My new book, working title: The Power Of The Worry

On Monday I finally went to have my baseline mammogram done. For some reason I kept putting this off, even though the doctor has given me three different referrals for one and even though my mother had breast cancer and even though I believe with almost absolute certainty I will one day have (and survive) breast cancer.

I put it off, even in spite of those really good reasons to not put it off, because I don't like strange people handling my boobs. I also don't like to see my breasts smooshed between two pieces of plastic because....wow.

Finally I went ahead and did it because when my mother found out she had breast cancer she let the lump grow so big that it was actually uncomfortable against her bra strap. (!!!) She was lucky and went through treatment like a champ, had just a lumpectomy and missed a few days of work in the process.

Funny thing about my mother, she found out she had cancer when I had just gone off to college. She knew I was hating school and hated being away so she didn't tell me about it so I wouldn't worry.

Conversely a couple of years ago she had an accident in a parking lot while with my sister....a slow moving bump with another car. She called me and sounded so upset I thought my sister must have been killed in the "accident". But no it was just a small mash up in the parking lot. That's kind of how my mom is, big stress, she rolls right through. Smaller stresses, she totally loses her shit.

Actually, I do that too. Must be all that wacky post traumatic stress syndrome!

Anyway so I went to do the mammogram even though I didn't want some lady to handle my breasts and shove them in a machine because it always infuriated me that my mother didn't care enough about herself to go to the doctor the minute she felt a lump. When I catch myself not taking care of myself in those ways, I start to look in the mirror and see myself morphing into some sort of martyr mother with ill fitting jeans and an overgrown hair cut.

And that is so undeniably sexy.

Now here's where we're going to talk about the power.....of my mind.

If you've been reading this site you know that I have a penchant for worrying about things. I've often reprimanded myself for wasting energy on worry. My friend Jean always said to me, "I figure if something happens, I have time to worry about it then. If I'm worrying about the possibilities and none of those things happen, I just wasted all that energy on nothing."

I tried to subscribe to that newsletter.

The thing I've started to realize through the last year or two is that my worrying actually has the power to prevent things from happening!

Exhibit one: I spent a year worrying about selling our house. I laid awake wondering if it wouldn't sell or if we'd find a place to live. Then! The house sold in record time in this market and we were able to live in the neighborhood I wanted with the school I wanted the kids to go to.

Exhibit two: We got an offer on the house and I was so happy I didn't bother to worry at all about the inspection. Inspection caused the buyers to back out.

Exhibit three: I worried for years Maddie would never touch a food that wasn't fried or sugary. Now she eats steak, salmon and even the other day ate chicken that had a sauce on it.

Exhibit four: Every snow day this year has come after a night I went to sleep not at all concerned about a snow day. Without even letting the thought of a snow day (and the resulting change of all my plans) cross my mind. When I go to bed worried about the possibility of a snow day, no snow day.

Exhibit five: We withhold our last months rent because we know our landlord will hold our security deposit as long as possible and suspect he doesn't even have the money. Logan is worried when the legal threats start rolling in, I am raging like a bull and not worried and tempted to mail a picture of my ass to the man as he attempts to pursue legal action. While I'm not worrying, legal action heats up becoming unbearable. And now our landlord is still holding our security deposit and we're waiting to go to battle on that. Who knows how this would have turned out if only I had worried a lot!

I know you're clearly seeing where I'm going. My brain obviously caused (or prevented) all of these things with worry. Seemingly pointless, sometimes hysterical, illogical worrying.

So this brings us to my mammogram on Monday. Why would I worry about a mammogram, the girls are healthy. They're my favorite thing on my body. My boobs get their fair share of attention and there have been no reports of lumps from either party involved (or the occasional medical professional).

In fact that's part of foreplay for me, "Hey....baby....does everything feel normal?"

Also undeniably sexy, you should try it.

So I didn't worry going into the appointment. I was mildly worried about my boobs transforming into silly putty in the machine. Also I was disappointed the technician had no feedback about my boobs, you'd think they could just give out compliments to make things more comfortable in there.

