I never revealed my secret (unfortunate) Proctor and Gamble Logo Tattoo*.

A few months ago an invitation was extended to me to spend a couple of days with the people at Proctor & Gamble in Ohio. I was invited down to talk about Pampers which is a pretty narrow product to discuss especially since I have been diaper free since 2004...and so have the kids. But I like seeing other bloggers, I like seeing how large corporations build a culture, I enjoy seeing what happens behind the scenes in consumer based companies and I like hearing intelligent people discuss blogging and their audiences, I also love hearing about what people are passionate about, even when it's diapers and baby care products.

I am also a big fan of mommy bloggers in hair nets and goggles. It turns out I'm also fond of mommy bloggers in beard nets who are actually men.

Pamper's People put on a great event for us talking about all sorts of interesting things, like how the diaper market is different all over the world, they recently unveiled a diaper in China (where cloth rules) that is the cost of an egg and will allow a Chinese baby to sleep through the night without getting soaked. Helping babies sleep through the night is a mission I can get behind. Oh, and the one pack = one vaccine thing is nice too but man. Sleeping through the night, you can't go wrong. Obama should get that on his agenda, right after he steals all my brother's money and gives it to me.

We toured the development center where two teams of two make diaper prototypes, by hand to test innovations and new ideas. I found this incredible and could have watched them making diapers all day. We saw micro-preemie diapers and I brought one home to put on Socks, the little cat I never show you guys because Gary's the funny one. So far she's not into the idea.

We saw some demonstrations of the diapers in action, and were shocked the competitors brand always seemed to lose. I also learned that I could have saved myself about 1.2 million dollars and about 2 entire landfills if I'd realized how effective diapers have become in keeping your kid dry. We got honest answers to the question of how disposable diapers have not only become more effective, they've also become more ecologically sound. 

Susan was also invited, but sadly not Chris....Susan and Chris are two separate people but I've managed in the last few years I've known them to make them into a single person in my mind. No they don't look alike, though they're both petite tiny things in cute clothes that make me look like their friend with some sort of growth hormone issue and a hobo's wardrobe. They also have different personalities but they get along so well, I like being carried along in their friendship when we're all together.

It was rather jarring to see Susan, all by herself. Like peanut butter without jelly. Like milk without cookies. Like taxes without tears. Still she's one of those terrible people who even look cute with goggles and a stupid hairnet on their heads. See?

On this trip I met Susan's friend Emily of Captain Hambone, and Parents. I like Emily for a few reasons, but most of all because when I say during a presentation, "Smell that diaper while I take a picture of you." She says, "Okay." Also, she poses absolutely perfectly for the Mstache app on my iPhone. And she does a mean impersonation of my mother who uses the phrase, "Who can tell?" in place of a period or comma in her speech. Last night as I told Logan and his friend Adam about my trip I went on and on about Emily and how she's just like Logan in that she'll do all this stuff I think is funny without question. Like my phone has a sound machine and one is called Tip Toe...and Emily was all, 'Sure I'll tip toe around while you play that sound!' I love that stuff.

Adam looked at me, a little confused and said, "You sound like a really sweet couple. I'm sure you'll be very happy together."

Uh.....

Asha from Parent Hacks was there as well and as usual when she talked I sat there and felt like I should probably just pack up my stuff and head home. All the brains Pampers needed were right there. I have felt the same way on every conference call with Federated Media I've ever been on with Asha. "Well everyone," I want to say, "The jig's up now isn't it? Asha is smart and I'm a woman with an iphone that has a fart machine on it I find pretty hilarious. Time to close up shop."

Thank goodness Asha was there though so I could nod furiously when she talked and say, 'I was going to say that!' And I may have if I could manage to have a coherent thought when speaking in public. Well and also if I learned to stop saying. "So....." in place of periods and commas in my speech...who can tell? (That's better!)

I also met Matt Logelin of Matt, Liz and Madeline, Susan had mentioned he would be attending this event and also his very sad story. Then a week later during that time frame when Oprah discovered the internet (remember that? Wasn't that precious?) I saw him on a show about dads with cheeks you really want to pinch. Or something like that. When I posted a picture of him, my real life, not particularly internet savvy friends emailed me right away. "Oh I love that guy! I want to pinch his cheeks!"

But listen to me, he's not nice. Now that he's safely back across the country, I can tell you this. He had a tail he carefully hides in all his pictures and television appearances and he punched me in the stomach three times and threw a drink in my eyes and threatened to cut me with a broken beer bottle if I ever told anyone.

No, not really. Unfortunately, because that would make a much better story. He actually is unbelievably nice and takes a good ribbing really well, I like that in a guy, obviously. I joked that he could put a picture of himself up on the internet picking his nose and his legion of female fans would say, "Oh My God! Men who pick their nose are SO HOT!"

