) because of the stupid dog.

I hope the bitch and my husband are very happy together.

[Traci]

Oh man! I have a 4 lb chihuahua but want another so bad. I found the perfect sweetheart at the shelter this morning and if it wasn't for me moving in 4 months to another state she would be home with me. My advice is stay out of the shelters until you are ready cause those doe eyes sure do steal hearts easy. Congrats early on the new puppy.

[KYouell]

We moved from Northern California to the Portland Metro area (PDX, baby) just about a year ago and are quite happy. In fact, our foot of Christmas snow that just shouldn't be happening here just melted off today. If you do consider PDX let me recommend the one thing we regret not doing: check into all the different neighborhoods. They have their own website and everything. We picked a suburb waaaaay out west and thought that it was cool because we are about 30 seconds away from a bus stop and a 15 min walk from a MAX (light rail) stop. Sure, we're close to those stops, but everything we want to do is either downtownish or on the eastside (of the Willamette River) which can easily mean a 90 minute ride with a 1yo and a 3yo -- don't think so. Oh, how we wish we had moved to either NE or SE. So now we are looking to move again. While that means changing preschools for the 3yo I don't think that I'm going to hear much complaining from him; he just complains about having to go to any school.

Good luck and I hope you find your greener pastures. And I hope you find your shelter mutt after you are settled in to your new digs. That's how I'd do it.

[Jill]

ahem...Austin....ahem, You would be close to family too and no SNOW how much better could life be?

[outdooridahoan]

Move to Boise. It is an absolutely fantastic place to live and much cheaper and sunnier than Portland. You would never regret it.

[monicac]

Portland, yes. SE, specifically. Doooo it! Portland is very dog-friendly btw. Oh, and kid-friendly too.

[KarinGal]

We felt that same way and moved to Honolulu last year. Best thing we ever did. We felt like we've come home.

Hope you find a place that matches your dreams, too.

[palamedes]

I made my move out of the Midwest in general and Indiana in particular a shade over 20 years ago, and have never regretted it. My parents tried southwest Florida a few years later and couldn't wait to return.

My tips:

1) Get to know the job market cold for your preferred locales. Make sure you can deal with the attendant cost of living versus the salary range for the area and what you and your husband will do to earn your daily bread. I live in the Seattle area and love it, but what the average person makes versus the cost of living for housing is very much night and day. (Even Microsofties don't make the money here they used to make.) If you can't accept or surmount this situation in a given locale, pass it on by - it'll stress you out.

2) Are you a four-season person or can you deal with three? West of the Cascades is wonderful in my eyes, for example, but we also get more than a little damp in the winter and more than a few gray days nine months out of the year. I don't mind the latter, and I live with the former.

3) Talk to as many people as you can to get as unvarnished a view of where you might want to be as you can. I assume getting info on the public schools will matter as a big factor in this discussion.

4) Physically visit the place or places (perhaps during job interviews, but if you can, during when the weather is "bad"). I can't emphasize this enough.

The grass always seems greener somewhere else - for your own and your loved ones' sake, make sure it is the right shade.

[bridget in oregon]

I grew up in Michigan. I get it. But Palamedes is right. Do your research. The cost of living here in the Pacific NW is a bit wacked. If we didn't already own the house we have now we probably wouldn't be here.

There's a million and one of us graphic/art director types out here (I compete with my friends every day) and by June, the rain and endless gray winter days gets on my nerves...hhmmm...maybe we should move? Sunny is looking good right about now.

The dog is good though. I gotta say, the dog is good.

[KMed]

Petfinder? Amateur. I fell in love with my NEIGHBOR'S dog. But, the neighbors moved and gave her to us, so - wow. And she is totally the best. Dog. Ever.

Good luck on the move!

[Coco]

I am with the poster (Sarah) who said that her marriage is breaking up over her dog. I'm not there YET, but we have had some of the biggest shouting matches of our 16 year relationship over one very cute fluffy goldendoodle named Biscuit. It's a real shame.

As for moving, I grew up in Michigan, spent 20 years in California, and picked up the household and moved to Tacoma, WA 5 years ago. This winter has me seriously reconsidering the Northwest. You must be of special stock to survive with this little sunlight...same deal in Portland, no matter how cute it is. Good luck!

[Lysa]

I'll just toss in another good word for Portland, OR. Politically progressive, family friendly, good weather and SERIOUSLY dog friendly.