But I was not worried about them finding anything. At the end of the exam the technician mentioned that on a baseline the radiologist will often call back for more images, since they want good images for comparison. So, she said, "If they call it's probably not because there's a mass. They just want more images [because my God your boobs are glorious] to establish a good baseline set of images."

But I thought to myself, "Ha. They won't call me back, that went so well, my boobs were so good at getting all flat, and I didn't even breathe while they took the pictures." I saw the images on the screen and I just knew they wouldn't need me back. A+ mammogram!

BIG MISTAKE. I should have been worried. I'll never forgive myself.

Yesterday the hospital called and couldn't give me more information, but I needed to come in for an ultrasound and more pictures with the radiologist. I remained mostly calm but a little bit of worry peeked in. I kept myself calm thinking everyone says worrying is a waste of time and then there's that book that says what you give energy to brings it to you....so hey, they probably just want to admire my rack, I said to myself. The technician said sometimes they call you back even if there's no mass. I would have felt a mass. Logan would have felt a mass.

That's what I told myself and while we watched a movie I made Logan examine my breasts for three hours. (Results were inconclusive. He'd like to have another look tonight.)

Today I saw my general physician about an unrelated thing and asked if they'd gotten the report from the mammogram. And he said the fucking word I didn't want to hear, the one that sealed the deal on my hypothesis that me worrying about things makes them not happen.

There's a mass in the upper left quadrant of the left breast and now I've got to ramp up The Worry. I think I'll set it at hysterical. That'll make for a fun weekend right!?

But the good news is on Monday after I get back from the appointment and everything is totally fine? We can all have a good laugh at my ridiculous worrying. 'Oh Melissa', you'll say shaking your head. 'When will you learn worrying is a waste of energy!?'

And I'll laugh with you, but I'll know the truth.

Comments

[Deena]

I've been there. Just get the darn thing removed. That way whether or not it is cancer you don't have to worry about it any more. They offered to leave in my lump and watch it for a year since I was too young to have breast cancer and had no family history and I opted to have it removed and of coarse it was cancer. Grade 3 cancer. I'm so sorry your going through this stress. I know exactly how you are feeling. It's a horrible level of stress to be under and I hope they get to you quickly and don't drag it out for 6-8 weeks like they did me.

[Deena]

And why always the left breast? Everyone I know who has had breast cancer or a lump it is always the left breast. I just don't get that.

[cj]

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
Sending positive thoughts your way.

[~T]

Since I don't do prayer, I'll assist in your worry and worry with ya. BUT! I'll send good vibes too (to make up for the no praying thing). I'm 34; my mom got diagnosed with cancer when I she was 30. I did the baseline thing and they found something peculiar. It ended up being totally nothing (and I worried about it for weeks, so your logic makes total sense to me).

[Peeved Michelle]

Good luck. I hope everything turns out ok.

As far as the worrying goes, I don't consider myself a worrier as much as a planner. For any situation that has potentially negative outcomes, I like to think about each possible outcome and decide beforehand how I plan to handle it. Knowing that things usually turn out fine isn't as comforting to me as knowing that no matter what happens, I have a plan for handling it.

My plan for a situation like this is the same as Christina Applegate's: hack them off and I'll start over with a fresh pair. Mine aren't that great anyway.

[Melissa Summers]

~T, you'd probably be dead now if it weren't for the worrying....thank Goodness you worried!

[Dodi]

The worry factor works for me too. After years without a physical or dentist appointment I decided to take care of myself. Terrified I'd end up with at least two more root canals and caps I dreaded the dentist. Having lost a ton of weight and exercising more than I had in years I was confident my physical would earn me much praise from my Dr. Result? Zero cavities. Multi-nodular goiter that (so far) is benign.

I really need to find a dermatologist and have every bump, spot and dimple checked out and I'm terrified. So it should be fine right? But if I stop worrying all hell will break loose.

Good luck Melissa! Fingers crossed for you.

[Melissa Summers]

No, but I love my boobs. I love them.