But really the joke's on me because just now? I thought to myself, I'd probably end up thinking it was pretty funny if he posted a picture of himself picking his nose. "Gee, that guy is great," I'd think.

Perfect, now I'm part of the God Damn Legion.

Then again last night I publically declared my love for Emily after she Twittered this link to tell me what NOT to show Maddie when talking about sex with her.

Okay fine Internet, let's all just make out and get it over with.

*Tattoo, Logo. If I had shown it they probably would have made me president on the spot. Free Diapers For Everyone!

Comments

[Laura]

FIRST! (that was for Pants)

[kakaty]

My worked for P&G and spent several years working on Pampers (he lived in Australia and worked on a team that helped introduce them to the Asian market). He is a chemical engineer and yes while I agree that Pampers work the best out of all the diapers out there, his stories of what goes in to the diapers drove me straight to cloth when my kid was born (he even put his kid in cloth!). Kind of like "once you work in the kitchen you'll never eat at the restaurant" kind of thing.

[Melissa]

That's kind of sad about Pampers infiltrating the market in China. Convincing folks to replace their cloth diapers with something they use once and chuck in the garbage sort of reminds me of Nestle's aggressive marketing to push women in developing countries to replace breastfeeding with formula.

[MelissaS]

I'm a little unmoved by claims of unnamed "bad things" in diapers.

That's a good way to get the rumor mill spiraling out of control. Then again I'm pretty unmoved by the cloth vs disposable debate too.

And the breast milk vs formula debate and the working vs stay at home debate.

[MelissaS]

To clarify these Chinese disposables are meant for babies to wear only at night and are the thinnest diaper you've ever seen. No frills, but no nightine leaks.

[Casey]

And breathe.

Pampers always seem to give my little one a nice itchy-looking rash. They don't bother me as much.

From the little I know about Asha, I have to agree with you.

And finally, I just cannot take Matt Logelin. (I mean, I am totally going to dive into his blog and backstory, which makes it sound like he's just a Miramax movie in my head...not the case.) What I mean is, I am so overwhelmed by bad, terrible things happening to good (or great) people. See also: Heather, Mike and Maddie Spohr. My grief quotient has been unusually high these past few weeks.

(What I need here is a "who can tell" equivalent.)

[greta]

not trying to turn this into a cloth vs. disposable debate, because i know that's not what this is about... and i certainly use disposables too... but we use cloth at night too, 12 hours straight, with no leaks. it can be done!

[mallorysinclair]

One child will put close to 11,000 disposable diapers into a landfill in three years (at 10 diapers a day). They are not good for us, for China, or anyone else, (with exceptions for some special-needs situations).

I use cloth and A)they don't leak at night, and B)they are extremely easy to use, unlike cloth from our parents' generation. And I use the G-diaper when we travel. Granted, up until recently the G-diaper wasn't available, but it is now!

We have no more excuses to pollute.

[mallorysinclair]

Oh! And the "unnamed bad things" in disposables are dioxin and sodium polyacrylate. both dangerous for the environment and babies.

[Ginnie]

Glad you had fun with your friends--why wasn't Chris invited though? She certainly has lots of diaper experience!

[MelissaS]

That's weird because I let my kids play with Sodium Polyacrylate.

http://www.teachersource.com/Chemistry/HydrophilicHydrophobicPolymers/SodiumPolyacrylateDiaperPolymer.aspx

I'm not trying to convince anyone to use disposable diapers. That's why I didn't write this post in that way.

I didn't realize diapers were a topic among my readers either but then again I guess I never talk about them or formula or vaccinations or circumcisions.

I think the thing to remember is that when talking about these choices parents make, exaggerating the "bad things" that will happen is really unproductive and a little silly.

six of one, half dozen of the other quite frankly. Even when dealing with cloth diapers versus disposable.

You guys! Check out the FUNNY MUSTACHE!!!!!

[beyond]

whoa! i wish i hadn't clicked in the puberty link... don't show maddie.

[MelissaS]

I know! I've never seen a man that looks like that.

What is that? A cheststache? He really needs a beard net for that.

[Lisa V]

I've got a 17 year old. I'm totally making her click that link. Then I'm telling her that her boyfriend looks like that without clothes. Hoping that she doesn't say "uh-uh" and dispute me and say she has evidence.

I've breastfed, bottle fed, not circumcised, vaccinated, medicated, and let my children pierce things that would make my mom cringe. I get tired of the arguments. My being right for me, doesn't make you wrong.

[terilynn]

High-five, Lisa V!

Also, that puberty link imagery is burned into my brain. Apparently my husband is a late-bloomer, because he is NOWHERE NEAR the 30-year-old link. Thank heaven for Finnish men.

[Phil]

Wow! 10 diapers a day?! I feel much better about making my kids suffer through 1 a day - I guess we only tossed 1100 of the stinkbags into our landfill. I'm doing my part for a better world. Yeah!