[mandible]

Moved from Pittsburgh to Charleston, SC a year ago. Beaches, palm trees, Spanish moss, laidback Southern vibe. My husband and I both got jobs immediately in our chosen fields. Kids (8&11) have adjusted well, although they miss snow (!!!) and friends. Home is where your family is.

[emharmony]

I grew up in the Detroit area and them moved to MN for college. I thought at the time that was a big change, but then my husband and I made the move out to Portland. Even though that was quite the change, we are so very happy to be here. We live on the Eastside as well, and have gathered quite the group of midwest transplants into our crew. Have fun with your decision - I hope it works out exactly how you want it to.

[Cat]

I feel you, I've got the itchy foot myself. MN is not my home, and it's too f'n cold here. I can't stay in this state forever, but my other half and all his family is from here. That will make it harder to break away someday.

[El]

You seem to have a lot of NC readers and Portland readers, which amuses me as I am in NC (love it) and dream of moving to Portland if I ever do move anywhere... both are awesome, though I must say the sunshine down here can't be beat.

[Teri Lynn]

Our snow all melted already.
It's very green here now.

Plus, look!
http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=12399985
Okay, they're maybe an hour south, but still!

[Aimee Greeblemonkey]

I wish I would have thought of that!!!!

http://www.greeblemonkey.com/2008/12/i-interupt-radio-silence-to-introduce.html

[soozey]

I guess as lotsa people have said grass is greener, cuz when I read your blog, I want to move to your town and have your friends, and do all the fun things you do! :) Just please, promise me one thing. Don't move to Southern California! (I think I remember an earlier post about that...)

[Dianna]

Hey, if it'll get you away from your landlord...a dog it is!

[jeanette]

I've found Seattle to be very nice. You & Logan seem like Seattle -type people.

[Kelly]

Hi, I just found your blog while reading "Another Mama". Very funny stuff! I also live in Southeast Michigan, so it been quite the wild ride. (As in...It sucks!)
My kiddos have been screaming for another dog since our Lab died 4 years ago. I keep putting them off...but, quite frankly any expenses (like puppy chow and vet visits)that are totally unnessary are out of the question. I haved lived in Michigan my whole life, except for a year and half in Boston- where it made the snowfall here look like flurries. Someplace warm is definately appealing at this point!

I look forward to stopping by regularly!

[Alli]

Oh please, for the love of Sam...do NOT get a dog. They are a TON of work - I think moreso than kids. If you insist on getting one, do NOT get a puppy. They tear up your house and furniture. Mine even ate her crate!! She is a collie. Supposed to be loving, brillliant, dogs. Loving, yes. Destructive, yes. She will be three in a few weeks and has finally calmed down. She gets lots of attention and love and in general is a good dog - HOWEVER - if I had to do it again? My answer would be no. Plus, did I mention she suffered two almost fatal seizures back in October? Vet says it's normal for dogs her age to have them (WTF?????) and there is no "cure". She is on phenobarbitol (sedative) 2x/day for the rest of her life. I feel so bad for her! Can't take her off them either for fear of more seizures and possibly a very untimely death. My 9 y.o. is devastated.

[Meghan]

Let me know if you are interested in Minneapolis. I can try to track down the House hunters real estate agent!

[Patty]

We promised a cell phone and his own room (he was 11). It worked for awhile. He still askes almost daily when we are moving back to Los Angeles.

Patty in Boise, ID

[baby blankets]

Isn't it great how bribery goes hand in hand with parenthood..Hey, works for me! Good luck on your move if you choose to do so...and enjoy your new puppy!

[Sandie]

I am so excited for your move-- I wish I could do the same! I also grew up in the midwest and have stayed in the same general area my whole life... it will be so fun to hear about the move from your perspective. I will NOT encourage you to move to MN.. stay far, far away!

[kbreints]

I totally know the cannot deal with more than two kids feeling!! Thought we already have a dog... but he is 11 years old and more of a dor mat than anything else, I cannot imagine introducing a puppy into the mix!!

[ER]

There's no ad work in Portland. LA, SF, maybe Seattle. Not to be a downer, but be realistic. Since he's the breadwinner, you have to go where he can get a job. LA's great, but expensive, and a lot of competition.

Ed Note: Dear Internet, Do you think I'm mentally disabled? We're not moving somewhere without a job. Jeeeeeee Sussssssss.
I appreciate the advice but Holy Shit. (PS: I wouldn't live in LA if you held a gun to my head.)