[Lisame]

I'm with Deena...Just get the darned thing removed! I'm going to worry myself sick about this.

[Brian]

Can you make a site, some kind of online list, to which we can submit things for you to worry over? Or will you need to move to a high mountaintop, one we need to climb to prove ourselves worthy of your worry. I promise not to bring any boob-smooshing machinery with me on my pilgrimage.

[Jenn]

I understand worrying. My husband thinks I'm nuts, that I'm wasting time and energy worrying, but worrying works, I swear! I'll worry for you this weekend.

[karyn]

oh shit. Yeah, time to ramp up the worry and laugh about it later. The good news is that Logan gets to feel you up all weekend. Silver lining?

[Sherry K]

oh that sucks, I'll worry along with you, that should help :)

[HomeSlice]

you have a cult of worriers following your blog. you are in good hands. we will worry along with you.

[Amy]

It's probably a little too early for you to be thinking about hacking anything off quite yet. And to tell you not to worry about it is stupid, because if it were my boobs, I'd be worrying, too. Just pop open a few Sierra Nevada Pale Ales and try to do something fun. Sending good thoughts your (boobs') way.

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

If we all worry with you that should seal the deal, right?

[Jennifer]

I just wrote a post about this very thing! About worry keeping away the bad stuff. I'm glad to hear that someone else does it, too, as I have worried that I'm a big freak. (Wow, okay, worrying that my worrying makes me weird is, well, weird.)

Anyway, I'm so sorry about your poor test result. I really, really hope it's nothing. Make sure you post an update asap, because, you know, I'll be worrying about you!

[suzi]

Glad you got your mammogram. I keep putting it off, too. You just made me get my arse in gear about that. I hope it all turns out ok. I'll worry along with you, too. Just in case that helps.

[Josephine]

I read about a study which showed that mothers who worried more were better at anticipating and avoiding dangers to their young children.

Good luck on Monday. I'll be worrying for you.

[Sugared Harpy]

I say, hey, if there is a time to be allowed to worry, this is one of those times. Indulge in it. I'll be worrying along with you and praying all is well.

Then, after that, you get a portrait session of your fabulous rack.

[Laurie]

Hey Melissa:

Before you begin this and I add to your worry (although, I think that may be a good thing!), please know that my story has a happy ending!

I was diagnosed with bc on 9/7/07 and I can tell you that although the journey sucked ass -- the end result is all good!

My point in telling you this is that if the result is positive and you need an understanding ear (I just finished treatment last month) please feel free to email me.

Worry your ass off this weekend!!

Laurie
xxoo

[Tiffany]

Even though I saw where you were going with this once you mentioned the mammogram, can I just say that I love your writing?

Back to the boobs ... I hope everything goes well on Monday, and I'll worry along with you (since I worry about everything every freaking night before bed anyway).

[Missy]

I'll worry for you, too! Good luck!

[Holly]

You have perfectly described what I like to call my worry management system. If I worry about something enough, I am sure I can control the outcome. In fact, for kicks, when faced with a potential problem, I like to ramp the worry all the way up to worst case senario and work my way back down. Sure, the entire family has to deal with a freaked out wife/mom for a few days (weeks), but in the end, I know I can handle each of the God-awful and not so bad renditions of whatever may or may not happen. So, just to be sure, I'm going to worry alot about your boobs for you this weekend. You don't have to worry alone.

[jkopftwins]

I'll add my worry to yours, and not only will you be clear on Monday, they'll admit it was only to get you back in for more images of your gloriousness.

[Lyndsay Bosley]

Melissa,

Ahh ... okay, just let me tell you, I am Your Twin Michigan Worrier. You don't need to sell me your theory, I live it everyday. So, ramp up the worry meter to hysterical, I'll join you and we are sure to have knocked this thing out my Monday.

Lyndsay

[Catherine]

I just went through this! After going back for more films, they made me go back for a biopsy. Biopsy done Monday this week -- and they called back yesterday to let me know it was not cancer, just fibrocystic tissue.