[Rhea]

I drank caffeine while pregnant, had every drug imaginable for labor, circumcised my boy, formula fed, vaccinated and disposable diapered my happy, healthy 10 year old and I'm DAMN PROUD OF IT!

[Lisa M]

I'm with Phil...who uses 10 diapers a day?

[Pam]

The iphone totally needs a cheststache app.

[Maureen]

Oh my god, that puberty link was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. Talk about effective birth control...

[Meg]

Whatever.
1. I need an iPhone specifically for the mustache app.

2. I need to know where to find everything you wore that day because you looked great. Since having a baby, I've lost the ability to put together an outfit.

Really, scarf and sweater, where can I find them?

[Emily]

Hello, it's me, the female Logan Summers, except that I have all my original toenails.

Melissa, you forgot to mention that the Pampers people were very happy to explain repeatedly that you could eat the absorbant material in disposable diapers, without harming yourself. And that it is DELICIOUS.

[MelissaS]

Yes! You can eat it! Which is why kids are allowed to make artificial snow out of it.

[Mallory]

Yes, and I enjoy feeding dioxin to my children. I notice there's no teacher-friendly link regarding the harmlessness of dioxin.

And, while you may not be trying to persuade anyone to use disposables, I'm quite certain you know that that is exactly what Procter & Gamble is trying to do by inviting you down for a tour/conference/however they billed it.

[MelissaS]

I think there's a lot of misinformation about what's in diapers and how "dangerous" they are.

I'm sure Pampers as a brand is concerned about the myths and misinformation being spread about their product.

I hope you keep doing what's best for you and your baby. But I don't believe diapers are dangerous for babies.

Good luck to you Mallory.

[jdg]

oh women: such irrational fear of judgment and body hair.

[MelissaS]

Oh you men and your sports and beer bellies!

What? Are we talking stereotypes?

[Cary]

I can't abide by alarmists. The minute the shrieking starts of all the HARM! and BAD THINGS! that can happen, I immediately tune them out. There are far better ways of reaching people. If they were truly dangerous for babies, somehow I don't think they'd be on the market.

[Meg McG]

Matt's story made me so sad, and then I read about the other Maddie and wanted to cry, and I am NOT a crier. I'm glad I got to hear about their stories but I think I'm a little more paranoid than I was before. Or something. I just feel different now, and it actualy started about hearing that a woman (masondixonknitting.com) lost her husband out of the blue. It's been a week.

But for the record, I feed my kid all his disposable diapers so they don't clog up the landfill. It's like triple the recyling power, so I'm better than everyone else. So there.

[cat]

you are the cutest thing i've ever seen in that hair net, my friend.

[Shannon]

We cloth diaper, but I do use the occasional disposable. Not Pampers though because I hate, hate, hate the way they smell. Blech. At any rate, I understand it isn't for everyone and that is o.k. I just wish the sposie companies would stop with the refusal to admit cloth is better for the environment. They WAY overquote the water usage required to wash (using diaper service stats), state you have to use bleach(again a diaper service thing), etc. None of that is true when you wash at home in your regular old washing machine, never use bleach, and line dry as much as possible. If they would admit that yeah cloth is better for the environment, but not everyone can or is willing to use cloth all the time in every situation. Trying to push our wasteful western ways in countries where cloth is the mainstream doesn't sit right with me either.

I guess I see it like the car companies who wanted to put their heads in the sand instead of looking at trends in the market. Why not start looking for ways to make diapers that are eco-friendly, biodegradable, and chemical free? They do exist (Tushies) and I bet the big companies could do a bang up job of making them work and fit great.

[Asha {Parent Hacks}]

It was a great time, wasn't it? The hair nets, I mean? Thank God we had them lest we pollute the INNER SANCTUM.

Seriously, it was a fantastic event, and not for the reasons one would expect. I'm impressed with the P&G/Pampers folks for being so open to dialogue. My corporate cynicism didn't stand a chance.

But the best part was getting to hang out with my blogga peeps. So much to talk (and laugh) about.

[Mallory]

Shannon, I couldn't agree more. I'd totally be on board with disposables if they were, as you said, eco friendly, chemical free and biodegradable. Tushies and G-Diapers fit the bill, and if more people used them, the prices could be more competitive.

[inOhio]

It's Procter & Gamble. "er" (Sorry, I couldn't read any further before correcting this, Cincinnati spelling nazi that I am.) As you were.

[kelleyg]

i am eco-freak #1.
tree-huggin', dirt-worshippin', organic food eatin', blah, blah, blah.
but i think that it's important to consider that the reason that disposables are so widely used is the fault of the government.

wtf?

if we could stay home (with pay) for a longer period of time and not have to send our kids to daycare at 3, 6, or 12 weeks (thanks fmla), we might all be able to use cloth since most daycares won't deal with cloth...

i'm ready to get b-slapped.