Moving....is a lot different in 2009 than it was in 2007.

Well, okay, this is fun!

There's the knot in my stomach. There's the normal feeling of dread that usually comes with moving. The whole process of moving last time was a walk in a tickle-y field of daisies after the hellish process of trying to fix a house to break even on its sale. This time I know this is the right move but I'm not a fan of intermediate steps on the way to an ultimate goal.

This time I like where I live, I just don't like things like water in the basement and dealing with a man who thinks one should shovel their foundation to keep water out of the basement and dry their tiles after showering to keep them from falling off the walls. Oh, I also don't like paying over market value just because someone put a lot of work into repairing their neglected and damaged home and then the economic bottom fell out of Detroit putting him upside down in his mortgage.

I am also not a fan of sacrifice in the name of a larger goal because I'm not very good at it. I don't really know why that is. Why I'm so terrible at sacrificing what I want right now for what I want down the road. I suspect it's because I'm one of those middle class, spoiled and entitled Americans. I also suspect it's partly because I grew up sacrificing quite a few things.

Not doing what I want and rather what I should be doing, kind of makes me feel like I'm not in control and, if we want to get all Psycho-Analytical, I feel a lot like the five-year-old Melissa.

But we are, in control. We are driving our own ship here and MY GOD Melissa, we're moving across town, and it's going to be fun to settle into a new place. The house is lovely, it's smaller but we don't need more than what it is, it could certainly be worse. In a lot of ways the house itself fits us better than where we live now.

I'm trying to not lose my mind over this whole moving thing because I've learned, over the last 35 years of my life that freaking out doesn't really change anything. It just makes the process a lot less tolerable.

Oh, hey! I'm trying, at 35, to learn the thing my kids are learning over the first 7 to 10 years of their lives. I'm in the remedial class.

So I'm not going to totally lose my shit over this move. I'm not. No. I mean it. I'm not going to freak out about this. For the most part. Maybe just a little.

However, I may be engaging in a tiny bit of denial. It's the denial that keeps me from opening my Typepad window because I know what I'm typing right now is bound to happen....and then probably tears will start happening. And ooph, here they are!

Just like tonight as we packed our first boxes in the basement. My office area took 20 minutes and about a pint, maybe 21 ounces, of tears. Logan's took about 55 minutes and zero ounces of tears. I think he distracted himself with all the tiki mugs he was packing up. Also maybe the grating sound of my constant reminders about how much stuff he collects. I'm a harpy and a crybaby, no wonder he loves me.

Over the last week my neighbors, my wonderful...amazing....sob-inducing-to-leave, neighbors started bringing boxes over to the house to help us out. When they do this I have to fight a few urges. One urge is to wrap myself around their heads and beg them not to let me do this.

The other urge is to pretend I don't have the faintest idea why they're bringing me boxes because I'm not moving.

"Oh these must be for Logan and the kids because I'm just going to stay here. With Gary, the cat. No one will try to remove Gary. I'll have Logan and the kids send a thank you note to you though!"

Comments

[Nikki]

Been lurking for a while, but this post hit home with me. We're moving from our current home in TX to SC this summer. We aren't necessarily in love with our neighbors, but we have made some really, really good friends who I will miss terribly when we move. I've got my head stuck in the sand about it, even though I'm contstantly looking at houses online. Good luck!

[ashley]

Moving is horrible anyway you look at it. I always end up crying too. I may hate the place, but still... There is some memory that holds me. I usually end up blubbering like a big fat baby as I shut the door for the final time, so watch out for that one.

Too bad you aren't moving into my neighborhood. Well, maybe you are. Hell, I don't know where you are moving. We wouldn't see each other anyway, because you know, all of Michigan is hibernating. I'm SO ready for spring.

[Meredith]

If I didn't know you lived in Michigan I'd swear we had the same landlord. There's a plumber in our basement as I type this fixing the boiler for the second time in as many weeks.

We're hoping to buy a house this year and as eager as I am to get out of our current living situation I dread moving, too.

[Tricia]

I'm with Ashley. Moving really gets to me and makes me so depressed. I don't know why I get like that but I *always* do. Coupled with hating the packing and the wrapping and the packing and the more packing, I'm always a basket case when we move.

Here is my wish for you - I hope that you guys move with little to no problems, you like your new place and it's free of landlord hassle but that the house that you are in now goes up for sale, for a song, you buy it and you're able to move back into this neighborhood again.

Good luck, Melissa!

[Chelsea]

As a fellow michigander also in the process of moving - just wanted to agree with you on how sucky the moving process is. Especially in this weather, hauling boxes in the freezing cold wind and snow is really not my favorite thing. To add to the emotions of my move - I gave birth to both my kids in the bathtub in the old house - we seriously considered ripping the bathtub out and taking it with us to the new house. Good luck with your move!

[Jen14221]

Hey Melissa,
I live in Buffalo, and it's true..sometimes you do have to move the snow away from the house so that when it melts, the water does not seep in. Same thing when you have a really heavy rain. Some houses just do that.

I also remember my mom telling me to 'wipe down the walls' after my shower back in the days when I still lived at home. I think we had to do it in the winter because 1) the windows were not opened, and there was no air circulation and mold might grow and 2) my mom likes to torture me. I don't wipe any walls nowadays that I have my own house, and no tiles have fallen. We do have a little mold, though.