I was proud of myself for not Googling anything related to breast cancer or statistics/survival rates, etc. All you can do is wait. That and get a really horrible flu (which made me think more about surviving the next three days than worrying about the biopsy results).

We are all here with you. You know that you will have thousands of us thinking of you. And, if you do have cancer -- perhaps that should be included in the lawsuit against the old landlord. We don't need truth on our side -- let's just screw with him for fun!

Oh, and if your county has a department that deals with Landlord and Tenant issues -- they might be helpful in getting your damage deposit back (usually they favor the tenant in these matters).

Good luck on everything.

Catherine

[Tricia]

Just to let you know, I recently had a similar experience. Like you, it was a baseline mamogram. I am an oncology nurse, so I had it done at the institution where I work. A girlfriend of mine was due to have her baseline done too, so we just made our appointments together. Her results came back within a day or two, while mine were never posted. I actually kind of forgot about it. And then they called. Something is wrong. Mass at 4 o'clock on the left breast. We want a closer look.

I went in for a diagnostic mamo and ultrasound. It turned out to just be asymetrical breast tissue. Meaning the tissue in the left breast is more dense at 4 o'clock than in the right breast. Did you know that our right and left breast tissue mirror each other and should look basically the same? I did not know this. The long and short of it is, cancer screening is getting to be so effective and precise, that often they pick up stuff that turns out to be nothing to worry about. I sincerely hope that is the case for you. Hugs and best wishes. Keep us posted.

[Meredith]

I won't say good luck...I'll say good worry. Crank it up. And I'll worry for you too.

Looking forward to laughing my ass off on Monday when it turns out to be nothing.

[NTE]

I'll worry with you: I'm wicked good at it.

[Just Beachy]

I've been in your situation and can understand your worry. My Grandmother died of Breast Cancer and when they told me there was a mass (in my left breast) I was beside myself. After several images and an ultrasound they determined it was just something to do with my milk ducts. The lump was there for years, then went away. My mammograms have been clear since. Prayers to you for extreme worry results.

[LizP]

You perfectly described Murphy's Law of Worrying. The amount you worry is inversely proportional to the sh*t that will happen.

But seriously, you are in my prayers. My husband and I participate in the American Cancer Society's annual Relay for Life so that one day we can find a cure and no woman has to have her glorious boobs smooshed any more!

[The Casual Perfectionist]

I would worry, too!

About 8 years ago, I found a mass on my shoulder. One doctor tried to remove it and couldn't. He had to stitch me up and refer me to a plastic surgeon, because it was more extensive than he originally thought. The plastic surgeon took one look and said, "Oh my gosh! That could be cancer! We need to get that removed right away!" (Absolutely no beating around the bush with that guy. Bedside Manner Zero.) And, then he told me I had to wait three weeks (for the previous incision to heal).

I think my worry turned it into a completely benign mass...

Just sayin'...

Good luck!!

[Nichole]

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I know there's no way you'll be able to not worry...it truly is a scary thing. I've been through this a few times, and it's always been nothing. I hope and pray that for you too.

But when in doubt this weekend, wine, and/or martinis can help take the edge off the worry! :)

[Bobbiejjj@aol.com]

I'll take over some of your worry for you this weekend.

[Allison Hasel]

I am totally worrying for you! Sorry to hear 2009.2 is not starting out so well!

[Denora]

I had a similar situation a couple years ago. Of course I lost my mind for a TWO WEEKS while they flittered over results and made me come back TWICE before giving me an answer. It was fat. I had a bunch of fat in my boob that had clustered together thus making a mass. I, stupidly, thought that boobs in general were just a mass of fat, but oh no! They're free floating fat. It was honestly the very first time in my life where I was overjoyed that my only problem was fat. I'll keep you in my thoughts, and hope that at the very worst yours are just fat too.

[HouseofJules]

Holy crap, I'm totally going to worry with you. Sending lots of positivity your way, too...

[Joanie]

Melissa,
I check your blog daily, but I don't think I have ever posted! Just wanted to tell you I am a worrier also -- and it is all good. I will have you in my thoughts and prayers all weekend. Just wanted to let you know I just went thru the same thing -- all is well. Email me if you want, for more information.
Take care and have a few pops this weekend it will help to take the edge off!
P.S.
Your landlord is some ass --- good thing you held the last months rent.
Joanie

[Kelly]

Big old cyber hugs to you. I'll be worrying too, that should seal the deal.

[AnEmily]

Well, fuck. I'll worry with you too. If it helps, I have a book that defines worry as Defensive Pessimism, which can be a good thing, I think. Crap, now I worry that I'm not remembering the book right. Take Luck!

[Kingsmom]

It looks like you have a lot of supporters here willing to worry with you. I'd like to add my name to the list. I actually worry so much that if there is nothing to worry about I create something.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'll be thinking of you this weekend.

[Yet Another Jenny]

This weekend WWW stands for World Web of Worriers. (I personally am a Wide Worrier, in addition to being Worldy, so I get an extra W.) Best of luck!

[Tara]

Melissa, add my worries to the pile! I'm sure things will be fine. Being that I, too, am a big worrier and consider all worst case scenarios way too prematurely, though, I can say "don't fear." My entire family has had bc and all are quite well, I also have a close friend in her early 30s who just finished a bout this past year and is doing fantastically, as well. Either way, I have confidence that you'll come out the other end just fine! (BTW, you are minutes away from one of the best cancer centers in the country!)

[Ellen]

After reading these comments, I almost hate to be a voice of positive reassurance, but baseline mammograms are the worst! So many of them require further investigation (mine did, multiple scans and ultrasounds for a mass that turned out to be nothing). The overwhelming majority turn out to be nothing. After listening to a friend describe 8 abnormal mammograms in 10 yrs and 3 biopsies that all turned out fine, i realized I was probably worrying for nothing, but still I worried, because how can you not? So worry on. Sending all those good, healthy vibes for a good outcome your way, but I'll make sure they're 'anxious' good vibes.

[Mysh]

Melissa, I am hoping/worrying/praying that this turns out to be nothing at all...all weekend long!

[Sue]

Oh Melissa. I don't comment much, but I've been reading you for years. I'm sort of an agnostic right now(an agnostic Mormon, just to be more quirky) but I'll pray for you anyway. Good thought vibes in the universe can't hurt anything, right?

[Olly]

A couple years ago I got sent to the hospital for a more detailed mamogram and ultrasound after my baseline, too. I thought I was going to lose my mind with worry. Apparently it's quite common.

It turns out that I have a small cyst. No big deal as I have had a few cysts removed from other parts of my body. My Mom had about 3 benign cysts removed from her breasts. My yearly mamography is in a couple of weeks. My husband always says "Jeez, between the gyno and the boob tests - those damn doctors are getting more action than me!"

I am a compulsive worrier, too. Sometimes when it gets the best of me I resort back to an old book written by Dale Carnegie called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living". Really outdated, but solid practical advise. There is a quote in the book, I think by Mark Twain, which I think of and giggle about when I start weirding out too much "I've lived through many great tragities - some which actually HAVE happened".

[alice]

The powers of my fretting are unparalleled. I know what I'm doing this weekend. Do I have nails I can gnaw off, in your honor? Indeed I do!

[Amanda]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know exactly what you are feeling!! Two days after I found out that I was finally pregnant, I found a lump in my left boob (damn lefty again) and totally lost my shit. Since then I have been through two ultrasounds and numerous feel-ups by the breast cancer people only to get the ongoing answer of "your breast are REALLY dense, so there is really nothing totally out of the ordinary" and b/c pregnancy = no mamogram, I just get to wait another 5 months before they can tell me anything definitive. TOTALLY SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS!!!!

So I understand your worry and will continue to worry for you until you hear that all is well.

: )

[evany]

As a fellow worrier, and believer in the power of worry, I will be wringing my hands and lighting a candle and thinking good thoughts for you! XXX!