I think that if the shower tiles and occasional wet basement are a pain, then yes you should move. I'm not sure your landlord can do much to make you happy about these issues, short of re-tiling the bathroom. A wet basement is usually a wet basement and you live with it.

[melissaS]

Jen, as I've explained before, the tiles were falling off the walls. Outside of the shower. It's brand new tile, that was clearly improperly installed.

I will never in a million years shovel snow off of grass. Ever. We make sure the snow is off the side of the house by the driveway but I will never shovel my lawn.

All the neighbors on this side of the street have water in their basement, unless they've paid $3000-$5000 to have it waterproofed.

Since the landlord paid to have the basement finished, you'd think he wouldn't want mold growing in his drywall.

But then I'm crazy and think people want to care for their property.

[katg]

I'm moving right now from a condo we are trying to sell to a rental house across town. I hate, hate, hate moving. We have all the major stuff here, but it's all the little things that are there, or between houses-- like that toy that my kiddo wants, or that sweater I really wanted to wear.

I hate packing, too. I like unpacking, but I hate packing.

[Ani]

Big hugs of sympathy because moving just sucks big walloping hairy donkey balls.

Hang in there.

[Cynthiaa]

So sorry that you're having a hard time with this.

You will love your new house, and although your old house is what you think perfect, you will soon realize your new house is just perfect.

We just bought a new house, on the beach that I'm in love with. And I am still prolonging the whole 'moving' thing as much as possible. I am leaving a childhood house and it breaks my heart.

I feel your pain.

[Becky]

I hope I don't piss you off, but everytime you mention the tile falling off the wall, I think back to your story about the TrafficMaster Stainproof grout. I had to go back and look at your Flickr page with the pen stuck in the grout. Please just laugh now!

[Momsy]

I am sorry that you hurt.

[melissaS]

Oh yeah, I know. I've laughed about it. It's like karma.

The only thing I don't like is when the landlord tries to play it out like somehow my husband and I are to blame for his tiles, the tiles he had installed, falling off the wall.

I want my security deposit back.

[Allison aka HaselBride]

Oh, Melissa, your house story is one of the main reasons I am terrified to buy a house right now. Husband thinks it is a brilliant idea, but he is an officer in the Air Force and well they can move you whenever they want with very little notice. I don't want to be stuck with a house we don't want when we are stationed somewhere else.

Also, we are getting ready to move to Las Vegas from Mississippi. I'm excited because well, they have Target, etc. However, I've been looking at rentals online and none of them have the character of the house we are in right now and are huge white boxes. This was also "our first place." I will no doubt be crying as a pack up. Glad to know I am not alone! Good luck. Can't wait to see how great you make the new house look.

[bridget]

melissa,

i read your every post and never ever comment. But I just wanted to send good vibes and tell you I'm proud of you!

blessings!
bridget

[Tiffany]

So sorry you are moving. We just moved in November with a three week old. It was tough since the whole reason we were moving is because my husband lost his job, and we had to move in with my parents. It took forever because I would just sit down in the living room and sob. It didn't help that I would say, "We were standing here when you proposed!" "We were sitting on this couch in the living room when we found out we were pregnant!" "This is the room where we threw the party the night we got married!" I just felt so bad leaving those memories behind.

But hey, we're all making new memories, right? Right.

[Andrea]

All I can say is that I hope that Bush, Cheney & all others involved in creating this totally fubar economy burn in a Sartre-esque hell that consists of the following:

-living in a house they love.

-having to pack up everything & move to another place, including thousands of tchotchkes.

-the minute the last box is unpacked, they are told they have to box everything up again & move to another place.

-they are not allowed to decrease their collections of crap, and in fact, must add tchotchkes every month.

-they lose more & more money on each deal.

Enough to drive anyone insane. Sadly, so many seem to be living it in real life these days.

Perhaps having this fantasy qualifies me as a sick f**k, but oh well...if the shoe fits!

Best of luck, Melissa. Sadly, I think that many of us will be doing the same soon, against our hopes that we wouldn't have to.

[amy]

I just moved back to Portland (where I grew up) 6 months ago after 15 years away. I thought it would be an easy move (back "home"), but it turns out I've been gone a really long time, and I get lost all the time, and I don't know where the fun places to go are, and haven't seen my high school friends in 15 years and don't really have a lot in common with them now. Moving is hard no matter where or when -- you get used to where you are, even if it's not the best. If Portland is on your list for your next move, we'd be awfully glad to have you here! By then I might know where the most hip tiki bar is, and I would be happy to show you.

[pharmgirl]

Ah, hon.

Remember, no matter what you may have heard: Life IS fair. Crappy Lanlords DO get theirs in the end. You may not be around to see it, but it happens.

Loving Gary.

[Jenafer Medina]

I couldnt agree more!!!!!

[Ireps]

One of the most therapeutic things i did for myself when we left our beloved studio apt of this eh condo was to touch the walls of the apt and thank it for its love and comfort and safety. and then I had a conversation with my new walls too...i still do once in a while...it may help!

[hoppytoddle]

I've been lurking, too. Just another comment to let you know you are not alone. I spent the day trying to pack while halucinating on cold medicine. I think it made a little easier, honestly. I keep trying to think of this as an adventure for our kids' sake, but it's not working. If i find an angle, I'll let you know.