[The Casual Perfectionist]

Sorry if this is a double-comment...my previous comment appears to have disappeared.

Anyway, hope things go smoothly for you!

[Lyndsay]

I swear I already posted once, but apparently I'm inept at doing that today too.

Anyway, I can be affectionately deemed your Worry Twin from the opposite side of Michigan. Seriously, you don't have to rationalize your worry theory with me, because I totally get it.

Point to that ... increase your worry to "psychotic" on the meter, I'll ditto that over here and we'll have this all taken care of by Monday.

[tami]

8 years ago the doctor found a lump, I was scheduled to come back in 3 months. Nothing changed. Another 3 months. Then I asked for a biopsy because I didn't want to go to the doctor every three months. Negative, just a lumpy breast.

But, I've been supposed to do a mammogram for something like 6 months, and I haven't. And now there's something a tad odd, but not definitively odd. I talked to the consulting nurse and she told me that "women of your age" often experience increased cysts and fibrous breast tissue. So, until I get the mammogram in a week, I keep envisioning my boobs being made of pomegranates and spaghetti squash. I'm not sure if I should worry about my boobs or my mental health.

[tami]

Ack! I hit post before I finished: Hopefully, you are in the lumpy normal breast tissue cohort. But to make sure, since I'm worrying, I can worry for you, too.

[madge]

The hypothesis is sound. Worry away. In fact, I hope the comment box crashes with all the satellite worry.

And the good vibes, of course. XO

[Mary]

I'll worry with you.

My biggest (heh) concern with a mammogram is how many times they will have to squish the boobage because it's so big, they won't be able to get everything in one try. This I know. So you can imagine being me instead, and not only having to have the boob squished, but then having to move slightly, have it squished again, move slightly, have it squished again... and so on.

Nobody in my family has had cancer. We die from heart attacks too early for cancer to come around...

[Sharon]

I'll definitely do some worrying for you. Good luck.

[chris]

I totally and completely believe in the power of worrying. So much so in fact that I am worrying along with you right now. Then on Monday we will laugh together and have a drink or twelve.

And move on to the next thing to worry about. Which might be the fact that I seem to be moving in 10 days.

[Dave M]

It would be cool if there was WorryPal so we could all make donations and you wouldn't have to worry all by yourself.

I will have a good thought for you on Monday.

[Dayna]

I'll include you in my prayers.. I solidly subscribe to both worry and prayers and feel that they are each worthwhile. Best of luck - I really hope everything is a-ok.

[Sarah]

Good luck with the second visit. I'd worry. I believe in worry. My track record would be more like, worry intensely that X will happen and it often does. (like my boyfriend and I would have no private space for private things when we went off to college. And it was a major pain. My worry was correct.) And sometimes, sharing my worries (usually by whining in my case) helps. So worry away. And let's hope it is nothing.

[Advertising]

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[Amy]

You remind me so much of myself.. With two aunts having BC I am sadly determined I will too.

Have gone for regular Mammo's since I hit 39 and all fine. I would rather flop my boob on the tray then spread them for the yearly dreaded pelvic :(
If it is any consolation every few years I get inconclusive results and biopsies. All fine. But of course stress the hell out of me.

Be proactive! If they think there is a problem deal with it. There is nothing more important than your health and if there is a problem dealing with it asap.

My worrying heart/head is with you. But you know what I have learned in almost 43 years of life? Worrying is a fucking waste of time :)

[cindie]

my thoughts and prayers are with you. God bless.

[Emma]

I'm 33, and have lumpy fibrocystic boobs. It causes no end to The Worry. You're in my thoughts as you go through this. I'm sure it's nothing, but how can one not worry? Stupid machines can't get clear pictures of lovely boobs. You're completely within your rights and your comfort zone. Hopefully some Ben&Jerry's can worry along with you. Thinking about you nonstop!

[Meredith]

The worry theory makes perfect sense to me. I'll add my worries to the pile for you for good measure.

Good luck on Monday. We're all pulling for you and the girls.

[ML]

I'm worrying for you. Worrying right now. Still worrying.

[Cat]

Fibroid?

[April]

I'm worrying for you too. I hope we can just worry it away.

[sozzled]

ugh. I am sorry. I can tell you I am NOT a worrier about BIG things....not having enough beer to last the weekend may cause a panic....child ill with the flu and losing weight for a week? no worries, not even a trip to the drs office....but the whole you need a mam and u/s NOW really worried me. And it bugged me being worried because I kept telling myself I was FINE there is no reason for this worry (there wasn't) but still I worried. I think maybe it is because we all know someone who has been through this, and no matter the outcome the process sucks....I''ll worry with you this weekend. And I'll drink a beer or two with you as well.
((((HUGS))))

[tonya]

Your post had me LOLing, (until I got to the end of course!) I hate that your doctor knew but your other doctor hadn't told you yet. Yeah I get the whole "let's not get upset until we know one way or the other" but let's face it, that doesn't work. Mean doctors.

However, my dear, I have the opposite that you do. If I choose to not worry, to blatantly ignore what is happening to me, it really does go away and nothing happens. If I think some thing bad will happen, it does. SO for you I am going to say "Bah! It's just a fatty cyst. They're going to poke Melissa's glorious chichi, drain the cyst, and that will be the end of it."

[Ashley]

Skimmed through comments to add that many medical practices may give inconclusive results, pushing for MORE TESTING, in order to increase their revenue. Be proactive. Ask to see all results, images, etc. Do your own research and be your own advocate. You do not want surgery if it's not necessary, so do not let fear (or worry) fuel your rational decision making process moving forward. Your health is your biggest asset, granted. But remember that the health care industry is a business. Keep us posted!

[April]

I know it's impossible not to freak out about something like this but I'm sending positive vibes your way and a prayer that you are able to have a peaceful weekend.

[Geri]

SCARY. I know. I've been there -- a few times now. Three, I think. The FIRST TIME is the scariest.

They always want an ultrasound exam right away. They even make me wait -- because they've SEEN something.

I have very cystic breasts -- so did mom. They say if you don't drink coffee, it helps reduce the cysts. I can't bear giving up my favorite drug.

I hope all goes well, and it turns out to be some sort of cyst. God bless you as you worry.

[ireps]

no no no--if you worry KNOWING that you wont have to it doesnt work. the rule is you have to be sincere and genuine in your worry. trust me. so worry, worry worry....what will happen, how will you deal, what about those boobs, will they ever be perfect again, worry, worry, WORRY.

[Cyndi]

I am not usually a big worrier, but I may have to take it up. I had a thyroid biopsy last week and was totally convinced it would come to nothing. It's cancer (although a fairly benign variety) and I have to have my thyroid removed. Man, if I'd only worried more...

[ellen]

Sending good thoughts your way.

[St]

I'll worry for you too, maybe it'll help.

[jana]

I, too, believe in the power of worrying.

Thinking of you.

[Rae Ann]

If we all worry for you, will that amplify your worry's ability to keep things from happening? I will worry for you, just in case.

My question is why do you always find out about these things on a Friday and then have to sweat it out until Monday? Torture!

[Tabitha (From Single to Married)]

wow - I'm so glad that you went in. I wish for your sake that they could just do all of the tests at once and be done with it so you didn't have to worry though!

[Meg McG]

Good luck on Monday, I'll be thinking of you.

[vilma sanchez]

the fact that they want to do a sonogram means that it may very well be a cyst.. which will show up black on a sonogram. If they knew it was solid they'd proceed immediately to a needle or excisional biopsy. Cysts are VERY common. I had the same thing at my last mammogram. They are not malignant and are filled with fluid.. not solid. Even most solid masses are benign.. especially if they have regular ( not jagged) borders...or calcifications. but you are more concerned of they're solid. So don't worry. Something like 20% of women go thru this esp. after a first mammogram. I am married to a radiologist.. I know some of this stuff. But then again considering your worrying theory go ahead and worry.. just kidding. Then you can rejoice more when all's well...:). Good luck.

[Andrea]

Hoping for the best for you!

As for the worrying thing, I think that those of us who over-worry are nature's finest, hand-picked to succeed in the evolutionary process.

I always say that no saber-toothed tiger would have been able to get a taste of me or my kids, because I would have out-thought him a thousand times.

Too bad that translates to just being neurotic in my life in the 21st century.

[Sonia]

I am a worrier too. I'm thinking about you, and sending every good vibe I can muster. Right now, it feels like everyone I know is getting bad news. Here's to your news being best case scenario. (((hugs)))

[darcy]

Worry, and have a few more of those 3 hour sessions, you'll make it through this and monday is only a day away. So much better to know whats going on than imagine and sit with anxiety.
I'll double finger cross for you.

My philosophy is hope for the best but expect the worst. Amazingly, it has worked well for me over the years.

[sarah]

I subscribe to the same practice. If I make a Big Deal about something and it turns out to be nothing: Relief for me & "I told you so" from my husband. If I don't make a Big Deal: the bottom falls out and I'm bailing water out of a sinking ship while kicking myself in the ass and biting the head off of everyone else.
It's better to use preventative worry.
Thinking of you & hoping that they give you some good news tomorrow.

[amy]

I have been behind on my blog reading. This just hit my in the tum tum. I am saying big fat mofo prayers form Ohio right now. I hardly leave comments. I suck. I know. But, I read and I do care. prayers now. right now.

[KYouell]

Well, you've got me more worried about me than you. I didn't get my baseline at 40 because I was breastfeeding (my youngest -- I'm a late starter) and then didn't get it done when he weaned because I was pregnant with my daughter. She's still not weaned and I'm not radiating the girls til she is. By then I may be 44. Yeah, I'm worried.

I used to joke that I wasn't going to get one until the US started using the non-squishy, cup-shaped machines that they had in Sweden in the 80s (come on!). You know if men had to get a sensitive body part squished in order to get a pic of what's going on inside that a new machine would get invented pronto. Dammit.

[kimberly]

Worry is not preparation, but it sure makes you feel like you're doing something when you really have no control. Go for it. The relief at the end is worth it, unless you stroke out from the worry. You have to balance the power.

In my family, we know that planes can't fly, that's just crazy. They are held aloft by the worry power of the passenger's loved ones on the ground. Duh.

[Marnie]

My worrying works the same way, so I'll worry for you and you'll have the perkiest boobs around.

One thing my mammo tech told me - when I went for my first, because I was having pain, and got called back, for what turned out to be no reason - is that young boobs (like ours!) are far more dense and more dense material shows up on the scans. But, they can't tell the difference between "good mass" and "bad mass" so they err on the side of "bad mass" and freak us all out just to cover their asses. So, I'll add to my worrying that they're freaking you out for no good reason.

That'll teach them.

Fingers crossed.

[suz]

As someone who is made mostly of worry, I feel for you. I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way!

[FlippyO]

And see, I have the opposite effect. So, while you worry all weekend, I'll be really calm and think that everything will be fine because there's plenty of time to worry later. (my mom had breast cancer and I didn't worry because I knew she had good doctors...and it's now 15+ years later and she's fine - she'll be 80 next month) I hope your girls are fine, too.

[P-Bug]

Worrying here for you as well. Sending happy thoughts for you to receive as soon as someone official looking tells you to stop worrying.

[Laura K.]

Good luck today.

[lisa]

I am a master worrier. I can get myself all worked up and then not sleep for weeks I'm so good at it. At the slightest provocation I'm watching infomericals at 3am and then having to get up for work at 6am. If it makes you feel any better, I will amp up the worrying and take some of it away. I think if I didn't show up for work like a zombie, they'd think something was wrong.

[JennyM]

Worry that thing right out of existence. I'll worry with you.

[getsheila]

Not worrying, not worrying, not worrying...could be benign...not worrying...

I am pretty sure mass quantities of alcohol kill anything cancerous. It's worth a try anyway.